It Happened At Hogwarts

I own nothing. I just consider these characters my friends. Please don’t sue, I’m broke as it is.
Summary- Hogwarts gets news of an impending invasion . It’s students versus Death Eaters with chaos and insanity .


It Happened At Hogwarts
The sun was setting over the castle. The sky was full of color on this Friday evening. The sixth and seventh year students were all gathered in the Great Hall sitting in front of the dais. The Slytherians, now on the side of the light, joined the other three houses in this important meeting called by the Head Master. All the professors were gathered as well, sitting behind the dais as Harry addressed the meeting.

“Troops! We need to prepare for an attack by Voldemort” Harry began. “We have information that it will happen this weekend. Tonight we need to make plans,” Harry looked the crowd over, letting his words sink in. Ron, his second in command, stood beside Harry.
“Now, who here is ready to fight the good fight!” Ron cried, rallying the houses.
Immediately, all hands of Gryffindor and Slytheran shot up.
“Merlin, this is going to be a disaster” Professor Snape moaned, putting his head in his hands.
“Gee, Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw, don’t all jump up at once” Draco yelled out sarcastically.
“What’s the problem?” demanded Harry.
“Well,” Justin Finch-Fletchley rose up, speaking in that formal voice he had. “It’s not that we don’t want to help”
“Really? Pray tell, what are you guys going to do? Be the cheerleading squad?” Ron screamed.
“I’ll tell you what,” Harry compromised, pulling Ron back, whose face was beginning to go as red as his hair. “Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw will be the look outs. You’ll sound the alarm if we’re attacked”
Snape just smirked. “This is going to be a fun weekend”
“Now, now, Severus. Let’s give these two houses a chance” Remus Lupin, who had returned as the Defense against the Dark Arts professor, said diplomatically. “Even if they are a bunch of wimps”
“What are they like in their DADA classes?” Professor McGonagall asked.
“Well, a mouse once showed up in class. They all stood on top of their desks waiting for Filch to kill it” Lupin replied.
“Oh yes, I remember that. Colin Creevey had a headache for a week” Snape smiled gleefully.
“I told him to think of a bigger animal, but no, he wanted to be a mouse” Professor McGonagall spate.

Before the meeting erupted into a riot, with Vincent Crabbe and Greg Goyle trying to choke Justin, Draco announced the final plans.
“The underclassmen will stay in the North Tower. The wards will protect them. The Gryffindors and Slytherians will stay in their rooms ready to go if we’re attacked. The other houses will monitor the floors. If anything happens, they’ll sound the alarms” Draco explained. He stood back waiting for stupid questions.
“Then what do we do?” Hannah Abbott asked in a whiny voice.
“Hide under the fuckin’ tables while we break our arses out there!” Harry informed her.
“There’s no need for profanity” Hannah said, in shock.
“Are you with us on planet Earth?” Hermione chimed in, sitting on a table, cross-legged. “We’re going into combat. Even the Slytherians are going to fight”
“Students, enough. Remember, each house has its own gifts” Dumbledore said, trying to calm the mob scene. “Let’s finish our preparations and have dinner” he suggested.

Ron and Draco, with the strong arms of Vincent, Greg and Dean Thomas, organized the Hufflepuff and Ravenclaws, giving them time shifts and floors to patrol. With that done, the Great Hall was set up for dinner. As Harry dug in, he felt a magical kiss on his forehead. He looked up at the professors table and blew a magical kiss back to Snape. Harry couldn’t wait for dinner to end. Hermione and Seamus rubbed their legs together as Neville snuck his hands up Ginny’s robe, playing with her breasts. Ron’s blue eyes were glazing over the thoughts Draco was planting in his head, as Draco smiled from his table.

Later That Night
“It’s ten o’clock and alls well!!!” Justin bellowed out as he patrolled the dungeons.
Inside Snape’s quarters, the frustration was beginning to mount. “Does he have to make an announcement every fuckin’ fifteen minutes?” Snape cursed, falling off Harry for the third time that night.
“Severus, ignore him,” Harry begged, pulling his lover back on top.
“Ignore him? Tell me how! Every damn Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw is marching up and down the hallways in Pith helmets and bells announcing all clear! Snape snarled, putting his forefinger into Harry’s mouth, who suckled it as if it were his cock. Harry put his hands through Severus’s hair, wrapping his legs around his waist, helping his lover to relax. Severus nibbled on Harry’s neck as he gently pulled his finger from his mouth. Harry arched into Severus’s body, molding himself and rocking against him. Severus groaned as he grounded his lower body into Harry. He stuck his tongue into Harry’s warm mouth as Harry purred in delight and excitement.
“Are you ready? Do it for me, Love!” Severus begged. Before Harry could answer, a thunderous announcement was made.
“It’s ten fifteen and alls well!!!”
“I’m going to kill those bastards!” Harry screamed as Severus fell off again.

