Popular; The Hogwarts Guide To Dating Harry Potter

Pairings; Harry/Seamus, but it\'s not like that....

Notes: This was one of my favorite songs in high school and I had an epiphany while looking for song lyrics to write a songfic. Needless to say; I was sidetracked by this song. * Smiles. * Anyhow, I hope you like it, I found the idea novel.

Disclaimer: The characters belong to J.K. Rowling and the song belongs to Nada Surf. I borrowed them both and the only thing I’m gaining from this is praise; at least I hope so.


Harry solemnly headed for the Entrance Hall. He knew he would see Seamus there; he had invited the other boy there to speak to him. A public place was chosen because he was hoping it would cause the Irish boy not to make a scene.

You see, Harry Potter, savior of the wizarding world, Dumbledore’s Gryffindor Golden Boy, was about to break up with his boyfriend; Seamus Finnigan, the shy, friendly Irish boy who he had grown close to over the years of sharing a dorm.

As the green eyed Gryffindor approached, Seamus beamed at him; damn he was going to make this hard.

“Hey love, I was wondering where you were. You told me to meet you here ten minutes ago,” Seamus said as he leaned in and kissed the other softly on his lips.

Harry quickly kissed him back; a short, chaste kiss that left Seamus to wonder if he had done something wrong. He hesitated briefly, trying to think of an excuse, then forged ahead; hoping the growing crowd would help him in his endeavor.

“I was….erm….thinking,” he looked hopefully at his significant other and saw him nod. Apparently Seamus wasn’t the brightest crayon in the box.

The Irish boy smiled, “That’s alright. What were you thinking about?”

Great, just what he wanted to avoid for a few more minutes; he would have to come out with what he wanted to say now. ‘It figures’ he thought as he spotted Snape lurking in the shadows of the corridor; of course he would have to do this where the one person who berated him for every small thing he did could see. Well at least Snape wouldn’t be bored; Harry was about to give him enough topics of torture for Potions class to last for a very long time.

“Seamus….erm….you see,” he hesitated, trying to think of a tactful way to say this. After all; he didn’t want to hurt the other boy’s feelings more than possible. “I don’t think I want to see you anymore.”

He was about to continue when he saw the look on Seamus’ face; if he hadn’t been directly involved in this situation he would have thought it hilarious. It really was priceless the way the Irish Gryffindor was standing in the middle of the flow of students walking through the Entrance Hall to gain access to the Great Hall for lunch; his mouth practically hitting the floor, his eyes slightly clouded and looking like they were about to leak out a river of tears.

The student population stopped dead in their tracks when they heard the impossibly loud screech that escaped the boy’s mouth, “You WHAT?! You don’t want to see me anymore? Harry, what happene

H

Harry started wringing his hands; he had never been good at confrontations and admissions, “Well, I just….” He sighed, “I don’t….” He was digging himself deeper with every word.

Well, that seemed more than enough to cause the usually quiet Gryffindor to explode, “Well?” He said angrily, “I’m not good enough for you? Is that it? The ‘Great Harry Potter’ thinks he can do better?”

Seamus’ face was turning a shade of red that rivaled Ron’s hair, there would be no calming him down and Harry wouldn’t be surpd ifd if the boy never spoke to him again.

“Seamus….I....” Harry couldn’t say what he needed to say, he couldn’t find the words. So he just let Seamus fume and grow even redder.

Just as Seamus looked like he was about to slap Harry, Snape walked out of the shadows with an amused look on his face and turned to what would be an audience if they were on a stage. He held both arms up and snapped his fingers.

The scene behind him froze and grew dim as he began to speak;

*Three important rules for breaking up.
Don’t put off breaking up when you know you want to, prolonging the situation only makes it worse.
Tell him honestly, simply, kindly; but firmly. Don’t make a big production.*

He waved his hand behind him to demonstrate his point.

*Don’t make up an elaborate story.*

Snape smirked as he continued.

*This will help you avoid a big tear jerking scene.
If you want to date other people, say so.
Be prepared for the boy to feel hurt and rejected.*

He paused, almost laughing.

