Lesser Evils: Round Two

TITLE: Lesser Evils: Round Two

AUTHOR: Rowaine

PAIRING: SS/HP

RATING: R but closer to PG, for language mainly

DISCLAIMER: That lovely lady at the author\'s booth, signing copies of OotP is the sole owner of the Harry Potter universe. I\'m simply borrowing her creations for my own perverse entertainment. No money is filtering back to me, nor is it expected.

SUMMARY: Harry has transfered the power of Severus\' Dark Mark, but now it\'s fighting back. Sequel to The Lesser wo Owo Out of Three Evils (Scenario 2: Snape receives some bad news.)

NOTES: Part of the Severus Snape Fuh-Q Fest -- Bonus Scenario: Sirius must ask/beg Snape to marry (and consummate the marriage) with Harry.

ARCHIVING: The Severus Snape Fuh-Q Fest Archive.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Lesser Evils: Round Two

by by Rowaine

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Six days after successfully transferring the Dark Mark into something benign.

Just under one hundred and fourty four hours beyond the power-sharing ritual.

Less than a week after becoming tentative lovers, and things began to fall apart. At first it was little stuff -- thoughts leaking into each other\'s minds at odd times, magic surging when tempers flared, the occassional flow of hot lust during a lecture or meal. Annoying, yet hardly life- threatening.

But now Harry was visiting Madam Pomphrey for headaches, which was telling of itself. The Boy Who Lived had regular migraines from his connection with Voldemort. For this connection to cause even more pain than the Dark Lord\'s malicious behavior was saying quite alot.

\"Harry, what has Poppy said about your pain?\"

\"Same as this morning. Don\'t worry so much, Sev. It\'s probably somethstupstupid like stress, or not enough potasium, or any number of combinations.\"

\"Or it could be the bond.\"

\"Or it could be the bond, yes. Even if it is, I wouldn\'t want to sever that.\"

\"I still find it hard to believe that you like being tied to your most hated professor.\"

\"Believe what you like, Sev. You always do. It\'s the truth though.\"

\"Brat. Lay down on the bed, and I\'ll give you a backrub.\"

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Up in the headmaster\'s office, a similar conversation was taking place. Sirius wnce nce again bound and gagged at his lover\'s insistance, while Albus and Remus discussed the possible courses of action.

\"Now that the levels of hot air and testosterone are down to reasonable, let\'s start over, Albus. We\'re assuming that the second half of that ceremony is to blame for Harry\'s illness. What evidence supports your verdict?\"

\"Simply put, he had not had such episodes prior to the ritual. I have also noticed certain random magical acts within the castle that are too powerful for our students to have performed. Then there are the looks that pass between Harry and Severus. Beyond their rather intimate relationship, these glances remind me of people sharing a conversation, and yet the rest of us cannot hear them. On some unspoken levels, they appear capable of communicating without having to say a word.\"

\"I doubt that telepathy alone would cause them this problem, and it seems to only be affecting Harry.\"

Pulling at his long, white beard, Albus thought over the situation ng mng moment. \"True, but we still have insufficient information to force either of them into treatment or any magical means of diagnosis.\"

\"Harry is a student under your supervision, and Snape is a member of your staff. For Merlin\'s sake, you\'ve got to make those two stubborn fools get some help before they\'re both incapacitated! What happens when Voldemort finds out about this? He\'ll strike hard and fast, taking as many people down as he can. And the one person you\'ve labeled the wizarding world\'s hero will fall.\"

\"Remus, you are a dear friend, but you have no right to speak to me in such a manner...\"

\"If you refuse to take action, I have every right to be concerned and irrate at my godson\'s treatment!\"

In natural progression, the conversation went downhill from there.

Behiis bis bonds, Sirius silently cheered his normally calm mate through his tirade. The joy of seeing the great Albus Dumbledore being called on the carpet for his manipulations far surpassing his petty troubles of not being able to voice his own complaints or stomp his feet in anger.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Severus watched silently as his lover slipped from consciousness. After the entire day\'s headaches, Harry truly needed rest... but it would be dangerous for him to fall too deeply into slumber. Shifting the smaller form into a more comfortable position, Snape laid the young man back on his bed. With a resigned sigh, he left the room to scavange through his library once more. For answers. For a miracle. For something to keep him from going insane with worry.

Their power-sharing ritual had brought Harry and Severus closer together than either would have believed. Naturally, their newfound raport was kept from the teaming masses of students and teachers, and even Albus was unaware of the extent of closeness the two dark-haired wizards had achieved. Sharing thoughts and telepathy were among the milder attributes they had garnered.

But still, Snape worried about the younger man. The only logical cause for his thought-shattering migraines was after-effects of the ritual. A ceremony performed to keep Severus alive and out of the Dark Lord\'s clutches. Despite all the actions and misdeads he had committed in his youth, and the various tests of loyalty he had been forced to undergo to ensure Voldemort\'s trust, the Potions Master rarely felt the burdens of guilt. Yet here he was, voluntarily submitting himself to that most-hated emotion, and allowing it to lead him deeper into this situation.

Shaking his head harshly, Severus pushed such thoughts aside. His personal library held a vast supply of Dark Arts books, ranging every possible topic of human misery and suffering. If he failed to locate a cure amongst these ancient tomes, he would be forced to take the matter to the headmaster -- a solution he dreaded almost as much as being forced to face his old Master -- and listen to the well-meaning old fool\'s litany of \"dear boy\" and \"have some tea\" before finally getting down to the bare bones of the problem.

With renewed determination, Snape began his research.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

A very disgusted werewolf left the headmaster\'s tower after hours of dissatisfying discussion. Regardless of how many years he\'d known the man, Lupin was never more impressed by how little Dumbledore said within any given paragraph.

\"Let\'s get you back to our chambers, Siri. From there, I\'ll go have a talk with Severus myself. And no, you will not be set loose to wreck more havok. You\'ve proven to be most childish during this visit to Hogwarts, and so I will be leaving you bound in our bedroom. Feel free to bitch and complain when I get ba ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

\"Oh Harry, you\'ve grown up into such a wonderful young man. Your father and I are so proud of you!\" A vaguely familiar redheaded woman rushed to embrace the Boy Who Lived.

