October

Title: October
Author: Lady Sev Snape/Slashgoddess
Feedback: Yes, please. Email it to sevsbeloved@cox.net or my lj at ladysevsnape.
Request: Valentines: pairing: Severus/Gilderoy type: Romance
Archiving: On Merry Wizards list, AFF.net, my live journal and anywhere else as long as you leave me a link to where it\'s going!
Disclaimer: I don\'t own Harry Potter or the song October. It is sung by and owned by Evanescence. Thank you.

Author\'s Note: This story isd frd from Severus\' point of view. It\'s a song fic and is un-beta\'d. Sorry if it doesn\'t make sense or you see a blatant error. This isn\'t a pairing I usually write so I\'m not sure if it works. It\'s not even rated R... well maybe a light R for some of the scenes, but I don\'t know. I tried my best and I hope you like it!

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Severus sighed. He couldn\'t explain it to anyone else but he felt something for the Dark Arts professor. Obviously it was something to be hidden but it was still there, lingering in the dark recesses of his mind.

I can\'t run anymore,
I fall before you,
Here I am,
I have nothing left,

He\'d tried for so many months to feel nothing, but it was all in vein. He\'d tried running from the problem and yet here he was, about to give himself to Lockheart. He wasn\'t one for sappy love songs or flowers and chocolate, he was at heart a sensualist, which is yet another thing he hid from the world. What wasn\'t known couldn\'t be used against him.

Though I\'ve tried to forget,
You\'re all that I am,
Take me home,
I\'m through fighting it,

In a moment of temporary weakness he revealed his feelings to Lockheart and was suprised when they weren\'t rebuffed. It seemed that his feelings were reciprocated. Yet here he was, sitting alone on Valentine\'s Day, the day for lovers. They\'d not spoken for a week now and Severus was unusually upset by this.

Broken,
Lifeless,
I give up,
You\'re my only strength,

Severus had made up his mind. He would go speak with Lockheart. Swallowing his pride he dressed in silk robes and put on a nice smelling potion. He nervously brushed his lanky hair back from his eyes and with a quickly muttered spell, it was shiny, soft and clean, pulled back into a tail at the nape of his neck.

Without you,
I can\'t go on,
Anymore,
Ever again.

When he went to the door of Lockheart\'s room, there was no answer. Severus started pacing the school, unaware of the passing of time. He was starting to become anxious and he started making lines in the dust on the floor with his pacing.

My only hope,
(All the times I\'ve tried)
My only peace,
(To walk away from you)
My only joy,
My only strength,
(I fall into your abounding grace)
My only power,
My only life,
(And love is where I am)
My only love.

Severus was about to give up when he heard footsteps approaching him. He quickly mustered his courage and walked towards the blonde walking down the steps. He nodded amiably to Lockheart and asked quietly if he could come in so they could talk.

I can\'t run anymore,
I give myself to you,
I\'m sorry,
I\'m sorry,

Over the next hour or so, Severus revealed the depths of his feelings to Lockheart, trying desperately to explain what he felt. He saw the look in Lockheart\'s eyes and he stopped for a moment, gathering both his breath and courage again.

In all my bitterness,
I ignored,
All that\'s real and true,
All I need is you,

Finally he got all the words to come out the way he wanted them to and he sat there, hesitant and hopeful at the same time.

When night falls on me,
I\'ll not close my eyes,
I\'m too alive,
And you\'re too strong,
I can\'t lie anymore,
I fall down before you,
I\'m sorry,
I\'m sorry.

Severus closed his eyes only to have them spring open at the touch of lips on his. He gasped and the invading tongue decided it had aticatical advantage and thrust into the open mouth, darting in and then coaxing his own tongue to follow. A languid battle was then fought, the thrust and parry of the tongues only causing for the passion that was being expressed to be heightened.

My only hope,
(All the times I\'ve tried)
My only peace,
(To walk away from you)
My only joy,
My only strength,
(I fall into your abounding grace)
My only power,
My only life,
(And love is where I am)
My only love.

Severus brought his hands up to Lockheart\'s face and pulled back from the kiss reluctantly. Sapphire eyes met onyx, and the intensity of it made Severus look away. He wasn\'t used to such an open and frank expression being cast his direction.

Constantly ignoring,
The pain consuming me,
But this time it\'s cut too deep,
I\'ll never stray again.

Severus rose to his feet suddenly, pushing Lockheart off of him. He stood facing a large painting that had been given to him by Albus when he\'d first started teaching Potions here, fighting the battle with himself and his emotione fie finally gave up and the scalding crystalline tears burned their way down his face. He blinked frequently and then startled when soft, hesitant hands wrapped themselves around his waist. He leaned back into the embrace and let all the emotions he\'d held back for so long flood out in a wonderous release.

My only hope,
(All the times I\'ve tried)
My only peace,
(To walk away from you)
My only joy,
My only strength,
(I fall into your abounding grace)
My only power,
My only life,
(And love is where I am)
My only love,

Severus led the way into the bedroom, still held in that soft and caring embrace. He let himself lower his barriers against others and let Lockheart into his heart. He showed him in an undisputable way how much he cared for the blonde man. His trembling fingers undid rows and rows of buttons and slid them off of an equally trembling body. Lips worshiped the revealed skin and after every piece of clothing was removed he set about showing Lockheart how much he truely cared. Somehow, he wasn\'t entirely sure how, he\'d fallen for Lockheart. After a brief preparation, he slid into Lockheart\'s body, amazed at how right this all felt. His body took over and developed a rhythm all it\'s own, drawing them both closer and closer to escasty. Finally they both laid there, bodies tangled together, hands tracing unrecognizable patterns on skin. They both fell asleep, wrapped in the warm aura of their love.

My only hope,
(All the times I\'ve tried)
My only peace,
(To walk away from you)
My only joy,
My only strength,
(I fall into your abounding grace)
My only power,
My only life,
(And love is where I am)
My only love.