*Even if you’ve gone together onlyonly a short time and haven’t been too serious.
There’s still a feeling of rejection when somebody says he prefers the company of others to your exclusive company.
But if you’re honest and direct, and avoid making a flowery emotional speech when you break the news, the boy will respect you for your frankness.
And honestly, he’ll appreciate the kind, straight-forward mannerwhicwhich you told him your decision.
Unless he’s a jerk, or a real crybaby, you’ll remain friends.*

He smirked evilly and snapped his fingers once more, turning back to watch the scene unfold before his eyes. Never, in all his years as a Death Eater, had he witnessed something so horrid, yet amusing at the same time.

Seamus’ hand connected with Harry’s cheek, sending him slightly off balance as he lifted his own hand to cradle the spot where his now ex-boyfriend had slapped him.

“Fuck. You.” Seamus said in an almost deadly whisper before he walked off in the opposite direction of the Great Hall. Had it not been for the fact that there was dead silence in the Entrance Hall, no one would have heard what he said.

Harry just stood there for a minute before Hermione put her hand on his arm and led him to the Gryffindor table for lunch. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t shake the feeling that he was being watched.

Not only were the people from his own house watching him, but it seemed as if the whole school was as well. Of course, they were; but that’s not the point. Harry sighed and shook his head; he had to get something in his stomach before the practice match started.

Harry and Draco had a disagreement the week before and both Snape and McGonagall had approved a little Quidditch match to settle the argument. It wasn’t an official match, but some of the afternoon classes had been cancelled so their respectable teams could duke it out on the Quidditch Pitch instead of the corridors.

When he had finished eating he stood and walked out toward the great oak doors that led onto the grounds of Hogwarts. He could feel every eye on him as he moved and it irritated him to no end.

Harry got there before the rest of his team and began to get ready for the game. As he dressed, he began to sing;

*I’m head of the class.
I’m popular.
I’m the best seeker.
I’m popular.
Dumbledore says I’m a catch.
I’m popular.
I’m never last picked, and I don’t like chicks.*

By the time he had finished his little verse, he was dressed and the rest of his team was entering the changing room. He decided it would be best if he got away from prying eyes; at least until the match, where every eye would undoubtedly be on him.

When he kicked off from the ground and felt the cool air run through his hair he found it was easier to concentrate on just the actions of the game instead of everyone watching him.

It wasn’t like they normally watched him during a match; this time they were looking at him for different reasons. Some were drooling because he was single and they were trying to decide whether or not they stood a chance with him, others were shaking their head and sighing because of what he had done to ‘poor Seamus’.

However; none of them understood his motives or the reasons behind his decision. He was tired of being ‘The Boy Who Lived’ and ‘Dumbledore’s Golden Boy’. He wanted to be Harry, just Harry. And with a boyfriend like Seamus; it was impossible.

The game progressed and in a moment of weakness, Draco had been staring at Harry’s ass and the way it looked in his tight Quidditch trousers instead of looking for the snitch, Harry won the game for Gryffindor. It hadn’t even been close. The whole of the Slytherin team had their eyes glued to the green eyed beauty instead of the game; Gryffindor had come out the victors with 300 points against Slytherin’s measly 90.

Harry touched down and was about to run for the changing room when he was accosted by his adoring fans. Although it hadn’t been an official match, the whole school was treating it as if it were one.

Right away, Snape was at the scene; his usual smirk firmly in place as he watched Harry struggle for a few moments. He snapped his fingers and turned back to the ‘audience’, his tone teasing as he began to speak once more;

*Being attractive is the most important thing there is.
If you want to catch the biggest fish in your pond you have to be as attractive as possible.
Make sure you keep your hair spotlessly clean.*

He scowled slightly at the last line.

*Wash at least every two weeks; once every two weeks.
And if you see ‘The Boy Who Lived’ in the hall, tell him he played a great match.
Tell him you liked the way he beat Malfoy to the snitch.*

Snape almost fell over double as he laughed. It had been years since he had laughed that hard. Once he realized everyone was still frozen he snapped his fingers, the fits of laughter coming even harder as Harry began to struggle against the growing crowd once more.

Out of the corner of his eye Harry saw Snape laughing. Of course he would find this hilarious; anything that caused Harry distress was of the utmost hilarity to the Potions Master. If he could cause Harry embarrassment, he would. There was no doubt of that.

He finally managed to get away, running and locking himself in the little shed they called a changing room. Someone was going to pay for this; but he didn’t know who. All he could think about was the way Snape had laughed when he was mobbed with fans. Gods that man was intolerable!