Meanwhile, back in the head boy’s room in Gryffindor country, Ron straddled Draco, who was lying on his stomach in the four poster bed. Ron, using warmed vanilla oil, massaged Draco’s shoulders, sneaking kisses in his hair.
“Mmmm. That feels so good,” Draco murmured. “I love how your prick rubs against me”
“Me too. Draco, hold me” Ron pleaded. Draco sat up, behind Ron, and put his arms around him as Ron held onto the bedpost. He kissed the back of his neck and rubbed his nipples, as Ron leaned back onto his chest. They exchanged a deep kiss, tasting each other. As Draco turned Ron onto his back, spreading his legs, twenty bells began to clang down the stairs, causing Ron and Draco to fall off the bed in an effort to get dressed and run. In ten seconds they were out the door, pulling themselves together, slamming into Neville and Ginny, also trying to dress and run, and falling over Hermione and Seamus, who were trying to crawl to the door.
Every Gryffindor, Syltherian and Professor was ready for battle.
“O.K., where are the Death Eaters?” Harry cried out, running to the stairs, wand in hand. Snape discreetly moved to where the professors were. Harry looked around and saw Draco foaming at the mouth, Ron ready to explode and fifty pointing fingers. Harry saw the direction everyone was pointing to.
“What are you fuckin’ doing! “ Harry bellowed out.
“It was an accident” Hannah tried to explain. She and the rest of the Hufflepuff and Ravenclaws were on the bottom of the staircase, pith helmets scattered and tangled up in each others bells and robes. “We fell down”
“I don’t want to hear it! Just change shifts and get it together!” Ron ordered. “You’re asked to do one thing, one damn thing!” Ron started muttering curses under his breath. Suddenly an announcement was heard from the Great Hall. “It’s eleven o’clock and alls well!!!!” Hermione was carried off by Seamus as she tried to lunge down the stairs, murder in her eyes.
“I suggest we all get back to bed” Dumbledore smoothly requested. “It’s been a long day”
“Let me do one Hex, just one!” Draco pleaded as Ron dragged him back to his room. Neville followed, pulling Ginny by the hand. “It’s O.K., we’ll just pick up where we left off” Neville said, trying to soothe her. “Yeah, right.” Ginny pouted, stomping feet as she walked.
Harry walked beside Severus, whose face was one dark glare. “When we get back, I’ll do it for you” Harry promised.
“Never mind, I’m not in the mood” Severus mumbled, pushing Harry into his room and throwing him into bed.
“Good night” Severus said as he called “Nox” and turned to his side. Harry slithered down to Severus’s hip, making his way north, nibbling and sucking.
“Harry” Severus whispered.
“Yes” Harry answered eagerly.
“Go to sleep” Severus ordered.
“Why? It’s not late. Do you know what time it is?” Harry pleaded.
“It’s twelve midnight and all well!!” a Ravenclaw belted out.
“Good night” Harry said, sulking, putting his arms around Severus.

