Speed of Pain

Title: Speed of Pain
Author: RandomDeviant
Rating: R
Pairing: Harry/Draco
Warnings: violence
Disclaimer: J.K. owns them, I\'m just ruining the fandom with my attempts to write a fic about them.
Summary: Draco wants revenge, Harry wants absolution.
A/N: My first completed piece of fanfiction. Don\'t be surprised if it sucks boggart balls. The title is that of a Marilyn Manson song, the poem is mine. Advice, opinions, criticisms are needed, wanted, and begged for. Brutal honesty will be rewarded with my never writing crappy fanfic again. So please comment and review!!!!



Speed of Pain
--
Sometimes when it rains I imagine that the drops are your tears
The fluid symbol of your forgiveness
Gun metal gray and cold like northern wind
They trickle down the windowpane and leave clean and glistening stripes
And I\'m jealous because they will never fall onto, and absolve, me
--


It was cold, the walls of this ancient castle enchanted but still no match for sweeping November winds, and for a moment he considered turning back.

* * *

“Are you sure Harry?” Hermione asked as they made their way through the Main Hall.

“Yeah, it’s just down to Hagrid’s and I’ll be back by the time you guys finish rounds,” Harry reassured as he handed his bag off to the girl.

“If you’re sure mate,” Ron said with a shrug. Harry nodded and the three parted ways.

* * *

It was heavy and hot in his sweaty hand, and the feeling of it kept him anchored and focused. He watched as the half-giant left his and disappeared into the other side of the forest.

* * *

Harry headed across the grounds toward Hagrid’s, taking his usual path that cut into the Forbidden Forest just enough to keep him hidden. He hadn\'t seen his friend since the welcoming feast and a visit was long overdue.

* * *

He rubbed his thumb absently over the edge, the tip glinting ominously in the harsh moon light. He was getting closer. Only six more steps.

* * *

Harry walked along, dreading the slobber bath that Fang would no doubt give him, until the sharp snap of a twig stopped Harry dead in his tracks.

He had no chance to react when hands wound around his throat and he was shoved forward into a tree, his head hitting the wood with a sickening thud. For a moment, he wasn\'t able to focus, his eyes swimming in his head. He gasped for air, losing more than he gained. The grip got tighter, and he tried desperately to pry the hands away, to no avail. He snapped open his eyes and found pools of gray staring back, angrier than he had ever seen them.

\"Potter.\" Harry tried to speak, tried to scream, but was shaken violently before he could respond. He felt the hands around his throat loosen a bit, and took as deep a breathe as he could. He looked back up to Malfoy, and found that the boy had not broken his stare, icy eyes that were almost translucent. \"Aren\'t you going to fight?\" Harry\'s insides coiled at those words, and he shuddered. \"No one knows you\'re here, Potter. Not the old coot or the half-breed or your mud-blood and Weasel. No one\'s going to save you this time.\" Harry released his grip on Malfoy\'s hands, and dropped them to his sides, hoping that Malfoy would take it as a sign of surrender. He didn\'t. The boy held to his throat by one hand and reached into Harry’s sleeve with the other, withdrawing the wand there with quickness Harry didn\'t know he possessed. He watched as his last chance was thrown into the darkness of the forest, lost to him. \"You disappoint me, I thought you were a Hero.\" The growl that followed those words shook Harry to the core, and he knew there was no chance to get out of this before it got worse. With all the force he could muster, he swung at the boy holding him, only to have his fist caught and thrown back into the tree trunk so hard that his knuckles bounced off it. \"You\'re just a fucking muggle, Potter. You\'re nothing.\" The hand on his neck tightened, and again he was without air. He brought his hands up to pull the hand away, to push Malfoy back, to do something. \"I\'m going to show them all that you\'re nothing but a pathetic half-blood.\" He clawed at Malfoy\'s arm, he needed to breathe, his eyes felt like they were going to drop out any moment. Harry watched in horror as Malfoy flicked his wrist and the knife dropped from his sleeve and into his hand. He mouthed words, \"please\" \"stop\" \"let go\" and was ignored. Malfoy pressed the blade to his cheek, the tip just touching his lower eyelashes. \"What Potter? Can\'t murder someone unless they\'re defenseless?\" He was frantic, and dug his fingernails into Malfoy\'s cheeks as everything was growing darker.

A hand was suddenly at his belt, a soft clink was heard as his too-large pants fell from his hips, and he felt a chest bear down onto his. \"You\'ve taken from me for the last time, Potter. I made you a promise and I intend to keep it.\" The breath was hot on his cheek, but was soon replaced with the roughness of the tree he had been against. Malfoy had flipped him over, but at least he could breath. He sucked in air as things came into focus again, the darkness falling away. Pain suddenly registered, as his hair was fisted and his head was pulled back. \"I hate you.\" Malfoy was against him, flush, and he could feel something pressed against the back of his thigh. Malfoy\'s intention became resoundingly clear.

\"Don\'t,\" was all Harry could get out, and it was a rough whisper at best. Tears welled up in his eyes at the thought of what Malfoy was going to do.

