O What Fools These Muggles Be

AN/ Here it is my challenge response. It is too late to hope for a lot of reviews. Sniffle, but please be kind and review if you read. Just think of it, give an old lady a break and make her day. Read and see if your name is there! Who does Filch wind up with? And just what lady stayed the night with Severus? How did Hagrid’s bed break down? And just what was in that potion Peeves had? Someone is under Dumbledore’s robe, guess who. Read and see! All quotes used, all things unteunted for! Disclaimer own nothing, not even the computer I typed it on. Big big hugs to AprilGrey for beta services!


OH WHAT FOOLS THESE MUGGLES BE
(Or The Great Pumpkin Incident)

Albus Dumbledore sat in his office reading over the report that told in detail the ts sts surrounding the incident. He ran a hand through his hair chuckling, wishing he could remember everything that had occurred that night. One particular event stood out in his mind. Looking at the round, yellowish orange pumpkin sitting in a cushioned basket on his desk, he patted it fondly. “Don’t worry, Cornelius. I am sure someone will figure it out before too long. And Madame Sprout has developed this delightful solution that will keep you from rotting.” Dumbledore leaned back in his chair and popped a lemon drop. He knew there would be hell to pay, but it had been worth it…

****

A week before the incident….

“You did what?”

The staff of Hogwarts looked at Dumbledore convinced that the old wizard had finally lost his mind.

“I have rented the castle out for the New Year weekend,” he said firmly, trying to look threatening as he popped a lemon drop.

“But Albus, to Muggles?” said Minerva aghast.

“And what exactly is a fanfiction writer’s convention?” Severus Snape asked coldly, wondering if he could get Albus under the Imperious long enough to make him cancel this bloody affair.

Remus Lupin, who was the newly appointed DADA teacher, spoke up. “I think I can answer that. They are a bunch of women who write about characters in their favorite Muggle novels, movies, theater you know, and extend the stories to fit their own needs.”

“Women?”

Everyone looked over to the corner where Argus Filch was standing. Flitwick chuckled.

“Yes women,” Albus said, his eyes twinkling. They always twinkled after he had a lemon drop. “See, nothing to be concerned about. Mostly lonely housewives who delve into fantasy to escape the drudgery of chores, kids and inattentive husbands.”

“Fat cows, you mean,” whispered Roland Hooch to Sirius Black, who had mysteriously appeared in Grimmauld Place on the day Voldemort had been defeated and had been appointed Care of Magical Creatures teacher when Hagrid had left for France to marry Olympe.

“Surely the Ministry will not allow Muggles at Hogwarts,” protested Hermione Granger, Head Girl and resident Know-It-All, who insisted on sitting in on the staff meetings.

“Actually they have. The Minister thought it would be wonderful. He likes Muggles. In fact, many Ministry guests will be here for the New Year party as well as the Minister’s family.”

Severus groaned. That would mean Lucius would be attending and he stilled owed him…

“You see,” Albus flushed, “we, that is Hogwarts, are broke.”

A collective gasp filled the room.

“How?”

“Well, it would seem we have been so busy with Voldemort I err, forgot to collect tuition for the lastr yer years. And with the cost of lemon drops…”

“This is preposterous,” Minerva finally said.

“This group, The Lord and Lady Snape coalition, will arrive on the morning of the 31st, will be given a tour of the grounds, have several meetings,” he waved a schedule of events, “the party, and then they are off after brunch the next day. It is settled and trust me, you all will survive the ordeal. Several of the seventh years have volunteered to help and with all the other students off on holiday, this should be a walk in the tulips.” Albus popped another lemon drop and twinkled at them all.

“Tulips filled with dragon dung,” whispered Pomona Sprout to Poppy.

Hermione raised her hand. “Yes, Miss Granger?”

“How did these women find out about Hogwarts if they are Muggles?”

“Yes,” Minerva said sharply, narrowing her eyes at Albus.

