Watching The Sadness

**********

The sound of pouring rain bucketing to the ground fills the hallway as James opens the front door. The strong wind blows from every direction, curling around the plants in the small front garden and whipping them about haphazardly. The dark clouds are thick and low, and random streaks of lightning zip across the gloomy sky, followed by the low rumble of thunder in the distance.

“Sirius!” James exclaims.

Sirius is staring down at the doorstep, one hand clutching the strap of his bag on his shoulder and the other hand propped up against the doorframe. He is drenched; underneath his black leather jacket his clothes cling to his lean form and his dark curly hair is matted across his forehead. Rivulets of rain trickle down his face and drip off in fat drops.

James frowns, pushes his glasses up the bridge of his nose and opens the door wider. “Sirius?” he says again, his tone uncertain.

Sirius says nothing. He shivers violently as a strong gust of cold wind whorls around his body, chilling his wet skin. It blows a spray of rain towards them and James hears the faint sound of water spattering on Sirius’ leather jacket.

“Sirius?’ James says once more, reaching out to touch his friend’s arm.

Sirius shrugs away quickly and gruffly replies, “You going to let me in?”

Without a word, James withdraws his hand from Sirius and steps to the side, opening the door all the way for his best friend to enter. As Sirius walks over the threshold, James takes a close look at him. His eyes are red and puffy, his face pale and weary and his shoulders are hunched over, as though there is a heavy weight resting upon them.

James closes the front door with a loud click, shutting out the sound of the rain, the distant thunder and the howling wind. He faces Sirius and opens his mouth to ask what’s wrong. Sirius speaks before James gets the chance. “I have nowhere else to go.” His voice sounds as tired as he looks. Finally, Sirius looks up.

James is taken aback by how much sadness there is in his friend’s eyes. Sirius normally has laughing eyes, ones that never fail to make James grin. But not now; now, his eyes are as sombre as the cloudy sky outside.

After a moment, he says softly, “Come on, Sirius, I’ll find something for you to change into.” He steps forward, places a hand on his friend’s shoulder and leads him further into the house.

*****


Since Sirius has arrived, he hasn’t talked much. James wishes he would; he is worried about his best friend. This is not the Sirius he knows. Normally, Sirius is vibrant and impish, always scheming something, always making James laugh.

Sirius is like a ghost, the way he lurks around the house in silence. He hardly speaks. He makes barely any sound. His face, pale as faded calico, is always blank. It is like he is nothing more than an entity.

James has always known that Sirius retreats into his shell when he has something on his mind. He has seen it many times at school. Sirius, if he does something that he regretted or when he has worries on his mind, always goes quiet, contemplative and broods, sometimes for hours on end. There have been times at school when Sirius had shut himself behind the drapes around his bed and never reappeared for many hours. But these were for a mere few hours, not days.

James can see that everything Sirius does is automatic. It is as though his mind is on a completely different plain of existence to his body. He watches Sirius as his friend eats breakfast. He spoons the cereal into his mouth robotically. He watches the way Sirius sits in the lounge room and leafs blankly through book after book, magazine after magazine, though not reading any of it. He watches the way Sirius sits at the dinner table, cutting his food in silence, chewing slowly, staring unblinkingly at the tablecloth. He eats as though the food has no taste. He offers very little conversation. When he does talk, it is short, forced and the polite smiles which accompany what he says are strained.

Mr and Mrs Potter have said to James in quiet voices when Sirius isn’t around that he needs to talk to his friend. James has explained many times that he has tried. He doesn’t know how to approach Sirius about what made him finally decide to escape from the Noble House of Black. He can see how much Sirius is hurting and he doesn’t want to make Sirius hurt anymore than he already is. James figures that Sirius will eventually talk in his own time.

There a few times when they are alone, be that in the kitchen or in the lounge room, and James almost asks Sirius what is on his mind. The words linger on the tip of his tongue and it’s as if Sirius knows what James is going to ask; he abruptly leaves the room. There are other times when James catches Sirius gazing at him. It is an intense stare, as though Sirius is contemplating speaking. He never does, though – he always looks away, or gets up and goes upstairs to his bedroom.

*****


James stirs his tea with his spoon as he watches Sirius from across the table in the kitchen. Sirius is absently taking bites from an overripe apple while he stares out at the bleak day through the window. He looks tired and drained. The night before, James had heard Sirius pacing the hallway aimlessly. He wanted pull Sirius into his room, sit him on his bed and talk to him. But he couldn’t bring himself to do it.

