Things Savannah Is No Longer Allowed To Do Or Say

Note* We are Hogwarts students. the \' means that its in writing.

Summary* The title is self-explanatory.

Disclaimer* I don’t own anything but myself and my friends.

HP

Things Savannah Can No Longer Say Or Do

Savannah, Kayla, and Tori sat in the Library huddled over a piece of parchment. Kayla was writing on it a list of things that Savannah could no longer say or do. “So, what do we have so far?” Tori asked.

Kayla started to read aloud:

“Things Savannah can no longer say or do:

I am never to go near a curling iron ever again.”

“Aww, why not?” Savannah said

“It’s for your own safety…and everyone else’s,” Kayla said as she started to read again

“I must never throw knives near Kayla.

I must never throw knives within a hundred yards of Kayla.

I must not throw knives.”

“Aww, but it’s fun,” Savannah whined.

Kayla just looked at Savannah like she was crazy and started to read again:

“I must not use knives in any form

I must not climb stoves

I am never to consume more than half a bottle of maple syrup at one time

I am never to consume more than a quarter of a bottle of maple syrup at one time

Never consume maple in any of its forms.”

“Aww, why not?” Savannah pouted.

“Because you get WAY to hyper,” Tori stated. Kayla nodded in agreement and started to read again:

“Never call the teacher a bitch. Somehow they get offended

I shall never write on cars with lipstick, rain will not wash it off.”

“Don’t tell me that u did that,” Tori said.

“Yup,” Savannah smiled as Kayla finished reading:

I must never duct tape and super glue cats to the wall

*Next Day*

I must never duct tape cats to the wall

*Next Day*

I must never glue cats to the wall

*Next Day*

I must stay away from cats

*Next Day*

I must stay away from glue

*Next Day*

*I must stay away from duct tape

I am never to go near Maggy again, it will give me nightmares.”

“OK,” Tori said as Kayla continued to write.

‘I must never hold up a crucifix to anyone and say “Back foul beast!”

I must never burn anyone’s leg.

*Next Day*

I must never burn anyone.

*Next Day*

I must not try to touch fire no matter how tempting it may be.

*Next Day*

I must never use fire.

*Next Day*

I must stay away from fire, period.

I must never call Draco “My sexy love slave,” no matter how much I wish it were true.

I must never tell Snape to wash his hair.

*Next Day*

I must never leave a bottle of Shampoo and Conditioner on Snape’s desk.

I must never grab Draco, Snape, Lucius, or Voldemort’s ass without there permission

*Next Day*

I must never grab Draco, Snape, Lucius, or Voldemort’s ass, period.’

“Please tell me you didn’t do that,” Tori said.

“Yup,” Savannah said with a huge smile on her face.

‘I must never grab Tori’s ass, it will only get me slapped.’

Tori was sitting in the corner rocking back and forth.

‘I must never leave a pink thong on Snape’s desk.

*Next Day*

I must never leave any thongs on Snape’s desk; it will only lead to detention.

I must never have an orgy with my team after a Quidditch practice or game.

*Next day*

I must never organize an orgy

*Next Day*

I must never have an orgy with Snape, Draco, Lucius, and Voldemort.

*Next day*

I must never have an orgy with Snape, Draco, and Lucius.

*Next Day*

I must never have an orgy, period.’

“Aww, why not?” Savannah whined.

“Because, it’s wrong,” Kayla said. Tori looked very white at this point.

‘I must never do, say or watch anything that will make me laugh for more then fifteen minutes.

*Next Day*

‘I must never do, say or watch anything that will make me laugh for more then ten minutes.

*Next Day*

I must never do, say or watch anything that will make me laugh for more then five minutes.

I must never tell mother to fuck off; it only leads to getting soap in my eyes.

I must never fuck Snape; we will be caught because he moans to loud.

*Next Day*

I must never fuck Dumbledore; we will be caught because he moans to loud.

*Next Day*

I must never fuck McGonagall; we will be caught because she moans to loud.

*Next Day*

I must never fuck any of the staff; we will be caught because they all moan too loud.’

“Dear god, please tell me you haven’t fucked every one of the staff members,” Tori said becoming ghost white.

“Yup,” Savannah said, “Snape was the best, his co-”

“Stop!” Tori shouted, “I’ve got a mental image…and I want it to go away!” Savannah started to laugh maniacally.

