No More

Title: No More

Rating: R

Category: Romance/Angst

Warning: Dark,
Angst, Suicidal actions and thoughts.

Pairing: Harry x
Draco

Author’s Notes: Okay
this is my first angst fiction for Harry Potter. It may be a little too angst but
hey ^_^ I really hope you enjoy it. I really enjoyed writing it. Please don’t
forget to leave comments. Please no flames.

Disclaimer: Unfortunately
neither the boy’s nor any other characters mentioned in here belong to me,
except the ones I made up of course ^^

One Shot: Lost.

I don’t know if I can live with this any longer. I’ve been
strong since long before I can remember, but… I just can’t do it anymore; I can
handle anymore of this.

I feel like, bit by bit, my heart is being taken away, like
a sale is happening, people come, find the piece they want and, without second
words, maybe a smile over the shoulder, they take that piece and leave; they
leave, never again to return.

I just can’t take any more of this. I’ve tried to reassure
myself that this will stop, that I am not going to have to put up with it any
longer. I’m tired of all this pain, of all the lies… the pain.

I just don’t think I can handle any more of this, these
physical and mental attacks, on purpose or not, I can’t take it any more.

All my life I have tried to prepare myself, tried to hold
myself high against the attacks, to help my soul, mind and heart survive them,
time and time again.

I don’t know when I started this, when I started trying to
escape the pain like this. But it works, this pain works, it helps me survive,
it helps me wake up the next morning instead of continuing to sleep in the
emptiness. But then there are the haunting dreams, my pasts vice grip on my
soul, my mind and heart.

I’m haunted, day and night, by my pain. I just don’t think I
can handle this any longer, it’s too painful.

This knife though, this knife helps me with the pain, it
helps better then any words can, better then touctouch can, better then
anything another can give me.

All I ask for though, out of everything in the entire world,
what I wish for is happiness, true and utter bliss of happiness; I want
someone, someone who will want me in return. Want my personality; my troubles,
my thoughts, my hopes, my dreams. Me. Someone who wants me! The true me!

But no one does, no one wants me. They never have, no one
wants my mind and soul. All the want is my heart and body… from now on I will
no longer hand out my heart… my body? Well there’s nothing I can do about that,
that’s not mine to deny others of, it’s not mine to fight for, my soul, mind
and heart I own, I treasure and try to keep. My body, my body I lost long ago.
My body will never truly be mine.

This knife, this knife pressed to the body I can do, to the
skin that catches so many eyes, this body that attracts so many touches, the
only thing this body is good for is bringing pain. Killing the body I will set
my soul mind, and heart free. All I need is to dispatch the unwanted material,
I just need to get rid of this body, set myself free and then, in the end
evee gee gets what they want. I get my freedom, and they get the body.

I needn’t have to be afraid, be angry all I am is this. What
people have created me to be, a shell.

This knife can answer all pray’s, it can answer my hearts
desire, minds wish and souls plea. It can set normal\'>me free.

I don’t have to feel connected to this flesh. I like to
watch it cry, watch it’s crimson tears weep for me, cry to me, it sets out
waves of pain filled begs, trying to coax me out of its punishment.

But it’s not my plea to grant, I won’t stop because this is
no longer my body. I shall free myself from it’s cage and give it to the
others, give it to them to use as they will, as they always have used it while
I was caged within it’s flesh, they tried to pierce my possessions, they took
my heart, only little left do I own. They tried to break my soul aind.ind. But
these, of all the things I own, these things, I want to keep; these things I
will fight to keep. They belong to me, me and no one else.

I will be free!

The body is begging again, sending waves through my arm to
beg forgiveness for its betrayal. It’s weeping in my denial, weeping out my
pain. It deserves this; it deserves the pain it’s receiving. It will let me go!
It will me me free! Its demise is my raise.

I won’t let its weeping side-track me any longer, I won’t
allow it to coax me out of it’s punishment with the pain it gives me. I won’t
give in.

“What are you doing!?!”

I’m giving up.

The darkness calls, I must answer now, I can’t wait. Whom ever
it is that is cradling me, whom ever it is that is carrying me must not
succeed, they must not cage me in here, they cannot, I don’t want to be caged!
I want to be free, free and without the betrayal of lithe the betrayal and pain
of words, theth oth of touches.

“Pl…please… I don’t waclass=GramE>…want to go.”

