Not Me...Not Me

Not Me…Not Me
firedragon_luver

Disclaimer: Happy Potter and Co. definitely not mine…so please don’t sue.

AN: Thank you Black_ribboned_rose for being such a wonderful beta and help. Thanks for squeezing in my fic into your busy schedule.

Hi everyone, hope you’ll like it…and please leave a review!

*********

Harry woke to find Draco lying with a cheek against his chest, drawing random patterns over his chest with his fingers. He smiled sleepily and remembered his obsession with Draco during their sixth year, and his surprise when Draco came to live at Grimmauld Place. He thought of Snape, and smirked. This was obviously not what he intended when he brought Draco there for protection. No matter how much he still despised Snape, he mentally thanked him for the hundredth time for that. Without him, they wouldn’t be where they were now…in love. Very much in love. Not that he’d tell Snape that. Their relationship was a complete secret so far. His smirk widened as he imagined Snape’s face if he found out.

He closed his eyes and began to stroke Draco’s shoulder, then his arm. Draco sighed gently against his chest, and his breath made Harry shiver. His hand moved down to Draco’s forearm to the hand that was resting on Harry’s chest, and back up again. His fingers swiped up the inside of Draco’s forearm and brushed against something. Frowning, he did it again. The skin there was a completely different texture to the skin around it. He tried to pull Draco’s arm towards him, but Draco stiffened and pulled away.

Harry bolted upright and grabbed Draco’s arm back, turning it so the sunlight streaming through the curtains illuminated the Dark Mark etched starkly into his pale skin. Draco looked down at the bedclothes and his shoulders slumped as Harry stared at it.

“Why did you hide it?” Harry whispered. “In sixth year I thought you were marked, but when you came to Grimmauld…A glamour? Is that how you hid it?”

He looked up into Draco’s face, but he would not meet his eyes. Pulling his arm back, he slipped out of their bed. “I’m sorry…” he whispered, and began to get dressed.


‘Is that all you have to say? For two years you kept this away from me, and all you have to say is sorry!” His voice was rising now, as was his temper. “I trusted you, I let you in into my world…I let you in into the secrets of the Order.’ A sudden thought hit him that cooled his anger instantly. ‘Are you a death eater, Dray?’ he whispered.

‘All of us born of Death Eater parents will be Death Eaters, whether we like it or not. The Marking is just a formality by the Dark Lord, to show he owns us….I did have it in Sixth Year….’

‘You didn’t answer my question.” Harry persisited. “Those times when you disappeared around the house…… We assumed you were somewhere around. Did you go back to him??’

Draco sighed and sat down on the bed, his back to Harry. ‘Snape obliviated the Death Eaters who were there when Dumbledore died and he made the Dark Lord think that I did it.’

‘You returned to him.’

‘I had to, for Snape, for my father, for my mother…and for another reason I cannot tell.’

‘Snape is a murderer! Why would you do something for Snape?’

‘You don’t know what you are talking about!’

‘And you do? Why did you go back? Tell me! Give me a reason to trust you, give me a reason to stay. I want to know what’s going on.’

“I can’t Harry…. There are things better left unsaid, things better left unknown. I did it because I had to.”

‘Don’t give me that bullshit! Tell me Draco, tell me NOW!’ Harry’s voice shook with a mixture of anger and desperation.

‘I am part of the Inner Circle now Harry. I know where the Dark Lord is hiding.’

‘Then tell me Draco…make this right by telling me. Help me; help me to win the war. Let’s finish this now so that we can live in peace. We could be together! Let’s help each other, so we won’t have to sneak around in the night any more!”

‘I can’t Harry….The Dark Lord has s secret keeper. Only the Secret Keeper can say where he is.’

‘Then you are their spy!’ Harry screamed, pointing his wand at Draco’s chest and leaping off the bed. His face was twisted in anger and tears were starting to leak down his face. Draco rose too, anguish written all over his face.