James heaves a deep sigh and finally looks down as he draws the spoon from his tea and taps it a few times on the side of the cup.

“I’m worried about Regulus.”

James jumps. He looks up quickly and meets Sirius’ sad gaze. He doesn’t know what to say. A million things pour into his mind at once, but they all seem useless. He parts his lips and takes in a breath, intent on saying something. After a moment has passed, he offers no more than a faint, “Oh.”

“He doesn’t deserve to be left there to—“ Sirius looks away abruptly and presses his lips together. James can see that his grey eyes are bright with tears. He watches Sirius’ Adam’s apple bob up and down as he swallows thickly. Sirius licks his lips and he adds in a choked voice, “I shouldn’t have left him alone in that house.”

James reaches up and pushes his glasses up the bridge of his nose. “Sirius,” he begins. “I—“

He doesn’t get to finish his sentence. Sirius pushes the chair back with a loud scrape on the floor and stands. In the blink of an eye, he has stepped away from the seat and vanishes from the kitchen. James hears the soft footfalls of Sirius making his way upstairs and then the thud of a door closing as Sirius shuts himself in his room.

*****


James balls his hand into a fist and raises it to Sirius’ bedroom door. He hesitates a moment before he lets his knuckles rap against the wood in three dulls knocks. He drops his arm to his side and waits for an answer.

He hears nothing.

Clearing his throat, James closes his hand over the door knob and turns it gently. It creaks quietly and he grimaces. “Sirius?” James asks softly as he cracks the door open.

He still hears nothing.

James opens the door a little wider and peers in. Sirius is on his bed, curled up on his side in a ball. “Sirius?’ he asks again as he opens the door the rest of the way and stares at his best friend. He pushes his glasses up his nose, takes a deep breath and steps over the threshold into Sirius’ room, closing the door behind him. Wringing his hands together he tentatively walks across the bedroom to Sirius’ bed and stands by his friend, looking down at him. “Sirius?” he asks once last time.

He is answered with a loud sniff and Sirius’ body jerks with a soft sob.

James frowns. Reaching up to his hair, he runs his fingers through it quickly before he turns and sits carefully on the bed, and he places his hands in his lap. He looks away and studies the room as he listens to Sirius’ sobs. They are sharp and sound pained.

James doesn’t know what to say or do. Instead, he stares at the wall, studying the thin crack in the plaster that runs from the upper left hand corner where the wall and ceiling meet. It treks down like a long, thin twig, branching out at the end into smaller, finer cracks.

“I-I’m a ter-terrible brother,” Sirius suddenly speaks in a hitched voice.

James turns his head to look down at Sirius. He frowns again. “No, you’re not, Sirius,” he replies quietly.

He sees his friend tense up before letting out another sob, louder this time, and Sirius chokes, “I am.”

James reaches a hand out and places it on Sirius’ back. He doesn’t know what to say, so he pats Sirius’ back gingerly. He wishes he had something reassuring to say, something to make it all better. He doesn’t, however. He has nothing to offer but a weak pat to the back. He feels useless.

“I left him. Alone. He-He’s all alone in that…that house. With her.”

James smooths his hand in circles on Sirius’ back. He can feel, under his palm, his friend shaking and trembling as he cries into his pillow. “You can…you can write to him, if you want, Padfoot,” he says lamely. James is no good at comforting people when they are upset. He never knows what to say.

Sirius shakes his head quickly.

“Padfoot, I’m sure that—“

“I need to be alone,” Sirius interrupts in a strained voice.

James pulls his hand away and studies his friend for a moment. He frowns, looking troubled. How he wishes he could help in some way. How he wishes he didn’t have to see Sirius like this. “I’m here whenever you need me, Sirius,” he offers softly. He receives no reply, so he rises from the bed and walks to the door. Taking the handle in his hand, he glances back as he opens the door. He watches his friend, still curled on his side, sobbing silently.

James steps out into the hall and closes the door behind him.

*****


James is asleep when he feels Sirius’ hand on his shoulder. He wakes with a start and sits up quickly, squinting into the darkness.

“It’s just me,” he hears Sirius say in a hushed voice.

Blindly reaching out to his side table for his glasses, he touches his clock, his book and almost knocks his glass of water over before his fingers close over his frames. Drawing them to his face, he flips the arms open and slides his glasses on. “Sirius?” he asks just as softly.