Much Later That Night

Harry jumped up out of his sleep. He suddenly realized that there were no more time announcements being made. He left the bed quietly, letting Severus sleep, and dressed quickly. He tiptoed out of the dungeons and walked to the front doors of the Great Hall, his wand out. “Lumos” Harry whispered, lighting the hallway up. There he found Draco and Ron with Neville, Ginny, Seamus and Hermione. All had their wands out, lit, looking around.
“What are you guys looking for?” Harry asked.
“It’s too quiet,” Ginny replied. “I made Neville get up with me to check the halls.”
“Us too,” Draco added, with Seamus and Hermione nodding their heads.
Soon they were joined by the rest of the Gryffindors and Slytherians.
“I don’t like this. It’s too quiet.” Ron remarked. “Where the hell are the Huffelpuffs and Ravenclaws?”
A crashing sound was heard as Death Eaters began to appear like cockroaches running in the light. “Let’s go!” Harry called and the fight was on. Death Eaters and students began running through the halls throwing spells at each other. The chaos was overwhelming.
“Ron, get over here! I’ll make it easier on you!” Lucius Malfoy yelled, trying to corner Ron.
“Are you going to hurt me?” Ron asked, trying to dodge him.
“No, I’m going to hug and kiss you!” Lucius answered sarcastically.
“You leave my boyfriend alone!” Draco screamed, sending a hex to his father. Lucius’ look of shock at being tripped and magically bound was priceless. Draco and Ron took hands and ran to help the others.
“What boyfriend, Draco? You and I need to talk!” Lucius sputtered. “Don’t run away from me when I’m talking to you!”
“Now he wants to talk!” Draco sneered.
Meanwhile, Neville and Seamus were picking off McNair and Nott, as Ginny and Hermione knocked out three death Eaters and bound them next to Malfoy, who was still demanding that Draco speak to him.
Harry and Voldemort were facing each other in front of the Fat Lady’s portrait.
“You’ve no where to go” Voldemort threatened, raising his wand.
“Oh, yeah? Listen, Sphincter boy, I’ve had enough already” Harry said, raising his wand. Suddenly, a mouse ran past Harry and leaped up into Voldemort’s robes. As the mouse began crawling around, Voldemort dropped his wand, trying to shake him out.
“What the hell are you doing? The Mambo?” Harry asked, dodging and dancing with him.
The rest of the students came running to back Harry up, raising their wands.
“Wait!” Harry ordered. “Colin! Jump!” The mouse obeyed, crawling out from his neck and jumping onto Greg’s shoulder.
“Aveda Kedava” Harry shouted, throwing the green light at Voldemort. Voldemort’s body fell back and slid down the stairs, banging his head on every step until it crashed into a suit of armor.
“Man, that’s got to hurt” Vincent Crabbe commented.
“He’s dead you fool!! Draco screamed, hitting him on the head with his wand. “How can it hurt?”
“This night is never going to end” Ron whined. Draco softly kissed his nose, snuggling him.

In the meantime, Hermione fire called the Aurors. In ten minutes the castle was full of ministry workers, including Arthur Weasley. Percy showed up also. Not only was he there to do the paperwork, but he had also given the warning of the impending Death Eater invasion.
“My goodness, you children have captured all the Death Eaters” Dumbledore exclaimed, as he walked over to the line up of prisoners. The rest of the professors were in their night robes, trying to maintain some order.
“Severus! Severus!” Lucius called out, hopping up and down on the floor, his arms still bound to his sides. “Did you know about Draco and Ron?”
“Yes, I did” Snape snickered.
“And you did nothing?” Lucius demanded.
“What am I, the boyfriend police?” Snape snarled.
“What’s going on?” Arthur asked.
“Your pauper son is going out with my little Dragon” Lucius spate out.
“Is this true Ron?” Arthur asked.
“Yes Dad. And we have something to tell you.” Ron replied, holding Draco’s hand. The two boys had big grins on their faces, eager to tell their news. Lucius stared, dreading the announcement.
“I don’t want to hear it!!” he shouted.
“Ron is pregnant” Draco sweetly told his father, sitting in front of him.
“You want to feel the baby?” Ron asked, opening up his robes.
“No! Take me to Azkaban!” Lucius pleaded. “Someone, use an unforgivable on me!!!”
“Dad, do you want to feel the baby?” Ron asked, disappointed.
“Yes, yes. I feel it” Arthur said, rubbing his son’s belly.
“Why is there a mouse on your shoulder, Greg? “ Goyle’s father asked, agitated by being tied up.
“That’s not a mouse, that’s Colin” Greg explained, as Colin transfigured back to himself, still holding on to Greg in a piggyback.
“Isn’t that a Gryffindor?” Crabbe’s father asked Lucius.
“I’m surrounded by idiots!” Lucius wept.
“Let’s go back upstairs” Colin suggested, kissing Goyle on the neck.
“Sounds good to me. Hey Vinny, want to watch?” Greg asked.
“Sure do!” Vincent said, following them.
“Remember, you can look but not touch” Greg reminded him. “I’ll see you later Dad”
“Oh, good, Azkaban has visiting hours!” Lucius screamed.