“It would seem that Rita Skeeter has a second cousin named Rowlings and they are very close….”
rlinrlin save us,” muttered Severus.
****

Two days before the fiasco…

Severus panted as he rocked into her, pulling her hips to meet his deep thrusts. He heard the soft ruffle and sighed, speeding up his pace as he came. “Hermione…”

“Oh. That feels wonderful, Hun.”

Sighing, Severus pulled out and sat back on his heels, looking at the soft white rump of his forbidden student lover. “Couldn’t that wait?” he said irritably as Hermione flipped another page in the book she was reading.

“Sorry,” Hermione said, turning around to give him a brief hug. “But this will take some work. These women are paying a lot of money for this Mary Sue Potion. And I want it to be perfect.” She had invented a potion at the request of Andrian, who was in charge of putting the whole affair together. The potion would cast an illusion on the drinker changing their appearance into whatever perfect specimen of female humanity they imaged. The effect only lasted an hour.

Severus snorted. Damn foolishness. He sat up and picked up a cigarette. Hermione wrinkled her nose. “Must you? They do stink and make your teeth yellow and bad…”

“Bad for my health,” Severus said testily, crushing out the cigarette. He sighed.

“The Libido Potion will be ready in the morning?” she asked for the hundredth time that evening.

“Damn it woman,” he growled, picking up another cigarette and lighting, drawing a big drag from it. “I told you it would be. And I want you to destroy the rest after you use what you need. I shudder to think what would happen if it fell into the hands of an addle brained student.”

Hermione waved her hand at him as she rolled back over and began reading once more.

****

How it started…

Dec 30

Peeves floated through the lower hall grumbling. “Git. Telling Peeves Peeves is not allowed to be around when the Muggles are here. Peeves must stay away or Dumbledore will ban him. Peeves only wants to entertain the pretty ladies.” Disgruntled Peeves was not paying attention where he was going and floated through a wall and found himself in Professor Snape’s private lab. ‘Oh, Peeves is in trouble now,’ he thought. He started to leave but heard voices and couldn’t resist listening.

“Severus,” Hermione said irritably. “Would you please quit hanging over my shoulder? I know what I am doing.”

“I want to be sure that the Libido Potion is destroyed,” Severus growled.

Peeves heard the Head Girl snort. “Please, please go do something. You are making me nervous.” Hiding behind a rather large cauldron, Peeves watched as the Potions master swirled and stormed off. Hermione was stirring a cauldron,ing ing the sweat from her brow. “Finally,” she muttered. Picking up a beaker filled with pink liquid, she added a couple of drops. The cauldron bubbled and pink steam rose from it. She poured some of the potion from the cauldron into a goblet.

“Here goes nothing,” she said raising the goblet to her lips. Peeves was amazed to see the bushy haired, petite girl change into a tall, buxom blonde. She held up a mirror and laughed. “Severus has to see this,” she giggled, setting down the mirror and running out of the room.

Peeves floated over to the table and picked up the beaker holding the pink potion. He cackled wickedly. Since Peeves couldn’t entertain the ladies maybe the ladies could provide entertainment for Peeves.

****

The day finally arrives…

“Here they come!” shouted Dean Thomas as the carriages came up the lane. The Hogwarts staff and seventhrs trs that had volunteered were standing outside to welcome the Lord and Lady Snape entourage. The carriages rolled to a stop and a heavy set woman with fly away brown hair stepped out of the first one, her eyes wide as she approached Dumbledore.

“Welcome to Hogwarts,” Albus greeted her warmly.

“Thank you. I am Andrian,” she said, handing him a stack of papers. “I can’t tell you how delighted we are that we are to be here.”

“And we are delighted to host this foray,” Albus assured her.

Andrian beamed.

The Hogwarts crew watched curiously as around sixty women stepped out of the carriages, wearing black robes. Each had a large gaudy nametag pinned to the front, with their penname and a representation of the four Hogwarts houses.

“Look at that,” said Neville nervously to Seamus. “Most of them are Slytherin.”

“And they have wands,” Ron said in disbelief. “How come they have wands?”

