Regrets or Things a Potions Master Ought Not Do

Disclaimer: None of these characters are mine. No characters were hurt during the making of this story. One in particular was humiliated, though.

A/N: This is for my sis because this bizarre plot bunny came to her and had her laughing so much, she convince me to write it.

Warnings: Slash, Squick, sick humor. Consider yourself warned.


Regrets or Things a Potions Master Ought Not to Do.


Regrets.

Severus Snape’s life was peppered with things he wished he’d never done. Some were a distant memory while others still haunted him. He glanced at the now faded mark on his arm. Earlier, it had emitted a bright but painful glow.

Other things only merited a not-the-smartest-thing-I’ve-ever-done sentiment with just a dash of regret. Not finishing Potter’s Occlumency lessons fit into this category. His regret? Letting the whelp get to him.

Then finally, there was I-probably-shouldn’t-have-but-why-should-I-regret-it? Most of his time was spent simmering here but not quite boiling over. These instances blended in his mind but a few stood out; such as making fun of Granger’s teeth and taking away points unnecessarily from Gryffindor.

There were so many…

The ingredients were simple. Just add one part Golden Trio and three parts humiliation. Let the fun begin!

“Ah,” Snape sighed. “Good times.”

He’d heard somewhere that memories could warm your heart.

Maybe so, he thought bitterly, but it sure wasn’t doing anything for his arse.

Which was, at that moment, lying on the cold, wet ground of the Forbidden Forest.

Ah, yes. Regrets.

He regretted not being able to relax by his warm fire, with a glass of Firewhiskey and a good book as he had planned. He couldn’t call it a major regret though since he didn’t have a choice. When the mark on his arm shone brightly, he had to answer the call. Getting the bloody thing in the first place…No sense in going there.

He shivered, pulling his robe tighter to block out the cold.

No, it was the events after he arrived at the meeting place that he truly regretted.

It started the same as always…listening to the Dark Lord blather on about the boy-everyone-loved-to-complain about.

Yes, we know he thwarted your plans.

Yes, we know he has to die.

Yes, we know he is a pain in the arse. Some of us more than others, Snape thought glumly.

But do we have to talk about it incessantly?

Everyone thought Death Eater meetings were exciting, evil, thrilling. When actually, they were just so bloody boring.

So who could blame him for wanting to liven it up…just a bit?

The only excitement usually came from Lucius and Bellatrix. Those idiots were constantly vying to be the Dark Lord’s favorite.

It was sometimes amusing to watch.

Who could blame him for stirring the pot?

They were always at each other…bickering and fighting. That was what had given him the idea, really.

Just a little lust potion. Not much was needed since it was so powerful. A drop in Bellatrix’s drink. He had to get her to look at Lucius as she drank. Snape definitely didn’t want her looking at him first. He shuddered at the thought of a lust filled Bellatrix chasing after him.

Unfortunately, that wasn’t far from what actually happened.

He remembered watching as she toasted the Dark Lord, glaring at Lucius when he snickered (or appeared to snicker).

It was entertaining to watch her efforts to seduce her brother-in-law, a man she despised.

Not so entertaining, however, when Lucius attempted conversation with Snape, invoking the jealous wrath of Bellatrix Lestrange.

Many Crucio’s later, his body was weakened considerably. Definitely, not so funny now.

He still recalled writhing in pain as the Dark Lord watch the situation with amusement.

No doubt, he had been bored as well.

The last humiliating straw was when she had dumped his weakened body in the Forbidden Forest.

Bitch!

As he lay there his body slowly regained its strength, like a watery pudding thickens as it sets in the icebox, the cold hardening his resolve.

Interesting. For some reason his thoughts seemed to be centering around food this evening. It wasn’t because he was hungry. Quite the opposite. His dinner was sitting like a lump in his stomach causing him to feel nauseated.

As he rose gingerly to his feet, the bile also rose in his throat. He managed to swallow it down but a bad taste was left in his mouth.

