Lupinus Sublimis

Title: Lupinus Sublimis
Pairing: Sirius/Remus
Disclaimer: Not making any kind of revenue out of this. JK Rowling
invented the characters used in this fanfiction.
Rating: NC-17 (Sexual content to come in later chapters)
Summary: Remus Lupin falls in-love with his comrade Sirius Black. He
can\'t bring himself to tell Sirius so he turns to art. He writes
beautiful sexually explicit poetry anonymously and drives Sririus
crazy with lust.
Category: Holy, not even I know that yet. (I\'ll get back to you on
this one)
Feedback: Oh, owl me anytime. I want to know what you think.
Author\'s Note: This has been swimming in my head for too long. It
just was begging to be written.

Lupinus Sublimis
Chapter 1

The wall was there and with fierce determination he slammed right
into Platform Nine and Three Quarters. What a beautiful sight it all
was; crowds of fidgeting wizards and witches giving various kinds of
farewells to their offspring, mesmerizing beasts accompanying their
owners and making a big point out of screaming to the top of their
little lungs, but what most impressed Remus out of all things was a
new kind of feeling that hit his being harder than any physical blow
he\'d ever received.

\"Remus! Over here mate!\" James Potter was waving frantically with his
arms extended high up on the air while balancing dangerously on the
top of his baggage. Innocent by passers dodged what could have been
serious injuries by ducking in opposite directions. Remus smiled to
himself before breaking into a run to meet the friend he had not seen
in all summer; James was always reckless.

He was received into a back-cracking hug which he returned. Fifth
year at Hogwarts was going to be even better than the previous four,
the young man told himself. When he was released by James he realized
that Peter Pettigrew, the shyest of his friends was greeting him with
a grin as well. \"Lo, Wormtail!\"

\"Where is that rascal, Sirius?\" He asked his companions
enthusiastically.

The moment the question had made its way out of his lips he felt a
chill go though both Peter and James. Both boys glanced at each other
nervously and then back at Remus.

\"Eh… We haven\'t seen him yet. I hope he is all right, you know… his
mother made sure he had no contact with anyone over the summer, we\'ve
deduced,\" James lowered his voice, \"she might not want him to hang
out with us anymore. This time it\'s serious, I think.\"

Remus nodded with comprehension. Sirius\' mother had this knack for
getting in the boy\'s case every time she could. Even if their friend
rarely talked about his family problems, Remus knew they were there
always bothering the dark haired youth. He ran a hand through his
dirty blonde hair while he scanned the crowd. He gave up as his hand
dropped to his side and the piece of hair he was holding covered his
right eye. His back was turned in the direction of Peter and James.

\"Sirius!\" Peter yelped and jumped at least three feet in the air.

\"Shhhh!!! Shut up, I\'m going incognito here,\" he whispered.

Remus smiled and turned around to greet his friend. Not much of this
task was accomplished successfully as he stumbled for his knees
threatened to give out under him. He had no words to describe the
effect of seeing Sirius again. He struggled to speak. Just to utter a
single phrase not to sound stupid but he was too busy taking in the
image of Sirius.

The boy had grown taller for one. At least a good seven inches or so
since the last time they had seen each other. He wore a floor-length
velvety cloak and the hood was covering his eyes so only the tip of
the nose and the mouth showed. Remus noted that Sirius\' shoulders
were somewhat broader too and surely the sensuous arms and legs under
the black fabric had hardened as well. Sensuous? Where had that come
from?

He felt even more awkward as his cheeks grew warmer. Finally, after
what seemed an eternity he uttered a few broken sounding words of
welcome. His throat felt so dry.

\"Are you ok, Moony?\" Oh the voice had become deeper as well. Remus
glanced up to look at Sirius who smiled and patted his shoulder.

\"Yes, ok. I\'m ok.\" He licked his dried lips. This strange reaction in
the presence of his friend was the feeling that had hit the youth
harder than any physical blow he\'d ever received.

******

Sirius ripped his black cloak off his shoulders when they were
finally safe inside a compartment in the Hogwarts Express and away
from the prying eyes of his mother. The sliding garment revealed that
Sirius\' black hair had grown to the length of his shoulder-blades and
it was now kept in a loose pony-tail at the base of his neck. He sat
down with a loud sigh on the cushioned seat and placed his booted
feet on the seat opposite between James and Remus. Peter was sitting
on his right and to his left was the panoramic window. The train had
been traveling for about ten minutes now.