My voice is betraying me. The body is fighting against my
will to fall into sleep. I’m being denied my hope, my dream… again.

“Draco, Draco, listen to me, you aren’t going anywhere, class=GramE>you’re going to be fine. Please Draco, just hold on.”

I can’t hold on, I don’t want to hold on, please don’t
request that of me, please don’t trap me in here… please, I want to be free, I
want to be happy… your request can’t be granted… I want to… no…
no I don’t, what am I thinking? I don’t want to grant your wish, I don’t want
your warmth.

Why am I crying… why do clear droplets fall from my closed
eyes, warm and moist rolling down my cheeks? Why does the body do this? Why
does it cry clear tears instead of crimson ones? It’s begging me to have mercy,
to forgive it. But forgive it I can’t, I wont! It causes me pain, it hurts my
heart and damages my soul it fights my mind… I don’t want it anymore, they can
have it; they can do to it as they want. I will no longer stand in their way.

I don’t want to be held, I don’t want to be carried to help.
I don’t want this person to care. Why do they care? Why do they care what
becomes of the body? Do they want to keep me trapped in it, keep me locked up?
Surly they don’t want me, surly it’s the body they are after, they are trying
to keep me in here, they want me to be hurt, betrayed… NO! no,
I won’t let them. Darkness, I beg you, I beg you; take me; please take me!

“Mr Po- Oh dear Merlin. What
happened, what’s happened here?”

Why are people so sought to keep me in pain? Please, I don’t
want this, I want to be free.

“I found him, he’s bleeding! I can’t stop him bleeding!
Please, you have to help him!”

I want no help. Please you must understand, I want this, the
tears must be left to fall, they must be allowed to cry rivers, you must at
least give the body that much, allow it that much, let it cry, weep, for me.
Please, it will cry until I am free, it will then stop its tears. It will then
carry on. I just want to be free.

“Put him on the bed, hurry!”

I can hear weeping… is it the body? No, the body is weeping
in crimson tears, this is another weeping, it’s not my clear tears, either,
they stopped when the body lost the energy to cry so much for me. This weeping
is near me… a hand is at my hair… brushing it away. I can hear pleas, begs for
me to return.

Begs I can not grant, I want nothing but freedom; freedom
that will be granted to me. I can hear a voice, it’s close to me, it’s
whispering in my soul, telling me things, things I have begged my whole life
for. I can hear its call’s, I can hear the voice telling me of happiness,
happiness that I will never forget, promise that won’t be broken. A life I will
only feel happiness in. Bliss… It’s promising to grant my wish, the wish I have
always wanted to own.

But until then, until then I must sleep.

(___________________________)

Numb… that’s all I feel. I feel numb and tired.

Am… am I free?

“Draco? Draco, are you awake?”

That voice again… that’s the voice that gave me the
promises, the some voice that told me I will endure a life of happiness…

“I… I’m not dead?”

That voice. That voice sounds so unlike my own… it’s weak,
like a whisper carrying on my breath… husky because of my dry throat. The class=GramE>bodies limbs feel so heavy, my mind fogged.

There’s a whimper, a small sob, in happiness or pain? I
don’t know. But it was at my ear that I heard it, there is warmth to my neck.

I can’t identify this warmth, it’s
so unlike anything I’ve ever felt. It’s like the heat of a fire, the comfort of
a warm blanket, the security of strong arms… warmth all around me… keeping me
warm… for the first time in so, so very long I feel what can only be described
as safe and free, free to let go and relax in the coax of arms and hush of a
breath at my ear.

“No, Draco, you’re not dead. You’re safe.”

Not dead?

But how is this possible? I must be dead, I feel free… I
can’t feel free in that body… I can’t!

“No… you’re lying!”

There was a sob again… but it wasn’t the same… this one was
from me. The body is crying again. But for what? Is it
crying in its success to keep me trapped? I don’t understand this, what’s
happening in front of my eyes, my eyes are too heavy to open… I can’t see this
warmth.

“Draco… I’m not lying…”

The warmth is growing, it’s holding me… keeping me safe, if
this is not death how can it be life? My life isn’t this; I’m not free in my
life… I’m in pain, tortured… dead.

“Please, Draco, don’t do that again.”

Something warm is pressed to my neck… I can feel it, feel
its heat… lips.

