Letting Go
Letting Go
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Letting Go
By darthelwig
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This story is rated NC-17.
I don’t own Harry Potter. Should I ever become so lucky, I
will be sure to let you know.
This story is dedicated to spawnstar.
You ask and you shall receive. Thank you for being kind enough to post my
stories on your site!
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“Damn it!”
Sirius yelled as he stormed into the Gryffindor boy’s dorm. Remus jumped,
startled. He sighed as he realized it was just his friend being his usual,
temperamental self.
“What now?”
he asked, watching Sirius stalk back and forth across the room. He couldn’t
help but admire Sirius’ tall, muscular form as he moved. If there was one thing
Remus could appreciate, it was beauty, and his friend possessed more than his
fair share of that. It had been years now that they had known each other, and
Remus had loved him since the beginning. His eyes caressed Sirius’ form,
wishing he could touch him and soothe away his agitation. But Sirius had never
shown an interest in having that kind of relationship. No, Sirius’s heart had
always belonged to James.
Sirius’s
shoulders slumped and he leaned his forehead against the wall. Remus knew this
mood very well. He cleared his throat and sat back in his chair, pushing away
the textbook he’d been studying.
“What
happened with James now?” he asked. Sirius had loved James for as long as Remus
had loved Sirius. And it was he who comforted Sirius when he was hurt or frustrated
by James’ seeming inability to return his feelings. James had always loved
women. It was Sirius’ misfortune that caused him to fall in love with sne
ne
who could never love him back. Remus smiled sardonically at the thought. He and
Sirius were in the same boat there.
“Haven’t
you heard, Remus?” Sirius laughed, his voice tortured and angry. “James and
Lily are getting married. He asked
her and she said yes.”
Remus was
surprised, but not completely. James hadn’t seemed the type to want to settle
down so early in his life, but he had been seeing Lily Evans steadily for
months and they made a wonderful couple. James seemed truly in love for the
first time ever. Lily had been a calming influence on him, keeping him out of
trouble more often than not. Remus figured that James would marry her
eventually, but getting engaged just a few short months before graduation was a
definite shocker.
Now he
understood Sirius’ black mood and bitter words. This was what Remus himself had
always dreaded. To lose all hope. That the man he loved would find his other
half in someone who wasn’t him. He knew now how Sirius must be suffering.
Remus stood
and went to his friend, wrapping his arms around Sirius’ slim waist and holding
him close. Sirius was silent at first until the first broken sob clawed its way
out of his throat. After that, the rest came more quickly, shaking his entire
frame with the pain of his broken heart. Remus held him tightly, trying to lend
his friend some small fraction of his own strength. He rested his cheek against
Sirius’ back, sharing his warmth and his love as much as he could.
After a
time, Sirius’ sobs slowed and came to a stop, but Remus still held him, knowing
that the pain was still there. He could still feel the tension in his friend’s
body.
“So that’s
it,” Sirius sniffled. “That’s the end of any hopes I still had.”
“He’s in
love with her, Sirius. He’s happy. Let him go.” Remus spoke softly, barely
trusting his own voice. “He’s still your friend.”
“I know,
Remus,” Sirius said, his voice hoarse with emotion and even more unshedrs.
rs.
“I just… don’t know if I can.” He
turned in Remus’ embrace so that they faced each other. Remus loosened his hold
a bit and looked into Sirius’ tear-streaked face.
“I don’t
know if I can let him go, Remus,” Sirius said softly. “I’ve wanted him for so
long and love him so much. How am I supposed to do that?”
Remus
couldn’t answer, couldn’t form the words. He had never let go of his love for
Sirius, so how could he dare to give advice on the subject? He truly didn’t
know what Sirius was g thg through right now.
Sirius
wrapped his long arms around Remus and hugged him, needing the human contact.
Remus found himself wrapped securely in Sirius’ embrace, just inches away from
his love’s lips and throat, and was embarrassed to discover that his body was
responding. He could feel his erection growing, pressing against Sirius’ toned
body. Any minute now, Sirius would notice…
Si sai said, his voice wondering. Remus tried to pull away, but Sirius held him
tight, refusing him escape. He tilted Remus face upwards with one long finger,
forcing his friend to look at him. “Remus, what-?”
“I’m
sorry,” Remus said, pleading wordlessly for understanding. “It’s just- I’ve
always…” He closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. “I’ve always
loved you, Sirius.”
Sirius was
caught completely off guard by this declaration of love and stared at Remus
like he’d never seen him before. Remus was beginning to feel more than a little
self-conscious and cleared his throat to catch Sirius’ attention.
Sirius
snapped out of his trance and shook his head, still staring. “Remus, you know I
can’t-“
Remus held
up a hand to stop Sirius before his friend could say something that would break
him forever.
“I know,”
he said quickly. “I understand.”
Sirius
gazed tenderly at his friend, wanting to ease the hurt that he could now see so
plainly in his eyes. He lowered his face and kissed Remus softly, letting his
lips linger for a long moment. Remus was startled but eager. He closed his eyes
and drifted in the sweetness of the kiss, brought back to reality only when
Sirius pulled away.
“I’m
sorry,” Sirius said, his voice almost a whisper. Remus had a strange look on
his face as he swiftly came dec decision. His fingers flew to Sirius’ pants,
unzipping them and working the fabric off his hips. Sirius’ eyes widened and he
tried to stop his friend, but Remus pushed his hands away with a look of
determination.