From behind his wife, James Potter spoke, \"We most certainly are. My son, you hold the power of the last of Godric Gryffindor\'s line, and a touch of Merlin himself. Don\'t ask where that came from -- your great-grandfather was something of a rascal. What you\'ve done with it so far has been quite miraculous, but there\'s more ahead of you.\"

\"Dearling, we came to warn you... Voldemort suspects something of your bond with Severus, and is making plans to bring the both of you in to perform various tests. You cannot allow that to happen,\" the soft voice of his mother uttered, directly in Harry\'s ear.

\"Sirius was always the worst of our lot. I\'ve long since forgotten the old grudge we had with Snape, so you\'ve got our bless wis with this match.\" James gave his son a boyishly wicked little grin before continuing, \"I suggest that the two of you complete your bonding as soon as possible. Some of your discomfort comes from it, though not in the way Snape believes. However, he is on the right course.\"

With one final, bone-crushing hug, Lily stepped back and took her son\'s face in her hands. \"Darling, you must look deep inside yourself for the answers. The \'cure\' to your headaches will also be the greatest weapon against Voldemort. Wake now, and go find your lover. Talk with him, and trust your feelings for him.\" arryarry watched in confused fascination as the ghostly forms of his parents faded back into nothingness. He reached out for them, wanting to hold onto their comforting presence just awhile longer, but grasped nothing but air. In a heartbeat, he was falling into blackness... falling...

Falling off the bed with a loud thump, the Gryffindor\'s subconscious barely registered the hard floor beneath him. These dreams of his parents were rare enough, but this one caused his heart to clench with need. For the first time in years, he gave in to the urge to cry.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Some people treat books as ordinary tools, either for scholarship or entertainment. Some can appreciate their usefulness. A precious few revere the knowledge and artistry in their bound pages. Severus Snape was in the last catagory, silently worshipping the creators of his beloved collection and their accumulated wealth of lore.

His pleasure at spending vast quantities of time in his favorite pursuit was dimmed by the purpose itself, but not as much as one might think. Yes, he was dreadfully worried about the irritable Gryffindor currently passed out on his bed, but his best choice of action was in diving headfirst into these miraculous volumes of ancient wisdom.

The Potions Master breathed in a deeply satisg gug gulp of air before picking up his 15th century original, with author\'s annotations, A Dark Wizard\'s Guide to Mind Control Spells, Curses and Potions. A knock at his chamber door interrupted Severus\' perusal of the index, sending him into a fresh litany of profanity.

He settled for adopting his most gruesome sneer, jerking the door open with a snarled \"What do you want?\"

A small cough. \"Pardon me, Severus. I hope I\'m not intruding. Having just left Albus\' office, it seemed best that I come to you for the cold, hard facts.\" There\'s nothing cuter or more pathetic than a meek werewolf, begging at one\'s doorstep. Or so Remus hoped.

\"Do stop blathering, Lupin. If you must intrude upon my private rooms, at least clear the way for me to reseal my wards.\"

\"Of course, and thank you.\" Taking a quick look around, the former DADA instructor was quite impressed with his host\'s literary collection. \"Very nice, Sev. I do hope that one of these holds the answers to Harry\'s ailment.\"

\"Do not refer to me as \'Sev\', you ill-mannered buffoon. But yes, my library should contain the remedy to the Thorn\'s prickly situation.\"

Sniggering behind his hand, Remus glanced over his shoulder at the Potions Master. \"The Thorn? Well, I suppose even you would create a petname for your lover... More appropriate than \'insolent whelp\', at least.\"

\"Werewolf, if you insist on standing in my sitting room, making blatant innuendo about your own godson\'s relationship with a hated ex-Death Eater, and brandishing your words like a child\'s toy wand, at least have the grace to do so with more applomb than that mongrel with which you currently cohabit.\" Crossing his arms over his chest, Severus stood up to his full height, towering over his unwanted guest.

A guest who, at this moment, was forcing down great guffaws of laughter. \"Wow, Snape! You said all of that in one breath, and didn\'t even crack a smile! I\'m sooooooo impressed.\"

\"Clam up, Remy. This is serious business, and I\'ve no time for your frippary.\"

\"Oh very well. What\'ve yot sot so far? You know I was always good at research. Now\'s your chance to use and abuse my willingness to help.\"

\"Tempting as that thought might be, I haven\'t a clue where to begin. If only we knew more about the origins of the problem...\"

Interrupting Severus\' thoughts, the sound of shuffling feet was heard from his bedroom. A very bedraggled Harry Potter joined the two older wizards, yawning and stretching and rubbing his left arse cheek. \"Mmm, thanks for the massage, Sev. Hi Remy. What\'s going on?\"

Smiling at his godson, Lupin mentally chuckled at the expression on the dreaded Potions Master\'s face. It was so telling to anyone who bothered to look -- Severus Snape, bane of Gryffindors everywhere, was well and truly smitten with the Boy Who Lived.

\"We were just discussing possible causes of your headaches, Harry. Have a seat and join the conversation?\"

\"Thank you, Mr. Busybody, for offering hospitality in my own quarters. Oh, do sit down, Potter. We aren\'t going to kill each other.\"

Blushing slightly, the young man perched on one end of the low couch, careful not to meet either Severus\' or Remus\' eyes. \"I think I might know how to fix the problem...\"

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Sirius Black had never been comfortable with idleness. The time it took to think up a plausible plan of action was better spent laying traps and setting pranks. Being bound, gagged, and not unconscious, the animagus was forced to do something truly repugnant: think.

He vowed that, when he finally was released from his magical bonds, his mate would spend months making it up to him.

His rather descriptive fantasies of one repentant werewolf faded into dreams, as sleep overtook him...

\"Padfoot! Over here, you old goat-shagger!\"

Looking around, Sirius watched two forms materialize out of the mists of his dream. A tall, dark-haired man wearing round wire spectacles walked toward him, holding hands with a very pretty woman with light auburn hair. Yes, he knew this couple quite well, but his mind had some difficulties grasping the fact that they were here.