\"Shut up.\" Harry cringed as he was pressed hard into the tree trunk, fingernails digging into his scalp as shards of bark ripped at his face. He heard a zipper and then a rustle of fabric before a hand came to cup his left arse cheek. He felt Malfoy\'s hot erection pressing into his cleft, and Harry couldn\'t suppress the sob that ripped through his throat.

\"No, don\'t,\" Harry cried out, ignoring the pain in his chords. He had to make Malfoy stop, he would do anything to make this stop. There was breath next to his ear, the grip on his hair loosened a bit, and the hand was taken away from his arse. Harry took a deep breath, only to have it catch in his throat as he felt the head of Malfoy\'s cock press firmly against his opening. \"PLEASE DON\'T DO THIS!\" Harry screamed, as loudly as his voice would allow.

Then he was let go. His head fell forward onto the tree, no hands holding him down, no body pressed against his. He could taste blood in his mouth from his own scream, and salt from the tears that had trailed over his lips to his chin. He was okay. Malfoy had stopped. Harry stood there, trembling against the tree for what felt like hours, before he remembered he was half naked. He bent down, eyes closed, and drew up his slacks. When Malfoy spoke, Harry couldn\'t help but tremble.

\"Get out of here, now,\" Draco said, his voice barely more than a whisper. Harry turned to the boy, confused, only to find Malfoy\'s face was completely blank. He was staring at the ground, his hands balled into trembling fists at his sides. Harry\'s anger swelled.

\"What Malfoy? Can\'t you do it?\" Harry said, his voice thick and rough.

\"I said to get the hell out of here, Potter,\" Draco almost screamed.

\"You fucking sick bastard,\" Harry said hotly, stepping up to the other boy.

\"Potter I will not tell you again,\" Draco said, finally looking up at the other boy. Harry laughed bitterly.

\"You planned this, you were going to rape me. You sick son of a bitch. You had me Malfoy, but you weren\'t even enough of a man to carry it through!\" Harry screamed before Malfoy lunged at him. Harry ducked what he thought was going to be a punch but was thrown off guard when Malfoy grabbed hold of his arms and threw them both to the ground. Harry slung his fists wildly before Malfoy took hold of his wrists and pinned them above his head. Fear coursed through Harry as he kicked and bucked under the other boy, trying to get out from under him, away. \"GET THE FUCK OFF ME!\" Harry screamed, fighting for all he was worth, as Malfoy held him down, pushing so hard on Harry\'s wrists he was sure they\'d break at any second. Harry landed a good kick to Malfoy\'s shin before his legs were pinned to the ground, the other boy\'s knees digging painfully into his thighs. Harry cried out only to have Malfoy\'s fist silence him with a punch. Harry felt the boy\'s weight shift, felt his wrists be pinned on top of the other and held by only one hand. \"GET THE FUCK OFF ME!\" Harry screamed again before Malfoy pulled the dagger back out from his sleeve.

\"Shut your fucking mouth until I give you a reason to scream,\" Draco hissed into Harry\'s face, tiny drops of spit flecking the boy\'s cheeks, as he pressed the blade to his throat.

\"You won\'t do it Malfoy,\" Harry growled, rocking his hips in a weak attempt to dislodge Malfoy.

\"Why? You think you\'re the only one who can kill?\" Draco said softly, voice trembling.

\"No. I never wanted to--\"

\"You\'re a fucking liar!\" Draco screamed, bearing down on the dagger, the tip digging into the boy\'s collar bone.

\"Fuck you Malfoy! You don\'t know anything! You want to rape me? Do it. Will it change things? Will it make you a man, Draco? Will it make your fath--\" Harry was cut off when Draco\'s fist slammed into his jaw.

\"Don\'t you ever, ever, say that to me!\" Draco screamed, bearing down on the knife at Harry\'s throat.

\"Why ? Isn\'t that what you want to hear? How proud he\'d be of you getting your revenge? You\'re just like him, and unless you want to join him I suggest you do what it is you came out here to do. Because if you give me a chance to walk away from this, I guarantee that you won\'t,\" Harry hissed. Draco was shaking with rage and he screamed into the darkness before sitting back and bringing the dagger up into the air. Harry\'s eyes went wide as Malfoy plunged the blade downward and it sank into his shoulder.

***

“Draco? Draco, wake up! Draco!”

“Enter!” Draco called, his voice slurred with sleep. He grabbed his pocket watch from the bedside table and squinted at it until the numbers became clear and then groaned at having been woken at three in the morning. He heard the door click and then looked up to see Harry standing by the closed door, looking at his own hand on the knob.

“It’s time,” Harry said softly. Draco swallowed.

“But he was in Devonshire only two nights ago, there’s no way--”

“He’s at Nechlin Castle Draco, he has been since last night. We have to go, now. His legions are gathering there for the solstice,” Harry said, his voice only a whisper.

“And my father?” Draco asked, wrapping the sheet around his waste before standing up from his bed.
“The inner circle hasn’t been called yet,” Harry said. Draco nodded and walked to his armoire, pulling out his overcloak and clothing.

“The Slytherins?” Draco asked, as he went into the bathroom, leaving the door open so he could hear Harry’s response.

