Snape walks into a bar (challenge answer)

DISCLAIMER: Harry Potter belongs entirely to J.K. Rowling

In response to the challenge: Snape walks into a bar....
* The story must begin and partly revolve around Snape walking into a bar / pub and the words \'Snape walks into a bar\' must be contained fully with the first three sentences of the fic.
* Hermione must be one of the following: - in her last year of Hogwarts
- working at Hogwarts
- studying at a university
- Or training with Ron and Harry to become an Auror.
* Hermione and Snape hate each other to begin with but with the help of alcohol
they begin to become very flirtatious friends.
* Must have parings are: - HG/SS
* Harry and Ron don’t disown or hate Hermione and Snape’s relationship.
* Hermione and Snape don’t fall in love with in the first week. (They’ve been at each others throats for years... give them a few months)
* If you choose to have Voldermort alive you must at some point in the fiction kill him off. (A nice drunken battle might be interesting. Hmmm Voldermort killed by alcohol poisoning...)
*Snape must secretly enjoy teaching potions
* Oh and you must enjoy yourself. Room for a few laughs here so go ahead.

This will take place in the trio’s 7th and final year at Hogwarts. The events of the 6th year will be changed from the book (I don’t want to give any spoilers but if you have read it just forget it.) It is sort of my own created reality. Voldemort has been laying low ever since the 5th book, I’m not sure if he’ll even be in this story. It’s mainly going to be pure smut fun! Pairings galore.
Here’s what you need to know about the 6th year in my made-up world…
Harry suffered for a while dealing with Sirius’s death, but Ron and Hermione helped him cope as they always do.
Ginny is still obsessed with Harry but she is doing everything she can to ignore her feelings for him, dating everyone she can and doing whatever she can…(use your imagination).
Ron and Hermione had finally hooked up just before summer but Ron is too shy and nervous to try anything with her.
Over the summer Hermione’s parents divorced and she ran away, angry at them and hasn’t been scene or heard from since. Ron and Harry are beside themselves trying to find her, hoping she will return for their final year at Hogwarts.
If you have any other questions please feel free to leave them in a review.


Once again the sky was dark and the weather was dreary and rainy. It had been that way all summer; the sun unusually absent from the London skyline. The day had been long and stressful and all he could think of was forgetting his troubles and so, pushing his rain-drenched dark hair out of his eyes, Snape walked into a bar.

“Good evening Professor. Haven’t seen you around these parts much lately!” The bartender gave Professor Snape a greeting nod.

“I haven’t had much time for simple frivolities. This summer has kept me unusually busy.” Snape answered coolly as he took a seat at the bar. This bar wasn’t nearly as popular as the Leaky Cauldron so Snape knew that he wouldn’t be likely to run into anyone that he knew here.

“Oh? Anything I should know Severus?” The bartender, Joel, had a gruff voice and harsh eyes that revealed his truly dark nature. Snape knew well this man’s past. The bar job was just a cover for all the work that he did for the Dark Lord. Joel was able to keep an eye on the many wizards and witches who frequented his shabby bar and eavesdrop on their conversations, listening for anything that might be useful for his master. Snape knew better then to play the good guy in here. He had to maintain the manner appropriate for a death eater when in Joel’s bar. He shifted his eyes around at the bar’s current visitors, making sure there was nobody that he needed to pay attention to. He turned back to Joel and shook his head. “Nothing for you to worry about Joel. What goes on is between me and the Dark Lord. You know that well.”

“Of course Severus,” Joel grunted. “I know your business for the master is important and private of course.” He served Severus a short glass of fire whisky.

“Now tell me Joel, anything interesting been going on here that I should know about?” Severus asked with his eyebrows raised.

“What exactly are you asking Severus?” Joel asked with a knowing smirk.

“Look, you know why I choose to come here when there are dozens of other places I could go to.
Being a professor has its benefits of course, but there are certain experiences that I am kept from while at Hogwarts…”

Joel’s bar wasn’t simply a tavern. One of its more well-kept secrets was the back room that was hidden magically from the public unless someone knew to ask for entrance. Behind the bar was a room, mostly for the pleasure of wizards, although some witches enjoyed the experience as well. In the muggle world it might be called a strip club. Casually enjoying women was one of Severus’s guilty pleasures that was kept between him and the girls at Joel’s club.

“Actually, there are some new witches that you might like to, umm, experience.” Joel grinned and waved Severus into the back room where he automatically muttered a spell and flicked his wand making an opening in the wall of the dark room behind the bar.

He wasn’t alone there that night by any means. There were already a dozen wizards spread out throughout the small room, lighted dimly by candles floating in the air. Severus also noticed a couple of witches sitting close to the front of the stage where a dozen witches were stripping, dancing, and strutting their half-naked bodies for the enjoyment of those watching.

Severus took a seat near the front of the room, letting his sheet of black hair cloak his face as he watched the pretty witches on display. A few of them he recognized from his previous visits, a couple were new, nothing too enticing though. Then he saw her. She had to be the new girl that Joel had mentioned. Definitely Severus’s taste. The music changed when she took the stage. It changed from the upbeat techno to a slow sultry tune. The rest of the girls also cleared the stage so all the focus would be on just her. The angel. It was just a costume but with her figure and graceful movements Severus thought she belonged in heaven. And he felt like he was in heaven while he watched her float across the stage. Her slender body was dressed in a pure white silk negligee that hung just below her tiny ass. The neckline of the slip was cut in a low V that just barely covered the curves of her breasts, and indeed the think silky material didn’t do much to hide her perky nipples that poked through the material. White feathered wings were attached to her outfit and her face was covered by a white feathered mask. Her light brown hair hung in loose ringlets around her shoulders. She was an absolutely perfect image to behold. Severus couldn’t wait to meet her on a personal level.