\"Oi, Siri, get your hairy arse over here and say hi to Lils. She\'s beginning to think you don\'t love her anymore.\"

\"Er, James? Lily? What\'s going on?\"

\"Really, Jamey. How utterly thoughtless of you.\" The unofficial fifth Maurader walked up to Sirius, pulled his head down for a soft kiss on the cheek, and gave him a hug before stepping back. \"Sirius, it\'s so good to see you again. We were terrified when we saw what Peter had done to you. Seeing you now, whole and healthy, means so much to me.\"

\"Er, thanks Lils.... But what\'s happening?\"

\"Don\'t mind the bag of emotions, Padfoot. She\'s nothing but a bucket of tears over the least little thing, you know. We\'re here to pass on some info to you, since you probably won\'t listen to anyone else.\"

\"Yes, you always had a problem with reason and common sense,\" the ghostly witch snickered at him. \"But it\'s so much harder to avoid rational thought in your dreams, don\'t you know? So we decided to gang up on you before you can make more of an arse of yourself than usual.\"

\"LILY!\"

\"She\'s right, Siri. You always did have a bit of a blind spot whenever Snape\'s name was mentioned. And here\'s our son, bound to him, and you can do nothing about it. And guess welseelse? They\'re going to have to make the bond stronger, or Harry could very well die.\"

\"JAMES!\"

\"Listen to him, you silly man. Jamey knows what he\'s talking about. And you. You must support your godson in this, or you may never hear from him again. That ritual he performed was incredibly powerful magic, mixing his aura with Severus\'. The intwined magic involved was infinitely deeper than the levels of physical intimacy required for the ceremony to have the des eff effects. Harry is forever tied with Severus Snape, whether you like it or not. The only way to save your godson from a complete mental and magical breakdown is for him to complete the life-bond, and you must offer your full support of it.\"

\"But it\'s SNAPE!\"

Twin voices answered the outburst: \"Shut up, Sirius!\"

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

\"... And that\'s when I fell off the bed. You can stop laughing now, Remy. It wasn\'t that funny.\"

Lupin\'s howl of laughter was accompanied by Snape\'s irreverant chuckle. Patting his best friend\'s son on the shoulder, Remus said through hitches in his breath, \"Sorry Harry, but I had to pick your dad off the floor a time too many. It seems you inherited more than your Quidditch skills after all.\"

\"And such sterling attributes to pass down the generations,\" sneered Severus, sticking his nose up in disdain. \"Now if you two mental midgets are through with this moronic behavior, I believe we have some research to continue.\" Sparing his young lover a sideways glance, he muttered, \"Thank you, Harry. It\'s always nice to have a starting point for an endeavour of this magnitude.\"

In a stage whisper to his godfather\'s mate, Harry said, \"Y\'know, he\'s sorta sexy when he tries to be all pompous and upright.\"

\"I tend to appreciate the Three Stooges style of foreplay, but whatever works for you,\" was the muttered response.

\"Good, cus I have no plans for sharing.\"

Cutting through the friendly banter, Severus glared at his guests. \"If you two are quite finished, I believe we\'ve got some work to do. Before Young Potter\'s brain disolves into liquid potion ingredients.\"

\"Ewwww.\"

\"Quite.\"

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

While his lover, godson, and nemesis were esconced in the dungeons, Sirius was caught in his odd dream, being berated and instructed by James and Lily Potter\'s ghosts. Time being fickle, especially in the dreamworld, he had no clue how long Prongs and Lils lectured him... but when he awoke, he was thoroughly exhausted.

Still bound by magical ropes, Padfoot could do nothing else but think and plan.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Half an hour before dinner, Moony left the dungeons with a double armful of books and scrolls. His mind whirled with interesting tidbits of information, though unfortunately none of them were of much use to the problem at hand.

Throughout the afternoon\'s academic gony,ony, the werewolf had barely thought of his mate, tied and helpless in their guest chambers. All told, it wouldn\'t have been the first time for that to happen, if either Maurader were asked under Veritaserum. But Remus knew he would have one very irate animagus on his arse the minute he released the spells.

Carefully opening the door, he walked quietly to the table to deposit his load of research materials before checking on his mate. His ears picked up the sound of Sirius\' even breathing, indicating that he was either asleep or in deep thought (a rare occassion). Shucking his robes and shoes, Remus made himself comfortable on the couch, waiting for his lover to wake up.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

With the werewolf gone, Severus relaxed into his more amiable self. Harry found the \'private Sev\' to be very loveable, funny, quick-witted, and a joy to snuggle with. Of course, he would never tell anyone else that, for fear of divine retribution from a terribly pissed off Potions Master.

Seeing his lover in deep concentration, the Gryffindor scooted closer to the taller man, resting his head on Severus\' shoulder. \"There\'s bound to be other ways of dealing with it, Sev. If you\'d rather not finish the bonding...\"

\"What I cannot figure out is why you would want to, in essense, marry me. Of all people. It makes absolutely no sense at all, Harry,\" came the despondent answer.

Harry caressed the professor\'s face, forcing their eyes to meet. \"It makes all the sense in the world, love.\" He paused for a moment, as if the truth were only just making itself known. \"And that\'s it. Love. I have no practical knowledge of relationships and all that, but... I\'m pretty sure... No, I\'m really sure... Sev, I love you.\"

After two decades of subterfuge, almost as long teaching adolescents, and most of a lifetime dealing with Albus\' mechanisms, very little could shock the Potions Master. But his young lover managed to find a way. \"Harry. How can you be sure? Only a week ago, you hated me. We couldn\'t be in the same room without biting each other\'s heads off. This... it\'s too soon to know.\"

\"Severus, sit down with me.\" Harry knew he would have to approach the touchy professor with caution. With as little love and affection as he\'d had in his short life, he recognized the signs of long-term abuse and neglect in his lover. \"You\'ve often fussed at me for doing things without thinking them through properly. I didn\'t understand why I would run into things like that, until Hermione explained it. She says that I follow my intuition, my instincts, before my mind has a chance to think about it and reason the why\'s of the situation. And y\'know, I think she\'s got it right.\"

Smiling up at the deep onyx eyes, the young wizard continued, \"There\'s alot I haven\'t learned yet, about magic and the world and everything else. But this feels right, what\'s happening between you and me. Don\'t get all scared and nervous and run away, please Sev.\"

Snape\'s Slytherin side urged him to file this new data away for future blackmail, before scampering off to the four winds. Every memory of intimacy he could recall prior to his Gryffindor\'s barging into Severus\' life brought back feelings of being dirty, being used, abandonment, and shame. He felt none of that with Harry, and that change from the expected is what scared him so profoundly.

\"You can\'t know that, Harry. You\'re not even eighteen yet, still in school. There\'s so much of the world to see before you can look me in the eyes and say you.. you\'re ready to commit so much of yourself.\"

\"After the way I was raised? Oh please, Sev, be reasonable. Stability and security and having someone who will never ever leave me are things I\'ve always yearned for. So maybe I wasn\'t actively looking when we did the ceremony. So what? Between the incredible feelings you bring out in me every time we make love, and the mental raport we share from this bond, I know that you are exactly who I\'ve been looking for. Don\'t push me away now...\" Harry\'s voice trailed off at the far-away look in his lover\'s eyes.