‘Harry believe me I am not their spy. You can use Legilimency on me and see if I betrayed you. I’d like to help Harry…but I can’t. I have been true to you, and never betrayed you. Before I went to him, each time, I put everything about you and the Order into a Pensieve. You are safe with me, as I am with you. Please!’

‘Leave Draco.’ His voice was quiet once again.

‘Harry, please believe me! This, being with you, is the only thing I have that I wanted to happen in my life. I had no choice. Please don’t do this.’ Draco’s voice was pleading now, trying to catch Harry’s eye, but he would not look at him.

‘This is also the only thing I’ve got that I really wanted… but I cannot risk the safety of the Order, and the lives of everyone I know. I will destroy Voldemort, no matter what it costs me….’

‘Harry…’

‘We cannot do it together. We are each other’s destruction. Leave now, Draco. Just go. I am giving you your freedom today, but I cannot promise the same when we meet on the battlefield.”

‘Harry…you do not know what you are doing. Please!’

‘This war should not have lasted for two years if there is no spy within the Order! So it is either you or Snape.’

‘Snape didn’t do anything wrong!’

‘Then it was you who did something wrong. Leave now Draco.’

‘I’ll still wait for you here. I love you Harry, I really do. Please understand that I never wanted this mark…It was not my choice…none of this is my choice!!’ Tears of frustration and despair were leaking from his eyes.

“Goodbye, Draco.” Harry looked at him for a second, his eye filled with pain, before Dissaparating with a crack.

***

‘What are you doing Harry?’ Hermione asked as she attached her letter to Ron to the owl’s leg and watched it disappear into the sky.

‘I am doing some changes in the wards.’

‘Since when did you learned to change wards?’ she asked, trying to look over his shoulder.

‘Since when I needed to change it.’ Harry replied repressively, blocking her view. A knock at the door interrupted their conversation.

‘Harry, Hermione. Can I talk to you for a moment?’

‘Professor Lupin?’

‘Remus!’

Lupin came into the room and closed the door behind him. The war had taken it’s toll on him, like everyone else; his face was thin and gaunt and there was more grey than ever in his light brown hair.

“Harry, please give me your wand. I want to check something.”

Harry looked confused, but handed it over. Lupin pocketed it.

“Hey! I thought you just wanted to-” he was cut off by two loud pops, as Minerva McGonagall and Severus Snape apparated into the middle of the room.

“What are you doing here, you MURDERER!” Harry bellowed.

“Harry please be calm.” Remus laid a gentle hand on his shoulder, but Harry shook it off.

“Why is he here Remus, is this the reason why you wanted to CHECK my wand?”

“Yes, Harry. The reason by I wanted to CHECK your wand. Although keep it in check might’ve been a better turn of phrase.”

‘Let us all be seated please,’ McGonagall said, pulling out a small, intricately carved bowl and a phial of a silvery substance from her robes. Snape watched her, completely ignoring Harry.

‘We should not be trusting him, he is still a Death Eater!’

‘Yes Harry he is still a Death Eater, and a member of the Order. But I assure you, that he is more on our side than theirs.’

‘How can you be so sure, Professor? You are defending the very same person who killed Professor Dumbledore!’

‘If only we could proceed, and Potter stop accusing me of such nonsense!’ Snape rounded on him. McGonagall ignored them both.

“This was written in his will; This phial is part of the things that were left to me, and I was given the instruction that before I do anything else we all have to see these last few of Albus’ memories.’ McGonagall said. Harry opened his mouth, but closed it again when she shot him a stern look.

She tipped the silver mist into the bowl and they all leaned in closer.

```

‘I cannot do this!’

‘You have to Severus…we would be able to save more lives in doing so.’

‘I know I made an unbreakable vow to Narcissa, but there should be another way…’

‘There is no way Severus. I am old, I have done all that I can to help the wizarding world, I am already tired I would like to rest soon.’

‘But not like this.’

‘I’d rather rest in peace with your wand than with anybody else’s.’

‘No!’

‘Yes! Severus, my time is coming. I can feel it. I cannot do anything to stop it, so I accept it. You have to do what you have to do.’

‘There is another way…’

‘Promise me Severus.’

‘Not again…’

‘Severus?’

‘Why me?’

‘Because I trust you. I will trust my life to you. I have done my part, now it is time for you to do yours. You came to me for redemption and you said you would do anything to gain my trust, to show that you hate the dark. Now I am calling you to make good on these promises.’

‘Albus…’

‘I Albus Dumbledore, trust you and your judgment. If the time comes, I die with your wand. I want everybody to know that it is my wish that things will be so. Trust him as you would trust me, he will help you like the way he helped me.’

‘Albus’

```
‘I don’t believe this! This is a trick!’

