Our Wasted Love

Chapter One: Suppressed Desires
When what one yearns for is not forthcoming desire tends to build inside a person until it is most difficult to disguise. One must learn to find ways to release it by any means necessary, or handle the consequences as they come.


“I hear Potter’s a big, flaming pouf,” Blaise Zabini chuckled to Draco Malfoy and a few other Slytherins. “That him and another guy have been ‘having some fun’ so to speak.”

The blonds’ gray eyes lit up as he heard this newest gossip about the Boy Who Lived. “Really,” he drawled. “And whom is he having this love-fest with?”

“That Weasel friend of his I think,” Goyle said. “No wait, not him, some other stupid Gryffindor. What’s his name? Uh...Creepy? No, that’s not right.” Goyle screwed up his face in concentration. He looked as if the simple act of thinking was about to cause his head to explode.

“It doesn’t matter,” Draco stated. “No need to give yourself a headache over it, Goyle. You know how it pains you to think too much.” Draco grinned.

“All I know is that it was some fifth year he messed around with.” Blaise smiled. “He couldn’t have messed around with anyone in our year; I’m sure he’s the only one that’s like that!”

“Well, you know those Gryffindors, I’m sure there are a few more poufs other than Potter in that house. But I just knew Potter was a pansy!” Draco laughed.

Blaise was quite happy he had been the first to inform Draco of this joyous news. He’d do anything to make Draco Malfoy smile and feel even a fraction of happiness. The blond Slytherin always seemed to be unhappy as of late.

Blaise stared at Draco. Loving the flawless porcelain skin and the silver glints in his hair.

Blaise had lied when he’d said Potter was the only Queen Mary in the sixth year. For he secretly loved Draco Malfoy right down to Draco’s ugliest sneer. Had in fact been in love and lust with the pureblood since he’d first laid eyes on him. Of course at the tender age of eleven Blaise had thought it was just hero-worship.

But finally after two years he had discovered that the girls didn’t get his attention in the way Draco did. Blaise could never take his eyes off of him, and everyone just assumed that he was trying to be like Draco’s shadow. That he wanted to be just as Draco was, right down to the way he sneered.

And like many of the Slytherin girls, he loved Draco. Really loved him. Sometimes it would consume Blaise and he’d have to sit down and let himself wind down from the overflow of emotions he felt for the Seeker.

Hell, the first time he’d masturbated had been to a picture of Draco in his mind. He’d moaned Draco’s name over and over again. Thank goodness it had been during the summer break, in the privacy of his own room.

“What are you smiling about, Zabini?” Crabbe asked.

“Nothing, it’s just great to hear that Potter isn’t as he seemed.”

******

“Move out of my way, Potter!” Draco sneered at the dark-haired boy as he pushed him aside.

“Learn how to walk right, Malfoy, and I wouldn’t have been in your way,” Harry snapped back.

Draco just grinned at him and walked off.

Draco’s arm still tingled from where it had made contact with Harry’s body. That brief touch had been enough to make Draco hot all over. Harry had a way of making Draco get that way.

It was so nice to know that Harry Potter wasn’t interested in girls after all, or at least not completely. There for awhile he had thought that Cho Chang and Harry were going to become something more than what they were, but alas, it had turned out to be nothing.

He felt a brief pang of jealousy over the boy that had gotten to experiment with the famous Harry Potter first. That boy, whoever he was, knew what it was like to be held by Harry, to hold Harry. To have his lips upon his own, and have his slim Seekers body against his own undeserving one.

Draco had wanted to be the first.

Hell, he’d love to be the second or third or the hundredth. Anything to get near the Boy Wonder.

Draco had been hit suddenly with this uncontrollable need to fuck Harry Potter in their third year at Hogwarts. He had been in Care of Magical Creatures, bored as ever, and looked over at Scarhead. Draco’s breath had caught in the back of his throat as he realized just how beautiful Harry was. He had such a stunning body too.

Despite all the animosity between them Draco had discovered that his feelings of hatred had only sprang up to hide his feelings of longing and even love. A love that had only grown since their third year.

From that day on Draco had clung to every tidbit he could get about him. The best being the most recent: Harry Potter was gay.

Draco cheered inside his head. Even though this didn’t mean he stood a chance with him, it was definitely a step in the right direction.

And it wasn’t that Draco liked boys exactly. It was mainly Harry. Hell, it had always been Harry. It had been him since day one. Yeah, Draco would occasionally screw this girl or that, and a boy every now and then. But the special boy (whom Draco could hardly remember the name of afterward) was sworn to keep quiet about Draco’s little same sex preferences. He had made sure no one would spill the beans by casting a Telling Spell on them. If they told they would immediately regret it. For a large, impossible to remove boil would show up on their forehead, and a very painful one on their other head as well.

At first Draco hadn’t cared about his interest in Harry. He had merely thought it was just a need to screw him and then be done with it, but over the years he had realized it was more than an urge to fuck his brains out; it was a need to be with him, just in his presence. It was a need to talk to him, to get to know him inside out. A need to be there for him and help him with his struggles.