‘I am not allowed to wear green and silver body paint as my uniform.

*Next Day*

I am not allowed to get the Gryffindors’ to wear red and gold body paint as uniforms.

*Next Day*

I am not allowed to get any of the Houses to wear body paint as a uniform, body paint is not a uniform.

*Next Day*

I am not allowed to start a petition for body paint to be the new school uniforms at dinner.

*Next Day*

I am not allowed to start a petition for body paint to be the new school uniforms at lunch.

*Next Day*

I am not allowed to start a petition for body paint to be the new school uniforms at breakfast

*Next Day*

I am not allowed to start a petition for body paint to be the new school uniforms at anytime.

I am not allowed to start a petition for anything.’

“Not fair!” Savannah pouted.

“Sure it is,” Kayla said.

‘I may not call any members of the Ministry of Magic untrustworthy, corrupt slime. Not even Fudge. Ok, especially not Fudge.

I must never tease Trelawney about what she puts in her incense.

The Forbidden Forest is not full of yummy candy, and it is wrong to tell first-years that it is.’

“Why not?” Savannah asked.

“Because, it’s not nice,” Tori said, still recovering from what she had found out about Savannah fucking all of the staff members.

‘“Poppy” is Madam Pomfrey\'s nickname, and not what she dispenses.’

“Well, I didn’t know, “Savannah said defensively as Tori looked at her starngely.

‘I may not conduct psychological experiments on staff members or students.

I should not confess to crimes that took place before I was born.

“To conquer the earth with an army of flying monkeys\" is a bad long-term goal to give Lord Voldemort.

I am not allowed to add \'In accordance with the prophecy\' to the end of answers I give to a question Dumbledore asks me. Only Trelawney gets to do that.’

“It’s not fair!” Savannah whined.

“Life’s not fair, Sav,” Tori said.

‘Must wash my hair even if it tampers with my \'Psychic like powers\'.

I don’t have psychic powers.’

“I do to!” Savannah protested. Kayla and Tori just rolled their eyes.

‘I must not taunt the Hufflepuffs.’

“But it’s fun!” Savannah claimed.

‘There are no evil clowns living under my bed.

I may not hold sky-clad rituals in the Great Hall, no matter how much more convenient it is than the actual sky.

Visiting Irish wizards are not after \'Me frosted lucky charms\'.

I may not give Professor Sprout any plant named “Audrey.”

I may not feed Longbottom to “Audrey.”

I may not bring Moaning Myrtle as my date to the Yule Ball.

I may not put banned substances on the Gryffindor Quidditch brooms just before a match.’

“You guys are mean!” Savannah cried.

‘I may not encourage Fred or George Weasley to booby-trap the Sorting Hat.

I may not taunt Lupin at Christmas time by singing “Silver Bells,” repeatedly.

When asked to give a few words at a ceremony or staff meeting, \'Romper Bomper Stomper Boo\' is probably not appropriate. Besides that’s Dumbledore’s job.

I am not allowed to eavesdrop.’

“Why not?” Savannah asked.

“Because it’s rude,” Kayla said, sighing.

‘I am not allowed to blame others for my actions.

I am not allowed to correct Professors, even if I know I’m right.

I am not allowed to walk away when someone is talking to me, because it’s rude.

I am not allowed to tell Hufflepuff’s there is no Santa Clause.

I am not allowed to step on snails in Care of Magical Creatures just so I can watch Hagrid cry.

I am not allowed to taunt Professor McGonagall with catnip.’

“But she’s more fun to fuck when she’s stoned!” Savannah said, giggling. Tori looked at her like she was crazy and started to gross out as she got a mental image of Savannah fucking McGonagall.

‘I am not allowed to shave Mrs. Norris.

I am not allowed to refer to myself as the New Dark Lord.

I am not allowed to run into the Great Hall screaming ‘There‘s a giant asteroid headed for earth, who’s up for end of the world sex?’ as it causes riots.

I am not allowed to call Professor Trelawney insane or delusional, to her face.’

“At least it’s only not to her face,” Savannah smirked.

‘I am not allowed to call Trelawney insane or delusional, period.’

“Hey!” Savannah whined.