“They are only joke items,” Hermione explained quietly. “Your brothers supplied them. They shoot out sparks or confetti. We thought they would be fun at the party tonight.”

The women gathered in a large group, smiling and looking intently at the Hogwarts crew.

“I was right,” hissed Rolanda to Poppy. “A bunch of fat cows!”

Pomona gave her a withering glare. “No offense,” Rolanda said hastily.

“Oh look. I think I see him!” shouted CrookshanksGirl.

“Where?” asked Potions Mistress.

“He’s trying to hide behind that tall, handsome bloke,” exclaimed Rhiannon.

“Hey, that’s Sirius Black, isn’t it? asked Idamae.

“Oh my,” gasped ScifiNut.

“Forget Black. Where’s Snape?” bellowed Snapesbbwlover.

“Forget Black?” Sirius huffed as Remus snickered.

“It would seem that the women are only interested in Severus,” Remus said handing Sirius a pamphlet adorned with bold black letters that said, ‘Celebrating One Million Hits at Lord and Lady Snape’. Sirius scanned it.

“Our site is dedicated to stories about the sexy Potions Master and his love Hermione’…Hermione?”

“Shhh,” Remus rebuked as Hermione looked back at them.

“If that greasy git has laid a hand on that girl…”

“Yes, Black?”

Sirius looked behind him to see Severus smirking at him. “Snivelus,” Sirius growled. “What kind of spell did you cast on these Muggles?”

“Perhaps these ladies know a real man when they see one,” Severus said quietly.

Remus pulled on Si’ ro’ robes. “Behave.”

Sirius turned back around seething. “We will see about that,” he muttered out the corner of his mouth as he followed the rest of the staff back inside.

****

After opening welcomes and speeches, and the awards for various stories, the women were divided into groups and escorted throughout the castle and grounds. Severus used the opportunity to slip away to his private quarters. It had unnerved him to see so many women in one room so openly lusting after him. Shuddering, he poured a glass of Firewhiskey and wished the night would pass quickly.

****

Lunch was a noisy affair. “I cannot believe that sixty women can make more noise than a thousand students,” Flitwick said in amusement.

“I can’t believe that they are so interested in Snape,” Sirius said grumpily.

Remus smiled. “Now Padfoot, I saw several of the ladies asking for your autograph.”

Sirius grinned.

“Of course, it was probably because they couldn’t find Severus,” Remus added, ducking as Sirius tossed an apple at him.

Severus was sittingthe the head table glaring. He had hoped to avoid lunch but Albus had sent Remus down to the dungeons to drag him to the Hall.

After the dessert was cleared, Andrian stood to make an announcement. “If you look at your schedule you will notice that there are several things happening this afternoon. First, you can go to the Quidditch pitch to watch a demonstration of Quidditch provided by the seventh year boys.”

“Go Draco!” yelled JoyousTrouble.

“Second, you may go to the lib and and read from the selected books Madame Pince has kindly set aside. Third, you may choose to take a boat ride on the lake and visit the giant squid. The main event will be at four, the question and answer session with Severus Snape and Hermione Granger.”

The room broke into applause at this.

“Then we will have supper and then prepare for the party this evening,” Andrian finished. “Everyone have fun and remember, do not go into the Forbidden st.”st.”

****

The question and answer session was held in the large Transfiguration classroom and it was standing room only. Elyse sat in the front seat, her sketchbook opened and pencils sharpened.

Andrian walked up to the front of the room. “Attention ladies. We need to get started. Let’s welcome our guests, Hermione Granger and Severus Snape.”

Severus entered looking sour with Hermione following, a big smile on her face. sto stood in front of the teacher’s desk.

“Thank you for taking the time to talk to us,” Andrian said. “All right, who has the first question?”

“Hermione, when did you realize you wanted to shag the Professor?” asked PotiMistMistress.

Hermione blushed and looked at Severus. “I have always thought he was an interesting man. I think it was during my sixth year I began wondering what was under his robes.”

