By Fair Means or Foul

Title: By Fair Means or Foul
Author: LdDurham
Author\'s Email: lddurham@hotmail.com
Rating: NC-17, for some language and sexual situations.
Status: Complete
Part:
Categories: Mpreg
Pairings: LM/SS
Characters: Everybody and their brothers and their cousins…!
Warnings: Slash, Mpreg
Spoilers: Through OotP
Summary: Someone wants Professor Snape as his own, but so does every other wizard-loving-wizard man out there! Let the schemes commence!
Beta: My lovely wife Jenn!
Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

This story is an entry in Misconceptions: Harry Potter Mpreg Fuh-Q-Fest Wave 4 (http://hpmpregfqf.design-of-decadence.net/)
Challenges: #14- A Valentines Day twist! Our dear Potions Master is one of those rare and desirable wizards that are capable of getting pregnant despite not having female equipment. Once word of this gets out, he becomes the target of many, MANY courtship offers. How does he deal with all the attention of being an instant heartthrob? How does the one who truly loves him deal with all the extra competition? Bonus points for jealous!Harry. Submitted by: Nevwyn
#41- Incorporate the following line into your story – “That’s a mighty fine looking arse you got there Professor Snape.” Submitted by: Nevwyn
Pairings: - Severus Snape and Lucius Malfoy
Holiday: - Valentines Day

By Fair Means or Foul
Chapter One

If one were to have happened upon the corridor leading to the Main Hall of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry they would have seen the carnage of paper hearts turned to ash every few feet on that Monday morning. A black boot stepped right through a recent pile as it continued on, carrying the body of a very disgruntled teacher.

Valentines Day was in a week. Snape shuddered at the thought. It was awful, the castle looking as if a hideous pink birthday cake had exploded inside it. Dumbledore had certainly outdone himself this year. Did the man have no taste at all? Pink and red hearts fluttered about along with that naked brat Cupid. Why Albus believed the students and faculty needed to be accosted by singing flowers floating about, Snape couldn’t fathom. Merlin forbid if he actually let that trite crackpot, Madame Puddifoot, assist in the “décor”, if one could mutilate that word for this travesty.

Another lace heart went down in flames at Snape’s feet as he walked towards the main doors. He calmly put away his wand and continued with his disagreeable thoughts.

What really bothered Snape the most was that the students, who were already taxed beyond their means in the intelligence department, went particularly stupid this time of year. The gasping and the sighing were irritating enough. But the increase in passed notes and slack jawed stares was enough to make him drown them all in their own cauldrons. Not that he would ruin a perfectly good potion with the inferior ingredient of his students’ heads, of course. But the fact that he had to read those incredibly dull and sappy notes aloud in class was just nauseating. Well, he didn’t really have to read them, but the bile in his throat was worth the price of watching the offender and their intended squirm and turn an ugly shade of red. Snape smirked to himself as he recalled one particularly beautiful memory of tears and teenage embarrassment.

The noonday sun was warming the crisp air as Snape passed through the large doors. His eyes winced for a moment before they adjusted to the little seen light. He stopped to slip on his gloves to prepare for his walk to Hogsmead.

“’ello Perfessor Snape. Lovely day, innit?”

Snape made a quick turn to discover that large hairy oaf carrying more of those insipid flowers and beaming like an idiot. He smoothly brushed strands of hair away from his face and narrowed his eyes.

“As I have just exited the castle, as you no doubt saw me do, I can hardly be a judge on the day’s loveliness or lack there of, now can I?” he drawled. He made a small perfunctory smile that appeared to be more of a grimace and glided away.

Hagrid sighed as he watched Professor Snape move quickly down the road. He felt Fang pad up next to him and give him a lick on his hand.

“Yeh know Fang, wha’ tha’ man needs is a good… well, lets jus’ say he could do with a little attention in ‘is love life, eh?” Hagrid looked down at his companion and holding his bundle of flowers a bit tighter trekked into the castle. He hoped Professor Dumbledore liked his new batch of flowers. Who knew that pansies were bass singers?
`~*~`

Upon entering The Three Broomsticks, Snape ran his hands through his hair putting it to rights after the brisk breeze that had accompanied him on his walk. The room was quiet with only a few customers. He looked towards the bar where Madame Rosmerta raised a brow and nodded in the direction of a booth half hidden in the back of the room. Snape inclined his head in acknowledgement and started to make his way towards it. He had only taken a few steps when the only occupant of the booth gracefully rose to his feet. Not that that particular man could do anything without grace or style. Snape had once seen him beg for mercy while on his knees and still make it seem like the rest of the people in the room were gauche for not doing the exact same thing.

