Stay With Me

\'And then I see you standing there wanting more from me and all I can do is try\'


Try. Thats all I have done for the last five years is try. Done the best of my ability and it\'s got me far. But books and cleverness does not get you everywhere, sometimes trying too hard can push you away from others and leave you in a life of solitary. I hope that never happens to me.

I am Hermione Granger,

I am Muggle Born,

I am a witch,

I am a perfectionist,

I am misunderstood.

I have decided to record a diary about my thoughts, opinions, and about my life which people refer to as perfect but I know not of any perfection in my life, only misery.

It began when I used to watch my dad lovingly write in the pages of his filofax even the margins all the gaps there was not a stray patch of paper.
Sometimes when he\'d look back over what he would have written he\'d smile a secret smile at the memory of that event, I want that, I want to smile a smile which no-one but me would understand.
As Tom Riddle said to my best friend Harry Potter, \"I preserved myself in a diary,\" and thats what I wish to do, look back and see and feel what I felt all those years ago which seem so far away.

I sip my pumpkin juice and listen to the argument Harry and Ron are having, girls thats all they seem to fight or talk about, how big their breasts are, or how soft and supple their legs are, or the prettiness of their faces. There was a time when they used to have long deep conversations about brooms which they seem to talk about in a similar way.
Both Harry and Ron seemed to have bedded most of te witches in our year, neither have no shame, they pride in it, taking bets on which contender can get to the pirze first.
I am sure they have a chart as well to show how good the girl is in bed, I would not be surprised.
But I appear as the little virgin tag along. I used to be in control but I have lost that now, they have found interests and its their hobby.

Today its about Saskia a dutch exchange student who is extremely pretty has legs up to her elbows, but has very weird teeth. I cannot say anything against other peoples teeth as mine were crooked and seemed to be beyond repair, but as my parents are dentists I generally notice teeth in a big way.

\"NO but seriously she put her foot in my crutch I felt her heel!\"

\"YOU ARE SUCH a liar!, anything to say that Saskia would chose you over me,\"

As Harry said this, there was a loud bang as something flew across from the room-

The pause is due to a large object which was hurled accidently at my head.

The object hurtled towards Harry, then cheekily switched direction hitting me hard on the head. Of course there was sincere apologies from Harry and Ron and cuddles, but the sight of my blood, I always think is the beginning of the end.
There must be a meaning of life, I believe it is to get far with the success of your own education. I also think there is another aim in life, which i wish to furfil, to find love.
I am not into the lovey dovey written poetry rubbish. but the love and sex love I find appealing. The trust the bond and the security of being with someone and trusting them with your body thats what I long for.
I thought I would have found that with Viktor but he appeared to be interested in one thing, and that thing would bee been to do with his overexcited thing in his trousers.
I have had a recurring dream, this may sound absurd but i\'ll write it in anyway:

I am sitting reading, as usual, quill in hand, preparing to make notes.

I then hear a door close gently I look up there is Harry, smiling down at me.

\"hello\", I mutter, he has a puzzled dazed look imprinted on his face so I ask,\"are you ok?.\"

There are no words spoken from harry, he just pushes the book and quill from me pushes his hands up the back of my shirt and kisses me firmly and passionately on the lips. His hands begin massaging my back they move lower but more round the front, then lower. Mys sns snap open and I feel them go glassy.

but a dream is a dream, I just pray the sandman does not see dreams, because he will have a good giggle about this one.

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*Harry and Ron\'s point of view.*

Harry nudged Ron in the ribs. \"do you think she\'s alright?.\"

Ron rolled his eyes and made his voice thick with sarcasm, \"it was only a nose bleed, I think Hermione
will cope.\"

Harry looked over at Hermione\'s profile which had changed a lot in the past two years, she had filled out into an hour glass figure, her legs were slender, her hair which had grown out of the curls and frizz had smoothed itself.

There was no mistake that there was sadness in those big muddy brown eyes of hers.

\"Not that!, she just looks miserable and sad all the time, maybe it was Krum, coming on too strong.\"

\"Or maybe she\'s kicking herself for not going though with it,\" Ron turned and looked at his best friend who was scribbling something in a black leather book, \"I can\'t belive she\'s still a virgin, she\'s all pure and innocent, I wonder what it would be lik-\"

\"RON!,\" Harry interrupted, \"you can\'t talk about Hermione like that, she\'s our friend!.\"

\"Don\'t think the idea has never crossed your mind Harry, you must of thought about it...with her.\"

\"Maybe, but its just a thought, it wouldnt be fair to to...\" Harry looked over her figure again seeing it in a different light. \"She\'s miserable, it will make her feel worse..\"

\"Or better..\" Ron grinned, \"I think we should do what we did with Lavender Brown..don\'t you?\"

Harry felt slightly uneasy, \"ok, but we hav be be gentle..Ronald not too rough.\"

\"I know, I know,\"he whined impatiently, \"HEY! Hermione, come over here, and have a drink,\" he said while motioning her over.

