Weedchopper Harry

AN: Thanks to Stellahobbit and TXLorral for beta work.

DISCLAIMER: Characters belong to Row Rowling and her various business partners. Plot (such as it is) belongs to me. I get no money from this or anything else.

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Weedchopper Harry
Part 1: In the Herbology Garden


Swish. THUD. Swish. THUD. Swish. THUD.

From a reasonably comfortable perch atop a stone wall and in the shade of a large tree, Severus Snape watched Harry Potter swinging a hoe. The boy was shirtless and barefoot, clad only in a snug-fitting pair of Muggle jeans. Really, not such ridiculous clothing as I\'ve thought. Looks comfortable. Practical for this sort of work. Remarkable how it hugs his . . . Snape settled himself a little more firmly on the wall.

The monotonous Swish THUD was, at this distance, pleasantly muted and a little hypnotic. Equally hypnotic was the sight of back and arm muscles tensing and releasing with each swing. Snape shifted a bit, drawing his robes up off his legs, exposing thin but shapely calves, bony knees, and just a hint of also thin but shapely thighs. The new arrangement of his robes covered him decently and yet allowed the spring breeze to cool regions that had become uncomfortably warm while he watched the working youth.

\"Really, Potter,\" Snape said aloud, \"that\'s not the most effective use of your tool.\"

Potter, of course, couldn\'t hear him. Completely oblivious of his professor\'s inspection, he swung his hoe in vicious strokes more appropriate for one wielding an axe. He cursed angrily while decapitating invading weeds in the Herbology garden.

Swish. \"Sod,\" THUD. \"Snape.\" Swish. \"Sod,\" THUD \"Voldemort.\" Swish \"Sod,\" THUD \"the Dursleys.\" Swish \"Sod,\" THUD \"Dumbledore.\" On and on and on he worked, sodding everybody he could think of - RonandHermione, McGonagall, Hagrid, the entire Order of the Phoenix, every Death Eater that lived or ever had lived. Even the late Sirius and Cedric did not miss his imprecations. He wasn\'t truly angry, just letting off the steam that built up from fulfilling expectations of the Boy-Who-Lived

Atop his high wall, Snape flinched as Potter nearly decapitated a particularly fine specimen of mallow. There had been several near misses and yet Potter had not once slashed anything other than weeds.

\"It is somewhat heartening to see the precision of your stroke.\" Some undercurrent in that sentence caused Professor Snape to squirm a little in his seat. \"Surprising how warm it is, even in the shade,\" Snape said. \"Unaccountably warm, given the relative temperature.\"

Snape fell silent again, continuing to watch Potter, not failing to notice how sweaty hard-labour made the boy. Sweat and flying dirt from the end of his hoe combined on the lad\'s torso resulting in dark rivulets that served to emphasize the solid musculature.

\"I wonder if all that energy could be put to better use,\" Snape mused. As he watched Potter\'s wild swings an idea formed in his mind. \"Yes, that should work admirably,\" Snape said. \"All it needs is the appropriate opportunity, which is sure to come momentarily.\"

Potter\'s unique use of the hoe was starting to tire him. Each downstroke became a little less angry, a little more wild.

\"Ease up, Harry,\" Potter said to himself. \"You\'re going to wind up mangling something important. If you wind up chopping off some useful ingredient for Snape\'s pet poison you\'ll be serving detentions for the rest of your life.\"

As the words left his mouth a poorly aimed stroke slashed the yellow flowering head of a particularly healthy plant. The swish THUD stopped as Potter inspected the golden flowers now littering the earth.

\"For fuck\'s sake, that\'s probably torn it. I wonder what I just killed.\"

\"POTTER! YOU IMBECILE!\" The voice came from far away yet was unmistakably angry, and unmistakably Snape\'s.

Uh oh. An almost pleasant frisson of terror rippled down Harry\'s spine.

Harry snapped his head around and watched in amazement as Professor Snape jumped gracefully off the wall and strode forcefully toward the garden, black robes billowing around him.