“My dear Severus, how have you been? I must confess I have been anxiously anticipating your arrival for some time now,” Lucius Malfoy said as Snape finally arrived at the semi-concealed booth. Snape smirked at the sly rebuke for being five minutes late.

“Lucius,” he returned the greeting. “I hope I didn’t tax your patience over much. One does have responsibilities when earning wages and, of course, having to walk around the lake does take some time in this weather. But your virtue has always been patience, has it not?”

Lucius waited until Severus sat down before seating himself. He was always pleased with Severus’s ability to quickly volley back a shrewdly veiled insult. Smiling, he watched as Severus pulled the gloves off his slender fingers and unwound the scarf from about his pale throat. He was surprised that he could actually see Severus’s throat. The high collar had been exchanged for a slightly more moderate one. Perhaps the cautious bird was finally relaxing? Excellent.

“Come now, Sev, your cheeks are positively glowing from your bout of exercise. I would surely have ruined it if I had picked you up instead. I dare say that you should get out and about more often. Surely that silly-, or rather, your generous employer would grant you enough time to look after yourself?”

Snape’s eyes narrowed at Lucius’s slip of the tongue. “Yes, he is generous, is he not? For surely one would have to be to cover for the likes of you. At a trial, no less. Just think, if it were not for Dumbledore vouching for you and corroborating my story I believe we would be having this quiet tête-à-tête in Azkaban’s visiting room. Oh, but I forget myself. You would have most certainly been given the kiss, now wouldn’t you?”

“Point was well taken many syllables ago, Severus. Mustn’t become boring in your lectures. What would your student’s think?” Lucius looked up as Madame Rosmerta came over and took their orders for lunch. When she had left, he continued with a smile.

“Besides, we both know that Dumbledore did it for you and perhaps for Draco’s sake as well. Dumbledore would do whatever you asked, I am sure. You were the true instrument in my not being grouped in with the other Death Eaters.” Lucius looked intently into Severus’s dark eyes. “I shall repay that debt to you, my old friend.” Severus gazed back just as intently as he spoke sincerely.

“You already have. By coming to your Slytherin senses, albeit at the last possible moment, to save your own hide and help us eliminate that psychopath as quickly and easily as possible. I assure you, the debt has been paid.” Snape smirked and waved towards the room. “Besides, how else am I to get a monthly lunch outside of that school at no cost, hmmm?”

Lucius chuckled and leaned back in his seat. He noticed a couple of the other patrons staring at them and he raised his eyebrow in a most arrogant way and, as expected, the wandering eyes quickly went down to their plates of food. Severus, having caught the look, glanced behind him and quickly summed up the moment.

“I believe I shall be eternally amazed that, after everything, you still have the power to intimidate and distress others. Tell me, do you work at it or is it a natural talent given to you by the snake that created you?” Severus said snidely.

“Now now, Severus. Jealousy does not become you.” Lucius paused. “At least, not in this matter. Most of these idiots all believe that I simply turned coat to save myself and I shouldn’t be trusted to guard a child’s lollipop.”

“Ah, so they know the truth then, do they?”

“Regardless of what they know or what they think they know, they shall always fear me and I shall always remain acquitted and innocent. I will have to live with that I suppose,” he said with a mock sigh. “And you will just have to be satisfied with only putting the fear of Salazar into defenceless children.”

Snape glared. “Defenceless, did you say? Lucius you have quite a large mouth with very little experience coming out of it. One of those defenceless children managed to break into the Visiting Dignitary’s guest room and let loose a newborn Two-headed Fire Salamander. Where they got the nasty thing is still an ongoing investigation. Thankfully we had no such guests in that chamber and it was found before it became fully grown.”

Lucius’s eyes warmed a bit and a decidedly sinister glint shined from their silver depths. “Ah, the Dignitary’s room. Tell me, Sev, does the bed still face the fireplace with that soft rug in between. Red, I believe the colour was.” Snape paused in the middle of drawing breath to continue to berate his lunch companion when he saw that glint in his eyes. It successfully distracted him from his insulted pride and reminded him of long ago nights. When he answered he just barely stayed this side of breathless.

“Yes, Lucius, I do believe it does.” Lucius moved forward and smoothly took one of Severus’s hands that was resting on the table. He began to draw light circles in the palm, which for the touch-starved skin was more than enough to set it to tingling. Severus drew an audible breath. Lucius was overjoyed with the response. Bringing Severus to the point of anger did exactly what he intended it to do. But for Severus to actually give him the opening, well, that was just fate.

