3 HP Shorts

These stories are based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

Authors love reviews, even simple one sentence ones. See this address below for an excellent essay on why you should review.

Reviews Essay

http://www.etc.slashcity.net/maeglin/viewstory.php?sid=9

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Crossing the Line Challenge Fic

My tongue\'s so far in my cheek, I look like a mutant squirrel

This ficlet was written in response to the Author\'s Challenge on RestrictedSection.org. The Author, Ladyofthemasque, wrote a story called \"Crossing the Line\" (It\'s posted at Both RS and Ashwinder). Many people who reviewed it, wanted a tidier conclusion (I wasn\'t one of them.). Ladyofthemasque challenged anyone to write any kind of ending they liked. I took up the Challenge and I decided to go with a humourous ending. The original story is a fine drama and I very much recommend reading it if you haven\'t already.

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When Hermione was sure Severus had been breathing evenly for a while, she slipped out of bed and made her way to Ron\'s room.

\"He looks so peaceful when he\'s sleeping.\" she thought. \"I wonder what he\'s dreaming about?\"

She leaned in close to his moving lips and heard slurred words. \"Yeeess, Her- mon-ee, suck harder.\"

Red faced, she put her mouth an inch from his ear. \"WAKE UP, YOU STUPID GIT!\"

Ron shot up instantly, eyes looking about wildly. \"Hermione, what are doing? I nearly had a heart attack.\"

\"Ron, I\'ve reconsidered. I was too hasty earlier. I won\'t let you, perhaps, die a virgin. I\'m going to drop my knickers and bend over. You\'ll have ten minutes to do whatever you like, then I\'m pulling them back up and leaving whether you\'re done or not. Don\'t waste time.\" Hermione did as she said and rested her head on her arms on the dresser, being sure she could see the windup clock there.

Ron was a bit thick, but not that thick. His pajama bottoms quickly dropped to the floor and he slipped his erection into her and began to satisfy himself. The first time took only thirty seconds. The second was looking like it would be a near thing with the time limit. Ron tried hurrying as much as possible, but even the recuperative powers of teenage boys have their limit. The clock ticked onward.

\"Oh bloody hell,\" thought Hermione, \"it\'s going to be close on time. I guess I could give him another thirty seconds. God, I\'m so soft hearted.\"

Ron only needed ten of the extra seconds.

Hermione pulled her knickers up and faced Ron. \"Thanks, Ron. That was the second best sex I\'ve ever had.\" She took his hand and shook it vigourously. \"Good luck tomorrow. Watch your back.\" The door closed behind her.

A few seconds later, her words penetrated Ron\'s consciousness. \"Second best?\"

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The next morning Snape stepped outside and looked around. No Muggles were in sight. He activated the Portkey and disappeared.

Hermione opened the door and stepped out to where Severus had been standing moments before. \"Will he survive?\" she thought. She got an immediate answer as Snape reappeared before her.

His hair now pointed straight back from his head. A layer of soot covered his face. \"Volde... Narcissa... Centaurs... boom! He collapsed.

Hermione ran inside and fetched the others. As they carried him back inside, a stray thought swirled across her mind. \"He looks like Elmer Fudd after his gun explodes.\"

Two weeks later, Snape was in a bed in St. Mungos. As Hermione watched, Snape began to hum, then put an index finger to his lips and flipped it rapidly up and down.

\"How long will he be like this?\" She looked at the healer.

\"Well, he\'s able to put two words together now, but it\'s slow going. I expect it will be months before he\'s anywhere near his old self.

Her mind silently fumed. \"No way am I waiting that long before I get shagged again.\" She furrowed her brow.

The Ministry of Magic investigation determined that Voldemort and the Death Eaters had attempted a complex multi-wizard spell to attack Hogwarts. They had gathered in the Forbidden Forest and were in the midst of casting it when they were attacked by the Centaurs, who apparently were not at all happy about this going on their domain. The resulting explosion killed Voldemort and the Death Eaters. Voldemort\'s head was found with a hoof in the mouth. Many lame jokes arose from this fact.

Ron was walking down the hallway to his room when he saw Hermione coming towards him. \"She\'s smiling awfully big and why\'s she walking like there\'s a line on the floor she has to follow?\" Ron wisely kept his thoughts to himself.

Hermione put her hand just where Ron\'s neck met his shoulder. Her eyelids fluttered. Ron wondered silently. \"Why is she blinking so much? Does she have something in her eye? Does she want me to get it out for her?\"

Hermione spoke. \"Ron, sweetie, a couple of weeks ago, I said sex with you was the second best I\'d ever had. If you\'re willing to take directions and put in many hours of practice, I think you could move up to number one. What do you say, love?\"

As I said earlier, Ron\'s thick, but he\'s not that thick.

Eight months later Snape was released. He was not pleased about having to share, but Hermione made it clear, it was that or nothing. Well, he was not going back to nothing.

As far as I can tell, I\'m the only one to take up LotM\'s challenge to write an ending for her fic.

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Here\'s the very first thing I ever wrote Harry Potterwise. It was for the \"THINGS THE HARRY POTTER CHARACTERS WOULD NEVER SAY AGAIN\" thread over at the IMDB. It takes place at the end of \"The Philosopher\'s Stone\".

Dumbledore is standing by Harry\'s bed after the fight with Voldemort:

Dumbledore: Well, Harry, you defeated Voldemort, as least for now. However both Flamel and I agree that it is too dangerous to let the Philosopher\'s Stone continue to exist. I was just about to go to him so we can destroy it together. Would you like to hold it one last time?

Harry: Oh yes sir! Please!

Dumbledore hands him the Stone and Harry notices there\'s some small writing on it. He holds it close to his face and reads; \'Better pissed off, than pissed on.\'

\"THAT\'S THE KIND OF PHILOSOPHY THAT CAN GIVE A MAN ETERNAL LIFE?
How in bloody hell does that work?!\"

Harry fell back on the pillows in stunned disbelief.

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This was written in response to a part of the discussion thread \"Pet peeves in fanfic - not just bad fic, but really irritating things.\" over at Restricted Section. Some people had complained about fics where Hermione calls Snape by cutesy pet names. I was inspired to write this ficlet.

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Hermione is serving a detention with Snape.

As they are preparing ingredients for storage, Peeves enters and upsets the table causing one of the plant cuttings to sail into Snape\'s throat.

\"Quick, Miss Granger. I need a purgative. I\'ve no more than thirty seconds before it\'s too late,\" Snape gasped.

Hermione\'s forehead furrowed as she thought, \"I don\'t know where the purgatives are kept. What can I do?\" Suddenly she began to speak in a child like voice, \"Oh Sevie-poo, ickle Miss Hermie doesn\'t know where you keeps the nasty, wasty purgatives. Her is ever so sorry, Snapeykins.\"

Snape immediately grabbed a bucket and began retching violently. After a few minutes rest to compose himself, he turned to Hermione. \"That was quick thinking Miss Granger. However, if you ever call me \'Sevie-poo\' or \'Snapeykins\' under any other circumstances, ever again, you will be serving detentions until you\'re as dotty as Trelawney.

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Hope you like them!