Fearing Rejection

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of it\'s characters, they all belond to J.K. Rowling. I\'m just borrowing without asking, but with every intention of returning them.

First HG/SS fanfic here so be nice to me. :)


She was there again. In front of the door that led to his private office, the door was closed but he knew she was there. He could feel her presence. Her hand was probably poised to knock, as she tried to gather the courage to actually complete the motion. That same hand was the one he had ignored all week in class, for if he acknowledged the hand he would be acknowledging the owner. That was something he couldn’t do, he couldn’t even look in her direction any more without feeling an overwhelming sense of guilt.

He had taken her innocence away. He couldn’t even think those words without shuddering with guilt. What was even worse was that she had told him she loved him. She had told him she loved him after he had stolen her virginity from her. Yes she had been willing, and yes she was over the age of consent, but she was still his student. He was old enough to be her father, he was bitter, and moody, and he didn’t deserve her. He would never deserve her, no matter what he did to atone for his past sins.

She was still there, standing in front of his door. She had done this for the past three nights, just stand in front of his door ready to knock, but never actually knocking. He didn’t know why he knew it was she. It was just a feeling he had in the pit of his stomach. Was this something that was normal after coupling for someone with strong Legilimency skills? Was it normal to know that your lover was there without even having to turn and look?

“No,” he whispered fiercely to himself, “one time does not make us lovers.” He had never felt like this with any of the other women he had slept with. Granted there hadn’t been many willing women, the other’s had all been those he had been forced to rape during his time as a Death Eater so he could still appear to be faithful to Voldemort. The day he had finally declared his allegiance to the light was the day the Potter boy had defeated the Dark Lord, and that night he had taken her to bed.

He shook his head to clear it but it didn’t work, it never did. She was still standing in front of his door. Dammit, why couldn’t she just leave him alone? He knew she was just coming here to tell him that sleeping with him had been a mistake, why else would she come? Then he heard the sound he was dreading most. She had knocked on the door.

He couldn’t pretend he wasn’t in the office. She already knew he was there, just as he knew that it was she who was knocking on his door. The knocking stopped and a suffocating silence washed over him as he tried to speak. After two failed tries, his voice finally came out of his throat. “Enter.” He said, as he braced himself in his chair. She entered the room and closed the door behind her, an unreadable look on her face.

~~~~~

She stood in front of his door, knowing full well that he was behind it. But she was afraid, afraid that he would reject her. He had been so cold toward her this last week, never even looking in her direction. She couldn’t lie. It had hurt to have him ignore her, and to think she wouldn’t have cared if it had been a month, or even two weeks ago. But no, the week since Voldemort’s defeat, the week since he had brought her to his bed, had been torture for her.

She knew her declaration of love that night had scared him, and it had scared her too. She hadn’t known her feelings ran so deep for him. Respect surely, but love? Yes, she loved him. She couldn’t deny it. She loved him with a fierceness that had caused her to avoid him for a few days. But she had over come her fear of her love for him, and for the last three nights she had come here to talk to him. Or try too anyway, she may have accepted the fact that she loved him but she was still afraid that he would reject her.

Their night of passion had played over and over in her mind the last week. His naked flash pressed against her own. His hands and tongue caressing her most intimate places, and she had cried out his name as he brought her to the height of her pleasure. Then his hard member had been in between her spread thighs and he had entered her. The pain of her maidenhead breaking had been there, but it was nothing compared to the feeling of being full.

He had filled so completely that she had wondered how she had ever lived without him. The already intense pleasure increased as he had begun to move within her. He brought her to new heights and then pushed her over the edge once more. He had spilled his seed inside of her, crying out her name as he came. That’s when she had messed it all up. His whole body tensed as she had spoken those three little words, and when she had woken the next morning he was not there, but he had left a small bottle of a contraceptive potion on the night stand and a note telling her how much to drink.

In her dreams she had left out the part where she had confessed her feelings for him. She had blocked out the part when she could feel his rejection, even when he had not spoken it she knew. That morning when she had found herself alone in his bed she had dressed quickly, drank the potion, and left. She had run to her head-girl rooms, tears streaming down her face, not caring if anyone saw her. Ginny had come to her later, worry etched on her features. She had told Ginny, because the red head was good at keeping secrets, but Harry and Ron, who had somehow managed to survive the last battle, were kept in the dark. Her two best friends had no idea that she had slept with their bitter Potions Master.

She looked at his door again. Raising her hand to knock she gathered up all of her Gryffindor courage, and knocked on the smooth wood of his door. She tensed as she waited for him to answer. His usual swift reply did not come and she was afraid he wasn’t there after all. She turned to go but then she heard his voice drift through the door, “Enter.”

She stood up straighter as she pushed the door open. Her emotions were running rampant but she couldn’t let him see that, so she tried to keep her expression blank. She closed the door behind her as she entered the room. The candles that illuminated the room cast strange shadows on his face, and made his eyes seem darker. She wished that they were darkened with lust for her, but his eyes betrayed no emotion and neither did his face. “Prof- Severus.”

She didn’t see the sparkle of hope that was in his eyes for a second, for she was staring at her shoes, too afraid of rejection to look him in the eye. “Miss Granger.” She didn’t answer him right away. She continued to stare at her feet. “You wanted to talk to me Miss Granger?”

“Yes.” She said and nodded, “I wanted, needed, to talk to you about the other night.” She instantly regretted her choice of words as she saw him tense in his chair.

