Albus Got Run Over by a Reindeer

Hello! This is something that I wrote for last year, and there will be a sequel to it that could be read on its own, but I have not finished it yet. I decided to post this here (some of you may have already read it on another site), and I hope to have the sequel up before Christmas. Hope you like silly and smutty!

Oops, forgot the disclaimer. I own nothing, the characters and original canon story belongs to J K Rowling and the song "Grandma Got Runover by a Reindeer" was written by Randy Brooks.

*************************************************************

Midnight Christmas Day. Hermione Granger lay snuggled in her bed, reminiscing on the events of earlier in the year. Harry Potter had defeated Voldemort, not in a big battle as everyone had thought, but quite by accident. Harry had gotten tired of all the crap from him and Lucius Malfoy that he had finally stowed along with Draco one night while wearing his invisibility cloak to Voldemort’s side. Voldemort never saw him coming. Harry poured several doses of the Draught of the Living Death into a bottle of wine that Voldemort had been drinking from. Feeling woozy because of the potion and thinking it was the wine, Voldemort had dismissed his Death Eaters and then decided to finish his wine. Bad decision. While Voldemort was drooling on himself, Harry quickly used a peeling charm on his head, cracked the skull, and lobotomized Voldemort by stirring his brains around. Everyone knew that Voldemort was practically immortal, so Harry had figured that he would be merciful and let him live, even if it was as a vegetable. Not that he would ever wake up from the potion-induced coma.

So Hermione was happy. All her friends and family were safe, the wizarding world could go on with the thought of living, no one had died in a “Final Battle”, and it was Christmas. Her favorite time of year.

At least it was until there was a knock at her door.

Getting out of bed, Hermione pulled on a terry-cloth robe over just a skimpy little nightdress. She sat on her bed for a moment, hoping that whoever was there would go away when she didn’t answer the door immediately. When a knock came again, she knew it wasn’t going to happen, and walked slowly to the door.

On the other side of the door was a Hufflepuff sixth year prefect, looking nervous.

“I am so sorry Hermione, but I have five first years who had to stay over for the holidays and they just won’t calm down. I don’t know what to do!”

Hermione frowned. Even a Hufflepuff should be able to take care of five first years, if they were a prefect. That was the entire point of having prefects, so that they could take care of their houses. Looking at the pale girl in front of her, ‘Aelsa is her name,’ she thought, she gathered her robe more securely around her and walked out the door to follow Aelsa to her dormitory.

******************************************

Thirty minutes later, Hermione was making her way down the stairs to the Great Hall, furious, tired, hungry, and oh so ready to hex anyone who came into her path. She had just spent twenty minutes calming the little creatures down enough to get into bed, and then the last seven trying to get out while giving out reassurances.

When she had entered the Hufflepuff common room, it was in chaos. Many of the students had stayed over the holidays as their parents were taking long vacations that they had not been able to take while the threat of war had loomed. Fully two thirds of Hufflepuff house had stayed at Hogwarts (and it was about the same in all the houses).

Upon seeing the little kids crying and even some pulling their hair out, she pulled out her wand and sent a blast rocketing through the room, effectively silencing all but the most desperate sobs. Hermione looked at Aelsa incredulously. This appeared to be more than the five first years that she had mentioned.

Aelsa, wide-eyed, shrugged and whispered, “They must have gotten to the rest of them.”

Hermione’s confused gaze swung back to the crowded room. Everyone was looking at her, and more than a few were sniffling.

“What is going on here?” she asked in a low voice.

A little voice from the back piped up. “We..We..don’t think…that S-S-Santa will be able to..to..find us!”

And that tiny voice started it. It began by frowning, but soon the twenty Hufflepuff first through third years (Hermione had had time to count) began looking at each other and erupting into tears and wails. Hermione closed her eyes as the sounds washed over her, wishing, not for the first time, that she had not taken on the Head Girl position.

“Ok, Ok,” she yelled. That go a few attentions. “Tell me why you think that Santa Claus won’t find you here?”

Through starts and stops, it came out. Someone had gotten it through their heads to read Hogwarts: A History and had come to the conclusion that Santa couldn’t find the castle and would therefore not be able to deliver the gifts. It had taken all her patience to reassure them that Santa could indeed find them, but that they had to get into bed and go to sleep if they wanted him to come.

