The Patience of Waiting

The Patience of Waiting
by Gwendolen

Pairing: HP/SS
Rating: NC-17 for m/m sex
Disclaimer: The property of JKR, all hers, not mine.
Spoilers/Sequel: Futurefic
Summary: Patience is part of Snape\'s life, as is waiting.
A/N: Thanks once more to the wonderful fluffyllama and ellensmithee for the beta.
Feedback is always very welcome: draigon @ gmx.net


Life had taught him patience. Hard-earned and often scorned it had been a necessary part of his life since early childhood.

Waiting for the shouting to stop, for the sound of a door closing, and silence. Waiting for morning, for the creak of stairs that told him his father was leaving for the day and that for the briefest moment the gloom would lift a bit.

Then waiting for his Hogwart\'s letter and the escape it promised. Yet even then the waiting had to continue, forcing him to learn patience, to curb his temper, to sit and watch and wait. Some things just couldn\'t be hurried.

Teachers couldn\'t be hurried and lessons had to be borne, just like fellow students had to be suffered. They were hard lessons on occasion. Watching a potion bubble or simmer and counting, silently counting and waiting for the right moment was easier. In the lab surrounded by ingredients and cauldrons, it was easier to get lost and forget the passage of time.

Serving the Dark Lord had been an especially harsh lesson in patience and control. Waiting for summons, watching, listening, waiting for meetings to start, for them to end. Waiting for the Dark Lord\'s moods, his desires and demands. Waiting for the unavoidable punishment or the too few, too rare words of praise.

Dumbledore had only reinforced what he\'d learned as a Death Eater.

Yet right now even his potions offered him no solace. Severus Snape lowered the heat, added the valerian and watched while the potion slowly stopped bubbling and turned from dark red to a light violet. In ten minutes he would have to stir the potion: twelve times clockwise, then twelve times counter clockwise and finally twelve times clockwise again.

Snape glanced at the clock even though his inner alarm was running and told him that it wasn\'t time yet. Eight minutes.

He straightened the spoon and picked up a few crumbs of chopped valerian from his worktable, carefully disposing of it before glancing at the clock again. Seven minutes.

Another glance at the clock after he\'d closed and put away the glass container with the valerian. Five minutes.

A sudden noise outside his rooms drew his attention and Snape stilled, listening closely - but nothing happened, not even another sound. He turned back to the clock. Four minutes.

A look around the laboratory showed him that nothing was out of place. Nothing needed to be put away. Snape briefly sighed and rubbed his hands over his face before he looked again at the lock. Three minutes.

Did time suddenly move slower? But no, his internal clock agreed with the one hanging over the small desk he kept in the laboratory. Two minutes and he turned back to the still simmering potion, reaching for the spoon. He stared at the violet liquid and just waited, trying not to think, just paying attention to the potion until it was time to stir it again. Clockwise first, then anticlockwise, and then clockwise again. Dousing the fire under the cauldron Snape poured the potion into the prepared silver bowl where it needed to cool for twenty-three hours and 17 minutes before he could store it in vials. A pinch of cinnamon sprinkled onto the liquid and he was done with this potio
A
Another look at the clock told Snape that it was now a quarter past three. With a barely audible growl he stepped to his desk and took up a piece of parchment and a quill. Crossing out Teeth-Foulness Potion he stared at the parchment and all the neatly crossed out lines of writing. He was done with Poppy\'s current list and there was not one potion left she needed from him. Maybe he should make some extra? Surely Poppy would have no problem with that. Skele-Gro kept well in storage and there would be a higher demand for it. Maybe also a few more jars of anti-hex salve and some general painkillers. Pepperup would also not go amiss. Turning the parchment over Snape started noting down all the useful potions that came to mind.

Taking out the ingredients for the Pepperup, he meticulously began to prepare them, sorting, weighing, cutting, crushing, soaking some of the dried sprigs of lavender and counting out the 48 white peppercorns needed. Yet he couldn\'t stop his eyes from flicking to the clock again and again. Half past three. Quarter to four. Four.

By the time the Pepperup was bubbling away it was five and he was preparing another cauldron for a burn lotion. Another sound outside the door froze him for a moment but when nothing further could be heard, Snape shook his head at his own foolishness and started cutting the mince leaves.

The sudden sound of a door opening almost made him drop his knife and he turned around, noting the clock from the corner of his eyes. Twenty-seven minutes past four.