‘Potter, for goodness sake hold your tongue for once!’ Minerva snapped. Snape had turned away and was staring into the fire. “First, I would like to apologize Severus for taking this long for me to contact you. I failed Albus in looking into the pensive first, and with all the problems with Hogwarts…plus the fact that I do not know where to contact you.’

‘I understand Minerva.’ Snape said quietly. ‘But how did you know?’

‘An anonymous owl dropped an untraceable note on my desk.’

---

‘There has been so many deaths Harry…’ Ron was idly picking through his food.

‘If only we could get information where Voldemort is hiding...’ Hermione, watching Harry surreptitiously slip another note up his sleeve.

‘What did Snape say?’

‘He can’t help…he can’t go back to the Death Eaters anymore.’

‘Why!?’

“Someone tipped You-Know-Who that he met with the Order.’

‘It’s a trap then… Who would possibly send an untraceable owl to McGonagall where Snape is? The death eaters must have planned it.’ Harry mused, staring at his own plate but not actually seeing it.

‘But why would they do that?’

‘They’re twice as suspicious of each other as they are of us” sneered Ron. “A lot of them would like to see Snape fall so they could take his place…”

‘But who would possibly know where Severus is?’ Hermione frowned.

‘Somebody close to him.’ Harry said, as he got up from his untouched meal and left .

---

Harry was sitting in an armchair, staring moodily into the flames when he heard shouting and running footsteps. Hermione burst into the room; bushy hair flying around her and her face was as white as a sheet. ‘Harry!! The D-d-death Eaters got t-to her! M-M-Minerva’s d-dead….’

“What!’ He leapt up.

“She’s dead, Harry!” Hermione collapsed in the chair he had just vacated and buried her face in her hands. After a few moments she managed to calm herself and looked back up at him.

‘Harry we’ve got to know where Voldemort is, we cannot fight an enemy we cannot see and do not know what they are planning to do.’ She said quietly.

‘But how are we suppose to do that?’

‘We need to capture a Death Eater. A member of the Inner Circle.

‘Why?’

‘Severus told me…’ Harry snorted. ‘Well he told us that only a member of the Inner Circle would know the plans and location of Voldemort.’

‘But who?’

‘Don’t play dumb with me, Harry.’

‘What are you raving on about, ‘Mione?’

‘I know that you know one death eater. The others may not have noticed, but I’m not stupid. Your relationship wasn’t was… discreet… as you thought’

‘What relationship are you talking about?’

‘Oh please. I’m not a fool, Harry. ’

‘I don’t know what you’re talking about Hermione.’ He said, stubbornly avoiding her eyes.

‘Really.’ She sighed and left the room.


---

‘Harry!’

His head snapped up at the hollow tone of her voice. “What’s wrong, ‘Mione?”

“Look…” she whispered, and handed Harry a crumpled copy of the Daily Prophet.

‘Death Toll Rises as Death Eater Attacks Increase’ he read

‘No, Harry. This.’ With a trembling finger she pointed about halfway down the list of names in the corner of the page, and Harry’s insides went numb when he saw what was written there.

‘Ron Weasley, Arthur Weasley’

‘You have to do it, Harry.’ Hermione said fighting back tears.

‘I…I can’t.’ Harry hung his head, still staring in disbelief at the Daily Prophet.

‘Do it for them please.’ This time she hugged Harry for support, crying silently.

‘I cannot face him.’

