Las Vegas is a Scary Place

Summary: Dumbledore sends Remus and Sirius to America to recruit more people for the order. He gives them a portkey and tells them that they will meet their contacts in a park in Las Vegas, NV, as Las Vegas is full of people and they’ll be fairly inconspicuous in such a crowded atmosphere.
Warnings: OoTP spoilers
Disclaimers: That’s right, folks, we own it all. Yup, we own it and we’re posting on fan fiction. If you believe that, stop reading now. You don’t need to read anything that might upset your fragile being.

Chapter One: Give Me Your Pants
1996; Las Vegas, NV


Sitting under a cluster of trees near a quiet pond, two witches waited. Out from the underbrush rushed a strawberry blonde Irish Setter carrying a bright blue ball. The taller of the two witches took the ball from the dog and threw it. The dog woofed happily and ran after it.

The other witch brushed her long, maroon hair out of her eyes and sighed. “Why do you encourage her?”

The tall witch gave a kind smile. “Because if I don’t throw the ball, she spends twenty minutes transforming between her human and animagus forms and it is rather pathetic.” The redheaded witch rolled her eyes at her companion who continued. “Really, human form, throw the ball; dog form, retrieve the ball; human form, throw the ball; dog form retrieve the ball…”

The redhead sat up a little straighter. “That’s why I’ve never been a dog person.”

The other witch ran her fingers through her chocolate brown ringlets and shook them with feigned disinterest. “Ahh… so that’s why. I thought it was something a little closer to home.” She gave a thoughtful pause and indicated the dog. “And I don’t mean her.”

The redhead nodded. “Well, there is that. But try throwing a ball for a cat sometime and see what happens.”

The brunette smile. “I suppose.” She responded and continued her game with the Irish Setter.

On her last round, the dog looked around to make sure no one else was around and turned back into a petite strawberry blonde witch. She handed the ball to the brunette, who wiped it on the grass and shrunk it down to place it in her pocket.

The animagus sat on the grass next to her friends. “So, when are they showing up?”

The oldest of the three witches answered after blowing a stray curl from her face. “Anytime now. The portkey is only operational for another twenty minutes.” She turned to the redhead. “Do you have the descriptions?”

The redhead laughed. “Yes, but do you really think we’ll need them? Two wizards are about to pop into the middle of the Fairy Grove, I think that’s description enough.”

Her companion sighed. “Fine, but we follow protocol until we are sure. That means no last names, no unnecessary information, no…”

The redhead interrupted. “Aye, Moody.” She proclaimed and burst into a fit of giggles. “Constant vigilance!” she added.

The animagus piped up, “We wouldn’t want to loose a buttock!”

The redhead jumped up and gave her best imitation of Mad-eye Moody. “How’d you know about the buttock?”

Her friend blushed and laughed. “Jack told me one night.”

A clear pop was heard a few yards away as the two wizards arrived from Scotland.

Sirius and Remus came to a full stop by a quiet pond surrounded by trees, where they were greeted by the women. The redheaded witch stepped forward and smiled. “Well, I think I have an idea who you are but introductions are in order for the rest of us.” She said and indicated the two witches behind her. “My name is Paige and these are two of my roommates behind me. This is Kate and this is Rose. We will be your contacts while you’re here in Vegas and you are welcome to stay with us.”

Sirius stepped forward as well. “Sirius Black, at you service my ladies.” He bowed and kissed each of their hands in turn. He used this action to look each of them over. Paige was of medium height with waist-length maroon hair and big dark brown eyes. She laughed and curtsied as he kissed her hand. Rose was a tiny little thing with shoulder length blonde hair and turquoise eyes. She giggled and blushed as he kissed her hand. And finally, there was Kate. Kate was tall, being only a few inches shorter than Remus and had bobbed chocolate brown hair with a few hints of silver and light blue eyes. When he moved to kiss her hand she turned his wrist and shook his left hand, making his robe ride up on his bare forearm.

He thought her vigorous handshake was a little odd, but smiled at the three witches and motioned toward his companion. “This is my associate Remus Lupin.” Remus rolled his eyes at his friend’s behavior and nodded in greeting to the ladies.

Paige nodded back and smiled. “Let’s get you settled in then.” At this Kate started walking toward the car and Paige followed. Rose... well Rose was distracted by ducks. Paige yelled back, “Are you going with us Rose?” Rose paused looking longingly at the ducks.

She turned to Paige and pointed at the ducks, “But Paige, there’s ducks.”

Paige rolled her eyes and nodded, “Do you mind apparating home? Us normal people would like to get on with business.”