~~~~~

She is going to tell me that giving her virginity to me was a mistake, he thought. He opened his mouth to speak but she beat him to it. “I meant what I said that night.” He started and looked at her eyes a little wider than normal. He hadn’t been expecting that. Could she really mean that she loved him, him, the greasy-git of Hogwarts? He had tried to ignore the fact that he loved her too, but he couldn’t any longer.

She was brilliant, kind, gentle, and beautiful; not beautiful in a conventional way, but beautiful none the less. Involuntarily his mind wandered to the image of her naked body lying on his bed. He remembered the gentle curve of her hips, and her perfectly rounded breasts that seemed to fit perfectly in his hands. He gave himself a mental kick and brought his mind back to the present. He looked at her searchingly for a moment, trying to find proof that she was telling the truth. Well of course she’s telling the truth, he thought, Hermione Granger always tells the truth.

“Why are you telling me this Miss Granger?” He asked, determined to hide his feelings from her. The look of hurt that passed over her features made him wince.

“Can you honestly tell me that what happened meant nothing to you? Was I just another random fuck for you?” She nearly yelled, and he winced at her choice of words. “Were you just using me for sex?” She spoke the last part more quietly. Snape was so shocked it took him a moment for him to realize what she had said. Apparently she had taken his silence for rejection so she turned toward the door, tears in her eyes. “I’m sorry I bothered you sir.”

He jumped up from his seat and in two long strides he was next to her. He gripped her arm and spun her around to face him. “I would not use you, Hermione.” He spoke softly, brug heg her tears off her cheeks with his thumb. “But I feel guilty for taking your innocence away from you.”

Her head snapped up at his words. “You didn’t take it. I gave it to you.” She said stubbornly, “I’m over the age of consent because I used the time-turner in my third year. I am free to make my own decisions, and I chose to give my virginity to you.” She stood on her toes and tried to kiss him but he turned his head away. “W- Why?”

“I’m your professor Hermione. You may be of age, but you are still my student. Not only that, but I’m old enough to be your father, and an ex-Death Eater. I don’t deserve you.” He said, shaking his head. His eyes were closed so he nearly jumped when he felt her hands come up and cup his face.

“I love you.” She whispered and brushed her lips against his. “Graduation is only a month away. We can keep quiet until then.” She brushed her lips over his again as she spoke, “But I’m not going to let you leave me again. I won’t let you, and I couldn’t take it if you did.”

She loved him. She had said it again, with honesty in her eyes. But he couldn’t do this, she was still his student. She felt so good against him though, so soft. He was tempted to rip off her clothes and take her right there on the floor of his office. “Hermione . . . ” He began, but was cut off as her mouth found his. He groaned, knowing his self restraint was gone now.

