Filling the Void.

JKR and several publishing houses own it, I play with it. Not for profit.
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Filling the Void.

When she asked me why I was helping her, why I had turned to the dark, I merely told her that I had my reasons. I don’t think she trusted me, but trust didn’t matter. I wouldn’t have been a threat to them, not even if I actually was a spy. Besides, ever since Lucius was stupid enough to get himself captured at the Ministry, she had no permanent residence. Her sister’s house was under constant surveillance and I think she was somewhat grateful that I came to make her food and wash her clothes at the droughty old cottage they were hiding in.

The truth behind my allegiance was of course, the kinship I felt towards her. If there was one person in the world that understood my experiences and my feelings, it was Bellatrix Lestrange. How could my brothers, especially Ron and his childish friends, ever begin to fathom the cold inferno that was my soul? They thought of me as a child, while in all earnest I hadn’t been a child for four years. They didn’t know what I thought about when I stared into the night’s sky and even if they had, they wouldn’t have understood. But Bellatrix did. I knew she did. He was all over her. He was the burden on her shoulders, the sadness in her eyes and the subject of her desire, just as he’s been my burden, my sadness and my desire for the past four years.

One night I sat across the heavy wooden table, watching her eat the simple stew I made. Her dull eyes were focused at some point halfway between us as she dipped the home made bread in her bowl. Even though I had brought her some wine that night, I couldn’t help but feel that my efforts were inadequate for someone of her background. She was, after all, raised on the finest foods and luxuries the wizarding world has to offer.

“I’m sorry about the stew,” I said, “I know it’s not much, but it’s all I could take from the pantry without anyone suspecting.”

She shrugged.

“Hunger makes for a good sauce.”

Her eyes were still lowered as she continued to eat. I let a few moments pass in silence before I spoke again, carefully.

“Does he ever eat with you, Bella?”

Bellatrix leaned back and sipped her wine before answering.

“The Dark Lord eats in solitude.”

I wasn’t sure, but I thought I detected a slight note of bitterness in her voice.

“Doesn’t he get lonely?”

“He who builds a stairway to heaven must climb it alone.”

Her words came out without conviction. Bella droned her response, as if it was something she had heard over and over again, something she parroted, but did not believe.

It took but a moment for her to realize I had just asked to questions in a row about her Master and that was something she couldn’t let go without the necessary suspicion. From one second to the next her demeanor changed as her guards went up.

“Why are you here, little girl?” she asked.

My innards began to boil at her tone. How dare she? How dare she call me a little girl? In a moment of blazing white anger, I began to think that I had made a mistake, that she was no different from the others. I jumped up in my fury and I pounded my fist on the table. Even in the quintessence of my rage, the shock wave I sent through the table was not enough to topple Bella’s goblet. How silly I must have looked.

She smiled at the spectacle, but her gaze turned cold when she saw that I was serious and would not stand down. Then I said something that I knew would catch her attention:

“He didn’t touch me like I was a little girl.”

I saw her lean back in her chair, the sudden tensing of her muscles subsiding as she stared intently into my eyes.

So, like an unspoken rule, I began to recant for her my experiences.

I told her about the first time I felt him, the weight of his mind pressing on mine. How I initially felt fear, but also how quickly it subsided as he flushed me with blissful thoughts. All the morals, all the values my parents had instilled upon me screamed out in terror, telling me to break away, to resist him. Merlin, how I tried to resist him, but he lavished me with secret whispers and pushed down all those warnings and hesitations with a minimal amount of effort. I remember thinking that no one should be that powerful, but that thought too was washed away by his delicate invasion. It’s true I tried to send him away, but after all those months of having him inside me, courting me, touching my mind, I felt nothing but the burning sting of guilt after I’d tossed the diary away. Like a crazed animal I searched for it, tearing up Harry’s dorm, like Tom had torn through my resistance. Being without him spliced my heart with sorrow. I physically ached for him. His hold on me was so strong that I would have died for him. I almost did.

We spent hours in the chamber, waiting for Harry Potter to come play the hero once more. With every passing minute, every second, essence flowed from me to him, leaching me of life. I watched him as he paced back and forth. A soft whimpering sound escaped my lips as darkness began to fall upon me. He leaned over me at that point, smiling.

“It’s such a waste,” he said, tracing a finger down my chest, “for a pureblood to die a virgin.”

