Book of Shadows
folder
Harry Potter › Slash - Male/Male › Harry/Snape
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
10
Views:
12,881
Reviews:
33
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Harry Potter › Slash - Male/Male › Harry/Snape
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
10
Views:
12,881
Reviews:
33
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Book of Shadows 1
Title: Book of Shadows (1/1)
Author: Lux (quietlygorgeous@hotmail.com)
Feedback: not needed but greatly appreciated
Pairing: HP/SS and various others
Rating: R
Summary: The final weeks of Harry\'s seventh year in which he watches people have sex, skips classes, and tells Dumbledore what he really thinks.
Warnings: angst, mild humor, self-mutilation, little bit of incest...sort of (you\'ll understand when you see it)
Archive: my site (www.snowroses.net)want it? just ask
Disclaimer: I own nothing. I am poor. Oh so very poor.
Author\'s Note: Book of Shadows sprang up while I was at my Grandmother\'s for Christmas and listening to \"Why Does it Always Rain on Me?\" by Travis. I didn\'t expect it to be this long. It explores depressed!under-appreciated!witty!artistic!Harry. I might expand on him one day. I\'ve become quite fond of him.
Author\'s Note: *Editted June 4thth* And I thought I had gotten through the size problems! ARGH apparently you\'ve all missed great gaping parts of the story. So, I\'ve bitten the bullet and made it into 10 parts. My sincere apologies. Again.
Thanks: KC for putting up with my quirks and for being you ::smooch::
Book of Shadows
1
Harry doesn\'t talk to anyone anymore. No one even bothers to try, either. Malfoy gave up trying to provoke him into a fight when Harry would just stare at him and walk away whenever he would try. All Harry feels these days is emptiness but he does his schoolwork so the teachers don\'t start sniffing around. Sometimes Ron talks even though Harry isn\'t listening to him. Quidditch doesn\'t interest him anymore. It seems childish and Harry realized once that being childish only gets people killed. He sits by the fire and stares into the flames as the logs snap and crack; but he\'s not really there. He\'s some place else that no one can get to except him. A place for secrets to be kept because secrets are all he has left. So he stares past the fireplace to a world where everything is different, where he is different.
Crookshanks will curl up in his lap when he\'s feeling particularly suicidal. He feels suicidal most days now. It was muted in the beginning but each day gets a little bit harder, each morning a little more difficult to face. It\'s gotten easier for him to ignore the feelings so he runs on automatic. He doesn\'t think anyone notices him anymore but the more withdrawn he becomes, the more the teachers stare. He\'s anti-life but a model student. \"Just like his mother - but not quite,\" they whisper. McGonagall starts pulling her Gryffindors aside to ask how Harry is doing. They all give the same answer, \"I don\'t know.\"
He doesn\'t sleep much anymore. Sometimes he\'ll get a few minutes in but the rest of the night he studies or pets Crookshanks who has begun sleeping at the foot of his bed at night. It never occurs to Harry that this might upset Hermione but Crookshanks has always gone wherever he wanted. Harry appreciates the company, though. He doesn\'t cut in front of the cat. His yellow eyes penetrate Harry; makes him nervous so he waits until Crookshanks slinks away or is fast asleep before he pulls the knife from his bedside table and bleeds.
He thinks bleeding is a lot like flying. Every time, he bleeds a little more and makes sure none of it lands on his crisp white sheets. More than once he notices that the blood matches the red duvet on his bed. Ironic, really, he thinks as a few drops disappear and converge with the blanket. Sometimes he heals the wounds but other times he lets them heal naturally; scar his skin. He likes to look at them. They bring him happiness and a little bit of pain.
When he is lucky, he dreams when he is fortunate enough to sleep. He always dreams of arms that don\'t make him flinch and a voice that makes him as happy as his knife. He usually wakes up in tears when he dreams like that because he knows whom the arms belong to. He cuts after he cries. Uncle Vernon once told him that boys don\'t cry and even now, Harry feels the shame in his heart when he lets the tears fall. He canays ays hear Uncle Vernon laughing at him.