The Aurors finished the roundup of prisoners and flooed everyone to Azkaban. Percy sidled up to Remus and put his arms around his waist.
“You know, Ron’s not the only one” Percy blew into his ear.
“Not the only one?” Remus asked, looking hungrily at Percy.
“I want you to rub my belly” Percy wickedly smiled at him.
“Is something in there?” Remus gleefully asked.
“Yes, and you put it there.” Percy opened up his robes to show him. Remus needed no invitation as he swept Percy to his rooms.
“Well, you did it.” Snape commented. Harry was sitting on the landing, cross-legged, waving his wand up and down. “Big deal” he moaned.
Snape sat down next to him. “What do you mean big deal? You got rid of Voldemort”
“Everyone’s pregnant but me,” Harry sadly explained. Snape snorted, lifted Harry up and threw him over his shoulder.
“Let’s go,” Snape told him, carrying him back to the dungeons.
“I want a baby too. Don’t you want to rub my belly?” Harry demanded.
“I’ll rub something else,” Snape said. Suddenly Snape stopped, thinking something was strange.
“Harry, where are the other two houses?” he asked.
Harry climbed down Severus and looked around. He let out an ear splitting whistle, bringing everyone out again.
“The slumber party never ends. This had better be good,” Remus warned, Percy by his side, lips swollen.
“What’s wrong Harry?” Dumbledore asked.
“Where are the other two houses?” Harry asked. “I didn’t see any of them during the insanity.”
“Gone, I hope,” Draco shot back.
“Start searching!” Professor McGonagall called out. After fifteen minutes. Dean Thomas shouted “Quick, everyone in the Great Hall!”

Dumbledore opened the doors followed by everyone else. There, on the tables were the Huffelpuffs and Ravenclaws, tied up and gagged. Harry marched up to Justin and ripped his gagged off.
“I’m afraid to ask,” Harry began.
“You know, those Death Eaters are sneaky,” Justin explained, in awe.
“Did you hear that Merlin? The Death Eaters are sneaky!” Harry asked, raising his eyes to the ceiling.
“Let’s leave them here,” Ron suggested. “They’ve ruined my night”
“Hermione, stop kicking Ernie” Seamus ordered, pulling her away.
“They started it” Hermione whined.
Dumbledore settled everything by casting a spell, releasing the houses and sending everyone back to bed.


Breakfast
Everyone appeared at the dining tables half asleep. The only students with energy were the ones who spent the night in the North Tower. Ron’s eyes were shut, as he propped his head on his hands. Hermione sat on Seamus’s lap, sleeping on his shoulder, while Neville was slumped against Ginny as she tried to drink her tea.
“So, Colin, are you going to tell Mum and dad?” Dennis asked his drowsy brother.
“Tell your parents what?” Harry asked in a daze, trying to chew his toast.
“About me and Greg” Colin told him.
“That you’re going together?” Harry surmised.
“Well, that and something else,” Colin blushed. Greg had come up behind him and placed his arms around Colin, rubbing his belly, and kissing him on the head.
“Everyone is pregnant! It is so not fair!” Harry pouted, sending a dirty look to Snape, who rolled his eyes.
“Students!” Dumbledore said as he climbed to the podium. “In recognition of the great work you all did in ridding our world of the Dark Lord, I declare a school holiday on Monday”
“Can we go back to bed now?” Draco called out, his head on the table.
“Well, before that, we have a ministry official who would like to address you,” Dumbledore waved his hand. “I give you, Madam Umbridge”
“The fun never ends” Snape said, leaning back in his chair.
Undeterred by the dirty looks and hand gestures from the students, Madam Umbridge began her speech. “Boys and girls, I’d like to commend your brave spirit and courage in the defeat of the Dark Lord. If it weren’t for the brave Huffelpuffs and Ravenclaws sounding the alarm, all would have been lost,”
Harry’s eyes went ballistic as he stood up and climbed onto the table. Snape cringed as Harry’s power began to make the tables shake and the dishes rattle.
“Are you out of your mind, Bitch?” Harry yelled. “You know what? Go fuck yourself! You’re so ugly, that’s the only thing that will!”
“Why. You filthy mouthed child!” Umbridge sputtered. “I insist someone do something!’
“No problem” Snape said as he and Lupin got up and poured a pitcher of syrup and a bowl of cereal on her head. A round of applause, with a standing ovation, greeted the sight as Dumbledore rocked and laughed. Umbridge stormed out of the Great Hall, pelted by food from the staff.
“Breakfast is now ended, have a good day children,” Professor McGonagall announced.
“Let’s go, Mr. Filthy Mouth,” Snape said, carrying Harry over his shoulder to his quarters
“Want me to use this filthy mouth on you?” Harry asked.
“Definitely” Snape replied “And whatever you do, don’t stop”

And that is how it happened at Hogwarts.
The End.

