Survivor.

[[Disclaimer: I own nothing you may recognise in any of my fics. I simply borrow the odd character and play with them a little.

Survivor.

[A/N: This fic is, as you may or may not have guessed, a songfic. The story is woven around the song ‘Survivor’, by Destiny’s Child. Read and enjoy. Reviews are always appreciated. :] ]

~*~

Now that you are out of my life,
I'm so much better
You thought that I'd be weak without ya,
but I'm stronger
You thought that I'd be broke without ya,
but I'm richer
You thought that I'd be sad without ya,
I laugh harder

You thought I wouldn't grow without ya,
now I'm wiser
You thought that I'd be helpless without ya,
but I'm smarter
You thought that I'd be stressed without ya,
but I'm chillin'
You thought I wouldn't sell without ya
sold 9 million

~*~~~~~*~

“We started out fantastic. Then again, I supposed that’s a given in every relationship, otherwise why would anyone get into them? You made me laugh when all I wanted to do was let the tears fall. When Harry did the exchange spell to rid us of Voldemort, you held me in your arms until I had finally cried myself to sleep. When he left, you were there for me and I was there for you. The world lost its hero but we lost our best friend.

I think it was after everything died down that it began.

First it was the harsh words, the jealousy. I thought it was just you being your general over-protective self. But then you started coming to my work.”

~*~~~~~*~

I'm a survivor (what),
I'm not gonna give up (what)
I'm not gon' stop (what),
I'm gonna work harder (what)
I'm a survivor (what), I'm gonna make it
(what)
I'm a survivor (what), keep on survivin' (what)

~*~~~~~*~

“Accusations every time I laughed at a joke a colleague of mine that just happened to be male told. Paranoia; never letting me go out with friends on a Friday evening for drinks because you knew that over half of my friends at work were men. Harmful words; telling me I was nothing but a cheating whore, that I didn’t deserve your love, that I had been using you since first year at Hogwarts just to get closer to Harry.

So I left you. The first time I left you I went to my parents. I told them what had happened with us and they gave me my old room back. That was on aurdaurday night. On the following Monday, I went back to work only to find you there, ready and waiting with chocolate and flowers and a pleading look on your face. You begged me to go back to you, claiming that you were sorry, that you loved me, and that you hadn’t meant any of what you’d said.

So I went back to you.”

~*~~~~~*~

Thought I couldn't breathe without ya,
I'm inhaling'
You thought I couldn't see without ya,
perfect vision
You thought I couldn't last without ya,
but I'm lasting'
You thought that I would withwithout ya,
but I'm living'

Thought that I would fail without ya,
but I'm on top
Thought that it would be over by now,
but it won't stop
Thought that I would self destruct,
but I'm still here
Even in my years to come,
I'm still gonna be here

~*~~~~~*~

“Months went by and we were fine. We were happy; we got over our bad patch and were back to how we were in the beginning. It was six months after we had got back together that my Father died from the Muggle-Dse, se, Cancer. I cried for weeks after. Mom becdeprdepressed, she had to be admitted to a Muggle psychiatric hospital and put on suicide watch for two months.

The rest of my family, your family, friends from work, Mom’s friends, Dad’s friends and even old school friends came to his funeral. Mom was catatonic all the way through; she couldn’t speak to anyone let alone say her speech. I said a few words amidst the tears, you said something nice. The whole affair was as nice as the occasion could allow it to be and I was at leastpy ipy in the fact that we were back to normal.

Months went by and it began again.

Accusing me of flirting with my co-workers, demanding I stay in when I had been invited to parties and nights out with friends, refusing to even let me see them. Telling me I was worthless, telling me I was cheap, using you. You told me you had sources confirming that I had been cheating on you.

You had people following me around! Telling you every detail of my days.

That was the second ti lef left you.”