With a dejected sigh, the younger wizard softly kissed his professor\'s cheek before standing. \"It\'s a lot to think about, isn\'t it? Not just the bonding... just... everything. You know where to find me when you make your decision. Bye Sev.\"

Gathering his books and robes, Harry quietly left the chambers, leaving Severus alone to stare into the fire for answers to some of the hardest questions of his life.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

\"Remy, I know you\'re in there,\" came a muffled voice from the bedroom.

His mate must have called out for him several times before breaking his concentration on the fascinating texts he\'d borrowed from Snape. Carefully marking his place with a clean piece of parchment, Remus got off the couch and made his way in to release his lover.
see see the gag hex wore off already. Sorry for binding you like this, love, but there was no other way...\"

Sirius quickly interrupted, \"It\'s fine, Moony. I understand... Actually, better than you do, in a way. I promise, no paybacks, just let me free, ok?\"

Hearing the subdued response from his tempermental lifemate, the werewolf waved his wand and went to help his lover to his feet. \"Want to tell me what\'s happened?\"

\"Well, after you left, I sorta dozed off...\"

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Harry knew that time and patience were the only things he could offer his prickly Potions Master at this moment. No matter how much it rankled. With great care, he erected the mental shields necessary to shut off all the \'white noise\' of their telepathic communications. The tentative touch of his lover in his mind was missed almost immediately, but Harry realized that even that much would be too great a distraction to Severus\' considerations for now.

After the long trek from the dungeons, he finally arrived back at Gryffindor tower. Tired, confused, and just a little hurt by Sev\'s actions, Harry whispered the password to the Fat Lady and crawled into the common room. At this time of night, it was fairly deserted. Most of his friends were still in Hogsmeade or had already gone to sleep.

From the girls dorms, one of the Muggle-borns was singing an all-too- appropriate song: \"God I feel like hell tonight. Tears of rage I cannot fight. I\'d be the last to help you understand. Nothing\'s true and nothing\'s right. So let me be alone tonight. Cus you can\'t change the way I am. I have a face I cannot show. I make the rules up as I go. Are you strong enough to be my man?\"

By the end of the chorus, Harry\'s tears flowed freely down his cheeks. In desperation and despair. He had barely had a taste of love and being in love, and here it was almost torn away from him already. He couldn\'t have said whether the song was for him or Sev, or both, but its words revolved in his head long after the girl changed to a different song.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

\"... And that\'s when I fell off the bed. You can stop laughing now, Remy. It wasn\'t that funny.\"

Remus\' howls of laughter redoubled at that, remembering his godson using the same phrase just a few hours ago. He laughed until his sides ached, tears of mirth falling down his weathered cheeks.

\"Umm.. Remy, are you ok? I can call Poppy down for a calming potion, if you like...,\" said a very worried Sirius.

\"No, no, I\'ll be fine,\" he gasped between snickers, the hilarity slowly ebbing. \"Harry said the exact same thing this afternoon. His dream had Lily and James in it, too.\"

\"Nothing odd about that, then. It seems they want to make sure their message gets across. Do you think Snape will agree?\"

\"He\'s always been reluctant to discuss his personal life, Siri. I don\'t have a clue whether he\'ll do this.\"

With a sigh, the animagus hugged his mate. \"Moony, don\'t worry about it. They\'ll finish the bonding in time. I\'ve got a plan to make sure of it.\"

Remus eyed his lover with skepticism. \"How do you plan on doing that, when you can\'t even say \'Hi\' to him without causing an argument?\"

\"Oh, it works like this...\"

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Schooling at Hogwarts had been a mixed blessing for Severus Snape. He was surrounded by a plethora of knowledge in every field he could ask for, but was inundated by pesky students interrupting his thirst for information. On top of that, several members of his rival house had decided to make him Public Enemy #1. Thanks to the Mauraders, his time spent at Hogwarts was hell on earth.

And thanks to Lucius Malfoy and his cronies, Severus\' notions of romantic relationships became a sub-level of that same hell.

His parents\' marriage was far from peaceful. A dedicated Ravenclaw, his mother instilled him with the thirst to know that drove Snape\'s entire life. From his father, he received the ambition to put this knowledge to use... as well as random beatings whenever the old man remembered he had a son at all. His views of \'normal\' relationships was somewhat skewed before he understood the difference between friends and lovers.

With the introduction of hormones in his fourth year, Severus was \'ripe for the picking\', as Luc had told him once. In all honesty, as a child Snape had been starved for love and affection, making him much more appreciative of Malfoy\'s attentions than the silver-haired boy had expected. And once tasted, the blond Slytherin took steps to insure that his toy was safe from everyone else.

The Potions Master shuddered, remembering all too well what measures his former best friend and lover had taken as insurance. Between Lucius and his father, Severus would be forever marked with scars, both internal and external, driving a wedge between himself and the rest of the world. A wedge that no one had managed to break through, except Albus Dumbledore. Until Harry Bloody Potter showed up at his laboratory.

\'Damn the boy! Years of work training myself to ignore other people\'s opinions, to ignore my own reactito ato attraction, down the drain with just a few coy words and innocent questions. Which gods did I annoy to be served with this punishment?\'

As if in answer to his self-interrogations, a slip of parchment slid from its hiding place between books, landing in his lap. With a shaky hand, Severus turned it over to see his young lover\'s handwriting.

Look into my heart - you will find There\'s nothin\' there to hide Take me as I am - take my life I would give it all - I would sacrifice

Don\'t tell me it\'s not worth fightin\' for I can\'t help it - there\'s nothin\' I want more You know it\'s true Everything I do - I do it for you

\'Sentimental idiot. He probably won\'t live to see his twentieth birthday at this rate.\'

Breath catching in his throat at the thought, Severus dropped the paper into the fireplace. He spent several long seconds watching the lyrics crinkle and burn, each word of it searing into his heart.

\'Oh Albus, why have you gotten me involved with this? You know what happened with Lucius, and the rest of it. The tests of loyalty, Death Eater meetings, my father... I can\'t open myself again.\'

Half of his library was strewn across his sitting room furniture, floor, and tables. Even the tiniest mention of mental maladies was marked for study. Surveying the scene once again, Snape sighed heavily. There was more work ahead of him than in the past four years combined.