I knew the words came not from feeling. I knew it was just his young body coming back into form after being suspended in magic for so long. He told me he had spent enough time being a gentleman and that it was his turn for satisfaction. Not that it mattered; I was so weak, I barely felt the bitter tear of his inconsiderate entrance and I was happy he was paying me attention again. I remember wishing that moment would never end and I mustered what I thought would be my last smile. He seemed pleased to see the crowning gesture of his dominion over me and placed a hand on my face, squeezing my cheek slightly with every thrust of his hips.

“Stay awake, little one. Stay awake a just a little bit longer.”

I felt our flesh collide like our minds had so many times before my reality faded to black.

When I awoke, Harry was leaning over me and Tom was gone. Gone for good. Oh, Merlin, I can’t begin to describe the aching void I felt . I felt it between my legs, in my mind and in my chest. He had permeated me, mind, body and soul, but now it was all over and I was left with an emptiness as profound and disturbing as that of an amputee who has just lost a limb. Save for the fact, of course, that there’s sympathy for the amputee, whereas no one would mourn my loss. No one would even stop to think that I would feel deprived.

I finished my story and stood defiantly in front the Dark Lord’s most loyal servant. My breath was raspy with the sorrow of memories past. Bellatrix had her eyes locked onto mine, her gaze piercing through me. I knew that the four years I had spent with my suffering and longing were nothing compared to the fourteen undoubtedly grueling years this woman had spent in Azkaban for him. Who was I kidding? I knew nothing of pain.

It was as if the air between us grew denser and Bella’s eyes began reflecting a kind of carnality whose meaning would be lost on most. I recognized it immediately and even though it was but a mere echo of the kind of darkness that lived in his eyes, it was enough to ignite the fires of lust within me.

There I stood, a prisoner of her gaze, and I couldn’t help but feel like a small feral cat in the presence of a jaguar. She hungered, just like I hungered.

With one fluid motion, she swiped the plate and goblet off the table. Before I could even blink, she had me by the collar of my robe and dragged me clear across the wooden barrier between us. My knees slid over the tabletop and I wrapped them around her waist. She tightened the grip on my robe with one hand and pressed me closer to her body with the other. I screamed and begged her to ravish me in the most obscene ways, but she stifled my pleas with her mouth. We melted into a heavenly vortex of lips and tongues. My concept of time had completely dissipated; all there was left was Bella’s ferocious sucking and nipping, leaving me without breath.

Our mouths stayed entwined when she pushed me softly backwards. I spread my legs to facilitate her and moaned into her hot mouth. A surge shot through me when I felt the weight of her body on top of me, her hip bone pinned against mine. Oh, Merlin, I thought I would die when she lowered herself, pressing her breasts against my own.

“Fuck me!” I cried, losing whatever sense of modesty I still had.

I writhed against her delicious body, letting myself get carried away on the hot wave of passion that engulfed me, but Bella was no schoolgirl and she would not let me spark too soon.

She placed one hand over my mouth to quiet my moans, and the other on my chest to still the rapid breaths that caused my chest to heave.

“Shhh. Patience, little one, patience.”

Little one, he called me that too.

Bellatrix didn’t loosen her grip on me until she was convinced she had quieted my tempestuous arousal. She then unbuttoned my robe and slid it softly over my shoulders, leaving me in my under robe. The feel of her hands against the cheap, shimmering fabric of my undergarment filled my mind with cotton clouds of enjoyment. It was hard to imagine that the hands that were caressing me so softly had caused so much death and destruction; it made me quiver like a reed.

She touched my breasts with feather light strokes. Round and around, coming closer to my stiffening nipples, then back out again. It drove me crazy, butterflies shooting through my belly every time she teasingly encircled my teats. I moaned with every breath, unable to control myself. When she finally leaned in and used her lips around them through the fabric of my under robe, I cried out, pounding my head into the table. I had never been with a more patient lover. Someone who so thoroughly understood the concept of patience.

The sensation of her lips sent me to previously unknown heights of passion. I could hold myself in no longer and entwined my fingers in her hair, pulling her face back up to meet my hungry kiss and her body closer to my own. I could taste the wickedness of her smile; she was pleased at my responses.

I whimpered in protest when Bella’s lips abruptly left my own and she jumped down off the table. Engulfed in lust, I had not realized that we were no longer alone. With no small amount of disappointment at Bella’s sudden departure, I jerked up to see where she had gone, my heart ablaze with indignance. Who would have known that the great Bellatrix Lestrange was nothing but a tease. By Merlin! I would make her finish what she had started!