“Snape is coming to give the order, we thought it best,” Harry called. Draco looked into the mirror at his reflection and sighed. This was it. He ran some cold water and doused his face even though he had never felt more awake in his life.

“What about the ones already in His service?” Draco asked, coming back into the bedroom.

“The ones we know about have been placed under spells. Dumbledore’s cast a port ward over the grounds, all owls have been accounted for and the owlery locked and warded. After the Heads make the announcements, no student will be allowed to leave the common room without either taking veritaserum to ensure their intention or being placed under a sleeping or binding spell and would you please just go ahead and ask me?” Draco sat on his bed, putting his head in his hands.

“Don’t go.”

***

“Oh shit!” Draco whispered as the blood started to seep through Harry’s robes. Harry was staring at the dagger sticking out from his chest with wide glassy eyes, his breath coming in quick pants.

***

“I have to go Draco,” Harry said, moving over to stand directly in front of the other boy. Draco looked up into big green eyes.

“No, you don’t. You said yourself that Dumbledore fought Voldemort, that he could easily defeat him,” Draco said firmly.

“It doesn’t matter Draco, you know this,” Harry said, shaking his head.

“But why? If Dumbledore can kill him--”

“That’s just it, he can’t. You know what the prophecy says,” Harry said sadly. Draco stood, forcing Harry to take a step back.

“I don’t care what the prophecy says! Fuck the prophecy!” Draco almost screamed. Harry sighed.

“Draco--”

“No, Harry. You say Dumbledore is the most powerful wizard living but yet he’s sending you off to fight--”

“But that’s not--”

“You’re one person, and as powerful as you are, it isn’t right for Dumbledore and the Order to pin this on you--”

“They’re not--”

“Fuck the prophecy, Harry! You don’t have to do this!”

“The prophecy is what matters! Voldemort has to be defeated and it has to be me! Nothing else matters!” Harry yelled back. Draco sat back down on the bed, shaking his head in anger.

“It’s bullshit, Harry. You’re not the only one fighting.”

“No, I’m not. But if I stay behind then it’s over, he will win and they will all die. I can’t do that,” Harry said.

“And what of you? If you die?”

“In the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t matter Draco,” Harry said firmly. Draco stood and let the sheet fall to the floor before slipping pants on over his boxers.

“No. I guess it doesn’t.”

***

“Fuck. . .oh fuck. . .shit,” Draco said in a panic.

“Pull it out, Malfoy,” Harry whispered, placing his hand palm down around the blade. Draco looked to the boy in horror.

“What?”

“The dagger, you have to pull it out,” Harry said calmly. The adrenalin made him almost numb to the pain.

“I. . .I didn’t mean to. . .” Draco said, shaking his head but never taking his eyes off the blade.

“Malfoy, pull out the god damned knife and get me back up to the castle,” Harry whispered. Draco bit back the tears that welled at the corners of his eyes.

“I can’t. . .I don’t know how to. . .”

“Grab the hilt and pull it straight up as hard as you can,” Harry said, grabbing the boy’s hand and pulling it toward the knife.

“I can’t--”

“Do it Malfoy!” Harry yelled and it seemed to pull Draco to his senses. Draco wrapped his hand around the hilt firmly and jerked hard. Harry screamed as all the feeling seemed to rush back into his shoulder as the blade slid out. Blood gushed from the wound and Harry almost bit through his lip as he pressed his hand down onto it hard.

***

“Draco--”

“Don’t. Just don’t Harry. I’ve fought beside you for nearly a year. I risked losing everything, my family, my friends, my own bloody life. All so I could try and help you. I gave you his location, I gave you names and dates and plans. I didn’t do all this so that you could run off to play the Hero. I did it so that you wouldn’t fucking have to,” Draco said hotly, pacing back and forth in front of the grate. Harry went to the door.

“I’m going. Because I have to. I have to end this. I’m sorry you can’t understand it. There’s no reason for me to stay here while everyone else is out there fighting.”

“And if I gave you a reason?”

***

Draco pounded on the large mahogany door, a limp and blood-covered Harry hanging haphazardly in his arms. He jumped when a put-out looking Snape appeared in the doorway.

“What in the hell have you done you foolish boy!” the man all but screamed as he took in Potter’s unconscious form. Draco pushed past Snape into the man’s private chambers and lay Harry unceremoniously on an empty worktable.

“. . .I didn’t mean to. . .it was an accident. . .” Draco panted, out of breath from half-dragging, half-packing, the boy from the forest to the castle dungeons. Snape pulled his wand as he came over to the table, calling for several potions from another room.

“You ignorant child,” Snape hissed as he slid an arm under Harry’s shoulders to lift him before pulling the boy’s mouth open and pouring three vials of a blue liquid into his throat in quick succession, rubbing the boy’s throat to make him swallow.

“It was an accident,” Draco whispered, watching as Snape ran his wand over Harry’s body to check his vital signs.

***

Not giving Harry a chance to respond, Draco leaned in and pressed his lips against the other boy’s, only to have his heart sink when Harry turned away from the kiss. Draco sighed and turned to walk away when Harry’s hand cupped his cheek, forcing him to look up into green eyes.