But this must be wrong… I can’t be alive. Life does not give
me this; it doesn’t grant me the pleasures of happiness.

“How is Mr. Malfoy?”

I’m alive… not dead.

What’s wrong with the warmth? Why is it moving away from me?

A whimper - another one from me - the warmth was leaving me,
why does everything that gives me happiness leave me? I can’t let this leave. I
won’t!

But…but it hasn’t left… it’s returned… I can feel it,
returning to me, a kiss pressed to my forehead. I kiss that didn’t touch my
body. It touched my soul, my heart and my mind. A kiss that went through me;
passed all my shields… I am not dead?

“He’s conscious… Sir,
will he be okay?”

“Yes, my dear boy, he will live. But he does suffer pain,
internal wounds. I am ashamed to have not seen them earlier… he is indeed a
private person. I have spoken to his friends and family, they know nothing that
would have set this off. His parent’s will be here soon.”

Parents? Friends?
I have no friends or parents. The body does, I do not. My heart holds no one
close to it… my soul cherishes no one, my mind believes in no one… I have no
one… no one but the warmth that holds me now. I hold, cherish and believe in
this warmth.

It won’t leave me; I can feel the promise in the touch, in
the tenderness. I can feel the secret promise in the words, though I haven’t
opened my eyes I know I don’t want to leave this warmth. I will not!

“They’ll be here! But they’ll take him away… they’ll hurt
him. Sir, you can’t let them take him, please, sir, you can’t let them!”

Please… please don’t let them take me. I don’t want to leave
this warmth. Please don’t take me away from my happiness.

“I’m sorry, my dear boy, I have no say in what they wish
best for their son.”

“They don’t wish the best for him! They treat him like
trash, like a trophy. They don’t care about him. If they truly cared they
wouldn’t have let him get like this, he tried to kill himself for God sakes.”

“I’m aware of this, my boy, but they are his parents and
they have all the law on their side if it is their wish to take him home.”

The warmth tightens around me, I’m pulled closer to its
beat… no… that’s a heart beat. The beat of a heart, it’s quick, quick in anger
and desperation.

“Pl… please, do-don’t let them take me away.”

They can’t take me; I’m only just tasting
freedom! The arms have pulled me close, the warmth surrounds me, and I cling
back, my fingers clutching on clothing, as tight as I could, but in my weakness
it wasn’t tight, I can hear the heartbeat in the chest, it’s like it’s beating
for me.

“I won’t. I promise”

So many promises I’ve heard, but this was the first time
I’ve ever – truly - believed it. So many promises I’ve been forced to watch
crumble away with a cackle of laughter… so many promises ripped so suddenly
from my trust…

“Sir. Please!”

“I’m truly sorry. There’s nothing I can do. These are his
parents.”

“I don’t care. They don’t even love him. They don’t even
understand what love means. I do! I love him! I won’t let them take him away.”

Love…

“I’m sorry. The wards have been taken down so that they can
apparate here, you must understand. This is for the best.”

No!

“Plea… please don’t let them.”

My voice is in a whisper, I have no strength to make it any
higher, any more urgent and pleading. But the warmth understands. I’m pulled
closer, held tighter…

The other one leaves. My mind only just manages to inform me
that it was my headmaster, Dumbledore… but why did he say that? What was he
saying?

I have no time to clear my mind and ponder. My navel is
being pulled… I feel like I’m running. But the warmth hasn’t left me so I don’t
care. It stopped… the warmth is still close…

“I’m sorry Draco… I couldn’t let them take you. We’ll
survive though, just the two of us, together.”

I manage to open my eyes, only just, and I look up to my
warmth. I’m not surprised to see it, see the forest green eyes looking back at
me, see the sadness yet love… yes I see the love as clear as water, its there,
shinning brightly at the front.

Dark raven hair falls over and around the face, the face
that is so close to my own, the lips that is so close to my own, and the warmth
that holds me close.

The lips brush over my own parted ones, the kiss holding
promise, happiness and love.

I’m being lifted; strong arms are holding me close. I’m
free. I have my warmth and now I’m free… my heart, mind, soul…and body.

“Harry…”

~THE END~

Please, before you leave, can you leave a reviewclass=GramE>… I really like them. I’m also thinking of writing a sequel…
not to sure though, I might… or I might not. I hope you enjoyed. ^-^