When he can\'t sleep and he\'s tired of studying; Harry wanders the endless hallways. He likes to get lost in the great winding corridors and hide in the shadows when he thinks someone might be coming. Usually it\'s nothing but Harry likes to pretend that someone would come looking for him if he did disappear. As much as he wants to be left alone, he also likes to dream about someone caring about him and looking for him. It feels insane to him that he\'s so indecisive about his feelings.
When he walks the hallways, he feels alive. Sometimes he thinks he can hear the stones grinding together in secret speech and he can almost understand what they\'re whispering to each other. He\'ll lean against a wall and listen to them in his head until he realizes that he\'s going insane. He\'ll begin moving again and forget that the stones are mumbling about aching s ans and House rivalries.
Very little comforts Harry anymore but when the castle is quiet and Peeves isn\'t causing mischief and Moaning Myrtle has stopped crying; it is peaceful and Harry feels safe and protected from himself. Often, he finds a dark corner or window to sit in and he thinks. It\'s always something different. Snape, his art, life after Hogwarts. All those things scare him and excite him at the same time. He thinks it\'s silly that he should be infatuated with Snape but he is none-the-less. Snape makes Harry\'s heart beat quicken and breathing a little more difficult but Harry always keeps his composure somehow.
He thinks about confessing; telling Snape that he wants to be with him. And in a perfect universe, Snape kisses him forcefully and their lips linger for a few seconds before Harry is whisked off to the dungeons to be well and thoroughly fucked. The rest of the time, Harry tells Snape how he feels and Snape simply says, \"Why?\" With that one word, all Harry\'s hope withers because he doesn\'t know why. He doesn\'t understand why he wants to live with Snape for the rest of their lives. He doesn\'t know why he still calls him \"Snape\" in his head and not \"Severus\" even though he would probably do anything Snape asked him to. No, Harry doesn\'t know why he wants Snape but he does and he thinks perhaps love doesn\'t need a reason why.
Author: Lux (quietlygorgeous@hotmail.com)
Feedback: not needed but greatly appreciated
Pairing: HP/SS and various others
Rating: R
Summary: The final weeks of Harry\'s seventh year in which he watches people have sex, skips classes, and tells Dumbledore what he really thinks.
Warnings: angst, mild humor, self-mutilation, little bit of incest...sort of (you\'ll understand when you see it)
Archive: my site (www.snowroses.net)want it? just ask
Disclaimer: I own nothing. I am poor. Oh so very poor.
Author\'s Note: Book of Shadows sprang up while I was at my Grandmother\'s for Christmas and listening to \"Why Does it Always Rain on Me?\" by Travis. I didn\'t expect it to be this long. It explores depressed!under-appreciated!witty!artistic!Harry. I might expand on him one day. I\'ve become quite fond of him.
Author\'s Note: *Editted June 4thth* And I thought I had gotten through the size problems! ARGH apparently you\'ve all missed great gaping parts of the story. So, I\'ve bitten the bullet and made it into 10 parts. My sincere apologies. Again.
Thanks: KC for putting up with my quirks and for being you ::smooch::
Book of Shadows
1
Harry doesn\'t talk to anyone anymore. No one even bothers to try, either. Malfoy gave up trying to provoke him into a fight when Harry would just stare at him and walk away whenever he would try. All Harry feels these days is emptiness but he does his schoolwork so the teachers don\'t start sniffing around. Sometimes Ron talks even though Harry isn\'t listening to him. Quidditch doesn\'t interest him anymore. It seems childish and Harry realized once that being childish only gets people killed. He sits by the fire and stares into the flames as the logs snap and crack; but he\'s not really there. He\'s some place else that no one can get to except him. A place for secrets to be kept because secrets are all he has left. So he stares past the fireplace to a world where everything is different, where he is different.