She gasped into his mouth as he grabbed her hips and pulled her more roughly against him. His now erect member pushed into her stomach, “See what you do to me?” He growled earning a groan of appreciation from Hermione. He kissed her with the force of a man starving for her lips, and when she gasped again he thrust his tongue into her mouth, tasting her. Her hands grabbed fistfuls of his hair and held on as if it was the only thing keeping her on the ground. His own hands were exploring her body through the layers of herthesthes.

“Severus.” Hermione gasped as they came up for air, “Take me to your rooms, please.”

“As you wish.” Severus whispered huskily in her ear. He waved his hand and said something Hermione couldn’t hear, and a doorway appeared in the wall. He picked her up and she screamed in surprise, he chucked in response. The sound of his quiet laughter made Hermione almost giddy about what was about to happen. He put her down in his sitting room and waved his hand again. The doorway closed and a fire leapt in the grate, making the normally cold dungeons warm.

His mouth found hers once more as he slowly backed her up until her knees hit the arm of the couch. She fell backwards, landing on the soft cushions, and he slid on top of her. Their lip met again with bruising force as the struggled out of their clothes. Dimly Severus was aware of how different this time was from their first time together. The first time they had taken time to explore each other’s bodies as they undressed, but now they were tearing at their clothes, eager to be rid of them.

Had it really only been a week since she had last been under him like this? It seemed more like seven years than seven days. Finally she was naked beneath him, while he still wore his pants. She seemed to find this arrangement very unfair, she reached for the buckle of his belt but he stilled her hands. “Not yet my dear,” He said, before moving down to suck on her left nipple, while one of his hands played with the right. She still tried to reach his belt, but she lost all coherent thought when his free hand made its way to her core. His spread her lips and the tip of his middle finger entered her.

“Oh Merlin, Severus!” she cried as he pushed his finger farther into her wet channel. His mouth and hand on her breasts, and his fingers inside of her were driving her crazy with need. “Please, I need to touch you.”

He just chuckled and added a second finger, stroking her passage. “Later.” He growled as he switched his oral attentions from her left breast to her right. “But you need to come for me first.” He added a third finger, pumping it in and out of her. The already intense pleasure increased as he continued to pleasure her with his fingers. Her breathing became erratic, and her moans coming more frequently. “Come for me Hermione, come for me.” Severus whispered against her breast. He bit down softly on her nipple, the sensation causing Hermione to fall over the edge.

She cried out his name as she came. When she opened her eyes again, Severus was looking at her with a wicked grin on his face. He held up his right hand, and she saw her juices coating three of his fingers. He put one of his fingers in his mouth and licked the digit, tasting her. She groaned as she watched him lick his fingers clean. It was causing even more moisture to pool in between her thighs, and before she knew what she was doing she grabbed his hand and put his fingers into her mouth. She could taste herself on him and it only caused her to become more aroused.

Severus watched in amazement as she sucked on his fingers. His erection hardened even more at the sight, and he was so caught up in the vision he didn’t notice her hands undoing his belt. He jumped when he felt her hands slip under the waistband of his pants and down to his throbbing cock. He never wore underwear, so nothing hindered her from fondling him after she had pushed his pants down. Her small hands moved up and down his hard shaft, stroking him.

Merlin it felt so good, but if she didn’t stop now he wouldn’t last long once inside of her. He brought her hands away from him and spread her thighs. He thrust into her in one fluid motion, causing her to cry out in pleasure. “Merlin Hermione, you’re so wet and . . . unh . . . so tighHe wHe was trying to keep a steady pace so he wouldn’t hurt her, but then she had gasped out ‘harder’, and he lost control. He thrust harder and faster, sometimes twisting his hips to give her more pleasure.

