Periods Shmeriods
folder
Harry Potter › General
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
1
Views:
4,198
Reviews:
10
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Harry Potter › General
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
1
Views:
4,198
Reviews:
10
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Periods Shmeriods
Periods Schmeriods
Disclaimer: The characters featured in this fanfic are not mine. They belong to J.K. Rowling and to attempt otherwise is to invoke the wrath of her entire legal team. Because I’m sure she cares. The same way you care.
Viktor Krum was sitting in the Gryffindor common room. For whatever reason the entire room had been magically changed so that it looked like it belonged in 1960’s middle-America. He was petting a huge shaggy dog while Hermione read the Daily Prophet in a huge orange chair made out of shag carpeting. Harry was there too, looking at a copy of Well Hung Magicians Monthly.
Krum suddenly jumped up and ran over to Hermione. He had an extremely concerned look on his face. Hermione put down her newspaper, “Do you have a question Krum?”
“I have question to be asking Hermyown.”
“What is your question, Krum.”
“What are to being periods?”
Harry immediately tried to hide behind the mystical tome of gay porn he had been reading so as to avoid the conversation that was about to take place. Hermione however seemed very concerned that the concept of periods was upsetting her Eastern European friend. “What do you want to know?”
“What are to being periods?”
“Periods are when blood exits a woman’s body through a place between her legs once ever four weeks for three to four days. Do you have another question?”
“Is you to be having the period?”
“Yes Krum, I’m having my period right now. Right now blood is exiting my body from a space between my legs. This happens once every four weeks for three to four days.”
“Is Ginny Weasely to be having the period?”
“Yes, Ginny has periods once every four weeks for three to four days.”
“Does teacher Professor McGonagal to be having the period?
“At one time she did, but she is 80 years old now or something. The space between her legs is dried up and barren.”
Krum got up and walked over to Harry. Harry gave a silent curse under his breath as the Bulgarian came over to him. “Harry, you is not to be having the period?”
“No Krum. No, I do not have periods.”
“But Hermyown does.”
“Yeah once every four weeks or something like that. Blood comes out from a space between her legs and um, yeah.”
Hermione spoke up again from the other end of the room. “Krum since I’m on my period right now, would you like to see how I change a pad?” Harry threw up a little bit in his mouth.
Krum followed Hermione to the bathroom. She closed the door and walked over to a cabinet that stood near the sinks. “This is where I keep my sanitary pads Krum.” She handed one to him. The confused foreigner examined it.
“One side is being the blue color and the other is white. Blue. White. Blue. White.”
“That’s right. One side is blue and the other is white. One side has sticky stuff like glue that sticks to my panties. Would you like to see how it works?
“Yes.” Hermione went over to a toilet and pulled her panties down. She then sat on the toilet and beckoned Krum over. To show his her used pad.
“See the blood. This came from the opening from between my legs.”
“In Bulgaria our women menstruate wodka.”
“I take the used pad and fold it up and throw it in the nearest waste basket. I do not put it in the toilet.”
“Our Bulgarian toilets are powerful enough to flush such things for we shit like bears.”
“Next I take the clean pad and place the sticky side inside my panties. Then I wash my hands. And I dry my hands. And then I’m ready to go. At this point Hermione did a pivot turn in front of the mirror. It made absolutely no sense, but it seemed to be a vital part of the ancient ritual of changing pads.
“There Krum, how about you try?” Krum nodded eagerly. He rushed through all the steps Hermione had taught him and even did the mirror pivot to top it all off.
“I’ve very proud of you Krum! Let’s go tell Harry what you did!”
They ran back to the common room in time to watch Harry splooge across a picture of two wizards double teaming a malnourished Cambodian orphan. “Faith and begora what the hell is going on?”
“Tell Harry what you did Krum.”
“I put on the pad of sanitation all by myself.”
“Okay. That’s just fantastic Krum. You must be so proud. Did you remember to wash your hands?”
“Oh yes. That is most part of importance.”
“Ok then I have a question. Where do you put the used pads?”
“I throw them into nearest waste basket. I do not put them into the toilet.”
“Well thank God he knows that. The last thing we need is pad floating around in the fucking men’s room.”
Hermione had one thing left for Krum. She pulled out a magical menstrual calendar. “Krum, let’s pretend that you are on your period now. That’s today right here. Now right your name here.”
Krum took a quill and wrote his name. Hermione then tapped it with her wand. “Now this calendar will remind you when you are going to have your period. The calendar then said in the voice of a very stern old lady, “Your snatch is currently bleeding Krum. Plug that shit up.”
Krum smiled. “Hooray, now I know all about the periods. They are to be coming once every four weeks for three to four days. Blood comes out from place between woman’s legs.” He smiled at Harry and then went back to playing with shaggy dog that was still in the common room.
