Like Muggles Do...Sort of

Here\'s a better summary....

Contest #4 Harry/Severus Challenge #1: Post Hogwarts. Harry must take Severus into his apartment in the Muggle world for safety after Voldemort\'s death. Various DE\'s are still after Harry so he has chosen to move into the Muggle world for safety right now. Against Severus\' better judgment, Albus sends him to Harry for safekeeping. They have no contact with the Wizarding world, and can use no magic.

Yep! I did this for TSS contest #4, but I didn\'t win this category. *sigh* I did have fun writing this story though!! I\'m going to post it in two approximately 6,000 word chapters for you guys. =D


Disclaimer: These characters belong to JK Rowling. No money is being made from their use. No copyright infringement is intended. Also, I do not own anything from the Lord of The Rings or Star Wars.

Quick Author\'s Note: I have a few acknowlegements and great big hugs to give out. First, my beta Psyche, Love you girl. I\'ve never had anyone rip apart anything I wrote and leave me in tears laughing at the end. Thanks to the lovely webmistresses of this site for letting me mention it in my story. Muah!! Also many thanks to Occasus who wrote \'Canon in D\' and \'Four Seasons,\' Phoenix Rising who\'s the author of \'Fighting For Roses\', and Cyane Snape who wrote \'Just A Friendly Game of Wizard Poker\'. Each of them also let me mention their stories. *hugs her fellow authors* Thanks a million guys!


“Albus, do come in!” Harry exclaimed as he opened the door for the wizened wizard.

He ushered the older man and his guest in and offered them tea. “I must say Albus, it’s very odd indeed to see you in muggle clothes,” Harry chuckled as he poured three cups of tea.

The old man smiled and pulled a pouch of lemon drops from the pocket of his trousers. “It’s good to see you my boy. Seems as though muggle life is suiting you well. You know why Severus and I are here, and I appreciate you helping us out.”

He just waved Dumbledore off. “You know that I will do anything to aid the Order. Quite frankly, it’s a bit disheartening that there are so many Death Eaters still out there searching for me…and it appears, Severus. I’ll keep him safe here, though. He’ll learn what it’s like to be a muggle,” he added with a smirk.

Snape sat next to Dumbledore sulking. He sipped his tea and observed what he could see of the apartment. The kitchen was a sparkling white and spotless. The small dinner table appeared to be oak. He liked the deep green carpet that led into the living room, though he’d never admit it. He didn’t pay any attention to the conversation going on between the two other men. Severus Snape was livid. He did not want to live as a muggle, and he most certainly didn’t want to be a flat mate with Harry bloody Potter.

“Severus…Severus…Sev!” Harry finally got the man’s attention and the three of them rose from the table.

“Come on, I’ll show you your room and you can get settled. You do realize that the robes will have to go, don’t you?”

Snape scowled. “I’ll wear what I please, Potter.”

Dumbledore laughed. “Not while you are living as a muggle, my boy. You’ll have no wand, no robes, and no magic. You must blend in.”

The tall man growled. “You know I don’t wear muggle clothes. You also know, Albus, that I detest most things muggle.”

Dumbledore chuckled. “I know my boy; that is why this is the perfect place to hide you! I’ll have to transfigure you a pair of trousers and a shirt so Harry can take you shopping.”

The old wizard waved his wand and Snape’s robes suddenly transformed into a pair of black linen trousers and a plain cotton shirt. “That will do for now,” he snickered.

Harry chuckled at the exchange in the hall. “Severus, this is your room here. Feel free to unpack your clothes and get comfortable. We’ll be in the living room.”

The two men left him to his own devices and made their way to the couch. “How much longer do you believe it will be?”

Dumbledore looked at Harry, “We’ve got about seventy-five percent of the death eaters, so we are hoping no longer than about six months, but of course, we can’t ever be sure. If we can ever get Lucius Malfoy, I think the attacks will cease.”

Harry nodded gravely. “Well, I suppose then that I won’t see you or anyone else until then, huh? Can you tell me anything about the Weasley’s? How are they? What about Tonks and Moody?”