“Don’t,
Sirius. Just let me do this. Let me be your James for just this once. I can do
that.” He continued removing Sirius’ clothes as he spoke, and this time Sirius
let him.
“I don’t
want to hurt you, Remus,” he said sorrowfully.
“Don’t
worry about me. I’ll be fine. I want this… for me and for you.” Remus reached
up and closed his friend’s eyes. “Just pretend.”
Sirius
opened his eyes and nodded.
When Remus
had his friend’s clothes completely removed, he kissed the warm skin of his
throat, sucking slightly. He ran his tongue down Sirius’ body, stopping briefly
to lick and suckle his nipples. Sirius sucked in a quick breath as Remus caught
one in his teeth, lashing the tip with his tongue. He moaned as Remus abandoned
his toy and moved downward, his hands running lightly over Sirius’ skin. His
mouth was playing havoc with Sirius’ tightly wound nerves, sending tiny shocks
through his entire body.
He couldn’t
stop the cry that escaped him when Remus’ mouth found his cock. His friend ran
his tongue around the engorged head before sliding it into his hot mouth and
sucking lightly. Sirius groaned and threw his head back, closing his eyes and
picturing James on his knees before him. He imagined it was
swollen manhood. His fingers tangled in James’
hair as he bobbed up and down on Sirius’ cock, lavishing attention upon it.
The fantasy
was too much. He could feel his balls tightening; felt the hot, liquid rush of
his orgasm as het hit his seed down Remus’ throat. Remus drank it down
greedily, his mouth capturing every last drop of Sirius’ juices. His hands were
on Sirius’ hips, steadying him as his hips jerked with his release.
Sirius
opened his eyes and watched Remus lick his lips clean of sticky white cum,
suddenly inspired. He pulled Remus to his feet and ripped his robes open,
swiftly making short work of his uniform as well. Remus gasped as he became
even more aroused by Sirius’ forcefulness. His friend pushed him back onto the
bed, quickly following.
Remus
gasped as Sirius grabbed his cock and squeezed. “Oh my G-“he cried, his throat
closing on the words as Sirius began masturbating him roughly. He laid back and
tried to control himself as Sirius took him into his mouth and sucked him hard,
his hand still jerking him off at the same time. His hips quickly began to buck
and heave, reaching for more. He was furiously fucking Sirius’ face, his hands
clawing at the sheets. Sirius’ pace never slowed down. He matched Remus’
thrusts with each swallow of his friend’s hard length.
Remus knew
he was going to cum. He could feel it approaching quickly, but Sirius pulled
away at the last second. Remus was confused, but realization dawned when Sirius
pulled himself upward and positioned himself between Remus’ legs. He had just
enough time to realize that he could feel Sirius’ cpushpushing at his ass
before Sirius entered him, plunging in deeply.
Remus
groaned and clutched at Sirius’ back, leaving marks. Sirius grabbed Remus’ legs
and pulled them upwards, bending him and allowing his cock better access. He
held Remus’ legs in position by swinging them over his shoulders and then began
to fuck him in earnest. He thrust hard into Remus’ tight hole, closing his eyes
and seeing James beneath him. This is what he’d always wanted. This was his
dream. James.
Remus was
impaled on Sirius’ long, hard cock and loving it. He knew Sirius was picturing
James. He knew his own lean, almost wasted body was no substitute, but this was
what he’d dreamed of for so long. Sirius was here, in his bed, in his body. The
pleasure was so intense that he had no words, only sounds, to express his
feelings. He was panting, groaning continually, like an animal.
Sirius
quickened his pace, using his hips to tilt Remus’ lower body further forward.
Now he was thrusting downward into Remus’ tight hole, his weight helping him
penetrate even deeper. His muscles, strengthened from years of Quidditch,
flexed and strained as he worked himself in and out of Remus’ body. He braced
himself firmly on one hand and used his other to jerk his friend’s cock.
Sweat was
pouring off of them both. Their bodies were pressed firmly against each other.
Both of them had their eyes tightly closed. Remus wanted to watch, but he
couldn’t find the strength to open them. His entire being was focused on the
extreme pleasure he was experiencing under Sirius’ attentions.
Sirius started
to rub his thumb over the head of Remus’ cock and Remus felt his orgasm race
through him. His entire body shudders his his throbbing cock released its load
all over Sirius’ fist. He felt warm droplets of his own cum fall onto his
stomach and chest.
When Remus
was done pumping his juices, Sirius let go of his cock and used both hands to
brace himself, one on either side of Remus’ body. He stepped up the pace,
throwing his whole body into his wild thrusts.
Sirius knew
he wouldn’t last long at this pace and he was right. Already, he could feel
another climax coming on. His body shook with the intensity of it. Every nerve
ending he possessed felt the shock when his cum shot out into Remus’ body,
filling his friend with his sticky essence. His hips pumped uncontrollably.
His orgasm
seemed to last forever, but eventually he calmed, his body loosening up. He
opened his eyes and looked into Remus’, their gazes meeting in an unspoken
understanding.
Remus
smiled as Sirius moved off of him and lay down on the bed, his breathing still slightly
ragged and uneven. Remus remained where he was, marveling at the feel of being
filled with Sirius’ hot cum. He was too tired to move and didn’t really want to
anyway.
Sirius
propped himself up on one elbow and smiled down at his friend, a heartbreaking
sadness still present on his face.
“So,” he
said, trying to make light of things. “What should we get them as a wedding
present?”
Remus only
smiled a little wider.