“This shit is bananas,” mumbled Harry as he returned to his homoerotic reading selection.
Disclaimer: The characters featured in this fanfic are not mine. They belong to J.K. Rowling and to attempt otherwise is to invoke the wrath of her entire legal team. Because I’m sure she cares. The same way you care.
Viktor Krum was sitting in the Gryffindor common room. For whatever reason the entire room had been magically changed so that it looked like it belonged in 1960’s middle-America. He was petting a huge shaggy dog while Hermione read the Daily Prophet in a huge orange chair made out of shag carpeting. Harry was there too, looking at a copy of Well Hung Magicians Monthly.
Krum suddenly jumped up and ran over to Hermione. He had an extremely concerned look on his face. Hermione put down her newspaper, “Do you have a question Krum?”
“I have question to be asking Hermyown.”
“What is your question, Krum.”
“What are to being periods?”
Harry immediately tried to hide behind the mystical tome of gay porn he had been reading so as to avoid the conversation that was about to take place. Hermione however seemed very concerned that the concept of periods was upsetting her Eastern European friend. “What do you want to know?”
“What are to being periods?”
“Periods are when blood exits a woman’s body through a place between her legs once ever four weeks for three to four days. Do you have another question?”
“Is you to be having the period?”
“Yes Krum, I’m having my period right now. Right now blood is exiting my body from a space between my legs. This happens once every four weeks for three to four days.”
“Is Ginny Weasely to be having the period?”
“Yes, Ginny has periods once every four weeks for three to four days.”
“Does teacher Professor McGonagal to be having the period?
“At one time she did, but she is 80 years old now or something. The space between her legs is dried up and barren.”
Krum got up and walked over to Harry. Harry gave a silent curse under his breath as the Bulgarian came over to him. “Harry, you is not to be having the period?”
“No Krum. No, I do not have periods.”
“But Hermyown does.”
“Yeah once every four weeks or something like that. Blood comes out from a space between her legs and um, yeah.”
Hermione spoke up again from the other end of the room. “Krum since I’m on my period right now, would you like to see how I change a pad?” Harry threw up a little bit in his mouth.
Krum followed Hermione to the bathroom. She closed the door and walked over to a cabinet that stood near the sinks. “This is where I keep my sanitary pads Krum.” She handed one to him. The confused foreigner examined it.
“One side is being the blue color and the other is white. Blue. White. Blue. White.”
“That’s right. One side is blue and the other is white. One side has sticky stuff like glue that sticks to my panties. Would you like to see how it works?
“Yes.” Hermione went over to a toilet and pulled her panties down. She then sat on the toilet and beckoned Krum over. To show his her used pad.
“See the blood. This came from the opening from between my legs.”
“In Bulgaria our women menstruate wodka.”
“I take the used pad and fold it up and throw it in the nearest waste basket. I do not put it in the toilet.”
“Our Bulgarian toilets are powerful enough to flush such things for we shit like bears.”
“Next I take the clean pad and place the sticky side inside my panties. Then I wash my hands. And I dry my hands. And then I’m ready to go. At this point Hermione did a pivot turn in front of the mirror. It made absolutely no sense, but it seemed to be a vital part of the ancient ritual of changing pads.
“There Krum, how about you try?” Krum nodded eagerly. He rushed through all the steps Hermione had taught him and even did the mirror pivot to top it all off.
“I’ve very proud of you Krum! Let’s go tell Harry what you did!”
They ran back to the common room in time to watch Harry splooge across a picture of two wizards double teaming a malnourished Cambodian orphan. “Faith and begora what the hell is going on?”
“Tell Harry what you did Krum.”
“I put on the pad of sanitation all by myself.”
“Okay. That’s just fantastic Krum. You must be so proud. Did you remember to wash your hands?”
“Oh yes. That is most part of importance.”
“Ok then I have a question. Where do you put the used pads?”
“I throw them into nearest waste basket. I do not put them into the toilet.”
“Well thank God he knows that. The last thing we need is pad floating around in the fucking men’s room.”
Hermione had one thing left for Krum. She pulled out a magical menstrual calendar. “Krum, let’s pretend that you are on your period now. That’s today right here. Now right your name here.”
Krum took a quill and wrote his name. Hermione then tapped it with her wand. “Now this calendar will remind you when you are going to have your period. The calendar then said in the voice of a very stern old lady, “Your snatch is currently bleeding Krum. Plug that shit up.”
Krum smiled. “Hooray, now I know all about the periods. They are to be coming once every four weeks for three to four days. Blood comes out from place between woman’s legs.” He smiled at Harry and then went back to playing with shaggy dog that was still in the common room.
“This shit is bananas,” mumbled Harry as he returned to his homoerotic reading selection.