Aged

The warm sun shone down on Remus as he sat in the garden. Birds chirped in the trees, which swayed softly in the faint breeze. Bees lazily buzzed as they moved from flower to flower. It was a spring day unlike any that Remus had seen for a long time. There was not a cloud in sight in the brilliant blue sky and everything glowed in the sun’s radiance.

He cast his face up towards the sun and closed his eyes. “Such a beautiful day, Sirius,” he muttered with a smile. “There is always too much rain in this country. Wouldn’t you agree?”

He lowered his face again and opened his eyes. Everything seemed might brighter than it really was after having his eyes closed. He squinted and moved a hand to his forehead to shield his eyes for a moment. He gazed out at the vast expanse of green grass that stretched before him. “If I wasn’t so old, I’d ask you to go running with me across that,” he added and gestured to the greenery ahead of him with an aged, scarred hand. “Remember when you’d turn Animagus and you’d chase me until I ran out of breath? You always pounced on me like a puppy dog and licked my face until I was covered in saliva.”

He grinned at the memory. “Those were the days, eh, Padfoot?” Remus dropped his hand from where it was poised over his brow to his cheek and ran his fingers over it. His fingertips dipped into each of the deep scars that were slashed across his face. They felt leathery, like suede. He traced one finger up the length of the deepest scar, which stretched up to his nose and then dropped his hand to his lap. “I feel so old,” he continued. “My bones feel old. They seem to creak much more than they used to. I often wonder how many more moons this old body of mine is going to last.”

Remus reached his hand back up to his head, spread his fingers and raked them through his graying hair. “You know you are getting old when your bones creak and your hair thins.” He sighed and patted his hair down. “Each morning, I look in the mirror and I see such an old, haggard man, Sirius. I stare back at this old face in the bathroom mirror and remember my youth. I remember how much we fooled about and how much fun we had.”

Remus cast his eyes back up and watched a bird fly past. He swallowed thickly and forced back the tears that were threatening to spill from his tired eyes. “Living is somewhat of a curse these days,” he said quietly. “See that bird up there, Sirius?” He lifted his hand and pointed with an aged, thin finger. “I want to be free like that.” He lost the battle with suppressing the tears and a single drop rolled down his wrinkled, scarred cheek. “Waking up every morning with these aches and pains, especially after a night with the moon… I’m weary. It feels like my spirit has finally died.”

Remus swiftly wiped the tear from his cheek and forced a smile to his lips. He cast his eyes from the sky to his lap and lowered his hand to his thigh. Smoothing his hand over the material of his trousers, he watched how his spidery fingers moved and how the veins on the back of his hand protruded through his elderly skin. “I’m sorry, Sirius,” he added quietly. “I know you don’t like to talk about that sort of thing. You always said I was too serious for my own good.” He broke into a smile. “I guess I’ve never changed. I doubt I will, either. I’m as stubborn as you are, Sirius.” He chuckled. “Well, maybe not. You’re the most stubborn brat I ever met.”

Silence followed for a few moments. All’s that could be heard was the birds, the bees and the branches of the trees rustling together quietly in the soft wind. “I best be going, Sirius,” he finally said. He placed his hands on the seat and pushed himself up with a groan. Once standing, he turned to the small memorial made for Sirius after he fell through the veil and said, “I’ll be back tomorrow, as usual.” He took a hobbled step forward and placed his hand on the epitaph. “I refuse to grow old without you, Padfoot,” he whispered and squeezed the stone as though it were Sirius’ shoulder.

Another tear rolled down his cheek as he turned around and slowly began to walk away.