“Speaking of that, boxer or briefs, Severus?” asked Karena Elizabeth.

“I am Snape, the Potions Master and I will not tolerate these juvenile, inane questions, “ he growled.

“Aw, come on,” chided LadyTuesday.

“Kaz!” Andrian rebuked sternly as Severus’ robes flew up over his head. The girl had run up to the front and jerked his robes up.

Severus scowled as he straightened his robes.

“Yes, ell.”

“This question is for Hermione. Do you think you will marry Severus?”

Hermione looked startled. “Why no. I hadn’t thought about it.”

“Another question.”

“Do you think you are suffering from Anti al Pal Personality Disorder due to the fact that your father treated you badly?” Fleable asked.

“My father,” Severus said coldly, “was no more than a biological donation.”

JestersTear was waving her hand madly. “How’s the sex? Is he as good as we think he is, Hermione?”

“Yes, but I’ve had a better orgasms with…”she slapped her hand over her mouth in horror. The room went silent. Severus looked as if he was about to cast an unforgivable.

”And just ‘who’ has given you a better orgasm, Miss Granger?” he asked icily.

“Not now,” she hissed.

“Oh, but what better than in front of all these would be Rita Skeeters?”.

“Hot Damn!” Jaya exclaimed loudly, her quill scribbling madly.

“Who was he?” Severus demanded quietly, the low timber sending a ripple of shivers around the room. Hermione said something so low that only those in the front row heard.

“What did she say?” shouted Daya from the back row.

“Dobby! She said Dobby!” screamed AlphaRyoko.

FlorenceWeaselySnape fainted.
ly Tly Toledo Batman!” gasped Tater Chip Girl.

.“Oh my!” Hayseed said in disbelief.

“How do you feel about that Severus?” asked Cat.

“That will end our session,” Andrian said quickly as Hermione ran out of the room. Severus looked at the women with disgust and left in a swirl of black robes.


****

The party….

The Great Hall was still buzzing with the news that Hermione Granger, Head Girl, Snape’s lover, had secretly been shagging Dobby.

“Unbelievable, simply unbelievable,” muttered Bambu.

Celeste shivered. “Those elves are so…it makes me sick.”

“Your attention, please,” Dumbledore said, his voice magnified by a Sonoras Charm. “Once again I welcome you to Hogwarts for this momentous occasion. We will begin the festivities by introducing you to the Minister of Magic, Cornelius Fudge.”

There was applause as the short man in purple robes stood.

“Thank you,” he said, beaming. “It is indeed a memorable occasion to have the halls of Hogwarts filled with such loveliness.” The women giggled. “I know everyone is anxious to begin the party, but first I would like to introduce the heroes of the war.”

“There were also five Hogwarts students that were given recognition,” Fudge said after an hour of introducing people. “Harry Potter the boy who defeated you-know-who.” The ladies stood and gave a thunderous accolade for a blushing Harry as he joined the group of people out front.

“Draco Malfoy.” Half the room stood this time.

“He is so handsome,” yelled Friendlyquark.

“Just a sweet, baby doll,” shouted Deeble.

Draco grinned and winked at the ladies before taking his place by Harry.

“Neville Longbottom.”

“Way to go Neville,” said ShannonSnape clapping loudly.

“Ronald Weasley.”

“Weasley is our Virgin King!” shouted Fred and George Weasley together. “Ripe for the picking ladies!”

Arthur Weasley slapped the twins on the back of the head. Ron turned as red as his hair as he hurried to the front, slipping behind the group.

“And Hermione Granger.”

The applause was muted as Hermione headed to the front her head held high.

“Hussy!” said Clair Snape.

“Give her a break,” chided Claudia.

Dumbldore held up his hands. “Let the festivities begin and welcome the band. The Weird Sisters!”

The music started as everyone began milling around. Most of the women had decided to take the Mary Sue Potion and the Hall was filled with sexy, drop dead gorgeous women.

Estrilda, Ysm, Alexial, Lavender, Jaya, Katya and Hermione_Snape were gathered around Tonks who was entertaining them by changing her features.