Rose looked at Paige with bliss-filled eyes, “Woohoo!” she exclaimed.

Meanwhile, Kate was rearranging what looked to be a small library in the back seat of her car. Paige glanced over “You know you really need to get those bookshelves put in. Every time I get into your car I feel I am going to be buried under an avalanche.”

Kate looked up from the backseat. “I did.” And moved to get into the driver’s seat. Paige laughed incredulously and shrugged at Remus and Sirius.

“I guess I will take the backseat because I’m used to fighting for my life in a car.” She shouted this last part towards Kate. “Which one of you is going to be joining me?”

Sirius leaned over to Remus. “So mate, redhead or brunette?” Remus just rolled his eyes and got in the front seat.

He let out a barking laugh, “Good, I like redheads!” then made a mental note. ‘So, an amazon librarian, a hobbit, and someone very interesting indeed.’ he thought.

Sirius climbed into the backseat that had been expanded and actually was much larger then it looked from the outside. Bookshelves lined the walls and doors of the car. The books and files that had been on the seat were moved to the floor, making it seem even more overcrowded and cramped than it had before.

Paige turned to Sirius, “You are either very brave or really stupid, only time will tell.” she said with a wink.

At that Kate rolled her eyes at Paige, “You know I could remove the sticking charm.”

Paige responded “Just drive and we will worry about dodging projectiles thank you.”

All was well in the little car or ‘book mobile’ as Paige had dubbed it, until Paige yelled for Kate to turn it up as the song “Of Wolf and Man” by Metallica came on the radio and Paige started singing her heart out. Sirius was amused and noticed that Remus looked scandalized.

Kate slammed on the brakes as someone cut her off, freaking everyone out. Paige yelled “Oww. Sirius put on your seatbelt. I don’t want to be caught in this position again.”

Sirius righted himself and did as she asked, smiling an apology at her.

Kate on the other hand took a deep breath, and calmly stated towards the window “You really want to get off at the next exit before you hurt someone.” At which point, the car that had just cut them off crossed three lanes of traffic to get off on the Russel exit.

Remus then spoke up “And never breed.”

Both witches responded in stereo “My thoughts exactly.”

Ten minutes later, they had arrived at Mystic Meadows Apartments behind the Super Wal-Mart. The girls lead
Sirius and Remus to their apartment. Kate excused herself to fetch a book from the car and Paige muttered under her breath “Bloody bookworm.” Paige then showed the wizards into the apartment, “Alright boys, this is the living room. That’s the kitchen, and I will show you to your room.”

Walking past the kitchen, they heard Rose yell, “Tacos or Hot Dogs?”

Paige turned back, “She always picks easy things to make when it’s her turn to cook.” At which both Sirius and Remus shrugged and Rose let out an exasperated sigh.

She asked again a little more forcefully, “Tacos or Hot Dogs?”

Sirius looked at Remus, Remus shook his head. Sirius said, “I’m a taco man myself.”

Unfortunately, Kate walked into the room just as Sirius was proclaiming himself ‘a taco man’ and immediately ran to her bedroom, where the only thing that could be heard was gales of laughter.

Paige looked at Sirius and grinned. “Whatever you say Tacoman.” She said and yelled out “They want tacos, stop yelling!”

Remus remarked “Do you realize how ironic it is that you are yelling at her to stop yelling?”

To which Paige replied “So?” At this, Kate returned to the common room eyes still bright from laughter.

Halfway through dinner, Paige’s cat Fido came into the dining room. Sniffing the occupants it gave a quick hiss at Kate, who growled causing Fido to flee to the other side of the dining room right into Remus, who was talking with Rose. Fido sensed a dark creature and attacked sending the dining room into chaos. Remus jumped up, flipped the table over, and flung out his arms knocking Rose into a wall sconce rendering her unconscious. All the food that was on the table landed on Sirius with the exception of the pitcher of pumpkin juice, which landed on Paige. Kate moved around the table and pulled the cat from Remus’s leg. It growled and lunged for her throat. Kate took a swing at Fido, tossing the psychotic feline onto the balcony. She turned and shut the door.

Kate was the first to speak, “Why can’t I kill your cat, again?”

Paige ignored Kate, “Dinner is usually not this exciting, wouldn’t you say Rose… Rose?” She turned to see Rose slumped over on the floor.

Kate rushed over and started checking Rose’s vitals. “Well, she’s alright. Let’s put her to bed.” Paige jumped up and helped Kate carry Rose to her room.

Coming back out Paige looked over at Sirius who was covered in taco ingredients and laughed. “Well, well, well you really are the Tacoman.”