It at least got them to run to their dorm rooms and jump into bed, and her muttering about idiot parents allowing their children to still believe in Santa Claus when they reached eleven years of age-and older.

Which brought her to this late night prowl for food from the kitchens, and subsequently to the front doors of the school as she passed them to find out what all the noise outside was about.

******************************************

Hexes were flying as she opened the front doors of the school, along with insults from two combatants on the lawn ten yards from the steps. Hermoine looked on in awe at the sight of Dumbldore, in bright purple nightclothes and open-heeled fuzzy slippers standing in the snow facing off with a hugely fat man dressed in red and in the driver’s seat of a red sleigh being pulled by eight reindeer.

It only occurred to her to think that the story was wrong. The reindeer weren’t tiny, they were huge!

She slowly made her way down the steps, still amazed, and more so when Santa cracked his whip and threw a hex at Dumbledore. Dumbledore managed to block it, then parried with his own hex. They were yelling at each other in between curses.

“You are crazy, always have been!” yelled Dumbledore. “It’s no wonder you live at the North Pole. If people knew who and what you really were, they would run you out of whatever town and be glad to be rid of you!”

“Is that the best you can do?” replied Santa. “I happen to know the real reason that you have all the awards that you do and why you are headmaster of this school. No one else could stomach your asinine theories and eccentric ways. It’s no wonder they love me and can barely tolerate you!”

Hermione had barely made it to the bushes that sat on either side of the bottom step when she had to duck a curse from Santa and a hand grabbed her arm roughly, pulling her to the side behind one of the bushes. A hand clamped over her mouth as she started to scream, and it took her a moment to realize that she was in no danger.

Severus Snape had pulled her into his hiding place to prevent her from getting hurt, but also so that she would not break up the fight. He had been a little put-out when Harry Potter had not allowed a huge battle, and he was hoping that his need for a little blood-letting would be cured by this debacle.

When Hermione realized who it was that was holding her, she grabbed his hand and ripped it away from her mouth. She was not in the mood for any crap, having taken all that she was going to that night, so it was without any forethought that she hissed, “What the hell do you think you are doing?”

Severus calmly looked down at her and smirked. “You really should be quiet, Miss Granger,” he said, softly. “I would hate for something to happen to you in the heat of a family confrontation.”

He returned his regard to the duelists as she processed the information that he gave her. “You mean to tell me that Albus Dumbledore and Santa Claus are related?!” she asked loudly.

Severus clamped his hand on her mouth again and glared at her. He didn’t want to tell her what he was thinking, but if it would get her to be quiet…

“If I tell you how they are related, would you please shut up?” he asked her quietly. She nodded in agreement and he leaned down to whisper in her ear. “Albus and Santa are…”

He didn’t get to finish. Santa had yelled, “You old coot. I think that you just need to get laid! It’s obvious it has been too long! Let’s see if this helps out!” A flash of light sped by Dumbledore and hit the bushes that Hermione and Severus were ensconced. It filtered through the leaves just as Severus was about to spill the secret behind Dumbledore and Santa and flowed around their bodies.

Fortunately for them (and it was thought later that it was very fortunate for ALL concerned), neither Dumbledore nor Santa noticed that the spell had hit anything other than the bushes. In fact, after that hex was cast, the battle began much more in earnest.

But that went unnoticed by the two behind the bushes. Severus had faltered in mid-sentence when the spell touched him, and he had suddenly noticed that he could look down the front of Hermione’s robe. Hermione, for her part, started feeling tingles running through her body at when his breath tickled along the hairs around her ear. She looked up at him, her breath catching in her throat as she noticed where his gaze had been drawn.

Severus dragged his eyes back to hers and saw and desire echoing back to his. She licked her lips and it was then that he realized how close they were, her tongue slightly grazed his bottom lip. He knew that it was completely out of character for both of them when he mentioned that it might be best if they forgot the fight on the lawn and went to his rooms and she agreed. But right then, it didn’t matter.

The walked quickly along the outside wall of the castle, to a moss-covered door hidden from sight by swinging vines. Beyond the door was a hallway that led to his rooms, and he knew that they would be alone just as soon as the door closed. As soon as it shut, he pounced on her. He thought he would frighten her, but as he pressed her against the wall with his body, her arms came around his neck and she began an assault on his neck before he could claim her lips with his. That was fine with him. All he could think about was getting her robe pulled off and her panties down so he could find relief in her young, sweet flesh.