Snape reached into his robe and pulled out a piece of Drooble’s Best Blowing gum. He always took some to the Death Eater meetings; one never knew what the Dark Lord wanted you to try. He was careful, though. He wouldn\'t want anyone to know his secret passion for Drooble’s bubble gum. While it\'s all right for the headmaster to be known for his sweet tooth, it would ruin his reputation faster than being caught inflagrante with a Seventh year.

Better, he thought, as he made his way carefully through the woods. He had been walking quite a while when he heard a loud howl.

Fang. Bloody dog.

It also meant he was near Hagrid’s hut and the edge of the forest.

Finally!

As he moved into a clearing, pushing branches out of the way, he was startled to see that it was not Fang after all but Hagrid howling into the night.

Imbecile!

As he moved closer, itching to make some scathing remark he would not regret later, Snape tripped on an exposed tree root.

He toppled into the clearing, landing at Hagrid’s feet. The small amount of air he took in as he gasped, brought with it the piece of gum, effectively lodging in his throat and closing off his air supply.

No one could really blame Hagrid for what he thought.

A stumbling, grasping, pale (even more than normal) Potions master at his feet, gesturing wildly with a soundless cry for help.

“Professor,” Hagrid said sadly, as he shook his head. “Those meetin’s are gonna kill yeh.”

“But yer friend Hagrid’s here ter help yeh once agin,”

Hagrid patted him on the chest just as the unfortunate object dislodged from the Potions master’s throat.

Professor Snape breathed in the sweet, sweet air, oblivious to what the half-giant was doing.

Finding what he was looking for in the secret pocket of Snape’s robe, Hagrid sighed in relief.

“Here tis,” he stated, holding up a vial. “knew yeh wouldn’t be forgettin’ it.”

Snape watched his actions with confusion. He hadn’t brought a restorative draught with him since he hadn’t needed it for some time. The meetings have been really boring. Not a lot of curse throwing going on.

Suddenly, he looked at the large man in dawning horror.

“Hagrid,” he rasped out weakly. “I don’t…”

But large hands had already pulled his head into a very large lap.

Fingers pinched his nose as the purple liquid was poured down his throat.

“That’s how I have teh give Fang his medicine, too,” he said as the Potions master choked on the last bit and futilely closed his eyes as tight as he could.”

“Just go, Hargid. Please,” he mumbled. Oh why did he have to give him the whole bottle!

Seconds later his eyes popped open as Hagrid slapped the sides of his face.

“Can’t sleep, Professor,” he stated. “I need teh be sure the stuff’s workin’.”

On some level, he had to admire his work. A lust potion was difficult to brew.

He had brewed it to perfection. He knew this because he was currently swept away by powerful feelings as he gazed lustfully at Hagrid’s shaggy, bearded face.

“Uh, Professor?” Hagrid mumbled somewhat fearfully. “Yeh okay?”

“I am fine, my delectable fellow.”

Hagrid had no idea what the young man was saying but the lustful look in his dark eyes was definitely something new.

“Hagrid, I still feel weak. Do you think you could take me to your hut?”

“’Course, Professor,” he said with relief as he picked up the light wizard. At least he was speaking words Hagrid understood.

As they barreled through the forest, Snape was jostled against the huge man carrying him.

He smells like…tea, rum, and wet dog. Usually that combination would repulse him, but with the potion running through his veins, it was like an aphrodisiac.

Snape moaned as his body responded to all these sensations.

Soon they were in Hagrid’s warm hut. The large man placed him in front of the fire. Fingers and toes started thawing as he stared into the flickering fire.

Another fire was burning inside him, flickering at his nether regions. Snape felt like one of the characters in those tawdry romance novels that McGonagall liked to read.

Consumed by passion.

Passion for Hagrid.

“Are yeh getting’ warm, Professor?” the unsuspecting man asked.

“Oh yes, Hagrid. Thank you,” he purred and his voice stirred something within the giant. Something unexpected. Or maybe it was the look in the professor’s eyes.

“These clothes are wet, Hagrid,” Snape said. “Do you mind if I take them off?”

“Uh…guess not, Professor. I have a towel yeh can put around yeh.”

He hastily handed the already undressing man a towel, which seemed to drown him in its enormity.