Kate led Remus to the bathroom to clean up his wounds. Sirius looked down at Paige’s chest and his eyebrows went up.

Paige followed his eyes down and gasped. “I guess I shouldn’t have worn white. I think I’d better change.”

Sirius grinned and responded, “Whatever you want.”, still staring at her chest.

After changing, Paige returned to find Sirius still dripping salsa. “Aren’t you going to change?”

Sirius smiled, embarrassed, and responded in a small voice “We didn’t have time to go get any clothes before coming here.”

Paige sighed “Well, go take those off, I will get you something to wear.” Paige dug out a pair of shorts and a T-shirt for Sirius to change into then quickly maneuvered him into the guestroom and shut the door.

As she passed the bathroom door on her way back down the hall she stopped. She heard Kate pleading, “I can’t get a good look at it unless you take your pants off.”

To which Remus replied, “It’s sticking out right there.”

Kate sighed, “I can see that but you’re pants are covering most of it and I can’t very well touch properly if it is covered up.”

Sirius opened the door and entered the hallway. Paige let out an evil giggle and motioned for Sirius to come over. They listened as the two continued to bicker.

“Now listen miss, I understand you are trying to make me feel better. However, I really think it would be a much more pleasurable experience for all involved if I keep my pants on.”

Kate sounded exasperated, “Mr. Lupin, I will feel much better if you just take your pants off so I can get a good look at it. For heaven’s sake, it is already oozing through! It really can’t be comfortable for you, and it won’t take more than a few minutes. I’m quite skilled at this.”

Remus blanched, “I am not doubting your skill, Kate. However, I do not believe we have been in long enough acquaintance to have you give a demonstration of said skills.”

Kate replied, “There is no need to be shy. It happens to everyone from time to time. Just let me take care of it and we’ll all be happier.”

By this point in the debate, the laughter from the hallway had become near deafening. Something finally clicked for Kate, “Excuse me for one minute, Mr. Lupin.”

Knocking Sirius and Paige over in the hall, Kate grabbed a red sarong from her room. Returning to the bathroom, she burst in to the small room and said, “Mr. Lupin please remove your slacks” she pointed to his trousers, “and put this on. I will be back in a minute.”

Moving back to the hallway, she flicked Paige on the back of the head. “Why didn’t you remind me that pants meant...underwear in the U.K.?”

Paige gasped between howls of laughter, “For all I know you could have wanted him to remove his underwear.”

Kate glared at her good friend, “Very funny Paige, for all I know I probably scarred the poor man for life!”

Sirius spoke up, “Hmmm... A young woman wanting a man to remove his underwear so she can see it better and staunch the oozing. Yes, that may very well scar Moony for life. Now me, on the other hand...but then I’m not wearing pants, as they have already been taken from me.” He waggled his eyebrows at Paige.

A seemingly self-righteous Paige responded “Why on earth would you think that I would have a pair of men’s underwear lying around in my bedroom?” Paige glanced over at Kate who had raised an eyebrow. “Shut up, Kate.”

Remus burst out of the bathroom, knocking Kate to the floor. “Alright but I’m not happy about it.”

Paige’s eyes went wide and she giggled. Sirius looked at his friend. “Hey mate, you uh, kind of need to adjust the sarong a little.” Remus turned the same shade of crimson as his sarong, and backed into the bathroom.

Paige and Sirius laughed and headed down the hall, not wanting to get in between the tension mounting between their friends. Sitting down in a very comfortable chenille armchair, Paige picked up the remote and flicked on the TV. Sirius followed her lead and sat down in a matching armchair and looked at the screen, amazed.

“Wow. Is this a television?” he asked.

Paige flipped through the channels. “Uh-huh. You’ve never seen one before?”

Sirius watched the channels go by, completely fascinated. “Well, I’ve seen one once. We don’t really have a lot of muggle things in our houses in England. Whoa! What the heck is that?” Sirius asked about a show Paige had stopped on for a second. There was a little blob laughing and what looked to be a dog with very big ears grimacing.

“Oh, that’s Ren and Stimpy. It’s kind of funny, I guess. I watch it every once in a while.” Paige replied.

Sirius moved to the edge of his seat. “Can we watch that now?”

Paige raised an eyebrow. “Ok, sure.”

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Meanwhile back in the bathroom. Kate had a sudden fascination with the floor as she was speaking with Remus. “Listen, I’m sorry about before. I really wasn’t trying to get you to remove your undergarments and look at you in that...umm... way.”

As she bustled further into the bathroom, she brushed up against Remus by accident. Unfortunately, it was only a week until the full moon and though Remus was the archetype for a perfect English gentleman, Moony was not. “I see. So you don’t want to see me without my pants now?” Moony queried.