There was an unmistakable twinkle in the old wizard’s eyes. “Ron and Hermione are expecting their third child. She found out yesterday. The twins have taken over the whole market with their Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes. Molly and Arthur, Bill and Fleur, Ginny and Luna, and Charlie are all doing fabulously. They all send their love and hope to be able to see you soon.”

Harry shook his head. “My two best friends have turned into a baby factory! Definitely give them both a hug and congratulations from me. As for everyone else, let them know that I’m doing well, and that I miss them all terribly.”

Dumbledore and Harry were shaking hands at the door as Snape reappeared. “Leaving so soon, Albus?”

“I fear that I must, Severus, but rest assured that you and Harry won’t have to hide for too many more months.”

With a hand shake and a wink at the two men, Dumbledore aparated away. “Ok,” Harry said rubbing his hands together, “let me give you the grand tour!”

Snape rolled his eyes and followed. Harry took him through the living room, which was furnished with a leather forest green couch and chairs and trimmed in cherry wood to match the end and coffee tables. He took him through the hall and pointed him to the study which held a lone desk and several walls full of book shelves. He showed Snape where the bathroom was and pointed him to a spiral staircase. “That staircase leads to my workout rooms. I’ve got a weight set and several different machines like a treadmill and a stationary bike.” With a lopsided smile he added, “Can’t be getting all out of shape since I can’t train for Quidditch!”

Severus just rolled his eyes and sneered at Harry, but secretly he was very impressed with his new surroundings. They went back to the living room and Harry curled up in one of the chairs and flipped on the big screen television. He scanned through until he found an interesting show about ancient Egypt. “So, do you want to go shopping today and get it over with?”

Sighing the older man agreed. Harry chuckled and excused himself to go change clothes. He came back in just a few minutes wearing a pair of tight black leather pants and a red cotton shirt. He changed from his beat up trainers into a pair of combat boots and donned a black leather bucket hat*. Snape raised an eyebrow at the silly looking hat. Harry blushed, “It keeps my bangs down so no one sees my scar.”

Much to Severus’ dismay, Harry enjoyed shopping with him. They visited a couple of shops to buy Severus some really nice trousers and shirts. Harry told the clerk in Geoffrey Davis that he did not want to see a single shirt in black for his friend. The young woman proceeded to pick out button downs in various colors from white to red and green. Snape sulked at the fact that he couldn’t have any black shirts. As they left, Harry smiled, “Look, every pair of trousers we bought today was black. I’ll not have you skulking around the flat looking like you’re going to a funeral.”

Anger flashed across Severus’ face, but he did not say a word. As much as he detested having to live with Potter, he was not going to be uncivilized. After all, Potter was the one buying all of his clothes, and he was sparing no expense. They made a stop at Embleton and King where Harry purchased Snape several pairs of silk boxers and a silk dressing gown. The young wizard chuckled as they made their way to the last store. “This has become my favorite store as of late, Severus. We are going to find you something a little daring in here,” he added with a smirk.

They walked into a place called Blackrose. Snape almost fainted when he looked at the young woman that greeted them. Her hair was short, like a boy\'s, and her bangs were a violent shade of red while the rest was purple. She also sported a small nose ring and a gold hoop in her lip. She smiled, “Jonathan, how are you this afternoon?”

Harry grinned at her and replied, “I’m well, thank you. I’m really in the mood to shop today. I’ve come to find my friend here something. I think we’ll just browse.”

She gave Snape a once over with her eyes, smiled and walked away. “Potter,” he whispered through clenched teeth, “what are you doing bringing me into an establishment such as this?”

Harry giggled. “I’ve already said we’re going to find you something risqué today. Just one outfit, and we’ll go. I need to get a few things while I’m here, anyway.”

He led Snape over to the leather pants and handed him a couple of different styles. Then he went to the shirts and picked out a black one that looked suspiciously like the kind of shirt that a pirate would wear, with the ruffles on the front. Harry grabbed himself a mesh shirt with laces up the front. They wandered around for a little while longer with Harry grabbing clothes and piling them into Snape’s hands. He walked down one isle and picked up a couple of spiked chokers. “Ok, let’s go try your clothes on and pick out what’s going home with us!” Harry declared.

“I’m not coming out; I look ludicrous!”
“Come on, Severus! Let me be the judge of that!”