He chatted with James about his summer break amiably. The
bespectacled boy had visited Rome and was relating in full detail all
he had seen there. Apparently the Ancient Roman wizards were as
ambitious as their muggle counterparts. Peter\'s eyes lit up as James
told them about some Publius Ludovisi wizard who held seat in the
Roman senate and so on and so forth. Sirius was sure he had heard all
about this in History of Magic a couple of years before. He yawned
and glanced at Remus who hastily dropped his gaze to his nails.

\"Are you sure you are ok, Moony?\" He asked, worry in his voice. Remus
loved Roman history and the dark haired youth found it most odd that
his comrade had not said a word.

Remus looked up at him and Sirius was puzzled at the look in those
hazel eyes. They were always comforting and kind, but now they were
hazed by confusion as if Remus was having trouble understanding a
particularly complicated text on medieval philosophy.

Remus on the other hand was having open war inside of his mind. Part
of him wanted to jump out of the train to avoid any contact what so
ever with Sirius. The other part wanted to stay right where he was
staring at those attention-grabbing silver-gray eyes. He chose the
later of the two and was now busy trying to understand why his
stomach tingled, his hands were sweaty, and his heart was throbbing
so hard it might just as well explode, when he realized he had been
asked a question.

He began to entwine his fingers between the button holes on the front
of his robes as he nervously looked from James to Peter as if asking
to be helped. \"I\'m sure I\'m ok, Sirius… Just glad to be back that\'s
all.\"

The two other boys were if anything puzzled by this sudden behavior
and wondered if Remus had finally lost it, which was unlikely for he
was the most level-headed of the four.

\"I don\'t know. You\'re acting weird. But I\'m glad to be here with you
as well.\"

Remus\' heart swelled. Did that mean Sirius was glad to be with him?
No. His heart sank right back to its usual spot. Sirius had
meant `you\' as in `the three of you\' not as in `you, Remus Lupin.\' He
chose to push his doubts aside and try to act normal.

\"Hey, hey! Look!\" James sprang to his feet and walked a couple of
paces towards the food cart. \"Dinner gentlemen,\" his eyes glittered
with joy as he purchased various types of candy and treats, \"is
served.\"

Remus was suddenly back to his merry calm self at the sight of
chocolate which was handed to him by Peter.

******

Dumbledore had taken his seat after he gave the order for the grand
feast to be served.

Remus could not drag his eyes away from Sirius who had now moved away
from the Gryffindor table. Now that he was thinking about it on
serious terms, he realized that the fact that Sirius was an extremely
attractive young man was nothing new to him. In fact, this little
detail he had successfully pushed to the back of his mind for the
previous four years. But no longer. It was there gnawing at his
sanity like a scavenging beast. He could no longer ignore that his
friend was beautiful and chose to blame it conveniently on his raging
hormones.

He also noticed for the first time that he was not the only one that
thought Sirius was quite something. As the young man made his way to
the Ravenclaw table to salute a couple of acquaintances there, Remus
noticed three girls giggling as he passed by them. He raised his
eyebrow because Sirius acknowledged this girly behavior by nodding
and smirking their way. He could also not deny that this had touched
a chord inside of him. He liked that not.

(Of course, Remus. Why did you not see it before? All the girls
Sirius talked to, and how he borrowed James\' invisibility cloak
sometimes and sneaked out of the dormitories at night, how he
sometimes even drops hints to other boys.) He sighed and pushed his
plate away from him. He was no longer hungry. He wished he was so
that he could stop thinking about how miserable he was now; he was so
stupid to harbor feelings for the dashing, charming, charismatic,
tall, slender, sexy friend of his. (You\'re mental if you ever thought
he would even look at you. You are a monster at times, and even when
you\'re not, your skinny scared body tells the truth.)

Remus gathered the sleeve of his robes with his hand and fisted it in
frustration. He felt his eyes wet with tears and lowered his face not
to alarm James and Peter who had conveniently chosen that exact
moment to glance his way. Biting his lower lip, Remus rubbed his
forearm against his wet lashes, collecting the moisture from there as
well as trying to hide his uncomfortable show of emotion.