This is my submission for the Funny Harry Challenge. I hope you like it, it struck me funny. Thanks to my beta who laughed along with me. I own nothing. I just consider these characters my friends. Please don’t sue, I’m broke as it is.
Summary- Hogwarts gets news of an impending invasion . It’s students versus Death Eaters with chaos and insanity .


It Happened At Hogwarts
The sun was setting over the castle. The sky was full of color on this Friday evening. The sixth and seventh year students were all gathered in the Great Hall sitting in front of the dais. The Slytherians, now on the side of the light, joined the other three houses in this important meeting called by Head Master. All the professors were gathered as well, sitting behind the dais as Harry addressed the meeting.

“Troops! We need to prepare for an attack by Voldemort” Harry began. “We have information that it will happen this weekend. Tonight we need to make plans,” Harry looked the crowd over, letting his words sink in. Ron, his second in command, stood beside Harry.
“Now, who here is ready to fight the good fight!” Ron cried, rallying the houses.
Immediately, all hands of Gryffindor and Slytherian shot up.
“Merlin, this is going to be a disaster” Professor Snape moaned, putting his head in his hands.
“Gee, Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw, don’t all jump up at once” Draco yelled out sarcastically.
“What’s the problem?” demanded Harry.
“Well,” Justin Finch-Fletchley rose up, speaking in that formal voice he had. “It’s not that we don’t want to help”
“Really? Pray tell, what are you guys going to do? Be the cheerleading squad?” Ron screamed.
“I’ll tell you what,” Harry compromised, pulling Ron back, whose face was beginning to go as red as his hair. “Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw will be the look outs. You’ll sound the alarm if we’re attacked”
Snape just smirked. “This is going to be a fun weekend”
“Now, now, Severus. Let’s give these two houses a chance” Remus Lupin, who had returned as the Defense against the Dark Arts professor, said diplomatically. “Even if they are a bunch of wimps”
“What are they like in their DADA classes?” Professor McGonagall asked.
“Well, a mouse once showed up in class. They all stood on top of their desks waiting for Filch to kill it” Lupin replied.
“Oh yes, I remember that. Colin Creevey had a headache for a week” Snape smiled gleefully.
“I told him to think of a bigger animal, but no, he wanted to be a mouse” Professor McGonagall spate.

Before the meeting erupted into a riot, with Vincent Crabbe and Greg Goyle trying to choke Justin, Draco announced the final plans.
“The underclassmen will stay in the North Tower. The wards will protect them. The Gryffindors and Slytherians will stay in their rooms ready to go if we’re attacked. The other houses will monitor the floors. If anything happens, they’ll sound the alarms” Draco explained. He stood back waiting for stupid questions.
“Then what do we do?” Hannah Abbott asked in a whiny voice.
“Hide under the fuckin’ tables while we break our arses out there!” Harry informed her.
“There’s no need for profanity” Hannah said, in shock.
“Are you with us on planet Earth?” Hermione chimed in, sitting on a table, cross-legged. “We’re going into combat. Even the Slytherians are going to fight”
“Students, enough. Remember, each house has its own gifts” Dumbledore said, trying to calm the mob scene. “Let’s finish our preparations and have dinner” he suggested.

Ron and Draco, with the strong arms of Vincent, Greg and Dean Thomas, organized the Hufflepuff and Ravenclaws, giving them time shifts and floors to patrol. With that done, the Great Hall was set up for dinner. As Harry dug in, he felt a magical kiss on his forehead. He looked up at the professors table and blew a magical kiss back to Snape. Harry couldn’t wait for dinner to end. Hermione and Seamus rubbed their legs together as Neville snuck his hands up Ginny’s robe, playing with her breasts. Ron’s blue eyes were glazing over the thoughts Draco was planting in his head, as Draco smiled from his table.

Later That Night
“It’s ten o’clock and alls well!!!” Justin bellowed out as he patrolled the dungeons.
Inside Snape’s quarters, the frustration was beginning to mount. “Does he have to make an announcement every fuckin’ fifteen minutes?” Snape cursed, falling off Harry for the third time that night.
“Severus, ignore him,” Harry begged, pulling his lover back on top.
“Ignore him? Tell me how! Every damn Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw is marching up and down the hallways in Pith helmets and bells announcing all clear! Snape snarled, putting his forefinger into Harry’s mouth, who suckled it as if it were his cock. Harry put his hands through Sevres’s hair, wrapping his legs around his waist, helping his lover to relax. Severus nibbled on Harry’s neck as he gently pulled his finger from his mouth. Harry arched into Severeus’s body, molding himself and rocking against him. Severus groaned as he grounded his lower body into Harry. He stuck his tongue into Harry’s warm mouth. Harry purred in delight and excitement.
“Are you ready? Do it for me, Love!” Severus begged. Before Harry could answer, a thunderous announcement was made.
“It’s ten fifteen and alls well!!!”
“I’m going to kill those bastards!” Harry screamed as Severus fell off again.