Reluctantly, Snape stepped out of the dressing room. Harry’s jaw dropped at one look of the man in the leather pants. “You’re getting those pants! That’s hot!”

A blush colored the man’s cheeks at Harry’s admission. He turned quickly and retreated back into the small room. Harry made him try on everything before they left and when Severus was sufficiently humiliated, they made their way to the checkout counter. Harry spied a ring under the glass and pointed to it. “I’ll take that ring, too, in a size T if you’ve got it.”

Snape snorted at the ring Harry picked out. It was the head of a werewolf. With a smirk Harry said a bit too loudly, “You’re laughing at my wolf ring, and you just let me buy you some leather pants, Mr. I-Look-Ludicrous-In-These!”

The clerk giggled at Harry’s statement while Snape blushed and mumbled, “I’ll be outside.”

Immediately upon exiting the store Harry was verbally assaulted by an angry Severus Snape. He just smirked and walked down the street with the long haired man spouting profanity and threats behind him. The smaller man stopped and turned around. “Severus, we have one more stop. I’ve got to get you some more shoes, something that will go with your new leather pants, and something a bit more casual for your other clothes. We are going to Kay’s, a place you’ll definitely feel is more to your liking.”

Turning on his heel, Harry started off again with a now silent Snape behind him. They sized the long haired man for his new Doc Martens and also got him a pair of kicker boots. As they walked back to the bus stop, Harry saw a Harrods and dragged the other man into it. He told the clerk he wanted to look at their finest silk shirts. Before they left, Severus had five more shirts in his new wardrobe.

It was well after dark when they made it back to the flat and both men were exhausted. Harry made himself a cup of peppermint tea and offered Severus one, but he declined. The taller of the two men decided that he would check out the study and see if there was anything worth reading in there. “I’ve got them alphabetized by author. You might find something interesting in the ‘R’ section,” Harry said with a slight chuckle.

It was not too long that he flew out of the study clutching a book. “What in the name of all that is holy is this?” Snape asked obviously furious and holding up a book.

Smirking, Harry answered, “It’s what I’ve been doing these last six years. Did it not seem odd that the clerk at Blackrose called me Jonathan?”

“You had someone write a book about the wizarding world? You have effectively outed every one of us!”

Harry laughed. “No, Severus, I told my story. If you’ll look, it’s told by way of a children’s storybook. Ms. Rowling is actually a very lovely lady. Be glad you live exclusively in the wizarding world. These books are some of the most popular children’s books ever.”

“Why does it not surprise me that you, of all people, could get away with something such as this?”

Harry shrugged. “I wouldn’t be surprised if I were you, either. Now, since I’m living under an assumed name, you know you must also. Is there any particular name you’d like?”

Snape rolled his eyes. “I’ve got to go by an assumed name because you decided it would be fun to out us all?”

“No, you need another name because Severus Snape is not exactly common,” Harry retorted with mock exasperation in his voice. “You just think of a name for yourself right now. I’m going to fix us something to eat.”

Harry walked into the kitchen and started to dig through the refrigerator. He pulled out a few pieces of ham and some mayo. “How does a ham sandwich sound right now?”

Snape walked into the kitchen and sat at the table. “Ham will suffice. What do you have to drink?”

Harry didn’t even look up. “Soda, water, apple juice, and beer are what I’ve got.”

“Beer, Potter?”

With a chuckle and a loud clank from the knife hitting the sink, Harry answered, “Yes, beer, Heineken to be exact. Thad and Sean insist that I keep beer over here. What it amounts to is they like to drink when we get together and I think beer tastes awful so they buy an extra six-pack and keep it in my fridge.”

Taking his sandwich and opening the bag of crisps on the table Severus asked the next logical question. “Who are Thad and Sean?”

“They are my neighbors. Thad and Sean are two extremely crazy guys who will chat anyone up. They are wildly funny, smart, and…well, wild. You won’t be able to miss them if you see them outside of here.”

“Sounds like you fit in well with them. They almost sound like Weasley and Granger.”

Harry laughed at that remark. “Actually, they are more like Ron and Hermione than you might believe. It’s too bad that the muggle world has this weird thing about queers. They really were made for each other.”

“They’re gay?”