Snape glared at the young man leaning against doorjamb. Potter smiled softly. \"I saw the light under the door and had to check. I thought you would be in bed by now, Severus.\"

\"I was busy, as you can see, and must have forgotten the time.\" Snape snapped and turned back to his desk. No point in starting the lotion now, he should put everything away for tomorrow.

Snape almost jumped when a hand suddenly touched his shoulder and then a warm body pressed against his back.

\"I told you not to wait for me.\" Harry sounded exhausted, his voice low and slightly hoarse while he leaned against Severus\'s back, a heavy weight that smelled of damp, charred wool.

\"I didn\'t,\" Severus growled before he gentled his voice. \"There were potions I had to brew. Poppy had a long list.\"

\"Well, then I\'m glad that they forced you to stay up. Are you done now?\"

Snape turned slightly and looked at the man leaning against him. Potter just smiled innocently. It wasn\'t difficult to notice the exhaustion etching the young face. Harry had left very early yesterday morning and Severus knew that it was highly unlikely that he\'d had very much rest during the days and night he was gone. Constant vigilance. Moody\'s preaching and something Severus whole-heartily agreed with and approved of. Something Potter had finally learned and taken to heart.

Severus turned without dislng tng the man resting so trustingly against him. Lifting a hand he slowly brushed the tousled dark hair out of the thin face.

\"Why don\'t you go and wash while I put everything away?\"

\"Hm, sounds like a plan.\" Yet Harry didn\'t move, just snuggled in closer, wrapping an arm around Severus\'s waist and letting his hand drift over Severus\' arse cheek.

He lifted his face and obligingly Severus leaned down and kissed him. \"Go, Harry. Get cleaned up and then go to bed. I\'ll be there momentarily.\"

\"\'Kay.\" With that sleepy mumble Harry finally drifted out of the lab and Severus heard the door to his private rooms open and close.

Straightening up only took a few moments but Severus forced himself to be meticulous, slow and careful. There was no point in rushing himself and he should give Harry some time to wash and get into bed.

With a hand on the door Severus cast a last glance around the room, making sure everything was put away, all fires doused and nothing dangerous left to fester. He couldn\'t stop himself from looking one last time at the clock. Thirteen minutes to five. The night was almost over. No wonder he was tired and his shoulders were painfully tight.

The first thing Severus noticed when he walked into his bedroom was a naked and still slightly damp Harry stretched out on the bed, slowly sipping a cup of hot tea and shifting on the bed as if he couldn\'t settle down.

He stopped at the foot of the bed and glared down at the restless young man. \"You really should sleep, Harry.\"

Harry just grinned back, put the cup on the night table and rose up on his knees, leaning close. \"I think I\'m too tired to sleep. Need something to unwind me.\" His grinned widened. \"Any ideas how you could help me unwind?\"

\"I am sure I can come up with a few ways.\" Severus lifted his hands and cupped Harry\'s face between them before he leaned down and kissed him deeply. The taste of peppermint and blackberries exploded on his tongue and underneath it the more subtle taste of his teeth-cleaning mouthwash.

Harry melted against him and hummed softly while they kissed. Severus broke the kiss when Harry began tugging at his robe. With a slight smile Severus watched as a frowning Harry glared at the buttons of his robe and tugged at them. \"Off. Get them off.\"

Stepping away from the bed, Severus quickly obliged, all too aware of the young man watching him avidly. Getting in and out of his robes with minimum fuss had been a long ingrained practice and soon the black robes were neatly folded or hung up together with the rest of his clothing. Severus could hear Harry growl slightly behind him but reminded himself of the necessity of not rushing. Patience once again, even though he wanted nothing more than to ravish the boy, devour him whole and never let him out of his reach again.

Approaching the bed Severus smirked at the open hunger and frustration on Harry\'s face, overshadowing his exhaustion. While the tiredness was bothersome, he loved seeing him this eager and needy.

Eager boy. His eager boy. As always that thought filled him with awe and a vague feeling of unreality. It couldn\'t be, yet the evidence was sat on his bed and growing more impatient by the second.

\"Severus, please. Don\'t just stand there.\"

The plaintive voice made him smirk but then the smirk softened into a smile and Severus crawled on the bed, gathering Harry into his arms and drawing him into another kiss. Despite his eagerness there was a certain laziness and slowness in Harry\'s kiss, a compliance that was rare and drew Severus because of its rarity. Normally Harry was much more demanding and aggressive.