Hagrid wasn’t sure what he wanted to happen but he was tired of sitting around drinking tea (with a touch of rum, of course) all alone.

He noticed the dark haired wizard was still shivering and he forgot all his reservations

“Here, Professor. Let me warm yeh.”

Hagrid grabbed the Potions master’s hands and rubbed them gently to warm them. Fire spread through Snape at his touch.

“Better?” Hagrid asked.

“Better,” Snape drawled. “but not enough.” With that he dropped the towel onto the ground.

Hagrid sat down and crossed his legs, pulling the other man into his lap.

His large hands stroked the professor’s pale, cold body, trying to bring him warmth.

Snape moaned as the fingers roamed over his body…on his back, his chest, everywhere but where he needed it most.

He stretched out, laying his head on one of Hagrid’s knees, and his feet on Hagrid’s other leg.

Taking the hint, Hagrid ran his large hand over the entire body of the Potions master.

Snape felt his body spring to life at the giant’s gentle touch.

“Hagrid,” he gasped out as the pleasure coursed through him.

The wonderful hand quickly concentrated on Snape’s hardened length. He spread his legs to give him better access.

Hagrid quickly took advantage of this to explore Snape’s bottom.

His fingers were so large, Snape thought almost gleefully. Just imagine his…

That thought was interrupted by a large thump on Snape’s back. He held on tight, not wanting to fall, when he realized what that large object must have been!

Hagrid brought his wandering finger up to Snape’s mouth. The wizard quickly tongued the digit, wetting it extensively.

Hagrid then moved it back to its original position at Snape’s anus and promptly pushed it in.

Although his ministrations were crude, Snape could not fault them considering the wonderful things he was now feeling.

“Bloody Hell, Hagrid!” he moaned.

However, Snape wanted more. He was filled with lust and that wonderful digit just wasn’t enough.

Hagrid must have thought along the same lines because he withdrew his finger and turned Snape over. He stroked his back and buttocks, grinding Snape’s arousal against him.

At this angle Snape could see Hagrid’s bulge. He unbuttoned his pants (which was no easy feat!) and released his hardened cock. Although it was too big to fit into his mouth, he used his tongue to suckle as much of it as he could.

Encouraging sounds could be heard coming from deep within Hagrid.

“Professor,” the large man moaned. “I want yeh ter ride me.”

“I want that, too, Hagrid!” replied Snape with lust filled excitement.

Although the thought of having the half-giant inside him was exciting, he knew it was not possible.

“Bend over, Hagrid,” he commanded, once more in charge. He grabbed the stool and placed it behind Hagrid so that he was at the right height. Hagrid had already let his pants drop to the floor.

Snape bent down and licked at the large hole, getting him ready. Hagrid suddenly reached for his umbrella which was amazingly similar in size to the giant’s large erection.

What the hell?

Of course, it was his wand he was after and with a quick spell, he lubricated the dark haired wizard.

“Thank you Hagrid,” he stated as he thrust into him.

His pleasure built up as he pumped in and out of the large man. He was sure Hagrid was not enjoying it as much. He wanted to touch him but he could not get his arms around his large girth.

“Accio wand!” His wand flew into his hand and he directed it at Hagrid’s hardened length. A quick spell later and Hagrid was panting loudly. The spell made it feel as if Snape’s tongue was all over the half-giant’s cock and balls.

They moaned in harmony to the sounds of their joining together.

Snape felt his climax coming when he heard a loud groan and words erupting from the half-giants mouth.

“Oh yes! Fang!”

The room grew deathly quiet as both men comprehended what had just happened.

Then Hagrid spoke in a sheepish voice.

“I shouldn’ta said that. I really shouldn’ta said that.”


Severus Snape awoke in a cold sweat. He was breathing hard and his body was twitching slightly. He noticed his traitorous body was still aroused as his regret resounded in his head.

“I really should not have had the ice cream before bed.”


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A/N: Thanks to my sis for her contributions to this story. Her final thoughts:

Droobles Best Blowing gum - 3 sickles

Lust potion (brewed by the best potions master in all of UK) - 30 galleons

Look on said humiliated potions master’s face - priceless