“Don’t do this Draco,” Harry said softly.

“Do what?”

“Don’t give me yourself just to keep me here,” Harry said, shaking his head.

“I’m not doing this for you,” Draco said, covering Harry‘s hand with his own.

“Then kiss me when this is over.”

***

“He needs blood restorative. Do not leave this room,” Snape ordered, his tone icy, before walking out the door. Draco couldn’t have moved if he wanted to. He felt sick at his stomach. Seeing Harry lying there not moving, blood staining his entire chest, the boy’s skin almost as pale as his own. . .it was more than Draco could take.

He barely made it to the bathroom before he was sick.

***

It was hot, the air thick with humidity and Draco had to keep wiping the sweat from his temple. The castle looked more like ancient ruins, the walls crumbling, large sections completely gone. The tops of two willow trees just barely emerging over the courtyard walls where the ceremony would begin soon. The cracks of apparition all around made the hairs on his nape stand on end like electricity while the dim glow of people porting in made his eyes water. The twang of the strings as the centaurs tightened their bows, the soft grunts of the giants as they kneeled, the sharp clicks of giant spider fangs. . .none of them loud enough to drown out the sound of his own heartbeat thudding in his ears.

All too soon the warning shot went out, red sparks dancing in the air over the courtyard. It had begun.

***

“Harry?” Draco said softly as the boy stirred. He rushed over, falling to his knees beside the bed, careful not to jolt it.

“Wha. . .” Harry whispered, his eyes still closed.

“Harry?” Draco tried again. The boy groaned and tried to sit up.

“Where am I?” Harry asked, wincing at the pain in his shoulder.

“Harry--”

“Don’t call me that,” Harry hissed, glaring at the boy.

“I brought you to Snape. . .I didn’t know what else to do,” Draco said softly, looking at the floor. Harry’s anger grew as his mind cleared.

“Get the fuck away from me,” Harry growled, ignoring the hot pain and finally sitting up. Draco stood and backed away.

“I swear I didn’t-”

“Where’s Snape?” Harry asked hotly, swinging his legs around so he could stand.

“He just went for some blood restorative, he’ll be back,” Draco said, watching as Harry stood there trembling from rage and weakness.

“Good. Get out.”

***

Five stone pillars stood in a circle in the middle of the square yard, fresh blood staining each one. Different colored lights jetted past him as spells shot through the air. The mark burned like acid and each time he lifted his arm to cast the pain flared under his skin.

There were bodies littering the stone floor, whether bound dead or unconscious he didn’t know or care. He had to find Harry.

***

Arriving in the Great Hall, Harry took his usual place across from Ron and Hermione. \"Morning,\" he greeted his friends. They had worked late into the night on homework and Harry was late to the morning meal as usual.

\"G\'morning Harry,\" Hermione said as she added sugar to her porridge.

\"Hey mate,\" Ron said as he loaded his plate.

Harry nodded in reply and was filling up his goblet with juice as the post arrived. He looked up as Hedwig swooped down and landed softly on the table before him. \"Hullo girl,\" he whispered to her as he untied the envelope from her leg. She hooted softly in response, nipping sweetly at his finger. She took to the air after he finally untangled the parcel, making her way out one of the tall hall windows. He watched her go and then turned back to the letter, turning it over and over in his hands. There was nothing written on the outside, no indication of who it was from, only a black seal holding it closed.

\"What\'s that?\" Ron asked, nodding to the envelope.

\"No idea,\" Harry replied. He tugged at the flap, breaking the seal and looked inside. At first he saw nothing, no letter or note. He thought it was just empty, but as he opened it more widely, he caught something silver in one of it\'s corners. He went to tip it out of the envelope and into his palm, but stopped when a voice rang out in the hall.

\"POTTER--DON\'T!\" Harry looked over to see Malfoy barreling toward him from the Slytherin table. He pulled his hand away and the silver object fell instead to the table with a small clink. Before he knew it, Malfoy had jerked him up and off the bench by his collar and pushed him forcefully away from the table.

\"Debilito!\" Malfoy shouted, wand pointed to the silver form. Harry watched as the object hissed and coiled under Malfoy\'s spell, and he realized suddenly that it was a small silver snake charm. It glowed green for a moment, and looked as though it was going to levitate, but slowly the glow faded and the metal snake stilled.

\"What is the meaning of this?\" Harry turned to find Snape standing behind them, looking as confused as Harry felt.

\"I believe, Severus, that this matter would be better discussed in my office,\" Dumbledore replied, quickly making his way toward the teacher and group of students surrounding the Gryffindor table. \"Mr. Potter, Mr. Malfoy, Professor if you\'d be so kind as to join me.\"

Harry was dumbfounded. What the hell had just happened? What was in that envelope? He looked over to Malfoy, who was still staring at the coil of silver as though he were thinking the same thing. He looked back to the snake, wondering who had sent it, what it was, and why it had been sent. One person came to mind. Voldemort. He watched as Snape walked to the table and picked up the snake with the corner of his cloak and deposited it back into the envelope. Harry wanted answers, now, and Dumbledore had to know something. He spared another look at Malfoy, who was still staring at the now empty table top, nodded to Ron and Hermione, and moved to follow the Headmaster.