He feels the bed dip as his friend sits on the edge. “I can’t sleep,” he hears Sirius whisper.

James shifts into a sitting position and then reaches across to his wand. Clasping it, he mutters, “Lumos,” and the tip flares alight, casting a sharp pale light over Sirius. James squints and blinks furiously at the light. “Do you want to go downstairs?” James asks his friend as he shields his eyes.

Sirius shakes his head.

James’ eyes slowly adjust to the light and he lowers his hand, peering at Sirius closely. His friend’s eyes are puffy and his face is pale. Turning to his bedside table, he flicks his wand at the oil lamp, summons it alight and then mutters, “Nox,” at his wand before setting down. He faces back to Sirius. “You alright, mate?” James asks gently.

Sirius shakes his head again and bites his bottom lip. “I can’t stop thinking about…” He swallows loudly and looks down to study his fingers, which are fiddling together anxiously.

James draws his knees up and leans forward, wrapping his arms around his legs. “Your brother,” he finishes for Sirius quietly.

Sirius nods and dashes a hand to his cheek to wipe a tear away. “He’s just a little kid,” he whispers. “It was wrong of me to leave him there.”

James frowns. “Would he have come with you if you asked?”

Sirius is quiet for a moment. James can see he is thinking about this. “No,” he finally says. “I shouldn’t have left him there. But I couldn’t stay. I just…I just couldn’t. I couldn’t stand to hear her screech at me anymore. I couldn’t stand being watched by those portraits. I couldn’t—” Sirius halts and draws in a sharp breath.

James hesitantly reaches a hand out towards Sirius. His fingers barely brush his friend’s arm before Sirius suddenly stands. “I’m sorry,” Sirius says in a tight voice and then strides to the door.

James parts his lips to tell him it is alright. Sirius slips out of the room and shuts the door before he has a chance to say anything.

*****


Sirius coming into James’ room becomes a nightly thing. Each time, he places a hand on James’ shoulder, whispers that it is him and then sits on the bed. James always lights the oil lamp and sits up. Often Sirius says nothing. It is as though he is just thankful for the silent company.

Tonight is different. James stirs as he feels Sirius’ hand on his shoulder. He begins to roll over to reach for his wand and Sirius grips his shoulder tighter. “Leave the lamp off,” he hears his friend murmur. Sirius takes his hand away and moments later, James feels the blankets being pulled back.

“What are you doing?” James whispers.

Sirius says nothing. He slides his pyjama-clad legs under the covers and nudges James to urge him to make room. James shifts further over in the bed. He tries to peer in the darkness to his friend, but, without his glasses, all he can see is a fuzzy, vague outline of Sirius as his friend lies down on his back next to him.

James knows he should be bothered about the fact that his best friend is climbing into his bed. Strangely, he isn’t. His cock twitches. His face begins to blush. As if worried that Sirius would somehow sense his embarrassment, James turns his head away from his friend and stares at the wall, trying to will his erection to go away.

Sirius’ body is warm. The sides of their thighs press together firmly and James feels Sirius shift about on the bed as he props his arms behind his head. He hears his friend heave a deep sigh. “I was lonely,” Sirius finally says quietly after a minute of silence.

“Oh,” James replies.

He hears the rustle of the pillow as Sirius turns his head to look in James’ direction. “You don’t mind, do you, Prongs?” he whispers.

James shakes his head. “Of course not, Padfoot.”

They fall silent. James doesn’t know what else to say. He keeps his eyes trained on the wall, trying his hardest not to focus on the fact that his cock is throbbing and his pulse is fast. As the silence stretches between them, James begins to worry. Why is he reacting this way towards Sirius? He knows he shouldn’t be. This is his best mate, who needs him right now. This is no time to be aroused. He sighs deeply and closes his eyes, trying to block out the sensation in his crotch.

They don’t speak. Sirius remains on his back. James keeps his eyes on the wall, listening to his friend’s breathing, and feeling the way the mattress sags and hearing how the bed springs creak each time Sirius moves. He isn’t sure how long Sirius stays in his bed for but the sun begins to rise when Sirius slips out quietly and goes back to his room.

*****


James is on his back, staring at the wall, when Sirius speaks softly. “I’m glad I am out of that place, Prongs.”

James jumps slightly, not expecting to hear his friend’s voice. He clears his throat and then replies, “I’m glad, too, Padfoot.”