For her part, Hermione knew that the spell they were hit with was an aphrodisiac spell. As soon as she felt the pooling of desire in her loins, however, she decided for the first time to ignore the little voice of reason in her head. She had never felt this way before, and she didn’t want to lose it. If Snape was to be the only one to bring her to orgasm (something that she had not been able to do even for herself), so be it. It wasn’t like they were going to tell anyone what had happened.

With these thoughts going through their lust-addled brains, their passion was consummated. He fondled her breasts through her robe and nightdress while she pulled his erection from his pants. There was not much foreplay, just his long fingers ripping away her panties and then probing her folds to make sure that she was wet enough for him to impale her. When it was ascertained that he could ram his cock into her without him using any extra lubricant, he removed his fingers and lifted her up.

She had had to release him when he picked her up, but his cock being where it was instead of in her hand was fifty times better. The drooling head was excitedly pushing it’s way into her, and she was happily accepting it into her body. Their eyes met with passion as he suddenly thrust all the way in. Groaning in tandem, the floodgates were opened, and they could not control themselves. Her eyes closed and her head rolled back onto the wall as his head fell forward onto her shoulder. He began pumping as she writhed against him, getting the full effect of his pelvis hitting her clit and his balls slapping lightly against her bottom.

It wasn’t long before she was tightening against him, her body going rigid as she exploded. He wasn’t far behind, and after two more thrusts, his seed spilled into her. He held onto her as they both regained their breath, then slowly pulled out and gently set her on her feet. They righted their clothing without looking at each other, then stood there awkwardly, neither knowing what to say.

After a few moments, Severus cleared his throat then took a deep breath before speaking. “I don’t know what spell that was that we were hit with, but it seems to have run it’s course.” He looked into her eyes, searchingly. “Or was I wrong?”

Hermione had just had the best sexual experience of her young life. No way was she going to let him get away.

“Why, Professor Snape! I can hardly fathom a time when you would be wrong,” she said teasingly. “But in this case…I won’t tell!”

Severus looked taken aback, but then the meaning of her words struck him straight in the groin. An evil look came upon his face and he closed in on her. Just before he could touch her, though, she jumped up into his arms and their lips finally met.

“Take me to your rooms,” she whispered against his mouth, then deepened the kiss. Severus gladly obliged and carried her all the way, slamming the door that opened automatically for him.

******************************************

The next morning, Christmas, was decidedly different from any other that Severus or Hermione ever had. For one, they woke up next to each other, just as horny for each other as they were earlier that morning. For another thing, they had both slept very well, something that Severus had NEVER been able to do, and Hermione hadn’t been able to do since the year before N.E.W.T.S. became foremost in her mind (which was actually fifth year, for about a week after O.W.L.S.).

Hermione’s gifts had been delivered to Severus’s rooms, and they spent the morning shagging, opening presents, then shagging again. Because they didn’t really have that much time, they rushed getting dressed (Hermione’s transfigured from a set of Severus’s), then rushed to the Great Hall, making it just in time for lunch.

When they walked into the hall, a hush fell on all the tables. They had decided just after opening their gifts that they like waking up beside each other and would continue to do that no matter what anyone said or did (that had preceded the second bout of lovemaking). So they wanted to make it known as soon as possible that they were together, and what better way to do that than to walk into lunch arm in arm after having been out of touch of others all morning.

Severus and Hermione walked together proudly down the middle of the hall, headed for the High Table. There were a couple of teachers who had gone home for the holiday, and so there were some chairs empty. Severus seated Hermione in a chair beside him and glared at all the other professors who were staring in shock. Hermione never noticed as she gazed upon him happily with a look of deep satisfaction on her face. As for the rest of the school, the surprise soon wore off and the gossip started. Everyone except Harry and Ron were talking about the couple, and although they were deeply disgusted, they just sighed, shook their heads, and made mental notes not to ask for details.

It was just as Hermione and Severus were getting settled that Dumbledore walked in, leaning heavily on the arm of Minerva McGonagall. He didn’t notice Hermione at first, but when he did, his eyes grew thunderous.

“What is the meaning of this, Severus?” he asked quietly, with an underlying tone of menace in his voice.

Both Severus and Hermione looked at him sharply, and Severus replied, “Considering what you and Santa were doing last night,” he paused as he sent Dumbledore a smirk, “I would think that the meaning of Hermione being with me quite clear. Your extracurricular activities are the sole reason that we were able to realize our feelings for each other, and we are not going to pretend otherwise.