Meanwhile, back in the head boy’s room in Gryffindor country, Ron straddled Draco, who was lying on his stomach in the four poster bed. Ron, using warmed vanilla oil, massaged Draco’s shoulders, sneaking kisses in his hair.
“Mmmm. That feels so good,” Draco murmured. “I love how your prick rubs against me”
“Me too. Draco, hold me” Ron pleaded. Draco sat up, behind Ron, and put his arms around him as Ron held onto the bedpost. He kissed the back of his neck and rubbed his nipples, as Ron leaned back onto his chest. They exchanged a deep kiss, tasting each other. As Draco turned Ron onto his back, spreading his legs, twenty bells began to clang down the stairs, causing Ron and Draco to fall off the bed in an effort to get dressed and run. In ten seconds they were out the door, pulling themselves together, slamming into Neville and Ginny, also trying to dress and run, and falling over Hermione and Seamus, who were trying to crawl to the door.
Every Gryffindor, Syltherian and Professor was ready for battle.
“O.K., where are the Death Eaters?” Harry cried out, running to the stairs, wand in hand. Snape discreetly moved to where the professors were. Harry looked around and saw Draco foaming at the mouth, Ron ready to explode and fifty pointing fingers. Harry saw the direction everyone was pointing to.
“What are you fuckin’ doing! “ Harry bellowed out.
“It was an accident” Hannah tried to explain. She and the rest of the Hufflepuff and Ravenclaws were on the bottom of the staircase, pith helmets scattered and tangled up in each others bells and robes. “We fell down”
“I don’t want to hear it! Just change shifts and get it together!” Ron ordered. “You’re asked to do one thing, one damn thing!” Ron started muttering curses under his breath. Suddenly an announcement was heard from the Great Hall. “It’s eleven o’clock and alls well!!!!” Hermione was carried off by Seamus as she tried to lunge down the stairs, murder in her eyes.
“I suggest we all get back to bed” Dumbledore smoothly requested. “It’s been a long day”
“Let me do one Hex, just one!” Draco pleaded as Ron dragged him back to his room. Neville followed, pulling Ginny by the hand. “It’s O.K., we’ll just pick up where we left off” Neville said, trying to soothe her. “Yeah, right.” Ginny pouted, stomping feet as she walked.
Harry walked beside Severus, whose face was one dark glare. “When we get back, I’ll do it for you” Harry promised.
“Never mind, I’m not in the mood” Severus mumbled, pushing Harry into his room and throwing him into bed.
“Good night” Severus said as he called “Nox” and turned to his side. Harry slithered down to Severus’s hip, making his way north, nibbling and sucking.
“Harry” Severus whispered.
“Yes” Harry answered eagerly.
“Go to sleep” Severus ordered.
“Why? It’s not late. Do you know what time it is?” Harry pleaded.
“It’s twelve midnight and all well!!” a Ravenclaw belted out.
“Good night” Harry said, sulking, putting his arms around Severus.