He feels Sirius shift on the bed. “I hope Regulus is okay.” Sirius pauses. “I’m sure he is. He always was favoured over me, anyway. Mother babies him something terrible.”

James smiles faintly in the darkness. “I’m sure he’s fine, too, Padfoot.” He turns his head slightly and adds, “You never really got on with him, anyway.”

He hears Sirius give a quiet laugh. James broadens his smile. It is the first time he has heard Sirius laugh since he arrived. “I know,” Sirius replies, his voice lighter than it has sounded in days. “I just worry because he is my brother.”

“Of course,” James answers, facing back to the wall and gazing at it again.

The bed springs creak and the mattress dips slightly as Sirius rolls to his side to face James. James feels his friend’s breath, warm and balmy, blowing across his cheek gently. His cock throbs once more. “Thank you for letting me stay here,” Sirius murmurs.

James keeps his eyes trained on the wall and manages a laugh, though it sounds more forced that he means it to. “You should be thanking my parents, arse, not me,” he jokes lightly.

He feels a warm hand on his shoulder. “I mean…” Sirius begins. He shifts closer. James’ cock twitches in his pyjama bottoms again. “I mean, for letting me stay here.” Slowly, Sirius begins to run his hand from James’ shoulder across to his chest.

James’ breath hitches in his throat and he swallows thickly, still refusing to look away from the wall.

His friend’s hand comes to rest on his sternum and he is certain that Sirius can feel his quick thumping heartbeat underneath his palm. He doesn’t know what to say or do. He feels his hands grow clammy and he quickly wipes them on his flannel pyjama bottoms.

“James?” Sirius asks in a whisper.

“Yes?” he replies hastily in a strained voice.

His friend’s hand leaves his chest and James startles as he feels Sirius’ fingertips brush against his cheek. They stroke his skin gently before sliding down to his chin. “James?” he asks again. He nudges James’ chin to make him look at Sirius.

Reluctantly, James allows his head to loll over the pillow to face his friend. Sirius’s face is right next to his. Up this close in the dark, he can make out the darker-haired boy’s eyes as they peer at him, his slender nose and the shape of his lips. Sirius glides his fingers from James’ chin, up over his cheek before they travel up to his hair. “Sirius,” James replies throatily.

Through the darkness, James catches a glimmer of Sirius’ pearly white teeth as he smiles. He nervously smiles back. James wipes his palms on his pyjama bottoms again and licks his lips. “You must wonder why I came here of all places,” Sirius murmurs.

James feels his friend’s fingers thread through his hair and he stammers, “I-I…I don’t—I mean, I-“

“James,” Sirius cuts in huskily. The way in which Sirius says his name sends a shockwave of arousal to his prick. His friend props himself up on to his elbow and he leans over James, while his fingers continue to whorl in his hair. “I came here because you’re my best friend,” Sirius begins softly. “I came here because I know you care about me.”

James swallows thickly again. Despite how dark it is, he can see Sirius’ eyes gazing down at him intently. His breath increases to quick, shallow bursts of air. He curls his fingers into the material of his pyjama bottoms and grips the fabric tightly.

Sirius shifts on to his side a little more. James suddenly feels something hard press into his leg and he gasps. “James,” Sirius repeats in a whisper. “I…I know you’re…” James can hear Sirius’ breath has increased in speed, too. He catches the glint of his friend’s moist tongue as it sweeps over Sirius’ top lip. Sirius swallows loudly. “I know you’re…” he tries again.

A pause. James stares unblinkingly up at Sirius. He feels locked to the spot on his back.

Sirius rakes his fingers through James’ hair once more before he smooths his hand down to the back of his neck and curls his fingers into his nape. James darts his eyes quickly over his friend’s features, catching his lust-filled eyes and the way his full lips are parted as Sirius lowers his face down towards his. James gasps as their lips brush.

His friend pulls back. “James, I…” he begins again. There is another pause, punctuated by an obvious throb of Sirius’ cock against James’ leg. Sirius licks his lips. “James, I…I know that…that you’re…I don’t know if you are…James, I really…” Deciding against saying anything more, he lowers his face and carefully places his lips over James’.

Their lips melt together. James feels like his heart is going to stop. Every nerve ending in his body feels as though they are alight. He feels Sirius’ soft, warm mouth moving over his gently and slowly. The kiss gradually deepens and James tastes Sirius tongue as it slides in past his lips and touches his. Their tongues snake together, entwining and gliding smoothly over each other.