Crookshanks will curl up in his lap when he\'s feeling particularly suicidal. He feels suicidal most days now. It was muted in the beginning but each day gets a little bit harder, each morning a little more difficult to face. It\'s gotten easier for him to ignore the feelings so he runs on automatic. He doesn\'t think anyone notices him anymore but the more withdrawn he becomes, the more the teachers stare. He\'s anti-life but a model student. \"Just like his mother - but not quite,\" they whisper. McGonagall starts pulling her Gryffindors aside to ask how Harry is doing. They all give the same answer, \"I don\'t know.\"
He doesn\'t sleep much anymore. Sometimes he\'ll get a few minutes in but the rest of the night he studies or pets Crookshanks who has begun sleeping at the foot of his bed at night. It never occurs to Harry that this might upset Hermione but Crookshanks has always gone wherever he wanted. Harry appreciates the company, though. He doesn\'t cut in front of the cat. His yellow eyes penetrate Harry; makes him nervous so he waits until Crookshanks slinks away or is fast asleep before he pulls the knife from his bedside table and bleeds.
He thinks bleeding is a lot like flying. Every time, he bleeds a little more and makes sure none of it lands on his crisp white sheets. More than once he notices that the blood matches the red duvet on his bed. Ironic, really, he thinks as a few drops disappear and converge with the blanket. Sometimes he heals the wounds but other times he lets them heal naturally; scar his skin. He likes to look at them. They bring him happiness and a little bit of pain.
When he is lucky, he dreams when he is fortunate enough to sleep. He always dreams of arms that don\'t make him flinch and a voice that makes him as happy as his knife. He usually wakes up in tears when he dreams like that because he knows whom the arms belong to. He cuts after he cries. Uncle Vernon once told him that boys don\'t cry and even now, Harry feels the shame in his heart when he lets the tears fall. He canays ays hear Uncle Vernon laughing at him.
When he can\'t sleep and he\'s tired of studying; Harry wanders the endless hallways. He likes to get lost in the great winding corridors and hide in the shadows when he thinks someone might be coming. Usually it\'s nothing but Harry likes to pretend that someone would come looking for him if he did disappear. As much as he wants to be left alone, he also likes to dream about someone caring about him and looking for him. It feels insane to him that he\'s so indecisive about his feelings.
When he walks the hallways, he feels alive. Sometimes he thinks he can hear the stones grinding together in secret speech and he can almost understand what they\'re whispering to each other. He\'ll lean against a wall and listen to them in his head until he realizes that he\'s going insane. He\'ll begin moving again and forget that the stones are mumbling about aching s ans and House rivalries.
Very little comforts Harry anymore but when the castle is quiet and Peeves isn\'t causing mischief and Moaning Myrtle has stopped crying; it is peaceful and Harry feels safe and protected from himself. Often, he finds a dark corner or window to sit in and he thinks. It\'s always something different. Snape, his art, life after Hogwarts. All those things scare him and excite him at the same time. He thinks it\'s silly that he should be infatuated with Snape but he is none-the-less. Snape makes Harry\'s heart beat quicken and breathing a little more difficult but Harry always keeps his composure somehow.
He thinks about confessing; telling Snape that he wants to be with him. And in a perfect universe, Snape kisses him forcefully and their lips linger for a few seconds before Harry is whisked off to the dungeons to be well and thoroughly fucked. The rest of the time, Harry tells Snape how he feels and Snape simply says, \"Why?\" With that one word, all Harry\'s hope withers because he doesn\'t know why. He doesn\'t understand why he wants to live with Snape for the rest of their lives. He doesn\'t know why he still calls him \"Snape\" in his head and not \"Severus\" even though he would probably do anything Snape asked him to. No, Harry doesn\'t know why he wants Snape but he does and he thinks perhaps love doesn\'t need a reason why.