\'The Thorn had a feasible idea, but it would be too damaging for us both. He doesn\'t need to be that tightly bonded to an emotional wreck, and I doubt I\'m capable of... whatever he expects. Alright, I\'m a coward. I don\'t want to even say the word. He\'ll understand that, surely. The boy -- young man, really -- isn\'t half as stupid as he appears in my class. One day, he\'ll make someone a wonderful husband, if he lives long enough.\'

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Despite his professor\'s accusations, Harry wasn\'t really as sentimental as all that. He was well aware of the dangers of his situation. Voldemort, the Death Eaters, random bludgers and over half the Slytherins, in any combination, made attempts at his life at least once a month. It was something he\'d gotten used to, so much that he saw the humor in their consistant failures.

For some reason, his friends never could laugh as loudly.

His ability to laugh at his own mortality caused some consternation among his friends and teachers. Many of the adults saw it as irresponsibility, the wrecklessness of youth denying his ability to die. Most of his friends felt that he was trying to make them feel better, or overcompensate for his fears. Neither were right.

Harry\'s childhood had taught him quite a few valuable lessons that most people have no need to learn till much later in life, if ever. The fickleness of fate, the reality of pain and betrayal, and the knowledge that justice is seldom blind. Such concepts went against the grain of all good little Gryffindors\' belief structures. If he had any truly spiteful tendancies, Harry could have pointed out how utterly juvenile some of his instructors were, or how silly and petty his Housemates could be.

Despite his rather rough life, or perhaps because of it, Harry grasped each new experience and savored it. He carefully stowed every minute of the past week with Severus into his memory, knowing that his newfound love might very well be turned away in a heartbeat.

\'Enough of this. Sev will have to make up his own mind. Till he does, I should take advantage of Siri\'s visit and spend time with him and Remus. They\'ve been really great about this whole thing so far, even if Siri had to spend half the week in a gag hex.\'

Stowing his books and bag in his trunk (with a very hefty locking charm), the Boy Who Lived left Gryffindor Tower much less depressed than upon his arrival.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

\"The prodigal godson returns at last!\"

\"Shut up, Siri.\"

Caught between the two last Mauraders\' tight group hug, Harry could barely voice his muttered \"Hello.\"

\"You can let go now, Padfoot. I believe Harry understands how happy you are to see him, without you having to turn his face purple from asphixiation.\"

\"Oh, right. Sorry bout that.\"

Gasping for breath, the younger man wheezed, \"No harm done.\" Then promptly fainted.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

{Severus arguing with himself. Enjoy!}

\'He\'s better off with someone his own age. So he was alone when this started, it doesn\'t mean that much really. He\'s had more important things in his life than finding a willing bed partner. That\'s no reason for you to hope he\'ll want to spend his life with you. And really, he\'s almost twenty years younger. The age difference alone is enough to scare off any normal teen.\'

\'Yes, but he\'s hardly a normal teenaged boy. He\'s already faced more than most wizards do in their first hundred years! He can make leaps of intuitive logic that leads him to the correct answers for all sorts of things. And his latest leap took him to your bed, into your life, and into your heart. Where he wants to stay. You\'d be a fool to turn him away.\'

\'I can\'t possibly break down forty years of conditioning for that obnoxious Gryffindor! The first time he gets aggressive, I\'m liable to run from the room and hide for hours. He\'ll ask about all the scars from Luc and...\'

\'And he\'s already seen them. He\'s got his own collection, after all. His childhood isn\'t that much different, other than the debacle with Malfoy. At least you got to him before Draco did. Now he knows what to expect, and whatever else happens, he won\'t blindly accept pain during sex as normal. Unlike you did.\'

\'Fine. He\'s got some experience behind him now. He\'ll go on to please half the wizarding world, wrapped in his glory and bedding anything that will stand still for it.\'

\'Or he could honestly prefer to stay with you. He said he loves you. That\'s got to be good for something.\'

\'But...\'

Knock Knock

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

\"Damn, Harry, are you alright? I\'m sorry, so sorry!\"

A very wet Gryffindor sputtered up at his godfather, \"I\'m fine, Siri, honestly. You just cut off all the oxygen to my brain for too long.\" And to Remus, he said, \"Two words: Obedience school.\"

\"Good idea. Oh, speaking of ideas... Sirius was just explaining his latest brainstorm.\"

Snicker. \"Mark the calendars!\"

\"Enough of that, smart arse.\"

\"Anyways, Padfoot, if you will bring our young friend up to date while I call a house elf down for some snacks?\"

\"Of course! Harry, have a seat.\"

Unnerved by the jovial behavior of his godfather, after the tense atmosphere pervading the week\'s visit, Harry sat as requested and waited for an explanation.\"

\"Y\'see, I had a dream...\"

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Uttering several appropriate curses (and aiming a few at the offending door), Snape stopped his mental arguments to greet his unwanted visitor.

As soon as the last ward was removed, the door flew open, revealing a panting Sirius Black. Severus snorted in appreciation of the analogy before assuming his usual stance against the canine animagus. \"What brings you here, Black? I assure you, your godson is nowhere in these rooms.\"

\"Of course he isn\'t, Snape. He\'s passed out in our chambers right now. Get your arse moving!\"

Grabbing his robe, wand, and notes, Severus practically plowed his nemesis over while racing through the door. He barely remembered to reset his wards, but seeing a cluster of his Slytherins prowling the corridor changed his mind. \'No need to make breaking-and-entering any easier for them.\'

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

The target of Snape\'s hysteria was currently laid flat in the visitors\' suite of rooms, barely containing a grin at Sirius\' plot to snag his reluctant lover.

\"If you can\'t keep your facial reactions wiped clean, Severus will know you\'re faking it. No expressions, no sounds (other than the occassional moan), and no heavy breathing. Don\'t bother twitching your nose at me, either.\"

\"Aww Remy, he isn\'t even here yet!\"

\"No, but he will be in just a minute. My darling mate has a flare for the dramatic.\"

This comment received a dry reply of, \"Yeah, Drama Queen.\"

\"Too true. Now hush! If you want this to work, you\'ve got to play your part.\"

\"It just feels like entrapment or something. I don\'t want to tie Sev down, if he doesn\'t really want to be with me.\"

\"Enough of that, youngster. Remember, I can smell people\'s emotions. And Severus is crazy about you.\"

\"If that\'s the case, he\'s got a fucked up way of showing it.\"

\"Would he be your Sev otherwise?\"

\"No... Oh fine.\"

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Running through hallways was usually good for a twenty point House deduction and a detention with Filch. The few exceptions were emergency cases sent to the Infirmary, and occassionally a professor was summoned to break up a fight or a misplaced spell. Neither scenario fit Snape\'s situation, but not a soul (living or dead) would have corrected the grouchy Potions professor.