Sirius loosens his grip on the back of James’ neck and he slowly runs his hand down over his chest to his stomach. James feels Sirius rub his palm against his middle, smoothing over the material of his t-shirt. He lets out a quiet moan and, slowly, he pulls his arms from underneath the bedcovers and moves his hands to Sirius’ back. James gingerly runs his palms up to Sirius’ shoulders as the kiss intensifies. Their breath is heavy and fast and their chests heave against each other.

Sirius balls the fabric of James’ shirt in his hand and pushes it up slowly, exposing his stomach to the cool air. James lets out a sharp breath the moment Sirius’ fingers touch his skin and he quickly breaks the kiss. He is trembling and feels light headed from breathing so rapidly. “Sirius, I…” he whispers shakily.

He feels Sirius smooth his hand over James’ taut stomach. “Do you want me to stop?” Sirius murmurs.

Another pause. James shakes his head and hesitantly runs his hands up from Sirius’ shoulders, over his neck and to his head. He threads his fingers into Sirius’ dark hair and tentatively urges Sirius back down towards him. As their lips touch and they kiss deeply again, Sirius carefully climbs on top of him. James spreads his legs and Sirius wedges himself between them. James gasps the moment he feels his friend’s hardness press against his. Their hips gently rock together and they rub their erections against each other.

Sirius groans as he breaks the kiss and begins to trail his lips from James’ mouth to his chin. He slides his hand further up underneath James’ shirt to his nipple. It swirls and tightens under his touch and James draws in a sharp breath as he feels Sirius lightly scratch his fingernails over it.

The bed springs creak as they rock their hips against each other, their breath fast and loud as Sirius rumples James’ shirt further up until his chest is exposed. James grips his friend’s hair as Sirius slides down his body and presses his lips to his chest. “Oh god, Sirius,” he whimpers quietly, arching his head back.

Sirius pulls away quickly and looks down at James. “Are you okay?” he whispers.

James is panting. This is going so fast. “I…I don’t know,” he confesses breathlessly. “I-I don’t…I don’t…”

“Shh.” He feels Sirius press a finger to his lips. “It’s okay, Prongs. It’s okay.” Sirius shifts on top of him and climbs off, rolling to James’ side.

“Sirius—\" he begins, louder than intended.

“Shhh, go to sleep.” Sirius presses a kiss to his cheek and throws the covers back. The springs creak once more as he stands from the bed and he quietly makes his way to the door.

James props himself up on his elbow and squints into the darkness at Sirius. “Where are you going?”

He hears the door handle squeak as it is turned and Sirius whispers, “Go to sleep. I’ll see you in the morning.”

Sirius slips out of the door and closes it softly before James can protest. He keeps his gaze on the door for a moment, his cock still throbbing, his breathing still rapid and his lips slightly puffy from the passionate kisses. He listens closely for footsteps, hoping that Sirius will return.

Many minutes pass and he realises that Sirius is not coming back to his room; not tonight and possibly not any other night, either. James flops back against the pillow and stares up at the ceiling, running everything that just happened in his mind again and again.

James doesn’t sleep. He can’t. His mind is racing. He can’t stop thinking about how Sirius’ lips tasted, how he pressed against him, how Sirius’ hands, soft and smooth, caressed his chest. He tosses and turns on the bed until the sun rises.

*****


James lies in his bed on his back in the dark, listening closely for Sirius’ footsteps. His heart leaps and he holds his breath at each creak that he hears. Disappointment settles in when he realises it is not Sirius.

James is unsure how long he spends listening for Sirius. It seems like hours. He hears the wind blowing outside and the faint hooting of an owl in the distance. He listens to the house settling.

As time ticks on, he becomes evermore anxious. There is a part of him that is praying that Sirius will come to his room. There is a part of him that is terrified of Sirius coming to his room. James feels so confused; he’s never thought of Sirius in this way, or any boy for that matter.

As another gust of wind blows and rattles his window slightly, James reaches out to his side table and feels around for his wand. Closing his fingers around it, he summons it alight, blinks furiously at the pale light and reaches for his glasses. After he slips them on his face, he throws the covers back and slides out of bed, poising the wand out shakily in front of him. He nervously makes his way to his door, opens it and steps out.