Kate went a bright shade of red, “Yes, exactly. I mean no...I mean...”

However, Moony interrupted her. “So now that I have my pants off, are you going to look at it?” Kate lifted Remus’s leg to the side of the tub and gently started to wash it off. Mooney let out a low growl, and she jumped back and fell towards the floor.

Remus caught her mid-fall. However, his leg hitched on the edge of the tub and he proceeded to topple on top of Kate. As they were both getting up, Kate tripped, pitched forward and found her self on all fours facing away from Remus. Having successfully stood up Moony took notice of Kate’s position, which lead to him taking this opportunity to investigate a possible new playmate.

Nudging her backside with his legs, Moony let out a slight chuckle “Maybe it would have been better if I had insisted on you removing your pants?”

Kate, or should we say Luna, let out a low growl, which snapped her back to reality. She couldn’t do this; werewolves don’t have intimate relationships with men. And those that did usually ended up on the wrong side of a silver bullet! She had to think, but it felt so good. Moony had gotten on the floor and was biting her neck while he straddled her. In one fluid movement, she pushed him off.

“Sorry, I really have to go now.” She mumbled as she left the room, leaving a very frustrated and embarrassed werewolf in her wake.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

When Ren and Stimpy was over, Sirius looked over at Paige excitedly. “Can we watch more of that? That was great!”

Paige shook her head. “No, that’s over now. It will be on tomorrow night though.”

Sirius was disappointed. “Oh. Well, what now?”

Paige shrugged, “I don’t know, we could always see if Kate and Remus are going to embarrass themselves even more.”

Sirius shook his head. “I think if we do that they’ll get a little upset with us, don’t you?”

Paige laughed, “Probably. We could go over the plans for what you two are going to do while you’re here, Vegas can get kind of tricky if you go into the wrong areas.”

Sirius nodded and responded, “Sounds good. Where should I try to avoid?”

Paige laughed. “Well, I’m guessing that you’re straight, right?”

Sirius nodded emphatically. “Very much so, couldn’t you tell?”

“Well, I picked up a few hints, but you never know.” Paige laughed harder at the look on Sirius’s face. “I’d say that you should avoid a bar or two then. Flex comes to mind, also Gypsy. They’re both gay bars. I wouldn’t go in there unless you’re REALLY devoted to the Order. I mean, you can meet some really interesting people in there and everything, but on the other hand, you can meet some really interesting people in there. Know what I mean?”

Sirius smiled. “I’ve got a pretty good idea. Alright, so where do I start?”

Paige thought for a moment then said, “I have an idea. We can just start going around and you can make friends with people and just go with the flow. You’ll know who to try to recruit and who not to.”

Sirius thought for a second. “Sounds good to me. Alright business is taken care of, now for pleasure.”

Paige shrugged, “What do you want to do?”

Sirius thought for a second, deciding that using one of his lines from his youth might not be the best idea right now, and instead opted for acting a little more innocent. “Um, I really should get to bed. We have a lot of work to get done in the next few days and I’m sure you have a job to go to tomorrow.”

Paige nodded. “Tomorrow night, anyway, I don’t usually work in the mornings. I’ll get to bed also. My room is right next to yours, so come on in if you need anything during the night, okay? See you tomorrow.”

She walked down the hall and Sirius could hear a door close. He sighed and went to the guest room.

Remus was in there already and Sirius grinned at his friend. “Have a good time, mate?”

Remus glared at him. “Well, I got completely humiliated by a girl who meant well, put in a skirt, flashed a couple of people, my other half became very umm...fresh with said girl probably scaring her half to death but not before I became so bloody randy that I couldn’t see straight. And to top it all off I had to clean up my leg myself. I had a wonderful time, Padfoot. How was your time?”

Sirius grinned. “I watched something called ‘Ren and Stimpy’. Interesting show. I got to spend time with Paige, who is pretty interesting, really. To answer your question... I had fun.” He flopped down on his bed and fell fast asleep, leaving a very miffed Remus wide-awake.


A/N: Here we are again, I know you’d rather read about Kate and Remus doing the nasty doggie-style (literally) but you’ll have to wait on that one. Not in the cards for today! Next chapter, they will go to Wal-Mart so stay tuned!

K, some of you may have noticed that this story is posted on FFN, well, we’re going to keep posting there and elaborate on certain parts on here. We’re all over eighteen, right? (The three writers definitely are) so we can go into a bit more detail and not worry about corrupting little “innocent” minds. As always, review! Review! Review!!!