~*~~~~~*~

I'm a survivor (what),
I'm not gonna give up (what)
I'm not gon' stop (what),
I'm gonna work harder (what)
I'm a survivor (what), I'm gonna make it
(what)
I'm a survivor (what), keep on survivin' (what)

~*~~~~~*~

“I went up to Hogwarts for a time to sort my head out; to clear the mist that had settled there. Severus was surprisingly enough, a good friend. No sarcastic remarks were thrown at me for my childishness, no ill comments were given; simply a friend whose ear I could use. He listened and put in his two Knuts worth – most of which were against you but with the mood I was in, I did not care.

You let me be for two weeks before you came back, begging me to give you another chance, that this time it would be different. You said that you were wrong to have acted like you did – this, I could most definitely agree with. You claimed you were just jealous, that you were worried I would suddenly leave you and find someone new.

I would not admit it to you then, but I will now. I was hurt when you confessed that you were worried I would leave you for someone else. It felt as though you did not trust the love we shared, you did not trust my love for you. It hurt that after years of knowing me, you still didn’t know me.

But I kept that to myself, though I thought then and know now that Severus could see what I was truly feeling. He saw it in my eyes.

I told you thats was was the last chance you weettietting from me. This was to be the final shot at saving the relationship we had.

And that was the second time I took you back.”

~*~~~~~*~

I'm wishin' you the best,
pray that you are blessed
Much success, no stress, and lots of
Happiness (I'm better than that)

I'm not gonna blast you on the radio
(I'm better than that)
I'm not gonna lie on you or yo family, yo
(I'm better than that)
I'm not gonna hate on you in the magazine
(I'm better than that)
I'm not gonna compromise my Christianity
(I'm better than that)*

You know I'm not gonna diss you on the
Internet
('Cause my mama taught me better than that)

~*~~~~~*~

“Months passed and we were fine. We were happy in our lives. Once again I could smile without it being forced. I could laugh without it sounding like I’m sobbing. I felt good about myself, about our relationship, about the new family we were about to begin.

And it started again.

The paranoia, the questions, the shouting, the harsh words and the accusing stares were back. It infuriates me that I put up with it for so long and it sickened me then to know that I would be bringing a child into this atmosphere. But I stayed with you for a time because I though you could change. I thought that the more I started to show, the more you would see that I was never going to leave you for someone else. I hoped you would see that the child I carrcarrying would seal the bond between us.

But no matter what I said, how I acted or how many tears I shed… it was never enough for you. Thinking I was planning on leaving you for a colleague at work. Said colleague, who was male by gender, William by name and gay by sexuality was and still is, in a relationship. You didn’t listen though.

According to you, I had everything set up. I would leave you, have the baby and raise it with him. We would move from England to America where we would start a new life. I can honestly say I hadn’t heard such rubbish since yours and Harry’s third year Divination homework.

A month passed and things were not looking up. Your hostile attitude did nothing to ease my stress levels and it was affecting the baby. The medi-witch at St.Mungo’s said that I wasn’t to over exert myself - that I was to cut my hours at work down and rest as much as possible.

So I did. I cut my hours, got more rest and didn’t exert more energy than I absolutely had to. And with the moods you were constantly in, the energy exertion level I was at was pretty high. You said I wasn’t doing enough around the house. You said that I was getting lazy, expecting you to do anything and everything; all the cleaning, the cooking. Though considering that I can conjure up meals with my wand and taking the food from the pantry, your cooking amount is limited to the things you do for yourself.

Which is another thing you complained about – that your tea wasn’t on the table when you got home at the end of the afternoon. According to you, I was to have it piping hot and ready for you when you step through the door. Yet another point you rose o’ so kindly. You having to walk all of 50 yards from the apparating point to the house. I put an anti-apparition ward up for safety, not because I thought you needed more exercise.”

~*~~~~~*~

I'm a survivor (what),
I'm not gonna give up (what)
I'm not gon' stop (what),
I'm gonna work harder (what)
I'm a survivor (what), I'm gonna make it
(what)
I'm a survivor (w, ke, keep on survivin' (what)

~*~~~~~*~

“The verbal bating, the taunting… it went on for two months but I stuck by you. I kept saying to myself that it was all just a phase, that you being how you were was just a result of Harry’s absence, that this being my husband turned into couldn’t be the one I fell in love with. I just would not believe you could be this callous.

