Canon Fodder

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Author’s Note. This just wouldn’t go away. Warn Cha Character Death.

Disclaimer: There ain’t nothing about Harry Potter that belongs to me. Sad, that. Never mind, eh. I’ve got a new fridge.

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Canon-Fodder


\"Good afternoon, Hermione,\" the old man croaked, his once twinkling eyes now dull and rheumy. \"I’d tell you you’re looking lovely, my dear, but I suspect you wouldn’t believe me.\"

Hermione grinned, then, remembering that Albus could hardly see, laid her hand upon his robed arm. \"I’m prepared to take it as a compliment if you meant it that way, sir.\"

The ancient Wizard’s jowls joggled as he wheezed a laugh. \"Ever the clever miss, aren\'t you?\"

\"Not a ‘Miss’ for much longer, sir,\" she replied, and Albus could hear the smug grin in her voice. His own cheeks creased into a crosshatching of deeply etched lines as his smile widened.

\"Really? Ah well then, will you permit me to congratulate you, and be the first to call you Mrs. Weasley.\"

Hermione nearly choked on her lukewarm tea. She struggled for breath as she set the thick, institution-green china cup down upon Albus’ bedside table.

Eventually, she recovered her composure. \"Not Ron, sir. Ron and I are, were, and always will be, friends.\" Hermione flushed then, her ex-Gryffindor honesty coming to the fore as she continued, \"Although a month ago he sent me a Howler disguised as a Valentine card, and I nearly jumped out of my skin. We fell out for a bit after that. But no,\" she stated, resisting the urge to bite her lip.
She was, after all, a grown woman.

\"I’ll…I’ll be Mrs. Snape…sir. Sir? Sir!\"

After she’d helped the old man to mop up the spilled lemon squash and had dried the worst of the damage to his threadbare purple robes, Hermione sat down again and reached for the grizzled old hand.

She opened her mouth to speak, but he got there before her.

\"Hermione, whatever possessed you? He’s mean, and…sarcastic…and he likes the colour black too much…\"

\"Please listen, sir! He’s not what you – \"

Albus raised his other hand to silence her, and, although it had been nearly thirty years since she’d graduated, the gesture still held its power.

\"I had not finished,\" he said. He gave her hand a squeeze. \"I know that you believe you can conquer the world, Hermione. But to take on Severus Snape? There’s not a Witch or Wizard in the whole community that could conquer Severus. And believe me, I should know. I tried, for years.\"
Hermione didn’t know what to say, but it didn’t matter, because Albus Dumbledore was still talking, in between laboured breaths.

\"My dear, Severus Snape is a dangerous man. I had to keep him at Hogwarts during Voldemort’s time, within my earshot and under my eyes, because he was simply not to be trusted. He has more power in his left hand than a hundred Tom Riddles. And all the time, only I knew his weakness. His desire to teach Defence Against The Dark Arts was his undoing. I held that promise in front of him for years, keeping him ensconced in the Potions Laboratory until I was certain that the danger had passed.\"
Hermione leaned forward, frowning. \"Danger, sir?\"

Albus’ lip trembled. \"I could not risk him attracting the eye of a Witch. It would be the end of me.\" He broke off into a cough, which lasted for over a minute. Hermione’s eye travelled to the bell which, if rung would summon the Mediwizard (or witch) on call to come immediately.

\"Leave…it…\" the old man gathered himself together. \"Hermione, you will cancel the wedding!\"

Hermione folded her arms and her brown eyes narrowed. \"Not unless you give me good reason,\" she said with as much control over her rising anger as she could muster. \"What exactly do you mean by ‘it would be the end of me’?\"

Albus’ mouth worked beneath his lemon-drop-stained beard. \"Sybil Trelawney said so,\" he finally said in a quavering, petulant voice.

\"That old harridan!\" Hermione practically spat onto the quarry tiles. \"What did she say, exactly?\"
Even though he could barely see, Albus Dumbledore shrank slightly under the gimlet stare he knew she was giving him. \"Well, the exact words of the prophecy were…\"

He cleared his throat, which took at least forty seconds, although Hermione wasn’t really counting.

\"Beware, White Haired Wizard, of the Serpent with Obsidian Eyes. For His Spawn will Bring You to Your knees, and Knock the Life-Breath from Your Body.\"

Hermione could almost hear the unnecessary capitalisation, the hallmark of another of \"Fish Eyes\" Trelawney’s mad expostulations. Her eyes narrowed, she returned to the subject at hand.