As the music grew more fiery, the young witch started slinking across the stage, running her hands tantalizingly up and down her body, every now and then catching the hem of her dress and letting is slide up her body, teasing the crowd with a peek at her smooth ass cheeks. She slid her body against the pole that was located at the center of the stage and seductively wrapped one leg around the metal, bending backward so that her back curved high and her slip fell further up her thigh revealing her white lace thong that she wore underneath the slip. Severus leaned forward eagerly as she gripped the pole and hoisted herself up, spinning around and then gracefully returning to the ground, letting her white stiletto heels click against the ground as she landed.

As the wizards’ whistles grew louder the young witch slowly let one strap of the slip fall off her shoulder followed by the other side. The slip dropped to the floor and she kicked it into the crowd. She let her hands brush gently against her stiff nipples as her arms raised above her head. Her skin was a flawless golden tan, smooth and gentle showing her obvious youthfulness. He heels clicked as she strutted her body around the stage, moving close to the edge of the stage and gazing at the various wizards and witches in the crowd.

Her movements stopped suddenly as she straightened up and stared hard at Severus. His eyes widened at her attention, assuming she was interested in what she saw. Hermione almost tripped as she backed away from the edge of the stage, desperate to hide her body but unsure how to proceed without earning suspicion from the club owners and audience. She turned around and tried to continue her act but had become self-conscious when she saw him and now she was afraid to move at all, certain that he would realize who she was. She thanked Merlin for the mask that covered her face.
Finally the song ended and she was able to leave the stage. Unfortunately she hadn’t even gotten halfway off when she heard a cold voice calling to her.

“Miss, you Angel girl…” It was his voice. There was no mistaking it. She turned slowly, clenching her teeth hard as she stared at him. She didn’t say anything. She didn’t dare, afraid that he might recognize her voice. “How about a private show?” She gasped. Unable to hide her surprise and obvious dislike at the suggestion. She shook her head slowly and he frowned. “I want to pay for a private show. Come down here.”

She tried to change her voice when she spoke. “Umm, I’m sure many of the other girls would enjoy giving you a show Professor…”

“I don’t want any of the other girls…” Severus answered tersely. “Wait…how do you know I am a professor?” He glared at her as she stood nervously at the edge of the stage. She could see the club
owner watching from the back of the room, silently threatening her with his eyes.

“I umm, well, I just assumed…” The blush in her cheeks was evident even with her mask on. “Are you a Professor then? You’d be surprised how many do come in here.”

“Come down here girl.” Severus motioned to her. She timidly stepped off the stage, crossing her arms over her chest, trying to hid her nakedness. “Don’t cover yourself up witch. I came here to see your beauty, not your modesty.” He smirked. “I am indeed a professor. Does that turn you on?”

The angel girl made a small yelping noise of embarrassment as she shook her head. “No not at all…” She noticed the owner approaching her with a scowl at her answer. “I mean, it does if you want it to…”

“What’s the matter with you girl? You act as though it is your first time. This is your job is it not?” He poked her hands with the tip of his wand and shook his head. “I told you not to cover up. You should be proud of your body. It’s quite lovely you know?”

“Umm, thanks…” She blushed harder. “I’m actually scheduled to get off soon. I should go…”

“Why don’t you stay with me? I’ll pay you well for your, umm, company…” Severus smirked wickedly as he eyed her body lustfully.

She shook her head again. “Really Professor, I don’t think that would be a good idea…” She wanted to run far away from him.

“What is your problem?” He stood and pointed his wand at her mask. “Reveal.” His voice commanded sternly. The mask snapped away from her face and fell to the floor. His mouth dropped open and his eyes were more expressionless then she had ever seen him. “Miss…Granger…”

“Professor Snape, I can explain…” Hermione gasped and started backing away from her Professor.

“I…I can’t…” Severus shook his head and shut his eyes in shock. “This can’t…get away from me Granger…this is…umm…I didn’t…” Hermione had never seen him at a loss for words before. It was a
little refreshing, but still the whole situation didn’t allow for any awareness of relief or irony. Hermione took a few more steps back, still trying to hide her naked body. “No one must ever know about this Miss Granger.”

“Of course not Professor!” Hermione gasped. “If anybody knew that I had spent the summer working here…” She shook her head in disgrace. “I didn’t have a choice Professor but it’s not something that I want my friends to find out about…please…I know that you don’t like me at all, but promise me you won’t tell anyone! It would ruin me!”

“In order for me to tell anyone Miss Granger, I would have to divulge my secret attendance here as well.” He snapped. “Now get away from me and for Merlin’s sake cover yourself up.”

Hermione pulled her wand out of the garter on her upper thigh and conjured a silky white robe around her body. “A second ago you didn’t seem to dislike my body. What changed your opinion? Oh that’s right, you didn’t realize I was one of your mudblood students!” Hermione glared and stalked away, calling back over her shoulder as she headed for the changing rooms. “See you in class Professor.”

(love it, hate it...let me know please! All comments and suggestions or requests welcome! But please please review!)