“Oh, yes, emphatically so. They let everyone know they are together and they are proud of it. I think ‘screaming queen’ is the term Sean uses. Don’t worry, you’ll get to meet them, and I’m sure be inspected by them, soon enough.”

Narrowing his eyes, Severus asked, “What do you mean ‘inspected’?”

Harry waved him off. “They must inspect every man that walks through my door and deem him worthy of my company. They remind me of Molly, really.”

“You’re gay?” Snape asked, eyes wide with shock.

“Well, dur! Who do you think was the bait to get Draco? You know, I really hate he had to go to Azkaban; he gave really good head.”

“You know he’s my godson, don’t you?”

Snickering Harry couldn’t resist ribbing Snape, “So, you taught him how to do that?”

Snape got angry. “No! How would you feel if the one person you tried to save in this god damned war wouldn’t listen? I tried to save him, but his father had him so enamored with fantasies of power there was no turning back! I couldn’t save him and his father has thrown him to the dementors!”

Harry was appalled at his own behavior. “I…I didn’t know. I’m sorry.”

Snape looked at the young man with a defeated look. “You didn’t know Potter, don’t worry about it.”

It was now almost midnight and the two men decided that it would be best to retire. Harry put a CD in his stereo while he let Snape have the bathroom. When the older man got done, he found Harry lying in the floor listening to Beethoven. He heard Severus at the doorway and looked back at him. Harry was pleased to note that his flat mate was wearing his new silk dressing gown. “I suppose it’s my turn now, huh?”

The older man just looked at him and with a curt nod turned on his heel and went to his room. Harry called out a ‘goodnight’ as he passed the closed bedroom door of his new roommate and went to take a shower. He stripped down and let the warm water rush over his toned body. He could see that Snape had not changed a bit in the years since the fall of the Dark Lord, save the fact that his hair was longer, which Harry liked.

He was nervous about his new flat mate because Harry was used to living by himself. He enjoyed being able to sleep nude and not have to worry about dressing until after his first cup of tea. He enjoyed his meditations wearing nothing but a towel draped across his middle. Harry knew that he was going to have to consciously alter some things that he did in order to not embarrass himself and his new guest. He also realized that he was going to have to watch himself and what he said because he knew that Snape still did not particularly like him.

He crossed the hall in a towel after his shower and slipped between the cool silk sheets of his bed. It was not long until he was sleeping peacefully. Five-thirty came much too early for him, but his damned internal alarm clock would not let him sleep any later. So, Harry got up and threw on some clean boxers and started heating water for tea. He heard a gasp as he turned to pour the water into his cup. “Good morning, early bird.”

With his hair disheveled and his dressing gown open to reveal his matching boxers, Snape raised a still sleepy eyebrow. He grunted in response.

Harry chuckled and handed the older man his cup of tea. “What is that on your back, Potter?”

Smiling fondly, he answered, “That is a phoenix. Thad and Sean took me to a tattoo parlor last summer and I saw it and I got it. It helps to remind me of why I’m here and not with those I love. They also insisted I get this,” he grinned impishly as he flicked the gold hoop in his nipple.

“Nipple ring, that’s nice,” Snape drawled sarcastically. “What again would be the purpose of putting holes in your body and marring it with ink?”

With a sneer to match the man across the table, he answered, “Who in the wizarding world would believe that their precious savior went out into the world and got himself tattooed and pierced? No one. I can go about my life in hiding and still go to pubs and dance clubs and do as I please and not a single wizard will look twice at me. I’m hiding in plain sight.”

Understanding dawned on the older wizard’s face. “How very Slytherin of you, Potter.”

Harry’s sneer turned to a blinding smile, “Why thank you Severus. I’m glad you noticed.”

Harry finished his tea and told Severus he was going upstairs to work out. Severus bathed and gently brushed his hair out. He did not bother to dry it because he usually used magic and he wasn’t touching anything muggle that he didn’t have to. He looked through his new clothes and chose a deep red silk shirt and one of the many pairs of black trousers he now possessed. An hour later, the older man climbed the stairs to find Harry sitting with his back straight against the wall listening to some kind of chant. There was a level of peace across the young man’s features that belied his horrid childhood. This man did not have a care in the world. Harry sighed happily and his eyes fluttered opened. He looked toward the man in the door and smiled.