After realizing this Draco had been in a rage. He couldn’t believe that he felt this way over anyone, especially Harry James Potter. His father would have a bloody heart attack. One: because he was in love with a boy, and two: because it was Harry. In a way that pleased Draco. He wanted to piss off his dad. Gain some control of his life, and not have to listen to daddy, and tell him everything that went on. It was quite nice to have a secret from him.

Harry was his deep dark secret. The one thing no one else knew about. He hid his love so far down in his soul that it was never shown. It was too much of a risk to let anyone know how he felt for him. He wanted Harry to know as much as he wanted him to never find out.

But oh, to feel that warm, thin, hot body pressed up against him would be such insane pleasure. Draco lived for the day when he could feel Harry surround him; with his body, soul, and love.

******

“I am so fucking sick of this!” Harry roared at Ron and Hermione. He was in one of his seldom, but feared fits of rage. He kept it so bottled up that when it came out it exploded, and left you hitting the floor for cover.

“Now, Harry, please calm down.”

“Shut it, Hermione,” Harry snapped at her. She was so shocked that she actually closed her mouth.

Harry paced around the deserted common room and fire blazed from his eyes. It was like seeing a caged dragon that wanted to break free and breathe fire down on the people that dared to keep it locked up.

“There is a war going on and I’m not allowed to leave this school.”

“Harry, it’s for your own protection. We don’t want anything to happen to you,” Ron said calmly to his friend.

“But I hate being here right now. Everyone looks at me as if I’m going to save them, like I’m their only hope. When I don’t even care about what they want from me. I only want to kill Voldemort and Bellatrix LeStrange to make them pay for the family that they took away from me!” Harry ranted.

“We understand, Harry.”

“NO! HERMIONE, YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND! WHERE ARE YOUR PARENTS, HUH? AT HOME! THAT’S WHERE THEY ARE! AND MINE ARE DEAD! DEAD! AND BECAUSE OF VOLDEMORT!” Harry bellowed.

“And Sirius,” Harry choked off. “Bellatrix killed him too, and now I have no one that wants me. The Dursleys certainly don’t. Not that I’d want them anyway.”

“Harry, please,” Hermione begged.

“I am so frustrated, Hermione, you can’t believe how much I want to kill those two. With my bare hands even.”

“I’d want to too, if he’d killed my parents,” Ron sided with Harry.

“Look, I-I just want to be alone for a little while. I think I’ll go for a walk or something,” Harry told them, his voice becoming calm.

He left the common room quickly, before either one of his friends could say anything else to him. He didn’t want to think rationally. He wanted to get out of here and join the fight.

He wanted to fuck someone.

Where was good old Colin when you needed him? His and Colin’s relationship, if you could call it that, started two weeks before. Harry had been very depressed, and needed someone to make him feel as if he were alive. Physical assurance was needed, and Colin had been there. The whole school had found out about it soon after. Harry could care less.

It could have been anyone at that time, much like now, that could ease his pain a bit. Hell, it could have even been Hermione. But she was Ron’s and he never really liked her like that anyway.

Harry found he wasn’t really attracted to one specific gender. Girls or guys, it didn’t matter. As long as he got what he needed from them. And everyone was happy to give it. Since Colin, he’d had sex with Justin Finch-Fletchy and Hannah Abbot, Colin again, and last night Ginny Weasley.

Ginny had made the ache inside him worse instead of better. They all had a little. Even now as he thought about Ginny lying naked under him, he couldn’t help but feel like a jerk. She had been his friend, and almost like a sister to him. Though she had always had that crush on him. He hadn’t wanted to give her false hopes. She actually meant something to him, at least at one time she had. Everything just seemed so numb now.

Nothing mattered.

******

Blaise entered Draco’s private chamber quietly. He didn’t want to disturb Draco even though Draco had asked him to come here. He hadn’t told Blaise why of course, only that it was of importance.

Blaise stood motionlessly by the now locked door.

Draco looked up from his desk and smirked at Blaise, making his heart beat faster. Draco was actually smirking at him.

He wanted to ask why he was here, but kept his mouth shut. Blaise knew that his love for Draco would surely show if he talked too soon.

“You can come in you know,” Draco laughed, pointing to a chair near his desk.

Blaise obediently went to sit in it. Once there he turned his gaze to Draco and waited. His nerves were going crazy being this close to Draco and alone with him too. He couldn’t believe that Draco had asked him to come here. He’d never been in Draco’s private room before.

Draco suddenly picked up his wand and pointed it at Blaise. A small jet of orange sparks flew at him, and Blaise drew back, staring at Draco as if he’d gone nuts.

“What did you just do to me?” Blaise asked as he stared wide-eyed at Draco.

“I cast a Telling spell on you. In case you get the urge to tell anyone what I’m about to tell you,” Draco grinned.