I had been invited to a friend’s birthday party, she was just turning 21 and her family were throwing her a big do. When I told you that I have been invited, accepted the invitation and was indeed, planning to go, you hit the roof. At first, you forbid me to go, claiming that I was only going to meet my ‘boy toy’ and I told you, you were being ridiculousat Iat I wasn’t going to go back on a promise to go to a party again after so many before. Again, you told me I wasn’t going anywhere.

I kept insisting that I wasn’t your property, that I could go out when I wanted, with who I wanted and dressed, how the hell I wanted. And I knew, as soon as the words had left my mouth that they were not the right ones to say at this point in time. But it was too late. You had fire in your eyes and it burned at an intensity I hadn’t seen since you were fighting the Deatheaters in the final battle of the recent war.

I didn’t see the blow coming and when your hand connected with my face he sent me down to the floor with a split lip and an aching face. I couldn’t believe you had hit me. Before, it had always been verbal attacks; never ‘ever’ had you laid a finger on me until that day.

You didn’t stop at the first slap though, you kept hitting. You punched me, slapped me, kicked me, pulled my hair, bruised my skin, blackened my eyes, and even broke my leg. You stripped my clothes and raped me lsomesome cheap whore. And when you were finished with that, you came back for more.

Hitting, kicking… I screamed till my throat was bloody from exertion. You hit me for what seemed like years, but when I looked at the muggle clock on the wall I bought the previous year, only two hours had passed.

You stopped for a minute to catch your breath and I knew if I were ever to act and save my life, then the chance to do so was then. So I did.

When you came back for more, I used all the strength within me, all the will power I still had left and landed one single punch to your jaw. You were too shocked to register that you were falling back and when the fact finally did dawn on you, you head was half a second away from cracking on the corner of the coffee table.”

~*~~~~~*~

After all of the darkness and sadness,
soon comes happiness
If I surround myself with positive things,
I'll gain posterity

~*~~~~~*~

“You were just laying there, eyes wide open, a look of pure horror etched into youightight blue, once full of life but now lifeless irises. I didn’t know if you were dead or just unconscious, I wasn’t in any fit state to think straight.

I pulled myself across the bloodied floor of the living room towards the fire place. I reached up for the floo power and successfully tipped it over onto the stone hearth. I picked a pinch up and threw it into the roaring flames, stating clearly as I could with my throat so sore, two words that would save my life.

“Severus Snape.”

I fire-called him and told him I needed his help urgently. I told him to ask questions later as I coughed up dust from the fire. Within seconds, he was strolling out of the fireplace, wand in hand and a determined expression on his face. The first thing he saw was your face. He slowly started to make his way towards you… it was then that I croaked rather than called out to him.”

~*~~~~~*~

I'm a survivor (what),
I'm not gonna give up (what)
I'm not' st' stop (what),
I'm gonna work harder (what)
I'm a survivor (what), I'm gonna make it
(what)
I'm a survivor (what), keep on survivin' (what)

~*~~~~~*~

“I’m standing here now, a year to this very day. Three things died a year to this night. The first being our relationship, the second being the faith I have in our love and the third… You were the third that died.

I lived. I wanted to live my life, I wanted to be happy and for so long you stopped me from being thatt not not any more. No more are you my shadow, no more do you run my life, I’m free, I’m happy and I’m not alone.

I survived. You can’t say the same.”

~*~~~~~*~

I'm a survivor (what),
I'm not gonna give up (what)
I'm not gon' stop (what),
I'm gonna work harder (what)
I'm a survivor (what), I'm gonna make it
(what)
I'm a survivor (what), keep on survivin'

~*~

Written by Ithil hin. (aka: Messrmarauder)