“Caught me doing my daily meditation, did you?”

Harry got up and made his way to the door and his new roommate. “Red is definitely your color. You should wear it more often,” he observed. “I do believe I’ll shower now and we can watch some television or something.”

Snape picked up the book he’d thrown down the day before and he started reading it. When Harry reappeared, he was sporting skin tight leather pants (again!) and an overly large white tee shirt. He always walked through he flat barefoot because secretly, Harry hated shoes of any kind.

The two men had a quiet lunch and spent most of the afternoon watching the first movie from Lord of the Rings. Surprisingly, Snape enjoyed the tale and made Harry promise him that they’d watch the other two. Harry showed him how to work the TV and the satellite and his stereo. They were discussing Harry’s extensive and eclectic CD collection when two men about Harry’s age burst through the door.

“Oh Jonathan!” Said a deep bass voice in a sing-song manner and it was followed by a “Honey we’re home!” in smooth tenor.

Harry laughed and yelled that he was in the living room. Both men stopped at the doorway when they saw the tall, dark man standing next to Harry. The shorter of the two friends walked forward. “Jonathan, you mink! You didn’t tell us you were…entertaining.”

Harry chuckled at the nickname and Snape’s eyes got owlishly large. “Sean, I’m not entertaining, as you so eloquently put it. I have a new flat mate.” “That’s Thad,” Harry pointed to the taller of the two, “And Sean here seems to think that every man that walks through my door is being ‘entertained’ by me,” he added rolling his eyes.

Snape stepped toward Sean, “I’m Branan. It’s a pleasure to meet you Sean, Thad.”

Thad nodded and smiled and pulled his laptop from behind his back. “Ok, so you remember our conversation last weekend, Jon? You aren’t going to believe what I found on the internet last night! I was looking for some good hard core slash sites and stumbled on a place called The Silver Snitch!” He gave Harry a triumphant look as he set the computer down and began to boot it up.

Sean picked up where his lover stopped. “Yes, The Silver Snitch! It’s all Harry Potter slash! We browsed through some of the stories and personally, I can’t for the life of me figure out why some of these people are writing fan fiction instead of being published all over the world! And the smut! It’s just absolutely yummy! Is it up yet, Thad?”

“Not yet, Sean, give it a minute!”

Snape raised an eyebrow at Harry who in turn just shook his head as if to say ‘later’. The two lovers prattled on about the site and some of the stories they’d read. “It seems that these people, well quite a bit of them anyway, prefer the Harry/Snape pairing,” Thad said absentmindedly.

Sean broke in excitedly, “And you would not believe how many of them write Snape as some kind of tragic hero that needs to be saved!”

“Pfft! What about the ones who make him this soft and gentle person underneath the bastard exterior?” Thad looked up and grinned. “Most of the stories stray from cannon a bit, but you’d be surprised how many capture the whole walk-the-thin-line-of-a-spy inner turmoil. It’s quite good, actually.”

“Jon, we know how much you love Alternate Universe fictions, so we even found a couple for you. There’s this one called Canon in D. It’s got Harry in a behavioral hospital and he’s a blind-mute. Who brings him out of his shell but the ever talented artist and violinist, Severus Snape! It’s actually a rather sad story. The same lady also wrote a sequel to it called Four Seasons.”

Snape sat watching the exchange between the three younger men and let out a snort when Sean announced that the Severus in the story was the artist type. “Oh, and Jon,” Sean piped up, “You’ll have to read this story called Fighting for Roses. It starts out in the Marauder era and skips to the second war. It’s Remus and Snape. It’s actually a very beautiful story. Snape’s all noble and stuff.”

Thad smiled. “It’ll really bring a tear to your eye.”

Harry rolled his eyes. “You know the two of you should not be allowed near a computer or the internet. You both have too much time on your hands.”

His friends laughed and agreed with him. “We are going to get you addicted to fan fiction if it’s the last thing we do! You’ll never want to read another Harry Potter book again.”

“What are you two doing tonight?” Thad asked looking up from the screen of the laptop.

“We really didn’t have anything planned except watching The Two Towers,” Harry answered.