Harry entered Dumbledore’s office behind Snape, with Malfoy behind him. Dumbledore took his usual seat behind his desk and Harry took his favorite chair across from him, waiting patiently as Malfoy and Snape took seats to his left. Not wanting to waste time on idle chit chat, Harry cut right to it. \"Sir, what was that thing?\"

He was caught off guard when it wasn’t Dumbledore who spoke. \"A portkey,\" Malfoy said quietly, staring to the floor. Harry swallowed his shock and looked to the Headmaster for confirmation.

\"Yes, I do believe that Mr. Malfoy is correct. The object was indeed a portkey,\" Dumbledore said, the worry evident on his face. Fear raced through Harry. A portkey. He would have been taken. . .somewhere. He would have been trapped, alone and defenseless. He could have died, if Malfoy hadn\'t. . .

\"How did you know?\" Harry asked, looking to the blond, realization hitting him. Malfoy had warned him, pulled him away and deactivated the key. \"How?\"

\"I. . .I just knew,\" Malfoy said softly. Harry was staring at the boy intently, but Malfoy was obviously avoiding his gaze.

\"Severus, perhaps it would be possible to run a few tests on the portkey, trace it\'s origins and the location it is set to. I highly doubt that it is legal, and finding it\'s maker and it\'s destination would be very beneficial,\" Dumbledore said. Harry watched as the potions master gave a curt nod and took his leave. \"Now, Harry, I do believe that, no matter what Severus finds, we can both agree as to the identity of the person behind this.\" Harry nodded. He kicked himself for not expecting something like this sooner. He had been so stupid. He was two seconds away from taking hold of the key, and landing himself in the middle of Voldemort\'s horde. Harry\'s thoughts were interrupted again as Dumbledore continued. \"We can count ourselves lucky that any harm was prevented, thanks to Mr. Malfoy. Though I too, must ask how you knew what was in the envelope, Draco. I cannot risk the well being of any of my students. If you have any information pertaining to this matter, I think it best that you let me know immediately.\" Dumbledore said rather sternly, his eyes focused on the young Malfoy. The Slytherin raised his head, looked into the Headmaster\'s eyes, but did not speak. Minutes passed, and for a moment Malfoy looked to be on the verge of tears. \"Well, I do believe that you\'ve both had quite enough excitement for one day. You are both excused from classes, and may spend your time however you wish as long as you are in bounds. Harry, If there is any correspondence you wish to send, please use one of the school owls from now on. Any incoming mail will be delivered to my office so that it can be checked thoroughly.\"

\"Yes sir.\" It was all Harry could think to say.

\"You\'re both dismissed. Have a good day gentlemen,\" Dumbledore said quietly with a nod to them both. Malfoy practically leaped out of his chair and ran to the door, and Harry moved to follow him.

Harry caught up with Malfoy at the bottom of the stairs leading from Dumbledore\'s office. He grabbed the boy\'s shoulder and turned him around to face him.

\"Why?\"

\"Because things change.\"

***

“I didn’t mean to--”

“I don’t give a fuck. Get out,” Harry yelled. Draco nodded meekly and moved to the door, only to have it open and Snape step through.

“Good. You’re awake,” Snape said evenly as he crossed to Harry and held out two vials. Harry downed them and handed the empty vials back.

“Thank you,” Harry said softly. Snape nodded and moved toward the mantle over the fireplace.

“You’ll need to use this every few hours. This is sealant salve, Potter it will--”

“I know what it does,” Harry snapped. Snape glared at the boy.

“Yes of course. How stupid of me to have spent my evening making sure you didn’t bleed out, Potter, because you could have saved your own life with the vast medical knowledge you no doubt possess,” the man hissed.

“Sorry,” Harry mumbled. Snape handed the pot of salve to Harry who nodded his thanks.

“Apply the salve every few hours along with clean bandages if necessary,” Snape said curtly before going into the other room and closing the door.

“Harry, I didn’t--” Before Draco could finish his sentence Harry had grabbed his throat and pushed him into the wall.

“You stay the hell away from me Malfoy. If you so much as look my way I will slit your throat so fast you’d think I’d used a time turner,” Harry spat before slamming Draco against the wall and then letting him go. Draco winced when Harry pulled out his wand, mended his over-cloak before pulling it together to hide his bloody clothes, and left without another word.

***

“Draco go! Now!”

“No, I’m not leaving!” Draco hissed, glaring at the boy.

“Get the hell out of here, Draco. Go!” Harry pleaded, looking around the pillar that was hiding them.

“Harry you can‘t--”

“HARRY POTTER!” Voldemort’s voice boomed into the courtyard. It was then that everything seemed to go into slow motion. Harry looked to him, green eyes that had never before looked so cold staring into him, and Draco’s skin crawled at the look.

“No,” he whispered, one last plea for Harry to apparate out, to just go. This was not the time. This night would not be one of victory. Draco could feel it in his bones, in the mark that was boring a whole into his arm, in the very air.

“I have to Draco,” Harry said softly, taking Draco’s hand. The familiar tug pulled at the back of his navel and Draco looked to Harry in time to see the boy mouth ‘I’m sorry’ before he was ported away.