Argus Filch thought he had died and gone to heaven as a dozen women clamored around him. He had been working behind the scenes all day and it was the first time he had gotten to spend any time with the ‘ladies’. Corazon, Shem, MetaMuse, Violetsnape, Webmistress, Holden and several others were fighting for his attention.

Peeves, who was invisible, was quivering with delight as goblets were filled and passed around. It wouldn’t take long for the potion to take affect. And take affect it did. Women began to sweat and look longingly at their male partiers. Evangeline was the first to react, grabbing Gregory Goyle and kissing him thoroughly. That was all it took to break the ice.

Remus was seen running around the staff table as Cherrie, Zagzagael, Azrael and Tia vied for his attention. Teshara was dancing a slow dance with Flitwick, his nose buried in a most interesting place.

AprilGrey stood by the refreshment table sipping water. Though the other drinks appealed to her she was afraid she may have a reaction to something and didn’t want anything spoiling the night. Now she wished she had taken the MS Potion. The women who all looked beautiful and so self-confident. A wave of envy swept over her as she saw Sev kissing Filch. ‘Damn it’. She hadn’t been able to get near the man all night or any man for that matter except for a nice chat with Neville who was now snogging Amethyst. April jumped as she felt something brush against her legs. Lifting her robes she laughed as she saw a ginger haired cat twisting around her ankles. “Hello. And who are you?”

“That’s Crookshanks, Hermione’s cat,” Harry said. April looked up and saw Harry trying to carry several goblets of punch. He sat them down on the edge of the table. “He’s supposed to be shut up in her room. I will take him back.”

“No, that’s okay, “April said, glad for an excuse to leave the hall. “I know where her room is.” She picked up Crookshanks.
Crookshanks was twisting in her arms until he was in a position to knead her breast, purring loudly. “At least one male around here appreciates my fuller form,” she laughed as she entered Hermione’s bedroom.

“What the…?” She said shocked to see another ginger haired cat rising from the bed, his bottlebrush tail flaring. The cat in her arms squirmed and she dropped him. The two cats faced off for a minute and ApriApril watched in amazement as the cat she had been carrying began to grow and change. April gasped when Lucius Malfoy appeared where her Crookshanks had stood. “How did you do that?” She asked the tall man who was shaking his long, blonde hair.

“I was hexed, foolish Muggle,” he sneered, brushing the cat hair off his clothes. “To break the spell I had to come face to face with the creature I was transformed into.” His pale gray eyes flickered to look at her. “I suppose I owe you a debt of gratitude, he said with a smirk.

“No problem,” April said, warily edging to the door.

Lucius glided over until he was standing inches from her. He ran a gloved finger across her cheek. “A Malfoy doesn’t like owing anyone,” he whispered dangerously.

“You don’t…”his mouth swooped down on hers, claiming her lips roughly.

“Mr. Malfoy,” April panted as Lucius kissed down her throat his fingers unbuttoning her robes. “What are you doing?”

“Ravishing you, silly woman,” he mocked freeing a plump breast from her beige bra. His fingers teased the nipple.

“Thought so,” April moaned, tugging on his clothes. She felt his erection brush against her hand as she undid his trousers. “Oh my. Something wicked this way comes.”
****

Rilla ran as fast as she could up the stairs, past snogging couples. She paused once when she heard a scream coming from behind an ajar door. Cautiously she peeked in, just in case someone was in trouble. Quickly shemmedmmed the door and resumed her trek. ‘So Fervesco is a screamer,’ Rilla thought as she tried to push the image of Fervesco riding Seamus hard out of her mind. That was the last she needed to think about feeling the lust coursing through her veins. Finally she reached her destination. Hurriedly, she slipped inside and breathed a sigh of relief.

“What are you doing in my bathroom?” demanded a high, whiny voice.

“Hello,” Rilla said congenially. “You must be Moaning Myrtle.”