In record time, he arrived at the guest wing of the school, not even bothering to knock before bursting into the room. He quickly located his target, rushing to Harry\'s side.

In hushed tones, he whispered directly in the younger man\'s ear, \"Don\'t you dare die, Harry. You can\'t leave me! I\'m so sorry I couldn\'t say it earlier. You\'ve been in my mind, so you should know already. I love you, you insolent twerp. Thorn in my side. Obnoxious brat. I want you around for the rest of my life, annoying me out of my worst moods, forcing me to laugh and smile, helping me wash the potions fumes out of my hair. Don\'t you dare leave me!\"

Inwardly, Harry thrilled at each word from his love\'s mouth, but he still felt guilty for manipulating the man. He\'d seen the headmaster doing much the same for years, and always resented the abuse of power and emotional blackmail. Fighting to keep his facade up was exhausting, too.

One hand still touching his lover, Severus grabbed his wand and cast several complicated diagnostic charms to determine what was happening to his young mate. With a gasp, he pulled out two murky orange vials from his outer robes.

\"What\'s wrong, Snape?\"

\'That would be Black, I suppose. At least he could be useful right now.\' Pouring the first vial down Harry\'s throat, he paused long enough to insure that the young man wouldn\'t choke. \"He\'s slipping into delirium. Go to the Infirmary and fetch Poppy. Tell her to bring her hostage kit.\"

\"Hostage kit? What in bloody hell?!\"

\"She\'ll understand. Just MOVE IT!\"

With each minute, Harry slipped further into a physical stupor. What had started as an act was merely serendipitous timing. At least the Potions Master was at hand. A very small part of Harry\'s conscious understood why this was a good thing, and he could always repent later. If he woke up. It felt so good to just sleep...

\"Wake up, my Harry. You must open your eyes.\"

\'But I want to sleep, Sev...\'

\"No, no! NO! Harry, you\'ve got to stay with me!\"

\'Don\'t shout at me, Sev. I\'m sorry we tried to trick you. D\'ya know why I can\'t do anything now?\' His mental voice getting even thinner, \'Sev, I\'m scared.... Don\'t leave me?\'

\"No, never. Don\'t worry about whatever you tried to do. We\'ll argue about it when you\'re better.\"

\'If I get better. Mum warned me, y\'know? She said if we didn\'t finish the bond, this would happen... There was nothing I could do without forcing you into something you didn\'t want. I\'m sorry I can\'t be what you want, Sev.\'

\"That\'s not what I meant, love.\" A declaration so personal should be done in the privacy allotted, so Snape switched to his telepathic bond to continue, \'You aren\'t the only one who gets scared. There were some really awful things that happened when I was your age, and I couldn\'t stand the thought of repeating them. With you. Not because of you though. Harry... I l-l-love you.\'

\'Ouch! Sounds like that hurt. Thank you. If I die now, I\'ll bring this as my happiest memory ever.\'

\'You won\'t die. You can\'t! Stop saying that, please.\'

Sirius took this moment to drag a struggling Madam Pomphrey into the room. A lesser man (or one with two working brain cells) would have quaked at the stormy look in her eyes.

\"Just what is the meaning of ... Mr. Potter! What have you gotten into this time, young man?\"

\"That\'s the problem, Poppy. He can\'t respond to any physical stimulus.\"

\"This is because of...\"

\"Yes, we believe so. Do what you can for him, while we wait for Albus to join us.\" Snape sat back on his heals beside his young lover, tightlaspiasping the smaller hand in his own. \'He\'ll be here in a minute, I\'m sure. That old coot is always nearby whenever trouble begins.\'

\'Sev... What we dwe doing in Honeydukes? I don\'t remember leaving the school...\'

\"Oh hell.\"

A calming hand on his shoulder announced Remus\' presence.. \"What\'s wrong, Severus?\"

\"Harry has begun to hallucinate.\"

\"Oh hell.\"

\"Redundant, but appropriate.\" Turning his attention back to the young wizard on the floor, he stroked the unruly black hair gently. \'Thorn, if you don\'t get your arse back to Hogwarts right now, you\'ll be in detention with Filch till your tenth reunion. Go directly to your godfather\'s quarters and await your punishment.\'

\'Yes, sir. I\'m sorry for being out of bounds. Don\'t know how I got here.\'

\"Poppy, please! Hurry up with whatever vile concoctions you have for him. He\'s slipping further into whatever visions these are. We have to buy him some time!\"

\"Alright Severus, but why don\'t you take one of my calming potions while you wait?\"

\"Snarky bint.\" He gripped Harry\'s hand tighter. \'Where are you now, my obnoxious Gryffindor?\'

\'Right beside you, Sev. I can\'t see anything though. What\'s going on?\'

\'You\'re stuck in some sort of loop. Poppy is here, fumbling with her potions and charms, but you haven\'t reacted to any of it yet. We\'re still waiting for Albus to join the party.\'

\'It isn\'t like him to miss a get-together, is it. Sev...\'

\'Ask what you will, love.\'

\'Why did you not answer me earlier?\'

\'There\'s a lot about me that you don\'t know yet, Harry. Some of it will have to wait till you\'re back to normal. The best answer I can offer right now is that I could not believe you would choose me to spend the rest of your life attached to.\'

\'Well Sev, for a terribly sexy, incredibly brilliant man, you can sure be dumb sometimes.\'

Snap hea head snapped toward his young lover\'s face, hearing the smirk in that thought. Sure enough, the Boy Who Lived had the barest of smiles on his lips. \'Whatever Poppy\'s doing seems to be working a bit. You just grinned at me.\'

\'Hey, great. Maybe you can give me Tango lessons after tea.\'

\'Er, what?\'

\'Line from a movie, I think. Nevermind. I was trying for humor.\'

\'You missed the mark by quite a bit.\'

\'Thanks. Sarcastic git.\'

\'Annoying thorn in my side.\'

Dumbledore chose this moment to make his appearance, smiling at the occupants of the room on his way over to his Golden Boy\'s prone form. \"Well now, what seems to be the problem?\"

\"He\'s out cold, Albus. As if that weren\'t blatantly obvious.\"

\"Thank you, Severus. I see you\'ve regained your good humor.\"

Mental giggling added insult to injured pride. \'That was pretty funny. And I\'ll bet you\'re giving the headmaster one of your patented Death Glares right now, aren\'t you?\'

\'Which is about to be pointed in your direction, if you aren\'t careful.\'

\'I\'m terrified, really.\'

With a resigned sigh, Snape turned his attentions back to the other occupants of the room. Sirius was worrying a handkerchief. Remus looked to be deep in thought. Poppy was casting several more diagnostic spells. And Albus was twinkling. Again. Damn the man.