‘You don’t have to go there yourself.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘Just tell us where and when. I assure you Harry he will be pardoned. We could use him as witness. Please tell him to help us. For Ron.’

‘Hermione.’

‘You can do it Harry. You can.’

---

Dray,

Meet me. The Hog’s Head 6pm tomorrow.

Harry.

Draco sat in the inn watching the sky growing dark and fingering the note in his clenched fist. His stomach felt like they were doing back flips; joy and fear, love, sadness and anticipation running through him all at once… It was seven months since he last saw Harry, and he was half dreading this meeting; there was little chance that Harry would believe that he tried to help his dead friends. He had done everything he could, but it was not enough, and in the pit of his stomach he feared Harry would never forgive him.

6 ‘o’clock. 7 ‘o’clock. 8 ‘o’clock. By a quarter to nine he had almost given up and was about to leave when the door behind him burst open. He whirled around, and his smile was wiped off his face when he saw six members of the Order of the Phoenix sneering at him with their wands raised.

“Stupefy!” roared Mad-Eye Moody, and Draco crumpled into the darkness.

Some hours later Draco was sitting in a tiny room in the attic of Grimmauld Place, wandless and magically bound so he could not leave. He was lost in his thoughts and memories when footsteps pounded up the stairs and the door burst open. Severus Snape stood there, looking down at him impassively.

‘Draco.’

‘Severus.’

‘How did you manage to get yourself into this mess, might I ask?’

‘I got a letter from Harry, saying that he wanted to meet me. They came instead of him.’

‘I told you to take extra care Draco. I told you that not to believe unless you can prove beyond a shadow of doubt that it is true, and even then take care. Even from Potter.’

‘I thought he’d forgiven me.’ His eyes were filled with pain

‘Draco, he doesn’t know anything so he has no reason to forgive you.’ Severus looked at Draco for awhile before continuing, ‘Did they do anything to you?’

‘The odd beating and a few curses to loosen my tongue. Moody knows a formidable amount of curses, for one so opposed to the Dark Arts. ’ he laughed bitterly.

‘Try to hold your tongue. Don’t divulge anything.’

‘I am trying my best Severus. But I cannot take it anymore…’

‘So the two of you are working together.’ Said a voice, and their heads snapped around to see Harry standing there, an expression of fury and pain on his face.

‘Potter I told you once to never accuse unless you are sure.’ Sneered Snape.

‘I have already heard it from the two of you.’

‘Whatever you heard Potter is not what it actually meant. If you had heard the entire conversation, instead of eavesdropping on the last of it, you would realize that.’

‘Harry, please believe us.’ Draco said, trying to catch Harry’s eye, but Harry looked away.

‘How can I if what I am hearing and what I know is different to what you want me to believe.’

‘Don’t I mean anything to you Harry for you not to trust me?’

‘Did I mean anything to you Draco, for you to trust me?’ Harry said, looking pointedly down at Draco’s sleeve where the Mark was hidden.

‘You don’t understand.’

‘Godammit, Draco! You won’t tell me anything to make me understand! So I have to listen to others! Tell me, make me understand!’

‘Don’t Draco. I’ll handle this.’ Severus cut in, standing up and dragging Harry out of the room. ‘If the Order or the Ministry do any harm to Draco you will pay with your life.’ Severus hissed.

‘Let go of me.’ Harry spat.

He pushed Harry headlong into the next room, and locked the door. Throwing up wards and a silencing spell, he sat in a chair and stared levelly at Harry.

‘I want you to use Legillimency on me.’

‘What?’

‘You heard me Potter. Just do it’

‘Why?’

‘NOW!’ Severus roared.