Closing the door behind him, he walks silently to Sirius’ bedroom door and stands in front of it. His pulse is fast and thumping in his ears and his throat is dry and feels tight. He reaches his hand to the doorknob, clasps it and turns it. It squeaks slightly and he flinches – it’s as loud as a bomb exploding to James and he holds his breath, listening for any sign of movement in the house.

Hearing nothing, James lets his breath out slowly and pushes the door open a crack. The light from his wand casts a harsh, bright stream into Sirius’ room and he quickly extinguishes it with a whispered incantation and lowers it to his side. Swallowed in darkness, he glances nervously to either side of him and then pushes the door open wider. James steps over the threshold and closes the door behind him softly. The floorboards creak and groan as he carefully treads his way over to Sirius’ bed, his hand outstretched and blindly feeling around for anything in his path. As he reaches Sirius’ bed, he hears his friend whisper, “I wondered when you would come, James.”

He jumps and his breath catches in his throat. Swallowing thickly, James replies hastily, “I can-I can leave if-if you want me to.”

Sirius’ hand finds his wrist and closes over it firmly. “No. Stay.” He feels Sirius pluck his wand from his fingers and hears a faint ‘tap’ as his friend places it on the side table. “Stay,” Sirius whispers again as he tugs James to him.

James steps forward and feels around for the bed. He hears bed springs creak as Sirius shifts and then the sound of bed covers being thrown back in a faint rustle. James feels his way along the mattress, patting it softly, and then tentatively sits down. The bed sags under his weight. Sirius’ hand lets go of his wrist and he feels a warm palm on his back. “Come here,” Sirius murmurs, sliding his hand up to James’ shoulder and gripping it. Sirius pulls him gently and James lifts his legs up on the bed, turns so he is facing his friend and leans in towards him.

Their lips brush and James moans quietly. He grows erect instantly. Sirius’ fingers trace up his neck to his chin and he pulls James close, claiming his lips softly. Their tongues meet and entwine, circling around each other and they taste each other’s mouths before pulling away, short of breath. “I’m glad you came,” Sirius mutters.

James smiles nervously. “I’m…I’m g-glad, too,” he stutters. He feels Sirius’ fingers clutch the frames of his glasses and they are drawn off his face. There is a soft clicking sound as the arms are snapped shut and he hears them being tossed on to the side table in a faint clatter. Sirius’ hand meets his stomach and glides firmly along it.

“I’ve been thinking about you all day,” Sirius whispers. He rumples up James’ shirt and slips his warm hand on to his bare stomach. James groans and he rolls on to his back. His friend moves on to his side and props himself up on his elbow to lean over James. Their lips meet again and James lifts his hands to Sirius’ hair, threading his fingers into it. He feels Sirius press his erection against his side and his cock jumps in response.

“Me, too,” James finally responds breathlessly when the kiss breaks. Sirius’ hand smooths up his chest to his nipple and he feels his friend’s finger circle it gently. “I-I missed seeing you today,” he confesses. “I know you…you spent the day up here…on your own, and I-I wanted to…to come up, but…” He licks his lips and rakes back Sirius’ hair again. “I-I couldn’t…I couldn’t sleep,” he adds, untangling his fingers from Sirius’ hair to touch his face.

Sirius runs his hand back down James’ chest, over his stomach and down to his hip. The bed springs groan quietly as he climbs on top of James. Their hips meet and they press their erections firmly against each other. Sirius lowers his lips to James’ again and they kiss deeply. “Neither could I,” he whispers to James as he pulls back. He grasps the hem of James’ shirt and pushes it up. James shifts underneath him as Sirius tugs the shirt from him and then throws it on the floor.

James gasps as Sirius slides down his body and presses his lips to his chest. He feels his friend’s hot tongue snake out and slither over his skin. James moves both of his hands back into Sirius’ hair and grips it as his friend travels his tongue across to his nipple and closes his lips around it. James groans and presses his head back into the pillow. Sirius teases his nipple, swills his tongue around it, sucks it and kisses it before he slides further down James’ body and begins to press hot kisses to his stomach.

“Oh god, Sirius,” James whimpers. He arches his back and squeezes his eyes shut, taking in the sensation of his friend’s warm mouth over his skin.

“James,” Sirius groans. He feels Sirius slither his hands down his sides to the waistband of his pyjama bottoms. Sirius pulls away and grips his pants. Panting loudly, James arches his hips off the bed as his friend pulls them from his hips. He feels his them glide off his legs and hears them rumple to the floor.