It was only then that I noticed the sudden drop in ambient temperature and the regal figure standing in the doorway. I sucked the glacial air into my lungs and, overwhelmed with a sudden rush of chasteness, crossed my arms before my chest.

“My Lord, I did not see you come in,” Bella spoke softly as she kissed the hems of his robes.

He told her to rise and petted her hair.

“Bella, did you think I would not sense the heat of two bodies in rapture?”

It was, of course, a rhetorical question.

I felt him stare at me, his eyes moving all over with the force and vigor of an unwanted intruder. I did not, however, feel the spark of recognition, which ladled a heavy sadness upon me. This incarnation of his did not know me, nor did I really know him. I had experienced but a memory lost in time.

“Have you brought me a toy, Bella?” he asked.

“No, my Lord. Not a toy. She has been aiding us these past few weeks.”

Though the sheer proximity to the Dark Lord’s power had made me tremble like a flower, I felt relief at Bella’s words. I also knew that an unheard conversation passed between her and her master.

He began to approach me, swift silent steps that sent his robes flowing with the grace of an autumn breeze. Bella snaked around the table and stood behind me now. Oh, Merlin, I was trapped like a gazelle surrounded by a pack of hungry lions. Had I not ached to see him all these years? Had I not wished for a moment just like this? I was so confused. I had known nothing up until that point; Tom hadn’t nearly been this strong. The man before me radiated power unlike any I’d ever felt. Soft, crisp whispers of Parseltongue filled my head, making me lose whatever control I still had over my own body. My arms still crossed before my chest, I began shaking more violently now until I felt Bella’s warm hands rubbing the back of my shoulders.

“Shhh, don’t be afraid, little one. This is what you came here for, is it not?” she said.

She continued rubbing soothing circles over my back and I felt her lips descend upon my neck. Voldemort reached out a bony hand and took one trembling arm away from my chest, kissed my hand as he stared at me intently and released it. Then he smiled and playfully licked his finger, setting it ablaze with cold fire. He traced his finger down my chest, burning straight through my under robe. I gasped, my voice reflecting a mixture of primal fear and rabid desire. Voldemort cupped my face in his hands and I felt my mind cloud over in blissful ecstasy once more. He probed and snatched, bringing up every single memory I had of his younger self. It left me feeling drained and weak, but before I could collapse, he had moved in with the stealth and speed of a cheetah. Gods almighty, I was propped up betwixt the two darkest creatures the world had ever known. What would my brothers think of me now?

That thought filled me with renewed vigor and I flung my head up and reached my arms back to rub Bella’s thighs. Voldemort was clearly amused by this and parted my legs. I moaned in pleasure when I felt two fingers probing my moist interior. I did not know to whom they belonged and frankly I did not give a fuck. I rode them and threw my head back against Bella’s chest.

She let me slide down and the Dark Lord’s fingers in turn slid out of me. Before I could moan in complaint, they were replaced by something of greater length and volume. Bella now straddled me, her back towards her master. He snaked one hand around her and she took his fingers into her mouth, tasting my moistness.

He marked her alabaster skin with his teeth and nails as he thrust into me. His hand went down to her softness and I could feel her wetness and his fingers rub against my stomach. I slapped my hands on Bella’s hips and squeezed her to the rhythm of our master’s movements. I felt that sweet spot between her legs grow hotter and she arched her back, sending her clitoris rubbing against my flesh. The Dark Lord’s strokes grew stronger and I felt overwhelmed, the tension inside me building like a cauldron on the fire. Once again I found myself shaking, not of fear this time but of the sweet release I felt as waves of pleasure spread within me. I could faintly here the echoes of Bella’s orgasm as I drifted into a spacious realm of bliss.

I don’t know how long I lay there floating on my fluffy clouds, but when I finally opened my eyes, I was clammy with sweat, not all of it my own. For a moment I panicked, thinking they had left me all alone when Bella’s sweet voice reassured me.

“There you are! We were beginning to think we had damaged you,” she said teasingly.

I smiled at her sitting at her master’s feet. He motioned to the floor on the other side of his armchair as he took a deep drag of his water pipe. Stiff and cold, I climbed down off the table and took my place. I know it’s hard for anyone to understand, but for the first time in years, I felt whole again.