‘I am not allowed to steal Professor Flitwick’s wand, hold it over my head, and laugh as he tries to reach it.

I am not allowed to ask Ginny Weasley to see her ‘Chamber of Secrets’ because it gets you slapped.

I am not allowed to use my authority as a prefect to ‘confiscate’ my classmates’ things just because I think they should be mine.

I am not allowed to eat my housemate’s sweets and blame in on Goyle.’

But it’s funny!” Savannah pouted.

‘I am not allowed to kick people even if I think they deserve it.

I am not allowed to tell first years there are free unicorn rides being giving away in the Forbidden Forest.

I am not allowed to leave instructions for facial alteration charms on Snape’s desk, it will only lead to detention, which leads to fucking him on his desk.’

“I’m NOT hearing this!” Tori said as she covered her ears and started to rock back and forth.

‘I am not allowed to wear death eater robes to dinner and shout ‘Long live Lord Voldemort’ because I think it’s funny.

I am not allowed to refer to Dumbledore as ‘That old guy in a dress’.

I am not allowed to sneak into Snape’s private chambers to watch him sing ‘I will Survive’ in the mirror, as it is disturbing.

I am not allowed to ask Lupin about the mating habits of werewolves because his personal life is none of my business.

I am not allowed to change the password to the Hufflepuff common room and laugh when they cry because they can’t get in.

I am not allowed to charm the Gryffindor portrait to insult them whenever they pass through it.

I am not allowed to spell the entrance to the Ravenclaw common room to make everyone who goes threw it forget how to read.

I am not allowed to know the entrances to any house dormitories but my own.

I am not allowed to have sexual relations with Harry Potter under his invisibility cloak because all though people can’t see us, they can still hear us.

*Next Day*

I am not allowed to have sexually relations with anyone under Harry’s Invisibility Cloak because even if people can’t hear us they can still see us.’

“Hehehe,” Savannah said.

‘I am not allowed to go on and on about how great my ass looks in my Quidditch Robes because no one cares.

I am not allowed to command my housemates to tell me I’m pretty.

*Next Day*

I am not allowed to command anyone to tell me I’m pretty.

I am not allowed to draw a smiley face on my arm and tell everyone it’s the new Dark Mark.’

“It will be when I become the new Dark Lord!” Savannah said stubbornly.

‘I am not allowed to become the new Dark Lord.’

“You’re so mean!” Savannah pouted.

‘I am not allowed to walk around the common room naked, even if I think no ones there.

I am not allowed to use whipped cream when I give someone a blowjob.

*Next Day*

I am not allowed to use whipped cream when I eat someone out.

*Next Day*

I am not allowed to use whipped cream for anything other than its intended purpose.

*Next Day*

I am not allowed anywhere near whipped cream.

I am not allowed to demand everyone address me as Savannah McCarthy God of the Universe.

I am not allowed to hide my housemates’ underpants.’

“That was funny when I did that,” Savannah giggled

‘I am not allowed to tell unattractive people they are forbidden to procreate.

I am not allowed to smack other people and blame it on a seizure.

I am not allowed to tell Harry Potter he’s been a bad boy and try to give him a spanking during potions, as this has caused Professor Snape to be ill.’

“Hehehe, I remember that day…hehehe…it was funny…hehehe,” Savannah giggled.

‘I am not allowed to tell Hermione Granger she looks less and less like a beaver everyday, even if I think it’s a complement.’

“It is a compliment though,” Savannah protested.

‘I am not allowed to draw pornographic stick figures in class.

I am not allowed to use Colin Creevey’s camera to take ‘inappropriate’ pictures of the quidditch teams without their knowledge or consent.

*Next Day*

I am not allowed to use Colin’s camera at all.

*Next Day*

I must stay away from Colin.

*Next Day*

I must stay away from cameras’.

I am not allowed to show up for a lesson looking disheveled and claim I got lost.

I am not allowed to throw inept first years off the astronomy tower with a broom maintaining they had to learn how to fly somehow.

I must never fuck Snape on his desk in the middle of class, as it is very disturbing for the other students.’

HP

Well…thatz all weve got for now…if you’ve got any ideas comments or flames please review and let us no!!! ttyl byebyez!!! BTW plz review or give us a hit!!!

-SlayerSavannah