\"Remus, are you ok?\" Asked Peter. Remus felt anger soar through his
veins. Wasn\'t there something else they could ask him? Could they not
at least feel how troubled he was?

Peter looked at James for confused he was a lot. He was further
confused when Remus slammed his fists of the table, stood up and made
his way to the door and out the Great Hall leaving many with implied
question marks on their heads. Sirius failed not to notice this
sudden and surprising behavior and rushed back to the Gryffindor
table.

\"What the fuck did you do to him?\" Little did he know that he was the
sole instigator.

James raised his arms defensibly. \"I did nothing! Honest!\"

\"He just pushed his plate, started crying, and the rest—well, you saw
the rest. As did everyone,\" Sirius looked at Peter and then back at
James who could not have looked more baffled. He sat down and
beckoned with his finger. The three boys leaned in lowering their
voices.

\"Something\'s wrong with Moony. He has never thrown a tantrum before,\"
he was worried. He cared a whole lot for Remus. Maybe a little bit
more than a guy should care for a friend (ok, a lot more), but Sirius
had accepted that he was bisexual long ago. He had also come to terms
with the idea of liking Remus, but his Gryffindor traits failed him
there. Yep, right there when the one he really cared about was
involved, he was pigeon-livered.

\"I know…\" James was looking around the Great Hall as if expecting the
world to end at any given moment. \"He was pissed off. In fact, make
that `still\' pissed off.\"

\"Maybe it\'s a girl.\" Suggested Peter with an air as if feeling that
he\'s just discovered something great. Something like the Americas.

Sirius felt as if he had just gone through a ghost. He looked up and
realized that in fact, he kind of had. Nearly Headless Nick had just
rushed through him. But that still did not account for the sudden
heaviness inside his whole being. He took a deep breath. \"No.\"

\"Huh?\"

\"It\'s not a girl Peter.\" The words came out through clenched teeth.
He looked at James. \"You should know.\"

James blushed and bit his lip. He leaned forward and stared at his
crush further down the table who was chit-chatting with another
girl. \"No, not a girl.\"

\"Oh I\'m sure it is.\"

\"No.\" Sirius said a little bit too loudly while pulverizing a cracker
he had been toying with.

\"If it were a girl, Remus would be acting stupid and talking
nonsense,\" the bespectacled boy announced knowingly. \"He is acting
like he has a bug up his ass if you ask me.\"

In spite of the seriousness of the situation, the three of them
stifled giggles. Then Sirius cleared his throat. \"Let\'s delay our
arrival to out dormitories; he might want to be alone for a while.\"
Everyone agreed that that was the best course of action.

*******

Remus was furious. So furious in fact that he did not realize that he
had been running until he reached the portrait of the Fat Lady. She
asked for the password and the boy pulled on his dirty blonde hair
angrily. \"Oh just open you pestilent pile of Mandrake Mucus!\" He
growled at the terrified lady who swung to the side to his great
surprise.

\"The nerve of teenagers these days!\"

\"Oh fuck off!\" He heard the lady gasp but was already slamming the
door of his four bedded room before he could tear the painting apart.

Remus pressed his back to the wooden door and sobbed. \"Sirius. Oh
Sirius.\" His hands went up his arms to form an `x\' on his chest as
tears finally gained the hold of him. They dripped freely down his
pinked cheeks and tenderly caressed his lips soothingly as he slid to
the floor, his back still pressed against the hard surface of the
door, his own arms still hugging him. He needed so dearly to be held.
Remus felt like a small forgotten child in the wilderness. He
shivered at that image. Had his mother foreseen this horrible state
of mind of his and named him `Remus\'? The boy slid further down until
his cheek was pressed against the floor and his warm tears dripped
against the cool stone masonry. There he lay like an unborn infant.
He could not remember for how long. Then, the sound of feet he heard
approaching the door; with all due haste he raised himself and
covered his form with the cool blankets of his bed.

\"Shhh… I think he\'s asleep,\" whispered James.

Remus wished he could be a Pythas in order to be drugged by the fumes
at Delphi. Perhaps that way, he could come to be at peace with his
new found attraction to men. And not just any man; his best friend
Sirius who would never even look his way.