She met his every thrust. Sweat formed on their bodies as they coupled, but they didn’t notice. They were totally absorbed in each other as both of their pleasures mounted. Severus knew he wouldn’t be able to last much longer so he moved a hand to where their bodies joined and rubbed Hermione’s clitoris. Her back arched as he rubbed and pinched her clit as he continued to thrust inside of her. He felt her body tense and knew she was about to come, he put his lips next to her ear and whispered to her. “I love you.” He said, and her eyes opened wide as her orgasm consumed her.

“SEVERUS!” She screamed as she toppled over the edge. Severus followed her soon after, shouting her name as he spilled his seed inside of her. He collapsed on top of her, both of them breathing hard as they recovered. He pulled out of her and rolled over onto his side, bringing her with him. They just stayed that way for a moment, not speaking, just enjoying the feel of the other as they lay together.

It was Hermione who broke the silence. “Severus?”

“Hmm?” He murmured into her hair.

“Did you mean it when you said you love me?”

“Yes.” He replied, hugging her closer to him. She made a small noise of contentment as she cuddled up next to him. He heard her breathing become steady moments later as she fell asleep in his arms. Severus smiled as he waved his hand and a blanket appeared over them. He would be here when she woke up this time. He would never reject her again.

~~~~~

Albus Dumbledore knocked on the door to Severus’ office and went in. He was surprised to find that the Potions Master was not there, for the man usually stayed up late grading papers. Albus was about to enter Severus’ private chambers but thought better of it. He knew how much the man hated to be disturbed. “I have a way to find out where he is anyway.” The Headmaster said to himself as he left the office and headed toward his own office.

“Taste the Rainbow.*” He said as he reached the stone gargoyle that guarded the entrance to his office. He ascended the spiral stair case and opened the door to his office. On the right wall there was a circular mirror with an ornate gold frame. He stopped in front of it and raised his wand, “ostendo mihi a visum*” he said with a swish of his wand.

The surface of the mirror became clouded as it waited for Dumbledore’s command. “Show me Severus Snape.” He said in a clear voice and slowly a picture began to form in the mirror. Dumbledore’s jaw almost hit the floor when he saw the image. His Potions Master, Severus Snape, was lying on the couch with the current Head Girl, Hermione Granger. They were covered by a dark green blanket but there was no doubt they were naked underneath it because of the clothes that were in a heap on the floor.

Albus Dumbledore turned away from the mirror, muttering “terminus visum*” and the mirror showed reflections once more. Albus sat down behind his desk and then began to laugh, causing his red and gold colored phoenix to look at him strangely. “Well it’s about damn time.” He said to himself as he laughed, “I was afraid they would never get together.”

*“ostendo mihi a visum\" means \'show me a vision\', and “terminus visum\" means \'end vision\'.*


AN: Thanks to all of your reviews I have decided what I\'m going to do. This idea popped into my head and it won\'t be ignored so here you go... I\'m going to write a a short fic about the night Voldemort was defeated and then I will write the sequel. Well what do you think? Good idea or bad idea... actually it doesn\'t matter if you think it\'s a good idea because that\'s what I\'m doing. lol

To my wonderful reviewers!
Barbara: thanks for your review and I\'m glad you wanted a sequel because I want to write one, but you\'re just going to have to wait, because the \"first time\" fic will come first. I hope you will like that one too.
Heather: Hey, I\'m glad you liked the Dumbledore bit. I wasn\'t going to have him find out but I just couldn\'t help it, he\'s a sneaky old bastard he is.
spaz141: heehee... you called me (or my story anyway) brilliant. SPIFFY! lol thanks so much for the review.
morgana: I\'m glad you like it, and I know I sould find a beta but I just can\'t. I\'m rather paranoid about my writing and handing it over to someone else, even if it\'s just for grammatical edits, rubs me the wrong way. But I will try to fix the grammer, I just got this knew grammer program that I\'m going to try out. :)
Anna Marie: I\'m glad you like. And, I will write more... fear not.
Anon: Well thanks... I\'m glad you like. As for the Latin I\'m sorry. I don\'t speak a word of latin and I had to use one of those on-line translator things. I did take latin for a year in eight grade but I got like a 40% in that class so I don\'t remember anything. :)