“You’ll be going out with us, then. There’s a new club on the other side of town that we haven’t been to yet. It’s supposed to be a really hot Goth club, so you’ll have to get prettied up for it. We’ll meet you at say nine?”

“Branan, want to go? You could get to know more about these two nut jobs.”

Snape was unsure about going to a club. He knew he’d have a good time, but he wasn’t so sure he wanted to put up with an inebriated Potter. Harry noticed the trepidation on the older man’s face and answered for him. “We’ll think about it guys. Come by at nine and we’ll let you know.”

“You are such a killjoy, Jon! You always go with us, but you never give us a firm answer until we show up ready to go.”

Thad patted his lover on the back. “Sean, you ought to know after two years that as long as he doesn’t outright refuse then he’s going. We’ve got to run, but we’ll be back at nine. I’m going to leave the computer so you can do a little reading,” he added as he wagged his eyebrows.

Harry rolled his eyes at the two men and said, “I don’t know that I’ll do much reading, but thanks. I’ve still got to cook and do a bit of cleaning and…”

Sean clapped his hands together at Harry, “Well, hop to, chop chop! You’ve got to come with us tonight and we won’t accept any kind of Cinderella story about how you’ve got to stay and clean around here.”

Harry’s friends left and he plopped down into his chair. “I swear those two leave me so drained when they come around. They are just so high energy!”

Snape chuckled. “They are quite like watching Weasley and Granger, you know that?”

“Was that a laugh, Severus? Who’d have ever thought that you would be sitting in my living room actually having a good time?” Harry asked with mock surprise.

“So, what about this club, you want to go? I’ve not been out in a while. Watching those two get drunk in public is a comedy act all of its own, but it takes me two days to recuperate afterward!”

“What say we talk about it over supper, Jonathan?”

“That is a brilliant idea Branan!\"

They made their way to the kitchen and Harry cooked up a couple of hamburgers and some chips to go along with them. Eventually, they decided that they would go to the club. It was not long before it was eight o’clock and they made their way to their rooms to get dressed.

Harry settled for just changing his shirt and put his new mesh one on. His leather pants left nothing to the imagination. He made his way to the mirror in the bathroom and put on just a little black eyeliner. As he was finishing up, Snape knocked. “Come in! I’m almost done, Sev.”

He blinked twice and grinned at the older man. Harry’s hair was combed down as much as possible and his bangs just touched his eyelashes. “Potter, your eyes are brown! I thought you couldn’t use any magic while living as a muggle.”

Harry laughed. “They’re colored contacts. It helps me to hide in plain sight like my tattoo and piercing. Besides that, how many wizards do you know will be at a gay Goth club in muggle London?”

Severus just shook his head and smiled. Harry exited the bathroom and let the older man finish getting dressed. He could not believe that he was wearing leather pants and about to embark upon a night at a gay club, and a Goth one at that!

At precisely nine, Harry’s neighbors entered the flat. “We’re here! Are you coming?” Thad yelled as he walked into the living room.

Harry emerged from the hallway with two spiked collars in his hands and wearing his new ring. “Thad, can you help me with this?” He asked raising the collar.

As Thad helped him with the spiked collar, Snape emerged. “Oh, don’t you just look yummy!” Sean giggled.

Harry turned to Snape and appraised his looks. He wore the black ruffled shirt that Harry had picked out along with the leather pants he’d bought earlier in the day. His hair was tied back with a black leather thong. Harry unconsciously licked his lips at the sight before him. “You need one more thing to complete your look, Branan.”

He held up the second collar and Snape shook his head. “No. I think I look just fine. I don’t need spikes donning my neck to complete my look, as you put it.”

The young wizard moved behind him and held up the choker. “What do you think guys?”

“Definitely,” answered Thad while at the same time Sean shook his head and giggled some more.

Harry latched the collar. “It brings everything together. You’ve just gone from hot to smoldering.”

Thad and Sean dressed very similarly to the other two men. They both wore leather pants and lace up black boots, while Sean donned a deep blue poet shirt and Thad opted for a tight black leather shirt to match his pants. Thad’s platinum blond hair sported bright blue tips to match his equally blue eyes, while Sean’s long auburn hair had been braided in corn rows on his head.

Snape rolled his eyes and fiddled with the collar on his neck. “Shall we gentlemen?”