He feels the bed shift as Sirius climbs off. He returns moments later, climbing back on to James, naked. They kiss, tasting each other’s mouths and sliding their hands over their bare skin. “James,” Sirius mutters into his mouth. “I’ve wanted…so long…you…oh god, James.” Sirius claims his lips again before he begins to slide down James’ body once more.

James writhes on the bed, arching his back and running his fingers through Sirius’ hair as his friend descends on him. He feels Sirius press kiss after kiss down his stomach, past his belly button, lower and lower. James dashes a hand to his mouth and clamps his palm over his lips as Sirius’ fingers curl around the base of his cock.

He lets out a strangled, muffled cry the moment Sirius’ hot tongue flicks over the tip of his prick. He bites down on his knuckles as Sirius licks around the head of his cock, tasting him as if James was some form of succulent condiment. He teases it, licking and caressing it before he closes his lips around James’ prick.

James arches off the bed again and slams both his hands either side of him on the mattress. James grips the bed sheets as Sirius slowly begins to plunge his hot mouth up and down James’ length. He rocks his hips and fights back the urge to cry out as Sirius works his lips over his prick, drawing him closer to release.

Sweat breaks out on James’ forehead and chest. He draws his knees up and presses the flat of his feet on the bed, Sirius cradled between his thighs. Sirius groans around his cock and it vibrates through his body. James’ breath grows shorter and faster. He scratches at the mattress with his clammy hands and suddenly, as Sirius draws him deep into his mouth, he comes. James snatches a hand to his mouth and bites down on his knuckles again as his prick releases wave after wave of ejaculate into Sirius’ mouth. Sirius keeps sucking, keeps sliding his moist mouth up and down his cock until James can’t take it anymore. He writhes under Sirius and lets out another strangled cry, tilting his hips away from his friend.

Sirius lets his spent prick slip from his lips and he climbs up over James and presses a kiss to his cheek before rolling to the side. James lies still, breathing heavily and staring up at the ceiling. As he comes down from his euphoric orgasm, he realises the bed is rocking and he hears the springs creaking rhythmically.

Turning his head towards Sirius, he sees his friend’s arm moving quickly as he thrums his fingers up and down his length. James stares, captivated by the sight of Sirius touching himself. He sees his friend arch his hips off the bed and hears a faint whimper as Sirius comes over his stomach. Sirius lurches forward and gasps as he milks his cock until spent. He flops back against the pillow, breathing heavily.

After a few silent minutes, Sirius sits up and reaches past James to his side table. James hears the sound of tissues being tugged from its box and Sirius moves back. Moments later, he feels Sirius lean over him again as he tosses the tissues on to the floor and then rolls to his side and drapes an arm over James. “Are you okay?” Sirius asks in whisper against his ear.

James nods quickly. “I’m just a bit…a bit overwhelmed.”

He feels Sirius’ hand reach his and their fingers lace together. “I know.” Silence passes between them. “I’m so glad I am out of that place,” Sirius finally speaks. “I miss my brother, but...I\'m just...I\'m just glad that I am away from it all.”

James grips his hand tightly. “I’m glad you’re out of there, too, Padfoot.”

He hears Sirius snort and laugh quietly. “I bet you are, Prongs,” he taunts.

James grins and untangles his hand from Sirius’ to elbow him in the ribs. Sirius grunts and rolls on to his back, suppressing another laugh. “Arse,” James murmurs as he sits up. He swings his legs over the edge of the bed and glances back at his friend. “It’s good to hear you laugh again, Padfoot,” he adds.

He feels Sirius’ hand touch his back. “I know.” Sirius runs his fingers down the length of James\' back gently.

James smiles at his friend. \"You\'re going to be alright, Padfoot,\" he whispers.

Sirius chuckles. \"I know,\" he replies in a devious tone.

James grins as feels around for his glasses. Picking them up, he slides them on to his face and then takes up his wand. He stands from the bed and summons his wand alight. Squinting, he gathers up his pyjama bottoms and steps into them, pulling them up over his hips. He snatches up his t-shirt and then makes his way to the bedroom door.

“Prongs,” Sirius whispers.

James turns and peers at his friend. “What?” he whispers back.

“Same time, tomorrow night?”

James grins and pushes his glasses up the bridge of his nose. “What do you think, arse?” He opens the door and steps out, hearing Sirius laugh quietly. James smiles broadly as he makes his way back to his room.


**********