Still Remains (Confessions of a Werewolf)

This is not a Diary! As Sirius and James call it, it\'s simply a journal I write my thoughts in… as James would say, \"You don’t need anymore books!\"
Anyway… Dear journal I write thoughts in:

Black, sure it\'s nothing more than a color, a color of the unknown, unconscious, danger, mystery, darkness. However… lately it seems so much more to me, I love the unknown, I am apart of the darkness. It\'s nothing serious… but it seems to me it is. Just a midnight snog in the astronomy tower to him and the biggest secret of his life.

Only Prongs knows… Peter would slip and tell, Lily has a sneaking suspicion there is something going on, every time she would come up into our room Sirius and me would quickly break apart from hugging, holding each other or he would jump into his bed, its quite funny. Seeing him jump at least two feet into a other bed, I wonder if he can fly and don’t know it? I told him he should join that muggle show with the wild animals where the muggles fly and eat swords; he just laughed at me and told me to go to a support group for chocolateichs. I doubt Sirius thinks anything about me other than a best friend, its sad to think that one of your best friends is using you for sexual favors.

It was quite weird the first time anything happened, very weird in fact. It was full moon and we were all outside of the shrieking shack just running around and playing in the grass. Prongs was lying by a tree eating an apple, he said he was tired from all the running around we had done and Wormtail was still chasing after Padfoot\'s tail. I decided to join in on the fun and started running after them. After he had realized I was behind him, he stopped in his tracks and turned towards me, let out a thunderous howl and jumped onto my back.

We started rolling around in the grass as Wormtail jumped up and down in excitement watching us wrestle, but in the end, Padfoot won. By pawing me in the face, I fell down on the ground and he pinned himself over me, his paws on mine. His grey eyes stared in mine as a sign of victory, but I saw so much more, I had no clue why I hadn\'t seen it before. Maybe it wasn’t a kiss after all, but in the dog world it was, he bent his head down to my ear and playfully bit my ear.

I started fighting him, because I am very ticklish and he knew that, before I knew it he had licked my mouth, he kept it there for what seemed the longest time and he slowly moved off me. Maybe it wasn’t a kiss? However, in the canine world it surely was, I wish we weren\'t in Animagus form. It would have felt so much more and had more feeling, James had seen what happened, but didn’t think anything because it was normal for Sirius to run up to James and playfully kiss him on the cheek.

Sirius, playboy of the school, and he\'s snogging me instead of other girls, its really odd. He still talks about them, but not like he used to, he still flirts, but not around me. I surely hope he don’t think I would get into a catfight with them or anything. I\'m not in love with him, it just feels so good to be held by him, he\'s a much better kisser than any girl I have kissed. I\'ll write to you later, he\'s in here giving me that look, plus Peter and James is gone with Lily. SCORE!
Remus

\"Moony!\"

\"Padfoot.\"

\"With a other book I see,\" he said picking up my journal by tha cover as if it had a disease.

\"I will give you a whole box of chocolate if I can burn all your books, those eyes are going to lose there sparkle.\"

\"That’s very tempting, but you don’t care about my eyes.\"

\"Of course I do! Even…..\" he said throwing the book, with his index finger in the air circling it, and eventually pointing down to the middle of my jeans, where Sirius says \'it\' puts the beast in werewolf.

\"Here.\"

I stared at him for a second… That glare in his eyes, that sexy grin, my heart about to bust out of my chest. I slowly moved my hand from my side and ran it under his fingers where they still lied on my \'beast\'.

\"I know you like mine, but we wouldn’t know about that… yet... have we.\" He put a strong input on yet.

\"We\'ll find out soon enough.\" I said in a tone that was very unlike my own.

He let out a low growl, and parted his hand from mine, placed it beside me and I saw him lift himself up on the bed by his knees. It made me nervous, his knees were at my feet where his hands were placed on each side of my arse. His face… was directly at my knees. He stayed there staring at me, with that bad boy look he gave all the girls, and slowly crawled up towards me like a cat.

\"Rem…us… \"He said very slowly.

\"Sirius.\"

\"I always knew I wanted in your bed, I just didn’t know why.\" He said still slowly crawling to my face.

\"I do.. You said it was so much softer… I should have known better.\"

His face was now over top of mine, his hands softly raced each other up my sides, which made me shake, laced into my fingers, and lifted him in the air, carrying them over my head. He pinned my arms there holding my hands, and I remembered our first kiss. His gorgeous grey eyes, I felt as if I could look into his soul and tell every secret he held.

\"You bring out the rebel in me.\" He whispered as his lips met with my ear and he slowly started kissing my temple, leading down to my neck.

I didn’t want to make much of a commotion, I didn’t want him to know how much he bothered me, how he filled every passion I have ever dreamed of. Without meaning to, my body rubbed around on the bed as he kissed and took little bites all along my neck, I started to hear him moan, and then I felt I had no more control over my own body.

My hands climbed out of Sirius\' hold and found there fav place on his hips, I held them there gripping with every kiss. I prayed for him to kiss my lips, he was going to be in trouble if he didn’t move away from my neck, I ran my hands onto his soft perfect stomach and up his shirt, and over his chest. This time he jeered, his whole body was shaking.

\"That’s what you get.\" I whispered.

***

I always imaged James or Peter coming into the room while me and Sirius was…. Well… not suitable for eyes and us just being embarrassed where as James would probably faint or run back out of the room. Peter would more than likely say, \"Guys! Why are you playing jump frog in bed!\" as James covered his own eyes and dragged him out the door. Lucky enough we stopped… Doing what we were doing after awhile, because Sirius didn’t want to go any farther right then. It was odd, I thought I would be saying lets stop for now, but it was him this time, I was rather shocked… I guess that’s a new fantasy for me.

The only fantasy I have that is.

Before James\' late arrival, Sirius had left to satisfy a random craving for strawberries. I was lying against my pillows and reading a book when he smiled while barely making it into the room.

\"You look like the cat that got the mouse.\" I said as he fell down on his bed.
\"Oh I am, Moony my friend.\" He said dreamily staring up at the dark red canopy.

\"What did Lily do this time, allow you to hug her?\" I said also with a big grin on my face but I tried to hide it.

\"No… Ohhh the gods are merciful! The gods are great!\"

After about two or three rounds of watching James, worship the… whomever\'s… I decided to stop him and ask him why the gods were so wonderful this time of night. Especially right now.

\"It finally happened Moony, right here.\" He said still lying on his back pointing at his lips.

\"No…\" I said with a huge smile most happy for my other best friend.

\"YES!\" he shouted as he jumped up on the bed his head touching the canopy, but he didn’t care… it seemed.

\"Well Prongs ole buddy, I must say I\'m proud of you.\"

\"Oh I am to... And to celebrate my victory and my unbelievably happiness… We\'re having a party this weekend!\" he said jumping off his bed and onto mine. He had perfected this, doing almost every morning for seven years anyone would.

\"Be sure not to tell Padfoot, you know how he gets at partys.\"

\"That’s why I love partys! And that’s why I love Sirius.\" He said with a laugh. \"Come on Moony! I can invite Evans! Pleasee… Party with us.\"

\"Alright Padfoot, you talked me into it.\" I said grabbing ahold of his ankel and pulling him till he fell down on the bed.

\"Oh Moony!\" He said in a girlish tone, clapping his hands together and pressing them against his chest. \"Don’t want to get Sirius jealous now do we?\"

I just pushed him on the chest playfully that he feel back at the foot of the bed and started laughing, I don’t know why I don’t like to talk about it… It\'s just weird to me. I get embarrsed at times when James jokes about us, but when Sirius says anything about… us… I feel fine.