THE LOST LOVE

Pain strikes anywhere, but here it is at its most violent. His loss has reverberated throughout all the years. It has been 5 years since I have spoken of this. Cho and I like to pretend it never happened. AS if his loss never ate at us. Sadly we cannot. Luna and I have been a couple since it happened because I crave contact and love and from someone I cared about. But I have never loved Luna, even if she loves me. Of course, I feel guilty and responsible. Harry should never have gotten involved with that bastard Robert Antonin Black, Sirius’s illegitimate son. His cousin got him killed. Every time I see Robert and his girlfriend Penelope Clearwater, it made me so enraged. He was the one who gave Harry the liquefied potions of dead wizards and witches. He was the one who told him where the remaining Horcruxes were. He was the one who told Harry, Hermione was the heir of Ravenclaw and Voldemort wanted her, especially since she was one of his Horcruxes. He was responsible almost as much as Snape for the death of Professor Dumbledore, which caused Harry to want to kill Voldemort that much more. Of course, the blame mostly lies with him, Voldemort, that worth puss of garbage who murdered the whole Potter Family. But Robert Antonin Black stole and destroyed that Horcrux and led Harry to Voldemort, where the two killed each other. I still remember seeing Harry crawling to the door holding the enchanted sword of his ancestor Godric Gryffindor and wearing the enchanted Ring of his ancestor Jason (of the Argonauts) as he tried to get to safety. The image will haunt me forever. The greatest young Wizard of all time tried to get medical attention after he had just destroyed the most evil Dark Wizard who ever lived. The blood pouring from his belly as he tried to flee. I tried to help him, but he was fading. “T-Tell H-Hermione, I-it wasn’t h-her f-f-fault! I-I love y-you G-Ginny. M-Move o-on a-a-and b-be happy. S-Say b-b-bye R-Ron and H-Hermione!” he gasped. “NO!” I cried as I tried to drag him out. Robert was holding Hermione grabbed me, and we apparated using the device he had. I still don’t know how it got past the magic defenses of Hogwarts, but I don’t care and never have. Harry was with Madam Pomfrey, because he was too ill to make it to St Mungo’s. Harry fought as he always did to survive. I told Hermione and Ron what he said. Hermione was eventually convinced by Ron and I that it wasn’t her fault. It only took 2 years. I watched as Harry faded away. Later We had been told to get to Voldemort, he had to fight the death Eater he hated the most: Severus Snape. Robert, who I will never forgive, told us that the fight was hard and he would have helped but for the battle between he and his father’s murderer Bellatrix LeStrange. When he finally beat Bellatrix, Harry was fighting Voldemort. Robert went to help but 3 more Death Eaters stood in his way. We know it’s true because of the bodies found, but if he had just been faster, the jerk. Hermione was also placed in the Hospital Wing with Assistant Healer Pye who had been moved to Hogwarts and attended too after the torture that Bellatrix LeStrange and Severus Snape were extracting on her, to ensure that Voldemort would have an heir, should anything go wrong. Hermione still has bad dreams though. But Harry brave and courageous and every inch: his ancestor’s desire for a student passed away some 2 weeks after his epic battle. To me, it felt like I was back in the cave with Riddle and the Basillick. The Chamber of Secrets was much more fun a place than what I was going through. Hagrid blamed himself of course, and sadly he committed suicide some 2 years ago, after his wife Olympe Maxime-Hagrid died in childbirth, and his son 2 days later. It was 7 months after he passed away, that Luna and I became a couple. I suppose the earlier statement is false but it felt like straight away. I hate Diaries for obvious reasons, so using this old exercise book feels appropriate. I remember how good things were after that match in 5th year. I had captained Gryffindor and Harry kissed me. Now that just seemed like an unattainable memory. I remember his funeral and the tears that flowed down Hermione’s and Ron’s eyes. I didn’t cry. I didn’t speak. I shook a lot and Luna held me. I think Luna knows the truth but she endures my lack of love though not care because she knows I need it. When we make love and her tongue flicks my clit, I think of him, but I make sure I don’t say his name. Luna has been good to me. For 3 years, she has been in Hogwarts’ History as the youngest Defense against the Dark Art Teachers and the longest running teacher in 20 years. I was always surprised at the skill she showed at Defense and perhaps it seemed that she was trying to be more like him. Certainly in 7th year, when she was Head Girl, there was no talk about Nargles or Rufus Scrimgeour being a vampire. I remember she got Outstanding s in all her subjects and could even perform Patronuses at will. I was somewhat embarrassed that her Patronus resembled me with a giant sword. My Patronus looked like a Lion with a lightning shaped scar and still does. I remember when I captained Gryffindor to the first cleansweep by Gryffindor since Harry’s Dad in his last year. I privately dedicate the victory to Harry. The Cup had been renamed the Harry Potter Quidditch Cup in honour of Harry’s memory. I remember Luna came up to me to congratulate me, especially since Ravenclaw was 2-0 and she was the Seeker and Captain of Ravenclaw and she had caught the Snitch over a disappointed Seamus Finnegan. And I kissed her on the lips, she kissed back. I remember that since it was my first kiss since Harry and that it was the day Luna and I became a couple. I dedicated every goal (56 and 26 in the last match) to my beloved Harry Potter. After the celebration, I snuck out just needing some air the pain of Harry’s loss eating at me. He should have been the one kissing me, he should have been the Captain winning the Cup. The tears fell down my face, the pain of his loss. Hagrid was there as if he knew where I would be. “Ginny!” he said. I turned to face him. “Ginny, it’s nat roight, that ya should be here. H-Harry wouldn’a like to see ya loike this!” he stammered. “It should have been his victory. Even though he would have graduated by now, it should have been him!” I cried. “Ya should remember what he said. Move on. For him, Ginny. Ya should move on!” he replied. I knew he was right. I thanked him and ran, ran for the only body I could have. And as I approached the Ravenclaw Common Room, Luna was there waiting for me. Without a word, I kissed her and lifted her into my arms (I’m 5’11, she’s 5’7). We went straight for the Room of Requirement. I should have felt guilty about using Luna that day and I did later and for every other day since. But I craved physical contact. As Luna’s hands roamed gently over my breasts I thought of him. As Luna’s tongue flicked across my ticklish belly bringing me waves of pleasure I though of him. As she sucked on my belly button just right, teasing and tantalizing my nerve endings, I thought of him. As she kissed my thighs and licked them, my groans were of him. And when her tongue moved to the most moist area of my mons I thought of him. Orgasm and orgasm of lesbian love, my thoughts were of him. And when I screamed out her name, I was thinking only of screaming out his. We made love for some 3 hours before going to bed. When I dreamt that night, Harry in Luna’s body was pleasuring me and I knew only bliss. I awoke then and every night, thinking of Harry.
Harry Potter, my long lost love.