Time & Time Again
folder
Harry Potter › General
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
1
Views:
1,031
Reviews:
2
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Harry Potter › General
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
1
Views:
1,031
Reviews:
2
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Time & Time Again
Time & Time Again
by Arabella
Disclaimer: I don\'t own Snape or any of the other HP characters... or the storyline for that matter. I\'m simply borrowing them. Enjoy!
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
The snow fell thick on the already blanketed ground – such a beautiful sight. . . . Even a man like me can appreciate beauty when presented with it. Above, the tightly knitted clouds stood still, unmoving as it dumped its contents onto Hogwart’s grounds. It was way past midnight, and there I stood in the middle of the quidditch field alone, with both hands spread out wide, welcoming the cold snow. Embracing it.
Nature – it’s the only thing that can help me clear my mind. And, as of late, I have indeed found myself standing near the pitches thinking back on life. Current events have left me befuddled, tired, and completely out of it.
I looked down at the pile on the ground beside me. There, discarded were my Death-Eater robes and my silver mask, both of which contrasted dramatically against the white background. I don’t think anyone could fathom how horrible the meetings were. The smell of lust and rage – sex and death– always lingered, always reminded me of how much ‘wrong’ I had managed to do. I am no Saint. Never was, and most likely will never be.
Taking someone’s life is never a problem until you grow a conscience. Raping an unwilling woman isn’t difficult until you look into their eyes. And, living with yourself after you have realized what you have done is almost impossible.
But I’ve always moved on, pushed the thoughts and memories into a little tainted box in the back of my mind. It wears a badge of warning. . . . Open at your own risk. Yes, at your own risk. I’ve hidden so successfully from the truths of my wrong-doings, that if I indeed did start recognizing my faults, I might find that jumping off a cliff would be easier that actually dealing.
Suppressed denial, I suppose you would call it.
It doesn’t really matter anyway. What’s done is done. . . . It doesn’t matter what I feel. I’m just a puppet, just a rag doll for both sides; my feelings are irrelevant. I murder and rape for the greater good.
But sometimes, it doesn’t really matter how many times I tell myself that. My conscience will almost always get the better of me. . . . And, then I’ll lock the tainted little box. Throw away the key until next time. Yes, there will always be a next time.
Content with the numbness I now felt, I gathered up my things and headed back to the castle. This is my way of dealing, of sorting through the irrate feelings I have whenever I come back from a meeting.
Looking up, I can see the headmaster’s light on in his chambers, and the outline of the Headmaster himself standing in front of the window.
I keep walking as the snow continues to drift noiselessly down around me.
x/ END
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
A/N: Hey guys. :) So, you just read my first HP fanfic. I know it\'s really short and there\'s not much \"umph\" there, but it will come once I get used to writing the characters. I\'d really appreciate the reviews as long as they\'re constructive. :D.
by Arabella
Disclaimer: I don\'t own Snape or any of the other HP characters... or the storyline for that matter. I\'m simply borrowing them. Enjoy!
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
The snow fell thick on the already blanketed ground – such a beautiful sight. . . . Even a man like me can appreciate beauty when presented with it. Above, the tightly knitted clouds stood still, unmoving as it dumped its contents onto Hogwart’s grounds. It was way past midnight, and there I stood in the middle of the quidditch field alone, with both hands spread out wide, welcoming the cold snow. Embracing it.
Nature – it’s the only thing that can help me clear my mind. And, as of late, I have indeed found myself standing near the pitches thinking back on life. Current events have left me befuddled, tired, and completely out of it.
I looked down at the pile on the ground beside me. There, discarded were my Death-Eater robes and my silver mask, both of which contrasted dramatically against the white background. I don’t think anyone could fathom how horrible the meetings were. The smell of lust and rage – sex and death– always lingered, always reminded me of how much ‘wrong’ I had managed to do. I am no Saint. Never was, and most likely will never be.
Taking someone’s life is never a problem until you grow a conscience. Raping an unwilling woman isn’t difficult until you look into their eyes. And, living with yourself after you have realized what you have done is almost impossible.
But I’ve always moved on, pushed the thoughts and memories into a little tainted box in the back of my mind. It wears a badge of warning. . . . Open at your own risk. Yes, at your own risk. I’ve hidden so successfully from the truths of my wrong-doings, that if I indeed did start recognizing my faults, I might find that jumping off a cliff would be easier that actually dealing.
Suppressed denial, I suppose you would call it.
It doesn’t really matter anyway. What’s done is done. . . . It doesn’t matter what I feel. I’m just a puppet, just a rag doll for both sides; my feelings are irrelevant. I murder and rape for the greater good.
But sometimes, it doesn’t really matter how many times I tell myself that. My conscience will almost always get the better of me. . . . And, then I’ll lock the tainted little box. Throw away the key until next time. Yes, there will always be a next time.
Content with the numbness I now felt, I gathered up my things and headed back to the castle. This is my way of dealing, of sorting through the irrate feelings I have whenever I come back from a meeting.
Looking up, I can see the headmaster’s light on in his chambers, and the outline of the Headmaster himself standing in front of the window.
I keep walking as the snow continues to drift noiselessly down around me.
x/ END
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
A/N: Hey guys. :) So, you just read my first HP fanfic. I know it\'s really short and there\'s not much \"umph\" there, but it will come once I get used to writing the characters. I\'d really appreciate the reviews as long as they\'re constructive. :D.