These Unfortunate Bits
folder
Harry Potter › General
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
1
Views:
2,076
Reviews:
0
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Harry Potter › General
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
1
Views:
2,076
Reviews:
0
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
These Unfortunate Bits
A/N: Enjoy the silliness while it lasts.
Hermione frowned with her hands at hips. Not again! Ron had been through her underwear drawer again, and now two of her panties were missing. The little panty-raiding cod must\'ve nicked them. She made a mental note to corner Ron about it at the first opportunity. She stomped off, after deciding on a black lacy number that was barely there. She really wanted to wear the Gryffindor G-string! But no, that little pervert took it. This was a regular occurence, and she had to think of something to stop Ron\'s little sticky fingers... although it was an unpleasant thought to have about how they would be sticky in the first place. The more she thought about it, the more she wanted to squeeze the fuck out of his balls with a vengeance. See if he\'ll ever get it up again!
It was luck that Hermione caught Ron by chance in detention. Ron was serving detention for calling Snape an asswipe, and then trying to blame it on a neurological condition. Hermione had forgetten something from Snape\'s classroom, which she was trying to retrieve. It seemed like Ron had been avoiding her for weeks, too, now she thought of it.
\"Ronald, there you are... I\'ve been looking for you, you thief! Give me back my panties! They better be clean, too!\" She crossed her arms, inching closer. Ron gasped, and dropped the chalk he was using to write \'I will not call my professors an asswipe, and blame it on an infernal neurological condition,\" 1,000 times.
\"N-n-no! Hermione! Why would you think I\'ve been stealing your... what did you say I allegedly stole from you?\" Ron protested in outrage and sheer confusion.
\"You know well, Ronald Weasley! My panties, even the unwashed ones, keep disappearing on me! I keep having to buy new ones! I\'m utterly mortified! I\'m so telling your parents... I thought you knew better than...!\" She was hysterical.
\"What? No! Please... I didn\'t... I... what...\" He reddened, stammering. Was Hermione on drugs? Apparently, something worse... he realized that as she suddenly grabbed his balls, and put a tight vise on them. Ron moaned, his mouth hanging open.
\"I know you did it, you... you...\" She angrily accused him, as a new voice chimed in: \"Weasel?\"
\"You weasel! Thank you.... oh, it\'s you?!\" She turned her head and growled at a certain smirking Slytherin. Draco grinned, \"Glad to be of service, Mudslut. What is this about missing panties? Surely Weaselface wouldn\'t have done such a heinous deed? He\'s too much of a virgin!\" He laughed obnixiously.
Weasel started to protest at that, but was stopped by a tightening vise that he was sure served as a warning. He groaned with an almost blinding pain. Mudslut? What was that about? No, he was in too much pain to ponder further about that.
\"I am not a Mudslut, you disgusting lout! Just because I\'ve boinked Snape, Lupin, Dumbledore, Hooch, Pomfrey, MacGongall, Rita Skeeter, Lavender, Pansy, Seamus, Harry,... uh, that girl from Hufflepuff.. you know, the one who plays chaser... and.. umm, did I leave anyone out?\" Hermione lifted her chin, with her hands still clamped on Ron\'s unfortunate bits. Draco paled, \"Uh, you left me out.. I had no idea you were that much of a slut! You just about boinked everyone at Hogswarts except me and virgin boy here!\"
\"Oh, do shut up, you ferret-dick! You know, I\'m real tired of your nagging...\" Hermione, faster than lightning, latched onto Draco\'s nuts. She squeezed it dangerously, and Draco bellowed out in pain.
\"I... am... NOT... a Mudslut! Or any kind of slut for that matter!\" She punctuated every word with a painful squeeze, and both boys hollered in pain.
\"Why\'d you punish me? I didn\'t call you that! He did!\" Ron whined. Draco shot him a glare full of tears.
\"Oh! Oh.. how could I have forgetten Mrs Norris and that adorable janitor man? Oooh, Hagrid.. now that was a real man... and yes, also.... \" Hermione was lost in making a very long list of who she has had in her well used bed. Ron and Draco moaned in unison.
\"Well, that\'s that... follow me, boys.. I will have to teach both of you a lesson in respect, and oh yes... common courtesy!\" She smiled darkly, viciously pulling on their unfortunate bits. She was leading them when she ran into Ginny.
\"Hey, Hermione.. what are you doing?\" Ginny smiled. And so she was given an explanation.
\"What? Wait... you say you are missing your panties?\" Ginny froze in horror. Hermione frowned at her questioningly. Draco and Ron was already crying at this point. Who could take pain that much and that long?
\"What... Hermione! Hermione, let go of those poor boys\' balls... they are not the culprits.\" Hermione scowled at her darkly, but she was intrigued.
\"They are not your culprits! Well.. remember you telling me you\'ve boinked all these people? You always forget your panties from every shag! NOW.. let go of those balls.\" Ginny smiled, scoldingly.
Hermione instantly released the boys\' unfortunate bits. The boys sighed out of relief, and rubbed their sore sacks.
\"Sorry, guys.. well, this is awkward,\" She was now smiling nervously. Ron and Draco shot her cold daggers. Bitch. Well, that was for shagging the entire school and not them. Now they shall go and take turns shagging Mrs Norris, consequently.
And the moral of this story is... to never piss off Hermione! And well, yes, never call a girl a slut... ever. Certainly not a Mudslut... for any reason. To do this is to put your unfortunate bits at risk. Extreme risk. Another side effect of this is that you may have the oddest urge to fuck Mrs Norris, too.