Seeing his favorite pranking target\'s attention finally divert from his godson, Sirius voiced what had been on his mind all evening. \"Snape. Severus... Can I speak with you a minute?\"

\"Now really isn\'t the best time, Black.\" His hand clutched Harry\'s tighter, causing the younger man to complain rather colorfully. \'I shan\'t tell the headmaster this time, Mr. Potter, but you will kindly refrain from using such language in the future.\'

\'Sadistic jerk. If you need to go talk with him, I promist tot to do anything stupid before you return. Besides, we can still talk like this.\'

\'Oh fine. I suppose he can\'t very well kill me with his hanky, now can he.\'

Standing to straighten his robes, Severus released his mate\'s hand before addressing the animagus, \"As your godson just informed me, there is no reason to put off speaking with you at this point. Do make it quick.\"
et\'et\'s just bring it into the other room, ok?\" Begged a rather humble Sirius Black.

In response, Snape allowed his robes to twirl behind him in the most dramatic manner, sweeping through the door ahead of his nemesis. He waited half a heartbeat after the door was closed behind them before asking, \"Whatever you have to say, do so now. Please.\"

Staring at his toes, Padfoot shuffled from one foot to the other, uncertain as to how to begin. He finally settled on the direct course: \"Severus, you have to marry my godson. He\'s going to die, and even if we find some miracle to keep him going without you, he\'ll be miserable. All he wants is to stay with you, though the gods only know why... Please Snape, for all you hold holy and precious, complete this life-bond with Harry!\"

The Potions Master didn\'t move an inch during the entire speech, but his mind was carving each word, every expression, into the deepest sections of his memory. This moment would be worth recng, ng, over and over again. Severus allowed the annoying mongrel before him to stew in his own juices while he considered how to respond. He finally settled on amused snobbery.

\"Oh very well, Black. I suppose the insolent child isn\'t half as bad as he could be. Perhaps he\'s still young enough to train up properly.\"

\"Whatever you say, Snape. Just go grab Albus and say whatever he needs you to repeat for the oaths.\"

\"I don\'t suppose you have provided your godson with a trouseau?\"

\"A what?!\"

\"Ask your pet werewolf. Hopefully he was raised with more knowledge of protocol than you.\"

\"Yeah, ok. Er, marry him now please?\"

\"And no bachelor\'s party either. How crass.\"

\"We\'ll throw one next weekend. With lots of gifts, of course.\"

\"That\'s better. All I can expect from you, I suppose.\"

\"Yeah, you know me...\"

\"Indeed.\" Having way too much fun at his godfather-in-law\'s (is that a real term?) expense, Snape mentally chuckled, \'Your own personal Grim seems to be rather desperate.\'

\'Yeah, he gets that way at times. I try not to hold it against him... until I want something big.\'

\'Another Slytherin trait. Perhaps there is still hope for you, Mr. Potter.\'

\'Drop the formalities, Sev. What did Siri want?\'

\'He begged me to make an honest man out of you. Immediately.\'

\'HE WHAT?!\'

\'You heard me. There\'s no need to shout, Harry. I could hardly ignore you.\'

\'I just can\'t believe it... Sirius Black, begging Severus Snape, to marry Harry Potter... My brain hurts now.\'

\'As if that were anything new.\'

\'Git.\'

\'Thorn. So, what\'s your answer?\'

\'I don\'t recall there being a question.\'

\'Dear gods, you\'re going to make me ask... And you called me a sadist?\'

\'If the shoe fits.\'

\'Very well. Harry James Potter, would you do me the honor of binding your life to mine, body and mind, soul and magic, our hearts forever tied together by the gods\' hands and mortal laws?\'

\'Wow, I\'ve never heard the whole official thing said before. Has it always been so... corny?\'

\'Yes, I believe the words were written in the 13th century.... Are you going to answer now, or shall I give you to Poppy for experimentation?\'

\'NO!! I mean, yes, I\'d love to tie myself with you, er, bind us, er... why does the marriage asking thingy sound like bondage? Anyways, that\'s \"yes\" to marrying you, and \"no\" to being Poppy\'s next victim.\'

\'Thank you...\'

\'When I get control of my body back, I\'ll thank you properly. Love you, Severus.\'

\'Your godfather has been practicing patience, I see. He\'s been standing here this whole time, and has only just turned purple from holding his breath.\'

\'Let him off the hook? We can tease him later by threatening pictures of the honeymoon.\'

\'Mmm, I knew there was a reason I love you. And now to use your term... Maximum shock value.\' Clearing his throat, the Potioasteaster turned to face the worried wizard hopping from foot to foot. \"Very well, Sirius. It seems that your godson shares your lack of common sense. He has agreed to complete the life-bond. May I call you Father now?\"

\'Oh that was cold. That was cruel. That was so incredibly funny! What color is he turning now?\'

\'He went from purple to white, and is approaching fuschia as we speak... Uh oh... Er, you never mentioned that he can manage partial transformation into his animagus form. Has he had his shots?\'

Clearly attempting to reign in his temper, Sirius took several deep breaths before speaking in a low tone, \"You\'ve had your jollies, Snape. Just get your arse back in there and save my godson\'s life already.\"

\"Of course, Sirius. I wouldn\'t dream of making you wait another minute. Welcome to the family!\"

Severus proved that, like Albus Dumbledore, he could dodge hexes with the best of them. Luckily for Harry. Had Black\'s Castration Curse hit home, the honeymoon would have been rather boring.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Snape was also fortunate that his prospective godfather-in-law had a fair memory. At least when it came to his godson\'s health.

With so many people muddling around the Infirmary, the ever-graceful Potions Master tripped over Neville\'s outstretched legs, falling flat on his face. When the spots cleared from his eyes, he noted a wand under his nose, belonging to a very irritable Sirius Black.