For a long time they just kissed and touched, being content with their closeness and feeling each other while their arousal grew. Severus was hard and he could feel Harry\'s erection pressing against his leg. He wanted more contact, wanted to bury himself in Harry\'s body but instead drew on his patience and held back.

Harry murmured something low in his throat and shifted against him, arching into his touch, pressing against him, making it clear that he wanted more. Severus pressed open-mouthed kisses against Harry\'s throat and shoulders, licking his clean skin, tasting a hint of soap and sweat and pure Harry.

When Harry tried to change their position Severus stopped him and pressed him back into the bed. \"Shhhh, let me.\" Severus kissed him again and then moved down to the erect nipples and licked first the left one before moving to the right one, enjoying how Harry arched and shivered under his hands. He shifted until their cocks were rubbing against each other and began to move. Harry accommodated him and wrapped one leg around Severus\' thigh bringing them even closer together. They moved together, finding a slow, lazy rhythm.

Harry buried his hand in Severus hair while they kissed and seemed to try to fuse himself to Severus, rubbing against him with legs and arms wrapped around him. Severusjust went along with it, pressing Harry into the bed and returning his hungry kisses.

Much too soon he felt the need for release building and while he wanted to prolong the pleasure, he knew that for once hurrying might be the better option. Sneaking a hand between their tightly pressed bodies, Severus wrapped it around their hard cocks. He moved his hand up and down a few times until Harry arched under him, his face contorted and strangely beautiful in its intensity. Warm wetness spread in bursts between them. Severus watched with wrapt attention as Harry reached his climax and slowly came down, panting hard. Finally the green eyes opened and Harry smiled. Unable to help himself, Severus thrust once, twice and finally reached his own climax. Gasping hard he collapsed on Harry and pressed a kiss against Harry\'s sweaty shoulder, holding him close.

For a long while they just rested in each other arms while their breathing slowed down and returned to normal. Severus snuggled against Harry and breathed in the smells of warm, sweaty, sexy male. He was close to falling asleep, and by the deepening breaths of his partner Harry too was close.

In the end Severus forced himself to get up and go to the bathroom. Spells just weren\'t the same as a wet, warm towel on skin.

After a quick wash, Severus returned to the bed where he was greeted by a sleepy Harry who moaned softly and stretched as Severus used the towel to clean him up. Tossing the towel aside Severus climbed back into the bed and gathered the other man into his arms once more. Harry happily snuggled into his embrace.

\"Do you think you will be able to sleep now?\" Severus asked.

Harry shifted slightly and pressed a kiss on Severus cheek before he settled own again with his head on Severus\' shoulder, an arm thrown across his chest and a leg entangled with Severus\'. \"Yes, I think I will. Someone did an amazing job of unwinding me.\"

\"I\'m happy to be of service.\"

Harry only laughed at his dry comment and tightened his grip. Severus listened to his breathing growing deeper as the body in his arms relaxed more and more.

\"You didn\'t even ask about the mission.\" Harry suddenly said. His voice had begun to slur and he already sounded half-asleep.

\"You came back alive. That was the most important thing. Everything else can wait for the Order meeting.\" And it was true. He hadn\'t been interested in the mission; he\'d only wanted Harry back, unharmed and safe in his arms once more.

\"Love you too.\" The words were barely audible and more breathed than voiced but they were enough for Severus.

Severus listened to Harry breathe and shift on occasion; the normal sounds of sleep, something he\'d finally gotten used too after months of having Harry in his bed. Like so many other things, it had taken time. Now he couldn\'t sleep well if he didn\'t have Harry beside him in his bed. The room was too silent, too empty, lacking the presence of another person.

Severus could feel sleep creeping up on him and while there was no clock in his bedroom he still had his internal clock that told him it was shortly after six. They would only have a few hours sleep before they had to get up for the next Order meeting.

What they needed, were a few days off. Maybe he should talk with Albus? Surely for a few days they could deal without Harry and him. Was it so wrong to be selfish for once? To not be patient and wait until there was time or it was proper, but to take what he wanted now and make the most of it? They might not even have a tomorrow.

He really needed to talk to Albus. And \'fuck\' patience.