Much Later That Night

Harry jumped up out of his sleep. He suddenly realized that there were no more time announcements being made. He left the bed quietly, letting Severus sleep, and dressed quickly. He tiptoed out of the dungeons and walked to the front doors of the Great Hall, his wand out. “Lumos” Harry whispered, lighting the hallway up. There he found Draco and Ron with Neville, Ginny, Seamus and Hermione. All had their wands out, lit, looking around.
“What are you guys looking for?” Harry asked.
“It’s too quiet,” Ginny replied. “I made Neville get up with me to check the halls.”
“Us too,” Draco added, with Seamus and Hermione nodding their heads.
Soon they were joined by the rest of the Gryffindors and Slytherians.
“I don’t like this. It’s too quiet.” Ron remarked. “Where the hell are the Huffelpuffs and Ravenclaws?”
A crashing sound was heard as Death Eaters began to appear like cockroaches running in the light. “Let’s go!” Harry called and the fight was on. Death Eaters and students began running through the halls throwing spells at each other. The chaos was overwhelming.
“Ron, get over here! I’ll make it easier on you!” Lucius Malfoy yelled, trying to corner Ron.
“Are you going to hurt me ? “ Ron asked, trying to dodge him.
“No, I’m going to hug and kiss you!!” Lucius said sarcastically.
“You leave my boyfriend alone!” Draco bellowed out sending a hex to his father. Lucius’s look of shock at being tripped and magically bound was priceless. Draco and Ron took hands and ran to help the others.
“What boyfriend, Draco? You and I need to talk!” Lucius sputtered. “Don’t run away from me when I’m talking to you!”
“Now he wants to talk!” Draco sneered.
Meanwhile, Neville and Seamus were picking off McNair and Nott, as Ginny and Hermione knocked out three death Eaters and bound them next to Malfoy, who was still demanding that Draco speak to him.
Harry and Voldemort were facing each other in front of the Fat Lady’s portrait.
“You’ve no where to go” Voldemort threatened, raising his wand.
“Oh, yeah? Listen, Sphincter boy, I’ve had enough already” Harry said, raising his wand. Suddenly, a mouse ran past Harry and leaped up into Voldemort’s robes. As the mouse began crawling around, Voldemort dropped his wand, trying to shake him out.
“What the hell are you doing? The Mambo?” Harry asked, dodging and dancing with him.
The rest of the students came running to back Harry up, raising their wands.
“Wait!” Harry ordered. “Colin! Jump!” The mouse obeyed, crawling out from his neck and jumping onto Greg’s shoulder.
“Aveda Kedava” Harry shouted, throwing the green light at Voldemort. Voldemort’s body fell back and slid down the stairs, banging his head on every step until it crashed into a suit of armor.
“Man, that’s got to hurt” Vincent Crabbe commented.
“He’s dead you fool!! Draco screamed, hitting him on the head with his wand. “How can it hurt?”
“This night is never going to end” Ron whined. Draco softly kissed his nose, snuggling him.

In the meantime, Hermione fire called the Aurors. In ten minutes the castle was full of ministry workers, including Arthur Weasley. Percy showed up also. Not only was he there to do the paperwork, but he had also given the warning of the impending Death Eater invasion.
“My goodness, you children have captured all the Death Eaters” Dumbledore exclaimed, as he walked over to the line up of prisoners. The rest of the professors were in their night robes, trying to maintain some order.
“Severus! Severus!” Lucius called out, hopping up and down on the floor, his arms still bound to his sides. “Did you know about Draco and Ron?”
“Yes, I did” Snape snickered.
“And you did nothing?” Lucius demanded.
“What am I, the boyfriend police?” Snape snarled.
“What’s going on?” Arthur asked.
“Your pauper son is going out with my little Dragon” Lucius spate out.
“Is this true Ron?” Arthur asked.
“Yes Dad. And we have something to tell you.” Ron replied, holding Draco’s hand. The two boys had big grins on their faces, eager to tell their news. Lucius stared, dreading the announcement.
“I don’t want to hear it!!” he shouted.
“Ron is pregnant” Draco sweetly told his father, sitting in front of him.
“You want to feel the baby?” Ron asked, opening up his robes.
“No! Take me to Azkaban!” Lucius pleaded. “Someone, use an unforgivable on me!!!”
“Dad, do you want to feel the baby?” Ron asked, disappointed.
“Yes, yes. I feel it” Arthur said, rubbing his son’s belly.
“Why is there a mouse on your shoulder, Greg? “ Goyle’s father asked, agitated by being tied up.
“That’s not a mouse, that’s Colin” Greg explained, as Colin transfigured back to himself, still holding on to Greg in a piggyback.
“Isn’t that a Gryffindor?” Crabbe’s father asked Lucius.
“I’m surrounded by idiots!” Lucius wept.
“Let’s go back upstairs” Colin suggested, kissing Goyle on the neck.
“Sounds good to me. Hey Vinny, want to watch?” Greg asked.
“Sure do!” Vincent said, following them.
“Remember, you can look but not touch” Greg reminded him. “I’ll see you later Dad”
“Oh, good, Azkaban has visiting hours!” Lucius screamed.