“You are another one of those Muggles,” the ghost sniffed. “Came to make fun of poor Myrtle too? The other one claimed she was Moaning Myrtle. Just poking fun at me.” The ghost’s face screwed up.

“Oh no,” Rilla said quickly. “I just want to hide in here for a while if you don’t mind.”

“I do mind. But maybe I will let you if you tell me what you are hiding from.”

Rilla blushed. “Well, it seems that I am horny…”

“Yes?” Myrtle said with interest.

“And I can’t seem to control it and I am afraid.”

“Afraid of what?” Myrtle asked skeptically. “If you want a shag you won’t find it in here.”

“That’s just the point. I am afraid to shag.”

“Why?” Myrtle asked her curiosity peaked.

“Because I am afraid of getting pregnant,” Rilla wailed. “You see, I am a fertile Myrtle!”

****

Lorena put her hand over her mouth, half in amusement, half in embarrassment. She loved reading all the wonderful smut stories about the Hogwarts individuals but to be seeing it played out all around her, well, that was a different story. Heck, she didn’t even write lemons. She gaped slightly as she passed by Stellar Snape doing a dirty dance with Percy Weasley. Who would have thought that uptight man could dance like that? Lorena was very hard pressed not to giggle at Heather who was moaning in pleasure as Vincent Crabbe, who was kneeling on the floor in front of the seated woman, sucked on her toes.

Slipping out of the castle, she wanted to get some fresh air before she, too, threw caution to the winds and tried to find someone to snog. Her head was buzzing slightly and a warm, fuzzy feeling flowed through her. Turning the corner of the castle she ran into something solid. “Excuse me,” she apologized as she felt firm hands grip her arms to keep her from tripping over the hem of the robes.

“No harm done,” said a strong masculine voice. She looked up into the bemused face of Bill Weasley. “I am Bill Weasley.”

“I knoLoreLorena said. “And I am LorenaSnape.”

“Snape? A relative of Severus? I thought you were one of the participants.”

“I am,” Lorena laughed. “just my pen name.”

Bill led her down to the lake and around the forest near Hagrid’s hut. He stopped outside the door. “I know Hagrid is gone but I still can hear him rummaging around in there,” he said wistfully. “I wish you could have met him. He and Olympe were suppose to be here tonight, but she is expecting their first child and the healers told her not to travel much.”

“Wow!” said Lorena. “That’s wonderful, not about Hagrid not being here, but I am happy for them.”

“Me too,” Bill said with a grin. “Would you like to see inside?”

“Yes,” Lorena agreed.

Bill pushed opened the door and stepped back for Lorena to enter first. She stepped into the large domed hut and looked around amazed. Oversized furniture was crammed into the small structure. The bed alone looked as if it could sleep the whole Weasley family and still have room to spare. “Sirius keeps it like Hagrid left it,” Bill explained. “He spends most of his time at the castle anyways.”

Walking over to the bed, he sat down and watched Lorena as she stared wide-eyed at a large dragon’s skull mounted on the wall. “I would hate to meet something like that in the flesh,” she laughed.

“I have,” Bill said, smiling.

“Oh, were you scared?” Lorena asked sitting down beside him.

“Very. It was a black dragon and Charlie thought it would be fun to have me meet one alone…” Bill said telling her about the summer he had spent with Charlie in Romania during his seventh year.

Lorena listened intently, loving how his voice changed with emotion. ‘He is a very good storyteller’ she thought not realizing that he had his arm around her until a few minutes later. A shiver ran down he his his hand on her arm began caressing her. She looked up and saw him staring at ha dea devilish smile on his lips. “You are very beautiful,” he whispered.

“Thanks,” she said shyly.

Bill laughed. “Do I make you nervous?” he asked, his face drawing nearer to hers.

“No…yes…a little.”

“Would I scare you off if I told you I want to tear your knickers off and bury my face in your sweet sex?” he asked, his breath brushing her cheek.

Lorena swallowed hard. “No,” she squeaked.