‘Legilimens!’

```
‘Severus. I’ll need to send McGonagall where you are right now.’

‘Why?’

‘They need somebody there to guide them, and protect them. It is time for you to go back.’

‘And you?’

‘I have to stay.’

‘Who would…’

‘I can take care of myself.’

‘Are you sure?’

‘Yes. Just hurry. I want to talk, I want to help.’

‘You seem restless.’

‘It’s Harry.’

‘What did he do now?’

‘He saw the mark, he asked so many questions which I cannot answer.’
On Draco. Don’t tell him anything, We have to find a way to tell them without Voldemort knowing. Since when has the old lunatic grown so suspicious? This is getting ridiculous.

‘He is getting suspicious that there is a spy in the ranks. That’s why when he made the changes to the Dark Mark that tell him if you’re sharing his secrets, he didn’t tell most of the Death Eaters. He’s trying to catch everyone out. Hurry Severus, there isn’t much time.

‘I’ll do my best.’

‘I have to go. They’ll get suspicious soon.’

‘Be careful Draco. Be careful.’

```
Harry pulled back out of Snape’s mind. ‘This is my fault, my fault….’

‘When you went behind Minerva’s back, you cocked up royally, Potter. I have never seen her so irate…”

Harry opened his mouth to reply but he stopped as a scream rent the air, loud enough to be heard through the silencing charm. He sprinted into the next room and knocked the wand out of Moody’s hand. Draco was crumpled on the floor in the corner of the room, blood running down his face.

‘Stop it! Leave him alone!’ Harry shouted at the Aurors, running to the blonde and enveloping him in his arms. ‘Draco, I am so sorry. I didn’t believe you. This is all my fault.’

‘No Harry, no.’

‘Harry, what on earth are you doing? He was about to tell them something!’ Hermione shouted as she ran into the room, a goblet of water in her hand

‘Stop Hermione, you don’t understand. Give me that.’ He took the goblet and held it to Draco’s lips just as Snape burst into the room.

‘No, Potter! That is Veritaserum!’ he roared, but it was too late. Don’t talk Draco. Don’t talk, every body out. OUT!’

‘No, let them ask me what they need to know,’ Draco said feeling the instant effects of the serum.

‘No Draco please.’ Harry pleaded cradling his lover’s head in his lap.

‘I have wronged you by not telling you where I am heading that night. I hid the mark from you. Maybe it is but right for you not to trust me, and for me to do this.’

‘No Draco, it is me who wronged you. Don’t do this, please. He’ll kill you.’

Draco looked at him long and hard, then pulled himself up to sit against the wall and kissed in lightly on the cheek.

‘Granger, ask up.’ He said, turning to Hermione and fixing her with a level gaze.

‘Hermione, no.’ Harry pleaded, but she would not look at him.

‘First, tell us where Voldemort is.”

As soon as he opened his mouth to answer, his whole body began to shake uncontrollably. Harry held his hand, but was soon forced to let go and clap both hands over his burning scar. The Dark Lord’s rage was terrible when he realized that his torture was not stopping Draco from speaking, and Harry slumped to the floor himself, almost blinded by the pain. Draco kept going, periodically stopping to spit blood out of his mouth and fight for his breath. By the time he’d answered the last question, blood was streaming from his mouth and nose and his voice was hoarse from screaming. His eyes rolled up and he slumped to the floor. Harry shot over and pulled him into his arms as the shaking finally began to subside. With considerable effort, Draco blinked the blood from his eyes and looked at Harry once more. Then his body shook all over in one last spasm, more violent than all the others, and he went limp.

---

Harry didn’t let another minute pass before they went after Voldemort. He faced him with Draco’s blood still fresh on his robes and an anger like he’d never known boiling inside him, and Voldemort had no chance against the love and pain that filled him.
Draco’s revealing information gave them the upper hand and they won the war, capturing or killing almost all of the Death Eaters. After long years of fighting and sacrifice, freedom was given at last to the Wizarding world.

---

Harry was alone in the snow-covered graveyard, kneeling before a plain, gray tombstone. Everything around him reminded him of Draco in some way… the snow was just a shade paler than his skin; the light shining through the sparkling icicles shone like his silvery hair, and the whirling snow gray snow clouds were the same shade as his eyes.

Harry swiped his hands over the tombstone; clearing the snow away from the inscription he let his tears fall freely. He leaned his cheek against the cold stone and closed his eyes. ‘You are the hero of the Wizarding world love, not me…not me.’

End-