The Aurors finished the roundup of prisoners and flooed everyone to Azkaban. Percy sidled up to Remus and put his arms around his waist.
“You know, Ron’s not the only one” Percy blew into his ear.
“Not the only one?” Remus asked, looking hungrily at Percy.
“I want you to rub my belly” Percy wickedly smiled at him.
“Is something in there?” Remus gleefully asked.
“Yes, and you put it there.” Percy opened up his robes to show him. Remus needed no invitation as he swept Percy to his rooms.
“Well, you did it.” Snape commented. Harry was sitting on the landing, cross-legged, waving his wand up and down. “Big deal” he moaned.
Snape sat down next to him. “What do you mean big deal? You got rid of Voldemort”
“Everyone’s pregnant but me,” Harry sadly explained. Snape snorted, lifted Harry up and threw him over his shoulder.
“Let’s go,” Snape told him, carrying him back to the dungeons.
“I want a baby too. Don’t you want to rub my belly?” Harry demanded.
“I’ll rub something else,” Snape said. Suddenly Snape stopped, thinking something was strange.
“Harry, where are the other two houses?” he asked.
Harry climbed down Severus and looked around. He let out an ear splitting whistle, bringing everyone out again.
“The slumber party never ends. This had better be good,” Remus warned, Percy by his side, lips swollen.
“What’s wrong Harry?” Dumbledore asked.
“Where are the other two houses?” Harry asked. “I didn’t see any of them during the insanity.”
“Gone, I hope,” Draco shot back.
“Start searching!” Professor McGonagall called out. After fifteen minutes. Dean Thomas shouted “Quick, everyone in the Great Hall!”

Dumbledore opened the doors followed by everyone else. There, on the tables were the Huffelpuffs and Ravenclaws, tied up and gagged. Harry marched up to Justin and ripped his gagged off.
“I’m afraid to ask,” Harry began.
“You know, those Death Eaters are sneaky,” Justin explained, in awe.
“Did you hear that Merlin? The Death Eaters are sneaky!” Harry asked, raising his eyes to the ceiling.
“Let’s leave them here,” Ron suggested. “They’ve ruined my night”
“Hermione, stop kicking Ernie” Seamus ordered, pulling her away.
“They started it” Hermione whined.
Dumbledore settled everything by casting a spell, releasing the houses and sending everyone back to bed.


Breakfast
Everyone appeared at the dining tables half asleep. The only students with energy were the ones who spent the night in the North Tower. Ron’s eyes were shut, as he propped his head on his hands. Hermione sat on Seamus’s lap, sleeping on his shoulder, while Neville was slumped against Ginny as she tried to drink her tea.
“So, Colin, are you going to tell Mum and dad?” Dennis asked his drowsy brother.
“Tell your parents what?” Harry asked in a daze, trying to chew his toast.
“About me and Greg” Colin told him.
“That you’re going together?” Harry surmised.
“Well, that and something else,” Colin blushed. Greg had come up behind him and placed his arms around Colin, rubbing his belly, and kissing him on the head.
“Everyone is pregnant! It is so not fair!” Harry pouted, sending a dirty look to Snape, who rolled his eyes.
“Students!” Dumbledore said as he climbed to the podium. “In recognition of the great work you all did in ridding our world of the Dark Lord, I declare a school holiday on Monday”
“Can we go back to bed now?” Draco called out, his head on the table.
“Well, before that, we have a ministry official who would like to address you,” Dumbledore waved his hand. “I give you, Madam Umbridge”
“The fun never ends” Snape said, leaning back in his chair.
Undeterred by the dirty looks and hand gestures from the students, Madam Umbridge began her speech. “Boys and girls, I’d like to commend your brave spirit and courage in the defeat of the Dark Lord. If it weren’t for the brave Huffelpuffs and Ravenclaws sounding the alarm, all would have been lost,”
Harry’s eyes went ballistic as he stood up and climbed onto the table. Snape cringed as Harry’s power began to make the tables shake and the dishes rattle.
“Are you out of your mind, Bitch?” Harry yelled. “You know what? Go fuck yourself! You’re so ugly, that’s the only thing that will!”
“Why. You filthy mouthed child!” Umbridge sputtered. “I insist someone do something!’
“No problem” Snape said as he and Lupin got up and poured a pitcher of syrup and a bowl of cereal on her head. A round of applause, with a standing ovation, greeted the sight as Dumbledore rocked and laughed. Umbridge stormed out of the Great Hall, pelted by food by the staff.
“Breakfast is now ended, have a good day children,” Professor McGonagall announced.
“Let’s go, Mr. Filthy Mouth,” Snape said, carrying Harry over his shoulder to his quarters
“Want me to use this filthy mouth on you?” Harry asked.
“Definitely” Snape replied “And whatever you do, don’t stop”

And that is how it happened at Hogwarts.
The End.