Coffee

Severus Snape walked into the kitchen of Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place expecting to find some of the other members of the Order already assembled for the meeting that evening. Instead, he found Remus Lupin sitting alone at the table, a mug of steaming hot coffee in front of him. He stopped in the doorway as Lupin raised his head, broken from whatever reverie he was in.

“Lupin,” he said, making it sound more like a statement than a greeting.

“Severus,” Remus acknowledged in return.

“Where’s everybody else? I was told there was a meeting tonight,” he said, the annoyance showing in his voice and the scowl he had put on when he saw the werewolf sitting there.

Remus shrugged. “I was told there was a meeting too,” he said. “I got an owl from Dumbledore this morning telling me I had to be here at seven.”

Snape frowned. “As did I.” Remus chuckled. Snape directed an irritated scowl his way.

“I don’t see what is so amusing, Lupin,” he said. “Clearly, we have been set up.”

“For purposes unknown even to me, Severus, I can assure you.”

“So who do you think did this?”

Remus shook his head wearily. “I have no idea. I would say Fred and George Weasley but this isn’t their style. Perhaps it was all Albus’ idea? He has been constantly trying to get us to act civilly to each other.”

Snape shook his head. Remus noticed how his lip curled in anticipation of the furious diatribe the other man was no doubt longing to throw at him.

“Would you forgive him for what he did? Sirius, I mean.” Snape looked at him in astonishment but Remus carried on, regardless. He was going to say this no matter with what frostiness or mockery it was received. For years, he had been sitting on this and now, when he had the man in a position to listen, seemed a good a time as any.

“In fifth year. He didn’t tell me what he was planning to do that night and he only told James just before. I suppose it would have made no difference. I didn’t stop them from taunting you, did I?” He laughed shortly, bitterly.

“Lupin, I-“

“No, Severus, let me finish. Please, I- I need to tell you.” Snape sat in one of the chairs opposite Remus, but did not look at him.

“Very well.”

Remus let out a long breath. “I hadn’t said anything to him, Sirius I mean, about it after the – incident in the Shrieking Shack the year he broke out of Azkaban. I was so happy to learn that he was innocent. He was one of my best friends, I was so glad to have him back. I didn’t want to ruin it by talking about the past. I figured he’d had enough of bad memories sitting there in Azkaban, replaying them through his head, day after day.

“Since that day in the Department of Mysteries, I suppose I’ve been reflecting on what I’ve got now – who I’ve got. Sirius and I were once lovers, you see, before he went to prison.”

Snape raised one eyebrow. He had not known that. Remus continued, his confidence growing with each sentence.

“His wasn’t an easy life, what with his parents and their pureblood mania. In fact you were rather similar to each other. Too similar. He probably saw himself in you.”

“What he would have become if he had turned out the way they wanted?” Snape asked, coolly. Remus nodded, surprised.

“Very likely, although of course he would never admit it to anyone.”

“Would you have me forgive him for everything?” Remus look tired. His coffee, Snape noticed, was no longer hot. Taking out his wand, noting how Remus flinched as he did, he muttered,

“Fervens.” Instantly, steam began to rise from the surface of the brown liquid and Remus gave Snape a grateful look.

“You’re talking about the prank he played in fifth year?”

Snape nodded.

“Well, as far as I can tell, there was no excuse for that, but you have heard my apologies, as inadequate as you deem them to be, on many occasions over the past couple of years.” Here Remus’ tone became more severe. “I hoped that you both, not just Sirius, could act more like adults. I must admit, since I had harboured more hope for your maturity, I was disappointed to find that you both remained as childish as ever.”

Snape flushed. He was not used to being talked to in that way and was just about o say something about it but decided not to when he really looked at Remus for the first time. The events of the past year had taken a far greater toll on him that Snape would have imagined. He supposed that with the revelation that Black had been his lover once should have given rise to doubt that. Then something occurred to him.

“You loved him still.” It wasn’t a question, rather it was a simple statement of fact that took Remus Lupin completely by surprise. In a fraction of a heartbeat, however, he had completely recovered and nodded.

“Yes, I suppose I did.”

“And you didn’t think he still did?” Again, Snape had hit upon the crux of the matter. Remus sighed, nodding again. He took a sip from his coffee, which was still deliciously hot.

He looked at Snape and found that the potions master was looking at him. For moments they stared at each other- blue eyes becoming lost in obsidian ones. For the first time, they both felt that they were truly beginning to understand each other.

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