“Do you remember Severus, when you were still a student at Hogwarts, your last year, and I came to visit you there. You were so excited to be able to show me how very clever you had been and how very wicked. You, yourself, had learned the password into the Dignitary’s private guest room.” The circles began to include his wrist and lower arm. “Do you remember, Sev, the illicit night we spent in there? I dare say, you had no complaint of my mouth not having any experience then, did you? No, you were quite happy with what my mouth did. And I was certainly happy with all that you did. You were so eager to please, then. I can still recall the firelight dancing about your body as you laid before me on that rug, your mouth soft and open making the most delicious of sounds. Your body writhing under me as I pushed into you.” Lucius had taken Severus’s elbow and pulled him closer across the table. Their eyes were locked in memory; their mouths were only inches away from each other. “We should do that again, my dear. I have missed you. I wish to explore all of you again.” His voice lowered to barely a whisper. “I want to taste all of you again.”

Lucius leaned in to start his tasting with those lips that could deliver acid remarks. Just as he started to breathe in Severus’s delectable scent another customer rudely scraped their chair across the floor as they got up and it effectively broke the sensual spell he had weaved around Severus. The dark eyes blinked and he sat up straight in his chair surreptitiously assessing if others had observed their closeness. Apparently satisfied that his teaching reputation had not suffered a scandal he began to systematically check each of his shirt buttons, as if in their brief interlude they had opened of their own accord. Lucius was quite amused by this quite obvious nervous gesture but refrained from calling Severus’s attention to it. Severus quickly finished collecting himself and was once again ready for their verbal sparring.

“What is the matter Lucius? Bedroom been a bit lonely with Narcissa gone, has it? Or, are you just starting your mid-life crisis early and looking for a younger partner to give evidence to your virility and relive your younger days?” Lucius would have winced at the sharpness of that tongue, but one must keep up one’s appearance. Especially when one was trying to seduce the aforementioned “younger partner”.

“Severus, I’m astonished that you would throw my dead wife in my face. Why, I have barely finished grieving her.” He paused at the audible snort across the table. “Very well, as you well know, Narcissa and I barely stood each other’s company long enough for Draco to be conceived. Which is certainly a pity, for I rather always wanted a daughter as well as a son. One of each does balance things out don’t you think?” Not expecting nor getting a response he continued. “And I hardly think that I would classify you as just a younger man, my dear Severus. You do not put enough weight behind your own luscious appeal. I sincerely doubt that I would need to prove anything with you other than you should never have left my bed.”

“Hmm, well, a wife crowded that bed, Lucius. Besides, I became quite busy with the lovely friends you introduced me to.”

“Oh, well, I have apologized to you for that haven’t I? No? Well, water all under the bridge, my friend. We are both alive and unscathed.” Again, a snort was heard from his companion. “Relatively unscathed then. And I see no reason that we shouldn’t… re-explore the depths of our friendship.”

“Friendship. Is that what Narcissa called me, a friend of yours?” Severus asked in a snide tone. Lucius was starting to get annoyed at Severus’s continued balking and mentions of his wife. He knew the animosity between the two had been great, but perhaps he had underestimated the depths to which the bitterness flowed.

“Regardless of what Narcissa thought of you, she followed her fate right into the path of an Auror’s wand. Now, I do believe we have exhausted her as a subject. She bears no meaning to anything in the present or the future and, truth told, little to the past. End it now.” Lucius reached forward and spoke in a low tone, a more congenial tone. “What the future holds now is endless. I have been wanting to resume our past liaison for some time now and I see no reason not to. Do you?” He leaned even closer and his voice became smooth as silk. “I could make you scream, Severus. I could make you moan and sweat with passion. I want to see you like that again. I want to make you climax with my name on your lips.” He had Severus again. He could see it in the dark eyes and the quickened breath. Unfortunately, once again the outside world intruded.

“Here you are. The game bird for you and the fish for you. And two mulled meads. Anything else, Gentlemen?”

Lucius inwardly sighed at the returned focus in Severus’s eyes. He shook his head ‘no’ to make the interruption go away. Severus began to eat and Lucius recognized when he was defeated. The two men made polite small talk as they enjoyed their lunch. Soon after, Severus excused himself to go back to teach his next class and left Lucius with nothing more than the bill and the burgeoning plans of a later seduction.