\"Where did he come from?\" Potter shook his head morosely. \"Looked like a great bloody bat coming off that wall. Who the hell wears black robes in this heat? Isn\'t it just my luck he was watching me. Sneaky bastard.\" Harry briefly considered using his wand to clear away the evidence but he knew it was pointless. Never once had lack of visible proof deterred the greasy git from venting his spleen on the Boy-Who-Lived.

Harry grinned as he leaned tiredly on his hoe. He was sure to catch bloody hell but it might be worth it for the sheer, malicious pleasure of destroying something Snape prized. Besides which, a righteously angry Snape was a pleasure to behold. From a distance.

As Snape halved the distance between wall and garden, the expression on Potter\'s face became clear. In place of the look of abject terror Snape was expecting, he saw mingled resignation and amusement. You really are most peculiar, Potter.

Realizing that if he could see Potter\'s face, Potter could see his, Snape did a quick internal check, verifying that his own features displayed anger and disgust, rather than appreciation and lust. Right. Brow furrowed, lips down-turned. Can I feel the glare? Yes, glare in place. Perhaps we should sneer instead of just frown? Not yet? Fine. We\'ll save that for later. Maintain expression, watch where you\'re walking instead of the boy. You\'d look a damn fool if you tripped now, Severus.

Harry continued to lean on his hoe and watched the swift approach of the irate Potions master.

How does he do that? The man doesn\'t walk, he glides. Really graceful. Not bad looking from this perspective. He could have a brilliant social life if he just kept a hundred yards back from everyone at all times. I wonder if he has a social life. I wonder if he has a sex life. Eww. Don\'t go there. Snape. Sex. Harry shuddered. Snape. Sex. Sex. Snape. Harry shivered.

Snape looked up from his path. Harry was only a hundred feet away now. Snape was startled to see the boy\'s expression had changed from resignation and amusement to. . . appreciation? Snape stumbled and, unable to regain proper footing on the uneven path, fell, banging his knees painfully.

Harry laughed.

Snape\'s feigned anger quickly shifted to the very real petulance of the properly mortified. Before he could manifest a suitably scathing remark strong hands grabbed his and yanked him forcefully back to his feet. Back to his feet and flush against the sweaty chest of Harry Potter. If the rigid Severus Snape had been even remotely capable of it, he might have swooned.

He was, of course, completely incapable of such a ridiculous display. Placing both hands against Potter\'s chest, careful to avoid the perky brown nipples nestled in a sparse patch of attractively curly, damp hair, he pushed the boy violently backward.

\"I am quite capable of standing without your aid, Potter,\" he hissed.

\"Really?\" Harry asked, amiably. \"Didn\'t look that way to me. My mistake, obviously. Sorry ‘bout that.\"

Snape\'s disdainful glare was cut short at the sight of Harry bending over to pick something up off the ground. Really, those jeans are quite. . .

\"You dropped this,\" said Harry, holding Snape\'s wand up. \"Don\'t expect you use your wand much. Still, must come in handy occasionally.

Something indefinable rippled through Snape\'s body. He did not just say wand in a particularly suggestive manner.

\"You know, I\'m extremely good with my own wand. Famous for my wand work actually. I could give you a few pointers, if you like.\"

\"POTTER!\" Snape didn\'t actually mean to bellow, he had been striving for scathing condescension but had miscalculated a bit. He scaled back. \"Potter.\" Much better, nice quiet, forceful hiss. \"That plant you destroyed . . .\"

\"Oh right. One of yours then? Sorry about that.\"

\". . . was an extremely rare and valuable specimen of Guillenia lasiophylla, which you beheaded before it had a chance to seed, thereby ruining research on a potentially life-saving potion. You are without a doubt, the most imbecilic, feckless, indolent . . .\"

Harry held up his right hand. \"Yeah. OK. I get it, Snape. I\'m stupid and careless. I do think indolent is a bit much though. I\'ve been working my arse off for hours.\"

\"Professor Snape, Potter.\" Snape snarled. It was a weak response, really, but Snape was rather taken aback that Potter had translated \"imbecilic, feckless, indolent,\" into, \"stupid, careless, and lazy.\" One might almost think the boy had glanced through a thesaurus.