***

Draco walked aimlessly through the dungeons. A mixture of dirt, grass, and Harry’s blood stained his face, clothes, and hands, but not a soul was in the common room to see. He entered his room, stripping out of his dirty robes on the way to the bathroom. Draco turned the tap until the temperature was almost scalding and held his now shaking hands under the water, watching the basin go red, just as the ground had below Harry.

***

When Draco opened his eyes he was standing in the middle of Dumbledore’s office at Hogwarts. He couldn’t hold back the scream that tore it’s way from his throat. Harry had sent him back. He opened his palm and looked at the black plastic button with the Gryffindor insignia before throwing it across the room in rage.

***

Harry walked quickly through the dark corridors, cradling his hurt arm while taking care to keep his cloak wrapped tightly around himself. He let the tears fall as he made his way toward the tower. Draco had hurt him, had tried to rape him and almost killed him.

It would have been better if he had.

***

“Promise me that he’ll be safe and I’ll tell you everything,” Draco said, standing before the Headmaster’s desk with his arms crossed over his chest.

“And how do we know that you’re not playing us?” Moody growled, and all the Order members nodded to his question.

“Because I’m telling you that he’s not,” Harry cut in, glaring at the man in challenge.

“Harry, you can’t be serious,” Remus said softly. Harry looked to them all.

“I am. We need him. With Snape’s cover blown he’s all we’ve got,” Harry said forcefully.

“But he’s not. We just got reports saying there’s been activity in Lancaster. We’re planning a raid--”

“And you’ll all be killed because it’s a set up. There will be a legion waiting for you as soon as you land outside the cottage,” Draco said, cutting Tonks off. “There is a leak in the Arour Department. Leeson.”

“How can you say that for sure?” Shaklebolt said, regarding the boy with narrowed eyes. Harry had had enough and slammed his fist on Dumbledore’s desk, making everyone but the Headmaster jump.

“Look, I’m telling you all right now that I trust Draco. If you can’t trust him, then trust me.”

“Harry you’ve got to understand that--”

“I don’t have to understand anything!” Harry snapped at Lupin. Dumbledore cleared his throat and regarded Draco.

“I believe you Mr. Malfoy,” the old man said simply. Everyone looked to him in shock.

“But why Albus?” McGonagall asked softly.

“More tea, anyone?” the Headmaster asked casually as though every eye in the room weren’t on him. Moody laughed his gruff laughter.

“Very sly Albus,” the man said, tapping his cane on the floor in approval. Everyone was lost but Draco who quirked an eyebrow.

“Veritaserum?”

***

Harry stared at the spot where Draco had been, knowing that the boy would never forgive him. Knowing that Draco would never understand this.

Harry moved from behind the pillar that had been his cover and saw the Dark Lord waiting for him, fearlessly, in the middle of the stone yard. He would not be weak. He walked forward, raising his wand, head held high. It would end tonight.

The words fell from his mouth so easily, the green smoke trilling out from his wand and shooting toward Voldemort.

***

“I’m giving you a choice. Voldemort will not win this war. He will fall, and you can either die with him or live,” Draco said softly.

“Then you’ve made your decision,” Pansy said quietly. The others looked to the boy.

“Yes.”

“You really expect them to protect us?” Nott said coldly from his place at the back of the room.

“No. I don’t,” Draco said and the room erupted in confused voices. “We’re Slytherins, and no matter what we can only count on ourselves. That will never change no matter whose side we choose. I will not lie. You risk death if you side with Dumbledore. But you slit your own throat if you follow the Dark Lord.” A silence fell as they all thought on Draco’s words.

“Then we’ll stand with you,” Blaise said firmly.

***

It happened so quickly that there was nothing Harry could do to stop it. Lucius Malfoy had taken the curse meant for his master and lay dead not three feet from him. There was a scream from somewhere beside him, but he couldn’t take his eyes away from the face that looked so much like Draco’s.

***

Draco crawled into bed, his hair and body still wet from his bath. He had scrubbed until his skin was raw, trying to get the blood off. His hair was still pink in parts, no matter how many times he washed it.

***

Harry fell to his knees, the curse running between them like a green iron chain. He screamed as the lightening bolt above his eye tore open. Blood seeped down his face, into his nose and mouth as he struggled for every breath. The air around him grew colder, harsher, like trying to suck in water. He was dying. His vision blurred with the blood pouring into his eyes, giving what little he could see a crimson tint. There was laughter. Empty, shaking laughter in his ears.

The rage burned inside Harry. He would not fail them, as he had failed Cedric, as he had failed Sirius. As he had failed Draco. He pushed the curse towards Voldemort, willing it to take him. Harry saw Voldemort\'s face twist in horror as the spell came full force toward him, heard the sick laughter die out, watched as the Dark Lord fell back onto the harsh stone floor before everything went black.

***

Draco ran full fledge toward the Main Hall doors. The wards were down and would allow apparition onto the grounds. Someone had to be back, someone who could tell him something, anything. He came down the last set of stairs to see cloaked figures rushing back and forth from the Great Hall. It was over.