Not knowing what to say (mainly because he was shocked that Severus and Hermione had known what went on last night, but also because he wanted to be happy for them), he decided not to say anything, just slowly made his way to his chair. Dumbledore settled himself carefully into his seat, then raised his hands and food appeared on all the tables.

Hermione, after eating enough to satisfy the hunger that she had worked up with Severus, leaned over to him and asked him something that she had thought of when she had seen Dumbledore come in.

“Severus, you were going to tell me last night in what way Dumbledore and Santa were related. Will you tell me now?”

He looked at her and smiled slightly. “Albus and Santa go back a long way. Do you remember the rumors about Albus’s brother, Aberforth?” He paused and she nodded, eager for him to go on. “Well, Santa isn’t Aberforth.” He smirked at her when she frowned disappointed that she had not gotten her supposition right. “He is Aberforth’s lover.”

Hermione had taken a sip of pumpkin juice and had to control herself to keep from spitting it out all over the table. She coughed several times and Severus rubbed her back, a mischievous glint in his eye the entire time.

“They do that every year. Albus hates Santa because of the goat rumors, you see, he had started them during a fight with Aberforth, and Santa hates Albus because of the accident with one of the spires on the Gryffindor tower,” Severus said, reminiscing. When Hermione looked at him questioningly, he gave a completely out of character giggle (just loud enough for her to hear only), and said, “I’ll tell you that tale some time later. Wouldn’t want to ruin your lunch.”

Hermione wrinkled her nose, her imagination running away with her. She could just imagine what had transpired between Santa and the spire, and she definitely would not look upon the outside of the tower in the same light again.

Hermione looked over at Severus again and saw the smile that lit up his face as he sat thinking about Albus and Santa and their yearly battles. She glanced at Dumbledore to see if he had noticed the smile on Severus’s face (it was, after all, really because of him), and saw something that shocked her more than the other people in the hall had been.

Hermione tugged on Severus’s sleeve, and directed his attention to Dumbledore’s face. What he saw there had him staring for a few minutes, then burst out laughing. All conversations in the hall stopped as everyone and looked at the High Table. Not able to control himself, Severus stood up, took Hermione’s hand, and, still laughing, told Dumbledore, “Albus, your glamour is slipping.” With that, he pulled a still shocked Hermione after him, and after laughing a few more moments, began singing:

“Albus got run over by a reindeer,
Fighting outside with Santa Christmas Eve,
You may think that he is just like Santa,
But you would be wrong, believe you me.”

As Severus and Hermione walked out of the hall, Hermione giggling at Severus impromptu singing, everyone else looked back at Dumbledore. Now that they all knew that he had been using a glamour, it was now obviously gone, and hoof prints were visible on his forehead. There were quite a few Muggleborns who wondered if there were incriminating Claus marks on his back, after the laughter had died down.

******************************************

AN: He he, told you it was silly!

Also, here are the lyrics to "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer."

Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer

Grandma got run over by a reindeer.
Walking home from our house Christmas eve.
You can say there's no such thing as Santa,
but as for me and grandpa we believe.
She'd been drinking too much eggnog,
and we begged her not to go.
But she forgot her medication, and she
staggered out the door into the snow.
When we found her Christmas morning,
at the scene of the attack,
she had hoof-prints on her forehead,
and incriminating Claus marks on her back.

Grandma got run over by a reindeer.
Walking home from our house Christmas eve.
You can say there's no such thing as Santa,
but as for me and grandpa we believe.

Now we're all so proud of grandpa,
He's been taking this so well.
See him in there watching football,
drinking root beer and
playing cards with Cousin Mel.
It's not Christmas without Grandma,
All the family's dressed in black
and we just can't help but wonder:
Should we open up her gifts,
or send them back?
Send them back!!

Grandma got run over by a reindeer.
Walking home from our house Christmas eve.
You can say there's no such thing as Santa,
but as for me and grandpa we believe.

Now the goose is on the table
and the pudding made of fig
and the blue and silver candles
that would just have matched
the hair on grandma's wig.
I've warned all my
friends and neighbors
better watch out for yourselves,
they should never give a license
to a man who drives a sleigh
and plays with elves.

Grandma got run over by a reindeer.
Walking home from our house Christmas eve.
You can say there's no such thing as Santa,
but as for me and grandpa we believe.