\"So, that Gahena-whatever, valuable plant, was it?\"

\"Guillenia lasiophylla. Extremely valuable, Potter. One which I had great difficulty acquiring from the Western United States, and which is exceedinglyficuficult to propagate.\" There were more lies in that statement than truths. Not that Snape was bothered by that in the least. The plant was common California mustard. Grew like the weed it was, all over that state. It had sprung up in the Herbology garden as a volunteer, probably a single seed accidently mixed in with a parcel of something else. It had some medicinal value, but no more than any other in the Brassicaceae family, or at least
none that Snape knew.

\"Right. So, any way I can make it up to you, or is it another detention?\"

Snape was gratified to see Potter looking remorseful. His plan, hastily formed on the wall, seemed to be working. Ridiculous how easy it was to manipulate the boy. A little guilt. The promise of a little penance, a little redemption . . . the boy was as good as shagged already.

\"I doubt there is any more room in your schedule for additional detentions, Potter.\"

\"So, I\'ll just make it up to you another way, shall I?\"

The boy is very quick on the uptake but exactly who is manipulating whom, Severus?

\"Nice quick shag, then?\"

Snape\'s suspicious black eyes bored into Potter\'s guileless green ones.

\"Your skills as a legilimens seemed to have improved remarkably, Mr Potter.\"

\"What? Ohhh.\" Snape was amused by the unfamiliar look of comprehension in Potter\'s eyes. \"Brilliant! When? Now? Here?\" Harry looked down at himself ruefully. \"I\'m a bit gritty.\"

It was true. Harry could certainly have used a bath but Snape was rather taken with the notion of a pre-moistened Potter.

\"Here? No. It\'s a tad too warm and bright here, not to mention Professor Sprout.\" Snape shuddered at the thought of the hearty Herbology teacher discovering them in flagrante.\"

\"Too bright? You could use a little sun-induced color, Snape.\"

\"Do not address me as Snape, Potter. I detest being called by my surname. You may use Professor Snape, or Sir, or,\" Snape rolled his eyes, \"in light of the impropriety which we are about to commit, Severus.\"

\"You could use a little sun-induced color, Severus.\" Harry was grinning broadly.

Snape made a breathy little noise which almost sounded like a laugh.

\"Please, Mr Potter, consider my reputation. It would be difficult to maintain my \"creature of the night\" persona if I suddenly came all over \'pool-boy\' brown.\"

Potter\'s laugh was pleasant. Snape was exceedingly annoyed with himself for wanting to hear it again. He frowned disapprovingly.

\"A fearsome reputation is a valuable thing for a professor. I will not risk mine for a quick shag in the hay.\"

Potter snorted. \"There\'s not a bloody haystack for miles, hasn\'t been for centuries.\" He look at Snape speculatively and grinned again. \"I suppose you\'ve gone all nostalgic for your childhood suddenly.\"

Snape rolled his eyes. \"Yes. Yes. Very witty, Potter. You did say you wanted to shag, didn\'t you?\"

Harry smiled widely and attempted to pull Snape down to a pile of weeds.

\"Ah ah,\" Snape chided. \"Don\'t be greedy. Let us go in there.\" Snape waved vaguely toward the dark line of trees in the distance.

\"B-but that\'s the Forbidden Forest!\" Harry gasped childishly.

\"And?\"

\"It\'s, well, it\'s . . .\" Harry bit his lower lip and then let it tremble slightly. \". . . forbidden!\"

Harry made a surprisingly good ingenue.