After he had dressed, he peeked out onto the pitch and saw that everyone had gone back inside for their last afternoon class. Harry groaned when he remembered what his was; Potions. It would figure that he would have to face the man after the scene that he had just witnessed. Harry felt like he had no luck whatsoever.

He knew he would be late if he didn’t get a move on so he grabbed his books and made his way to the dungeon, the curious beat taking up once more as he sang;

*I’m the Quidditch star.
I’m popular.
I’m on a Famous Wizard card.
I’m popular.
I’ll never get caught.
I’m popular.
I’m the teacher’s pet, I make Quidditch bets.*

He had a miserable look on his face as he took his seat in between Hermione and Ron in the potions classroom. He looked up to see Snape already sitting behind his desk most apparently trying to hold in a fit of laughter; obviously his pain and torment was enough to keep the greasy git amused for quite some time. But he already knew that.

Harry took out his supplies and Snape stood up and shot Draco a disgusted look as he shook his head; Malfoy was most definitely enamored with the ‘Boy Wonder’ as well.

He began walking between the rows of desk as he spoke, his tone didactic and fierce;

*I propose we support a one month limit on going steady.
I think it would make people more able to deal with weird situations; get to know more people.
I think if you’re ready to go out with Harry now’s the time to tell him about your one month limit.*

He smirked at the horrified look on Harry’s face then continued.

*He won’t mind, he’ll appreciate your fresh look on dating.
And once you’ve dated someone else, you can date him again.
I’m sure he’ll like it, everyone will appreciate it.*

He shot Harry a devious smirk as the boy became red with anger then directed his next line to Malfoy.

*You’re so novel, what a good idea.
You can keep your time to yourself, you don’t need date insurance.*

His gaze went back to Harry.

u cau can date whoever you want.
The Golden Boy, The Golden Boy can be all yours.*

He suppressed a chuckle.

*If you just listen to my plan;
The Hogwarts Guide To Dating Harry Potter!*

He doubled over laughing as Harry lunged at him. He was bypassed by the rest of the class who rushed forward to try and grab at him, trying to get his attention and make him their own.

Gods! He was going to kill Snape! How could he do this? This one thing that was surely going to make Harry’s life a living nightmare for years to come?

He growled and tried to break free from his fellow classmates’ grasps, finally putting a work station in between him and them.

*I’m head of the class.
I’m popular.
I’m the best seeker.
I’m popular.
Dumbledore says I’m a catch.
I’m popular.
I’m never last picked, and I don’t like chicks.*

He turned to Hermione and Ron for help but it would seem that they were after a piece of his flesh as well so he continued to struggle.

He screamed as he ran out of the classroom and down the corridor being pursued by his ‘adoring fans’; one of them was more than likely to rip him to shreds if they got hold of him.

When Harry finally made it up to Gryffindor tower he wrenched open the portrait and ran up the stairs to his dormitory, locking the door with the strongest wards he knew. He was going to have to get Snape back for this somehow, some way.

He pulled the curtains shut around his four poster bed and cast a silencing charm to block out the screaming people on the other side of the door and began to whisper.

*I’m the Quidditch star.
I’m popular.
I’m on a Famous Wizard card.
I’m popular.
I’ll never get caught.
I’m popular.
I’m the teacher’s pet, I make Quidditch bets.*

He lay there in the silence and eventually fell asleep, wishing that the whole day had just been a very bad dream. All he knew was that when he woke up in the morning, he hoped that Dumbledore had sorted this whole thing out. Harry didn’t think he could live with the heightened level of hero worship he had been exposed to. What he usually had to deal with was more than enough.

Down in the dungeons Snape was sitting in his office attempting to grade papers as silent laughter shook his whole body and tears streamed down his face. Oh, it had almost been too much; Harry being mobbed by the rest of the students and almost being torn apart. He couldn’t have planned it better himself.

This would go down in history as the best day of Severus Snape’s life; he had no doubt of that. It was just a shame that the Headmaster was going to make sure everything was back to normal by the morning; he would have loved to see that for just one more day. But he knew it would always be the foremost memory he had, one that he would be able to call upon for years to come; it would stay fresh in his mind no matter what else happened in his lifed fod for that, he was grateful.

FIN.