Draco rushed down the stairs, almost slamming into Blaise who was supporting a limping Nott.

“What happened?” Draco panted, out of breath.

“He. . .Draco, he. . .” Blaise trailed off, shaking his head. Draco’s heart clenched and he looked to Nott.

“Tell me,” Draco said hotly.

“Voldemort’s dead. Harry killed him, but. . .” Nott wouldn’t meet his eyes and Draco’s whole chest sank.

“No.”

“That’s. . .that’s not. . .he. . .”

“What?” Draco whispered, his voice shaking.

“He killed your father.”

***

Harry cleaned the gash in his shoulder carefully before rubbing in the salve Snape had given him. The man should have been a mediwizard. The dagger had been at least half a foot long but his wound was no more than an inch deep. He looked at it in the mirror as he bit his lip against the sting the salve created. He would have a scar. The last thing he needed.

***

It was quiet in the infirmary. Only the faintest bit of early sunrise flitted into the vast room, dancing across the marble floor, making the crisp white bed sheets shine like wet snow. It was warm, but the air was sterile and held no real smell. Only one bed was occupied. A pale boy, with messy black hair and bright green eyes, lay motionless in the last bed on the left. He had not stirred or moved of his own accord in three days. The rise and fall of his chest the only indication that he was still a part of the world.

\"How long?\" The witch asked as they took in the limp form from the doorway.

\"We cannot be sure, Minerva.\" The elder man replied, removing his half moon spectacles to clean them with his kerchief.

***

\"Harry?\" The girl tried, gently shaking the boy\'s shoulder as if it would break under her grasp.

\"It\'s no use Hermione, he\'ll come \'round when he\'s ready.\" The red head said quietly, taking hold of his friend\'s hand and pulling it away.

\"But Ron, it\'s been nearly a week--\"

\"And he still needs time. Come on, let\'s let him be, we\'ll come back soon.\"

The two left the hospital wing, hoping that tomorrow their friend would finally wake.

***

Draco entered the dark infirmary, taking care to be as quiet as possible. It wouldn\'t do to alert anyone to his presence. Draco made his way to the boy\'s bed and leaned down to whisper in his ear.

\"You will pay for what you\'ve done.\"

***

Draco traced his finger over the mark on his arm as he lay staring up into the canopy over his bed. Sometimes he wished it would burn, wished it would seer into his arm. Because if it did it would mean that the war had never happened. That Voldemort was still alive. Because his father would be too.

Draco stood, dressed, and started on his way to the other side of the school.

***

Harry sighed. He wasn’t ready for this. He would have to face everyone. The entire school, the entire wizarding world. Worst of all he would have to face Draco. Even thinking of him brought back the sight of a pale blonde man laying lifeless at his feet.

Harry left the infirmary, paying no mind to the smiling happy faces all around him. Their joy was a mockery. People had died, had lost their lives, and they were all acting as though it was just one big party.

He entered the Great Hall and looked to the Slytherin table. Draco. Harry bit back the tears that threatened and walked over slowly.

“Draco, I--” Harry started, but the words died on his lips. Draco’s face was completely blank as he stood and left the Hall without a word. The rest of the Slytherins followed him, not a single person even looking at Harry.

***

“What will you do when this is over?” Draco asked as Harry sat across from him.

“I dunno. Me and Ron have always talked about being aurors,” Harry shrugged.

“You already are an auror idiot,” Draco said, rolling his eyes.

“No, I’m not. They don’t pay me,” Harry said. Draco laughed.

“I wouldn’t pay you either scar-head,” Draco said, still laughing. Harry groaned.

“I hate that. I hate having a scar,” Harry said, running a finger over the lightening bolt.

“Does it. . .I mean, does it feel. . .normal?” Draco asked.

“Well, yeah,” Harry said simply. “Why?”

“I just. . .always thought it would be. . .different somehow,” Draco said with a shrug.

“Well, I don’t think it’s any different. It’s just a normal scar. You can touch it if you want,” Harry said.

“Can I?” Draco asked. He had seen that scar for years and had always wondered about it.

“Here,\" Harry said and took hold of Draco\'s hand. Draco scooted over and Harry guided his outstretched finger to his forehead. A tingle ran through Draco as he touched the mark and he leaned in to look at it up close. Harry gently squeezed Draco\'s hand, his thumb caressing the back of Draco\'s knuckles as his finger traced the scar. Their eyes met, silver and green looking deeply into the other. There was no breath, no thought, just feelings that had yet to be acknowledged floating between them. Draco\'s hand stilled, and he interlaced his fingers with Harry\'s, their joined hands hung in the air beside Harry\'s cheek. A question was there that neither wanted or needed to ask, as they leaned in slowly, one wanting this just as much as the other. Their gaze never broke as their faces came dangerously close, as both reveled in the feel of hot breath on their wet lips. Another centimeter and the kiss would be theirs. . .

“Sirs?” Dobby’s voice came and the two boys sprang apart. “You asked for food and drinks, sirs?”

“Um. . .yeah, err, thanks Dobby,” Harry said, getting up from the couch to take the tray from the elf.

“Now do you see why I hate house elves?”