\"So is what I am about to do to you, Potter.\" Snape pointed a long, elegant finger at the path that disappeared under the trees. \"Go. Now. Before I come to my senses.\"

\"But it\'s dark,\" Harry pouted, \"and I, naturally enough, like the light.\"

\"I don\'t want to shag you in the Forbidden Forest because I\'m a Death Eater, Potter.\" Snape\'s eyes rolled back so far in his head only the whites showed. \"I want to shag you in there because it is more conveniently located than my rooms, there is less chance of us being discovered, and frankly, because I don\'t really fancy burning my arse.\"

Harry batted his eyelashes. \"What makes you think it\'s your arse that would be getting burned? Nudge. Nudge. Wink. Wink.

\"You know, if you keep doing that rolling your eyes thing one day they\'re going to get stuck.\"

\"So my mother repeatedly informed me.\" Snape said dryly.

Harry continued as if Snape had said nothing. \"You\'d end up looking like a zombie. Course you\'d keep that whole creature of the night thing going, so, no harm done, what?\" He waved his hands expansively. \"Keep on.\" Harry\'s eyes widened. \"Hold on a minute! You had a mother?\"

\"Potter I suggest you take very good care of your body because no one could ever admire you for your mind. You really the the most ridiculous twit.\"

Harry\'s glare was spoiled by the upward curl of of his lips. \"Yeah, well, I\'ve enough brain to know you don\'t insult a prospective partner like that and still expect to be shagged.\" He pointed his finger in the general area of Snape\'s crotch. Really, it was so hard to guage precisely under those robes. \"The little Potions Mister has gone off the idea then? Pity that.\" Harry patted Snape\'s bum sympathetically. \"So that\'s what it\'s like when you get old, eh?\"

Snape bristled. There were so many things wrong with this conversation, it was hard to know where to begin. \"Little Potions Mister\" was quite offensive. \"Old\" only marginally less so. Surprisingly, the Little Potions Mister himself didn\'t seem offended at all. He perked right up with the mention.

Snape sighed. \"We can stand here all day bickering, Mr Potter, or, we can adjourn to yon dark wood and wave our foolish wands. Now really, which would you prefer?\"

Harry opened his mouth, closed it again and, turning on his heel, started walking determinedly toward the forest.

Snape smiled. \"Before you go, Mr Potter, a few ground rules are in order.\"

Harry turned and glared murderously at Snape. \"I see. It\'s only me that has to shut up then? You can blather on as much as you like?\"

Snape\'s look was one normally given to a particularly dim-witted child who has just said something clever. \"Precisely, Mr Potter. Rule number one. I top. Exclusively.\"

Once again Harry\'s smile threatened to split his face into two. He whistled happily.

Snape expelled a breath he didn\'t know he had been holding. He\'d thought that bit was going to be rather trickier than anything else. Who could have calculated the Boy-Who-Would-Not-Fucking-Die was a bottom? Of course Snape had no intention of not shagging Potter at this point, top or bottom, but Potter didn\'t need to know that.

\"Good.\" Snape looked repressively at Harry\'s wide grin. \"Rule number two. You will not, under any circumstance, tell anybody about this.\"

\"As if I would. Can\'t you just imagine the expression on Ron\'s face?\" Harry giggled.

Snape shuddered. \"Please, Potter, do not mention Weasley during a conversation about sex ever again. Continuing to do so will cause the Potions Mister,\" Snape snorted and Harry laughed out loud, \"to go to sleep and never rise again. By the way, you might want to prepare yourself for the fact that there is nothing little about my \"little friend\"\"

\"Oh goody!\" Harry squealed.

One well-shaped eyebrow shot up Snape\'s forehead. \"How old are you, Potter?\"

Harry batted his eyelashes. \"How old would you like me to be, Severus?\"

Ignore that. \"Rule number three . . .\"

Snape shivered as he felt Harry\'s fingers trail slowly down his back.

\"You were saying, Severus?\" Harry\'s hand cupped around Snape\'s arse.

\"Sod the rules,\" Snape croaked. \"Forest, NOW, POTTER!\"