\"So you made Severus stay in the Pns Lns Lab so he wouldn’t…breed? What makes you think it would have made any difference if you’d given him the DADA post?\"

Albus’ expression was childish as he spoke in the stroppiest tone Hermione had ever heard him use. \"Knew the man would go all pasty and greasy and stinky in the Dungeons. No one would fancy him. Therefore, no kids. Couldn’t have him in Defence, he might have turned out like Gilderoy.\"

\"That’s ridiculous, sir! You kept Severus below stairs because you didn’t want him to get laid? Do you have any idea how cruel that is?\"

Albus shrank back slightly from Hermione’s righteous indignation, which was palpable. \"Dear girl, it was my only hope. To allow Severus to meet a woman and lure her into his evil lair would be only the beginning of my Doom.\"

\"But Severus isn’t evil, sir! He’s kind, and polite, and he’s absolutely wonderful in…in all the little ways that make a Witch feel appreciated,\" she amended, glad that Albus could not see the flush on her cheeks.

\"Hermione, your words only serve to tell me that this evil Wizard has indeed captivated you in his wicked tale. I have known Severus for a lot longer than you, dear girl! It was all I could do to ensure that he did not receive the Orders of Merlin.\"

Hermione’s hands began to clench into fists. \"Orders? As in ‘plural of Order’?\"

\"Yes, the Minister of Magic, both of them actually, Cornelius and Arthur, once he’d succeeded the title, had wanted to press the award upon him…once or twice. Some rubbish about life-saving research, Arthur said last time. They didn’t dare go past me, I’m a Supreme Warlock of the Wizengamot.\"

He lifted his bearded chin with pride. \"Would have completely ruined my plans. Nothing sexier than a Wizard with a First Class Merlin. Believe me, I’d know.\"

Hermione gaped like a beached cod, as the ancient prune gave her a salacious wink.

\"At least that time I didn’t have to pass a rumour around that Severus was found in a compromising position with a year student. I had to say it was a Seventh Year, obviously…I still needed to keep Severus on the staff. No, I simply leaned on Arthur a bit and claimed all the credit for myself. Had to really, there was no way I was going to let that boy find himself a…\"
He trailed off.

Hermione just sat very still, trying not to tremble with rage.

\"But you, my dear, have, it seems, fallen prey to his evil machinations. However, you are a mudb…a Muggle, so by my calculations you are well past the age for childbearing.\"

He stuck out his tongue like a six-year-old playground bully. \"I have managed to survive the Prophecy! Hahahahaha ahahaahaha haaaaaaa! Take that in your eye, Sybil \"I-only-do-predictions-when-I’m-chock-full-of-sherry\" Trelawney!\"

The hoary, flagitious old bastard drew himself up to his full, if somewhat shrunken, height. \"I, Albus Dumbledore, have succeeded in defeating the Forces of Darkness once again! Hahahaaaaa!\"

Hermione smiled. If Albus could have seen her face, he might have been reminded of a panther about to drop out of a tree upon an unwary gazelle.

\"Then I suppose it wouldn’t be a really good time to tell you I’m expecting a child, then… sir.\"

~*~

\"I’m home, Severus,\" Hermione called out tiredly, as she waddled into the living room. She dropped a vellum envelope on the coffee table, and flumped down on the squishiest sofa, flicking off her shoes and sticking one swollen leg out towards the black-haired Wizard.

Severus busied himself with rubbing her foot. \"How was your visit with Albus?\" he asked with that gentle smile only his beloved had seen.

\"He’s dead,\" she answered, shortly.

\"What!\"

\"Heart attack, the Mediwizard said. Could have happened at any time,\" was his fiancée’s blunt reply.
Severus paled. \"Oh my goodness!\"

Hermione looked so…so angry. Severus stopped rubbing, and slid his hands up her calf, and settled them on her knees. \"Darling, you mustn’t let it upset you. Think of your blood pressure.\"
\"I’m fine, love,\" she said, more gently.

Severus continued to stroke her behind her knee. \"I know how much you loved Albus. As did I – but he was very old, after all. You weren’t…with him, were you? When he died?\"

Hermione nodded, and buried her face in the outstretched arms of her intended.
Her shoulders shook. They were quiet for a time.

\"When I think of all he’s done for me,\" Severus said eventually, shaking his dark head.

\"Absolutely…I know just how much he has done for you,\" Hermione replied. Her voice sounded a little bit strange, which Severus put down to the terrible event she had witnessed. His beautiful, pregnant Hermione!

\"I’ve booked a table for two in Maxim’s for eight…but first we need to deliver a letter to the Minister of Magic.\" She pointed to the envelope lying on the coffee table.

\"What’s in the letter?\" Severus murmured into her hair as she snuggled back into his arms.

\"Oh, just a few things Albus needed to…get off his chest,\" was all she said, as his elegant hands slid over her swollen belly, glad that, with his face buried in her hair, he couldn’t see her expression. It was difficult to control her grin of anticipation.

She couldn’t wait to see the look on his face when Arthur handed him not one, but seven Orders of Merlin, First Class.