***

Harry lay in bead, trying not to pay attention to the dull pain radiating outwards from his shoulder.

Any thought of sleep disappeared from Harry’s mind when his door opened and closed quickly. In a flash Harry pulled the hand clutching his wand from under his pillow.

“Show yourself,” Harry said loudly, pointing his wand at the empty room. There was a rustle of fabric and the invisibility cloak fell to the floor. Harry stood in a second and had his wand at Draco’s throat.

***

“I want him dead,” Draco whispered, twirling the glass in his hand as they sat in the observatory of Malfoy Manor.

“Use your head, Draco,” Snape said flatly, pouring more of the amber liquid into his tumbler.

“I don’t care. He’s got to pay for what he’s taken from me,” Draco said with a nod.

“You go after Potter now and the entire wizarding world will be after your head.”

“What does it matter?”

“He made his choice Draco, just as I did. He served willingly--”

“He wanted out!” Draco yelled, throwing the glass across the room, hitting the wall and sending chips of glass all over the floor.

“Then why Draco? Why was he even there? You know as well as I that the inner circle was never called!” Snape shouted, slamming his own glass down on the coffee table.

“Because he didn’t know. . .he. . .he didn’t know that Dumbledore would believe him!”

“And if he had known? Do you really believe that he would have chosen the same path we did?”

“Yes. . .I know he would have. If Harry hadn’t. . .if he was still. . .”

“You’re lying to yourself,” Snape hissed. Draco stood and glared at the man.

“I gave the Order my word so that he would be safe, so that when it was over he would be free!”

“Why Draco? Why did you ask to spare his life? Why did you not tell him of your defection and show him that he had the choice? Because you know the same as I that he would have rather murdered you than let you live as a traitor to his cause!”

“He would never!” Draco screamed, his hands balling into fists. “He was my father!”

“Yes, he was. But he was not the man you wanted him to be. He was never that man,” Snape said, shaking his head.

“Get out,” Draco growled, pure venom in his voice. Snape stood and went to the door before turning back.

“Are you so blinded by your grief that you would risk your own life for petty vengeance?”

“I buried him, Severus. I put him into the ground. I’ll be damned if I let his death--”

“Yes. You will be damned.”

***

“I thought I told you to never come near me again, Malfoy.”

“Why?” Draco asked, so softly it was barely heard. “Why did you do it?” Harry glared at the boy.

“You think to ask me now?”

“I have to know.”

“Why? Do you think if I give you the details you’ll be able to do it, to kill me? Is that it?” Harry asked coldly.

“No,” Draco whispered, shaking his head just barely. Harry lowered his wand and walked to the window, looking out over the dark grounds below.

“When he called my name, I knew. I felt it. I had been waiting for that moment ever since I saw my parents in the mirror. I was ready. For the first time, I was ready for him,” Harry said softly. He paused for a moment to run a hand through his hair. “But you were there. You would have tried to help me. And you would have died--”

“I could have helped you,” Draco said.

“No. It wasn’t your place. You could have cast the A.K. to him ten thousand times and he wouldn’t have fallen. I only had to do it once,” Harry said softly. “There was no threat to me besides him. None of them would have come at me, they had orders not to--”

“Then why? Why did you--”

“Because he made me!” Harry screamed, turning to Draco with eyes full of angry tears. “I was standing there, across from Voldemort, it was only us and I had a clear shot. I sent the curse and. . .then he was there, in it’s path and it hit him! There was nothing I could do!”

“You’re a liar!” Draco yelled, crossing the room and getting into the other boy’s face. “They saw you, they saw you do it! He didn‘t even have his wand out!”

“They saw me cast, and they saw it hit him, but nothing more. Yes, I killed him. Yes, it was my fault. But I didn’t murder him!” Harry yelled, grabbing the front of the boy’s robes and fisting them in his hand. “I have never lied to you Draco. Never. I made you a promise and I meant to keep it. He took a curse that wasn’t meant for him and I wish every day that I could change it somehow--”

“No, you lied, you’re lying,” Draco growled, pushing Harry away from him and stepping back.

“Then kill me,” Harry said softly, dropping to his knees and throwing his wand across the floor. “Do it, Draco. I won’t fight you. If this is what it takes to make this better for you, then do it.”

“You sent me back. I could have done something, I could have gotten to him, kept him away, but you didn’t give me the chance!” Draco yelled in a sob.

“You would have been killed Draco!”

“Then it should have been me!” Draco screamed, tears running over his face and falling from his chin. Harry stood and went to his bedside table, picking up the silver pocketknife that lay there and opening it before walking to Draco. He grabbed the boy’s hand, lay the open blade in his palm and then pressed it to his own throat.

“I took his life. Now take mine. Do it Draco, because there’s nothing else I can give you. I can’t take it back, I can’t give him back to you. I can’t fix this,” Harry cried, his shoulders shaking with sobs. “It will never be good enough for you, but I’m sorry.” Draco pulled away, letting the knife fall to the floor with a soft clink as he ran to the door.

“I would have loved you,” Harry whispered. Draco looked back into kedavra green eyes blurred with tears.

“I never stopped.”

***

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