Hermione stood up brushed down her robes, smiled at her two best friends and walked over unaware what was going to happen.

*************************************************************************************************************************************

\"Did I not tell you that i\'m not like that?, your the one who gives it all away\"

It had begun, I realised this, when Harry\'s hand had settled above my grey sock on my right knee, he began stroking it gently, thats when the conversation died, there were two of him but if I concentrated hard there was one, he kept licking his lips nervously, not breaking his gaze from mine.
\"Hermy...\", I heard him whisper, but it drummed like the ocean in my ears.
I felt Ron move from the seat beside me and kneel infront of me he was very close and if I squinted I could see that he had a wonky smile on his face.
\"hi..\", I sighed the word, thats all I could manage, the alcohol was lodged well in my system.
Ron\'s lips brushed softly over mine as this happened mylidslids fluttered shut.
What was happening?, did I want this?, did I like it?, oh I did, I just wanted both to care, to love me, to make love to me.
All I could do was respond, as he softly pushed his tongue over my dry lips, Harry\'s hand slid up my thigh at first I tensed but then I relaxed and let it go further until his fingers fumbled with the elastic on my knickers then I felt them slip in.
I could kiss Ron no longer it was difficult to concentrate, it was like something extremely interesting happening while trying to a tackle a difficult exam, Renseensed that I could no longer resume the kiss, he looked at me I could not see his expression, I was buzzing.
Harrgan gan to build up the pace moving his fingers in and out, stroking, caressing, fast then slow I breathed heavily and made noises which I would never believe would escape from my own mouth.
I shook and I knew this was what was supposed to happen. An orgasm, I gasped audibly and arched my back, writhing on the sofa, I knew Ron and Harry were smiling for they said:

\"Told you she would enjoy it\", Ron whispered, tugging at Hermione\'s cloak trying to pull it off her clammy skin.

Harry looked at the body laid before him, a smile tugging furiously at Hermione\'s half open lips, her chest rising and falling a lot more than usual, she was beautiful. \"Ronald I\'ve said it before and i\'ll say it again be gentle with her, we both know its her first time.\"

Ron in return gave Harry a look which clearly stated, \"duh do you think im stupid?\".

The room had now stopped spinning I was back, steady and still, but Harry and Ron still seemed to be moving, my cloak was gone, I tried to sit up but I heard Ron\'s voice as if it were all around me.

\"Steady on Herm, we don\'t want you to go yet\", it sounded like a plead.

I attempted to say something, \"Don\'t want stop, feel very dizzy\".

Harry and Ron exchanged looks, it was Harry who spoke next.

\"Sssh don\'t worry\", he whispered, sccoping her shivering body in his arms, \"we\'ll take it slow\".

I nodded and let them proceed.

Hands were laying me back, I didn\'t want to say anything, or not let them not do anything, fingers were pulling at my jumper pulling it over my head the material tickling my nose, not thinking I giggled, I then heard a male laugh, cold fingers were now exploring my neck running spiderlike down to my collar removing my tie and pulling at my blousse. The air was now cool on my chest and midriff I knew I was exposed.

\"Don\'t you dare!...\", Harry whispered furiously to Ron. \"don\'t you dare wank off yet, we\'re thinking of Hermione just because we havt set seen her like this before, just don\'t.. not yet..put it back\".

I couldn\'t hear Ron\'s reply, just angry mutterings.

They slipped off my shoes but kept my socks on, eased down my skirt so I was laying there with nothing but my socks and underwear. If I didn\'t want this I would of been helpless, but I wanted this, badly, and if I had enough energy I would of tried to cover myself.
Harry was kissing me, I knew it was harry because it was a different compared with Ron\'s, his tongue slipped over my lips and I felt it revolve around my mouth, playing with my own tongue. Someone had unclipped my bra and was now pulling it over my shoulders, there was a pause and I assumed they were looking at me, I felt a wet warmth on my neck a mouth travelling down my body until it got to my bellybutton.
If I hadn\'t been so drunk I would of felt very embarassed when they removed my knickers, I was naked, apart from my socks in front of my two best friends they were whispering but I couldn\'t make out what they were saying.

\"OH my god\", Ron whispered, his eyes hungrily roaming over Hermione\'s naked body.

\"Ditto\", Harry sighed.

\"Well Harry after you.. you always take the lead\", Ron said with enthusiasm.