\"The only thing saving you from physical damage right now, Snape, is the fact that you must consummate the union with Harry in order for the bonds to be finalized. So you\'re safe for the time being. But don\'t count on it lasting. Greasy git.\" Having said his peace, the animagus stormed out of the hospital wing.

Watching his godfather leave, Harry snickered aloud. \"Drama Queen. There seems to be so many of them around Hogwarts lately. I wonder if it\'s something in the water supply?\"

\"Well, we knew his good humor wouldn\'t last. At least he\'s managed a full day. It\'s a vast improvement.\"

\"He would have lasted longer if you hadn\'t kept baiting him.\"

\"You never let me have any fun.\"

\"Hey! It\'s my job to be insolent in this relationship.\"

\"Sad but true. I suppose I shall have to revert back to snarky, in that case?\"

\"It suits you better. Sorta sexy too.\"

\"Is that a hint, Mr. Potter?\"

\"Bend down here and find out, Professor.\"

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Ten days later, Harry and Severus sat together in front of a roaring fire, enjoying each other\'s company. After several steamy kisses, the Boy Who Lived decided to breathe again, breaking their lips apart and asking, \"Where were we?\"

\"You were berating me for my portrayal of everything evil and Slytherin?\" His husband\'s mood was addictive - Severus grinned back, enjoying the friendly banter.

\"No, that was last week.\"

\"Ah, then you must have been complaining about Dumbledore\'s excessive use of lemon candies as a distraction.\"

\"Hrm, no. But that\'s on the list too.\"

\"Perhaps it was something about the Malfoys\' choice of hair care products?\"

\"Not even on the list, but it is now, thanks.\"

\"No? That was on my list years ago. Hrm, what about the absolute lack of salt and vinegar chips available in the kitchens? I swear, those house elves have no taste.\"

\"Damn, you too? Remind me to share my stash. But no, that wasn\'t it either.\"

\"We really must work on your language skills. Such vulgarity is hardly good practice.\"

\"But it\'s effective enough. I can talk like you if I want, but it\'s nice not to sound like I\'ve got a broomstick up my arse.\"

\"I resent that remark, Potter.\"

\"No, Snape. You resemble it.\"

\"Old and trite comeback.\"

\"Still true.\"

\"I refuse to resort to childish bickering,n fon for your amusement.\"

\"Aww Sev, don\'t be a spoilsport.\"

\"It\'s in my job description.\"

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

\"Lily dear, do you think we should tell them about the catch?\"

\"No, theatheart. It\'ll just frighten them both.\"

\"True. It would be funny though.\"

\"Scoundrel. It would, but we do wan want to scare Sev off.\"

\"After the Weasley twins, he\'s bound to have a poor opinion of multiple births.\"

\"Exactly.\" Giving her husband a soiss iss on the cheek, Lily Evans Potter grinned wickedly. \"We could take this as our second chance, love. If you wouldn\'t mind being my brother.\"

\"And have Sev and Harry as our parents? With Padfoot and Moony nearby? Wonderful idea! I\'ll be sure to ignore whatever incestuous feelings I may develop.\" James squeezed his wife in a quick cuddle, before dragging her by the hand toward the more populated areas of the Otherworld.

\"James Harrison Potter, where are you taking me?
\"
\"Well, we\'ve got reams of paperwork to fill out if we want to go back, and it\'ll be worse if we have a specific family in mind. If we start now, we should be finished before their first anniversary.\"

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Two months later, the Potions Master was cornered by a worried Madam Pomphrey. \"Severus, would you come into my office this afternoon please?\"

\"Really, Poppy, I\'m perfectly fine. You\'ve already ran every test available, and they all assured us that my magic is back in place and unaffected.\"

\"Yes, of course. That isn\'t the problem.\"

\"And we had alr gue guessed that I might become pregnant.\"

\"Er, yes. That test showed positive... but Severus, there\'s something else.\"

\"Well, spit it out, woman!\"

\"Perhaps you should bring Harry with you up to my office for this.\"

A sigh. There were times when Snape wished he could fall back into his evil bastard guise. If only to justify biting someone\'s head off. \"Very well. We shall join you after tea.\"

Since they normally shared meals these days, it was no hard task to speak with Harry. Getting the younger man into the Infirmary without broken bones or a concussion, however, was another matter.

\"Oh grow up, Harry. She doesn\'t want to force vile medications into you. She simply wants to berate us for being so careless as to get me pregnant, I\'m sure.\"

\"But Sev... That dream I had...\"

\"Don\'t even think about it! There\'s nothing abnormal going on here, other than a middle-aged ex-Death Eater getting pregnant by his not-quite husband.\"

\"Er, right. You realize how that sounds, don\'t you?\"

\"Muggle-raised idiot.\"

\"Snobbish prick.\"

\"Well, come on then. Let\'s get this over with.\"

A short trek through the school\'s halls brought the two wizards to the nurse\'s office. \"Ah, do come in, Severus, Harry.\"

\"Cut the pleasantries, please Poppy. We\'d like to get through your little speech as quickly as possible.\"

\"Spoilsport.\"

\"So I\'ve been told.\"

\"Very well. You are indeed pregnant, Severus. How could you be so irresponsible?\"

\"There are very few 100% reliable ways of preventing pregnancy, other than abstinance. And considering the spells we had to use, there was always the chance. This is not an unwelcome event, you know.\"

\"Oh, well fine then. But I should tell you...\"

\"Just say it already!\"

\"Thank you, Harry.\"

\"Males. OK, you\'re pregnant, and due in August. With twins. And I hope you thoroughly enjoy blowing up to the size of a whale in the hottest part of summer.\"

\"Now that was unkind. Sev? SEV?!\"

After turning several different colors, Professor Severus Snape\'s eyes rolled back in his head, and promptly fainted.

\"Well, I guess that dream was a sort of \'welcome to the family thing\' after all.\" Kneeling down next to his mate, Harry gently touched Sev\'s stomach, whispering, \"Hi Mum, Dad. Guess I\'ll meet you in a few months. Don\'t give Sev too hard a time in there, please. He\'s been really great about all of this. Until he fainted, of course. I don\'t suppose you had anything to do with it? If so, good job! I feel guilty these days, playing pranks on him. But the look on his face was priceless!\"

The wizard in question moaned, rolled over, and emptied the contents of his stomach on Harry\'s shoes.

There is something called justice, after all.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

End