Hermione frowned with her hands at hips. Not again! Ron had been through her underwear drawer again, and now two of her panties were missing. The little panty-raiding cod must\'ve nicked them. She made a mental note to corner Ron about it at the first opportunity. She stomped off, after deciding on a black lacy number that was barely there. She really wanted to wear the Gryffindor G-string! But no, that little pervert took it. This was a regular occurence, and she had to think of something to stop Ron\'s little sticky fingers... although it was an unpleasant thought to have about how they would be sticky in the first place. The more she thought about it, the more she wanted to squeeze the fuck out of his balls with a vengeance. See if he\'ll ever get it up again!
It was luck that Hermione caught Ron by chance in detention. Ron was serving detention for calling Snape an asswipe, and then trying to blame it on a neurological condition. Hermione had forgetten something from Snape\'s classroom, which she was trying to retrieve. It seemed like Ron had been avoiding her for weeks, too, now she thought of it.
\"Ronald, there you are... I\'ve been looking for you, you thief! Give me back my panties! They better be clean, too!\" She crossed her arms, inching closer. Ron gasped, and dropped the chalk he was using to write \'I will not call my professors an asswipe, and blame it on an infernal neurological condition,\" 1,000 times.
\"N-n-no! Hermione! Why would you think I\'ve been stealing your... what did you say I allegedly stole from you?\" Ron protested in outrage and sheer confusion.
\"You know well, Ronald Weasley! My panties, even the unwashed ones, keep disappearing on me! I keep having to buy new ones! I\'m utterly mortified! I\'m so telling your parents... I thought you knew better than...!\" She was hysterical.
\"What? No! Please... I didn\'t... I... what...\" He reddened, stammering. Was Hermione on drugs? Apparently, something worse... he realized that as she suddenly grabbed his balls, and put a tight vise on them. Ron moaned, his mouth hanging open.
\"I know you did it, you... you...\" She angrily accused him, as a new voice chimed in: \"Weasel?\"
\"You weasel! Thank you.... oh, it\'s you?!\" She turned her head and growled at a certain smirking Slytherin. Draco grinned, \"Glad to be of service, Mudslut. What is this about missing panties? Surely Weaselface wouldn\'t have done such a heinous deed? He\'s too much of a virgin!\" He laughed obnixiously.
Weasel started to protest at that, but was stopped by a tightening vise that he was sure served as a warning. He groaned with an almost blinding pain. Mudslut? What was that about? No, he was in too much pain to ponder further about that.
\"I am not a Mudslut, you disgusting lout! Just because I\'ve boinked Snape, Lupin, Dumbledore, Hooch, Pomfrey, MacGongall, Rita Skeeter, Lavender, Pansy, Seamus, Harry,... uh, that girl from Hufflepuff.. you know, the one who plays chaser... and.. umm, did I leave anyone out?\" Hermione lifted her chin, with her hands still clamped on Ron\'s unfortunate bits. Draco paled, \"Uh, you left me out.. I had no idea you were that much of a slut! You just about boinked everyone at Hogswarts except me and virgin boy here!\"
\"Oh, do shut up, you ferret-dick! You know, I\'m real tired of your nagging...\" Hermione, faster than lightning, latched onto Draco\'s nuts. She squeezed it dangerously, and Draco bellowed out in pain.
\"I... am... NOT... a Mudslut! Or any kind of slut for that matter!\" She punctuated every word with a painful squeeze, and both boys hollered in pain.
\"Why\'d you punish me? I didn\'t call you that! He did!\" Ron whined. Draco shot him a glare full of tears.
\"Oh! Oh.. how could I have forgetten Mrs Norris and that adorable janitor man? Oooh, Hagrid.. now that was a real man... and yes, also.... \" Hermione was lost in making a very long list of who she has had in her well used bed. Ron and Draco moaned in unison.
\"Well, that\'s that... follow me, boys.. I will have to teach both of you a lesson in respect, and oh yes... common courtesy!\" She smiled darkly, viciously pulling on their unfortunate bits. She was leading them when she ran into Ginny.
\"Hey, Hermione.. what are you doing?\" Ginny smiled. And so she was given an explanation.
\"What? Wait... you say you are missing your panties?\" Ginny froze in horror. Hermione frowned at her questioningly. Draco and Ron was already crying at this point. Who could take pain that much and that long?
\"What... Hermione! Hermione, let go of those poor boys\' balls... they are not the culprits.\" Hermione scowled at her darkly, but she was intrigued.
\"They are not your culprits! Well.. remember you telling me you\'ve boinked all these people? You always forget your panties from every shag! NOW.. let go of those balls.\" Ginny smiled, scoldingly.
Hermione instantly released the boys\' unfortunate bits. The boys sighed out of relief, and rubbed their sore sacks.
\"Sorry, guys.. well, this is awkward,\" She was now smiling nervously. Ron and Draco shot her cold daggers. Bitch. Well, that was for shagging the entire school and not them. Now they shall go and take turns shagging Mrs Norris, consequently.
And the moral of this story is... to never piss off Hermione! And well, yes, never call a girl a slut... ever. Certainly not a Mudslut... for any reason. To do this is to put your unfortunate bits at risk. Extreme risk. Another side effect of this is that you may have the oddest urge to fuck Mrs Norris, too.