Missing

Please, please forgive me,
But I won\'t be home again.


She hummed softly under her breath as she packed the last of her things, trying to concentrate on the task at hand and not the reason for it. She took one last look around the room, her sharp eyes surveying its contents for the last time. Satisfied she hadn\'t forgotten anything, she made her way from the room - leaving the suitcase for the servants to deal with.

He was at the end of the hall, face impassive as ever, though his eyes shone with pain he refused to give a voice to.
She stopped and looked at him, and after a few moments finally spoke. \"Lucius.\"


Maybe someday you\'ll look up,
And, barely conscious, you\'ll say to no one:
\"Isn\'t something missing?\"


He walked down the hall slowly, willing the image in front of him to be truly there. When he stood before her, a hand reached up to brush against her cheek, but stopped short when she flinched. He let his hand fall to his side and sighed. The silence was deafening suddenly, and he cleared his throat while searching for something to say.

\"I didn\'t think you were coming back.\" The look of pain that flashed across her face reminded him once again why she had left. She had no reason to stay with him once Draco was gone. He inhaled deeply then, catching the fresh scent of lavender coming from her - focusing his attention on her smooth, pale skin, the blonde hair that hung in loose waves around her face - and he felt his heart give a sudden lurch for his loss.

\"I wasn\'t. I thought you\'d be,\" she motioned absently with one delicate hand,\" Gone. So much to do for the the new Ministry, after all.\" Her words came out sharp, stilted, and it was his turn to flinch. They had loved each other once - was it really going to end like this?


You won\'t cry for my absence, I know -
You forgot me long ago.
Am I that unimportant...?
Am I so insignificant...?


\"Narcissa.\" The name felt heavy on his tongue, and he had to clear his throat before he continued. \"Narcissa, I never wanted you to leave.\" I will not beg her to stay. It isn\'t befitting a Malfoy. He ignored the small voice in his head which protested violently that if he wanted her to stay, he may end up doing a lot of thing that didn\'t befit a Malfoy.

No, but you didn\'t stop me from leaving either. \"I did though. Months ago. If you would have noticed, then maybe things would have been different.\" Her voice was high, ringing in her ears, sounding too much like her mother\'s - her back stiff, mouth pinched together. Her face was a mask of callous indifference, but inside her heart was breaking again, which she didn\'t think was even possible.

Lucius raised an eyebrow, but stayed where he was, unable or unwilling to move towards her again. He knew why she flinched, knew that his hand raised in anger for so many years was the cause of it. And she was right, though he almost loathed to admit it. She had been gone for months, really. She had been here, waiting for him after Draco had died. And he had not seen her, not noticed when she started to withdraw. And then she left, and he let her. So unlike a Malfoy, to relinquish his possessions.


Isn\'t something missing?
Isn\'t someone missing me?


Narcissa moved to walk by him, and he stopped her with a soft hand on her arm, and once again she flinched, though this time he kept his hand where it was. \"Narcissa. You can\'t leave. I won\'t allow it.\" He kept his face cold, unfeeling, even as the look of pain flashed in her face again. He ignored the twitch of pain that seemed to begin deep inside of him, and tightened his hand almost imperceptibly on her arm.

\"Let me go, Lucius.\" Her voice was cool, collected - no longer the obedient wife - she was once again Narcissa Black, proud, almost royal in her bearing. And Lucius dropped his hand from her arm without thinking, seeing in her eyes the look that had so often flashed in her sister\'s. A look that bore no good will towards the recipient.

Her eyes changed as soon as his hand dropped from her, they softened towards him almost immediately, and she sighed. \"I can do as I wish. You always have. I am a Black, first and foremost, lest you forget that.\"


Even though I\'m the sacrifice,
You won\'t try for me, not now.
Though I\'d die to know you love me,
I\'m all alone.


And then Lucius took a step back, recognizing the statement for what it was. A thinly veiled threat. It would not bode well to upset Bellatrix\'s sister - Bellatrix, most beloved of his Lord. So he stood there, knowing he could stop her with a kind word, a gentle touch. Knowing that if he but spoke the words that seemed frozen on his lips, then she would stay.

Isn\'t someone missing me?

\"I\'ll send for the rest of my things later this week, and if you need me for anything, I\'ll be with Bellatrix.\" She regarded him with a cold gaze as she spoke, though her eyes betrayed her completely.


Please, please forgive me,
But I won\'t be home again.


Lucius could only nod, and he stepped to the side, allowing her to pass and continue walking down the hall. He turned and watched her, trying to will the words to come, to shout after her to stop, but they refused to come. Her hair swung as she walked, her hips curved so wonderfully under her gown, and he remembered gripping those hips as he plunged into her, her cries of pleasure, screaming his name as she came with such intensity it always made him lose his control and bury himself in her, releasing himself even as her climax washed over her.

When she was gone from his sight, he turned and went in the opposite direction, finally reaching the open doors of his study. He walked in the room and went directly for the bar, pouring himself a large glass of scotch. Narcissa was gone, but in a few hours, it wouldn\'t hurt so much. It wouldn\'t matter so much. But he knew it would, no matter how much he drank.


I know what you do to yourself,
I breathe deep and cry out,
\"Isn\'t something missing?
Isn\'t someone missing me?\"


She had walked from the house, head held high, and even when she had Apparated back to her sister\'s house she did not allow herself to break. Not until she was in her room, which was deviod of any trace of Lucius, did she finally allow herself to grieve for him - weep for her loss, and his as well.

And she finally slept, her tears drying on her cheeks, long hair on the pillow around her still, pale face. And only in her dreams was everything all right - only in her dreams was she happy.


And if I bleed, I\'ll bleed,
Knowing you don\'t care.


Because Draco was alive, and Lucius still wanted and loved her. Only in her dreams did she have him next to her at night. But when she woke, it was to an empty bed, and an empty heart.


And if I sleep just to dream of you
I\'ll wake without you there,
Isn\'t something missing?
Isn\'t something...