Bill laughed again before kissing her, lowering her back on the bed. Lorena laid back on swearing she was dreaming as Bill’s tongue explored her mouth and his hands explored her body. When her knickers had disappeared and Bills’ mouth had found her wet folds she no longer cared if it were a dream or not.

Lorena was in heaven as Bill expertly licked and sucked on her nub, his fingers driving her mad as he dipped one, then two, then three inside her. She gripped his hair urging him faster when the door opened and two people came in. They were entangled in each other’s arms snogging madly and it was hard to tell who was who. Bill stopped and looked at them in mild irritation.

“Charlie,” he said, rising up to cover Lorena with his body to hide her nakedness.

Charlie looked at Bill, startled. “Sorry, mate,” he said untangling himself from Valenque. “Seems we both had the same idea.”

The brothers looked at each other a moment, then grinned. “If Lorena doesn’t mind…”

“And you, Valenque,” added Charlie.

“Hagrid’s bed is big enough,” said Bill.

Lorena blushed but was interested. “I don’t mind if she doesn’t.”

Valenque laughed. “The more the merrier.”

Charlie and Valenque climbed into bed as Bill moved down Lorena’s body once more. “Where was I?” he teased before his tongue laved her.

****

“Oh bother, bother, bother, bother!”

LeoGryffin was just coming out of the loo when she heard someone grumbling in an empty classroom across the hall. Entering the darkened classroom she saw Arthur Weasley pacing back and forth in a patch of moonlight flooding the room through the high window.

“Mr. Weasley?” she asked tentatively. “Something wrong?”

Arthur’s head jerked up and he took off his glasses. “Hello miss,” he said, his voice sounding strained. “Nothing wrong,nks.nks.” Leo started to leave but noticed the man wringing his hands.

“Something is wrong, Mr. Weasley,” she said sympathetically, walking towards him. He turned away from her.

“You are very kind, but it’s nothing.” She heard his voice crack. Leo reached out a put a hand on his shoulder.

“I am a very good listener,” she urged.

Arthur turned to look at her and smiled a little. “Very well. But please call me Arthur.”

“Alright. And I am Leo.”

“Nice to meet you Miss Leo,” he said shaking her hand. She noticed that his hand shook slightly and was very sweaty.

Leo leaned against the desk and waited for him to speak. Mr. Weasley looked at her and then turned away from her once more. “I shouldn’t be saying this to you, but sometimes it is easier to talk to strangers.”

“I understand,” Leo encouraged.

“Molly and I had a terribly row earlier this evening. That is why she didn’t come with me tonight.”

“Oh, I am sorry.”

Arthur shook his head. “It is the same old thing. Well, you know we have seven children and Molly…she has been afraid that we would have more…so we haven’t had relations since Ginny was born.”

Leo was shocked and couldn’t keep from blurting out, “But that was sixteen years ago.”

“Exactly. I dealt with it until, well, until tonight. I don’t know what it is…”

“I think I do,” Leo said, squirming a little. She, too, felt the effects of lust coursing through her. “It would seem that the punch was spiked with something akin to an aphrodisiac.”

Arthur looked at her, now curious. “That would explain it,” he sighed. She noticed that he seemed to be sweating profusely.

“Yes,” Leo said feeling nervously. He was looking at her like a starved animal. She stood up.

“I have tried,” he said miserably, moving closer to her. “I stood in a cold shower, masturbated, ran around the castle several times…”

“It didn’t help?” she asked edging back.

“No.” He sounded so forlorn. Suddenly, Leo found herself in his embrace, his lips sliding across her as he fumbled to unlatch her robes. She shoved on his arms until he stopped.

“Mr. Weasley!” she gasped, thoroughly shocked. “I am a married woman!”

“It’s okay,” he said panting, running his tongue down her neck. “I am a married man.”

Leo started to point out that was exactly the reason why they couldn’t, but at that moment his hand had slipped inside her already damp knickers and he started stroking her. ‘Why the heck not?’ she thought as she slipped her arms around his neck.

****

Shiv5468 was watching the party with intt. Kt. Kingsley was dancing with GrrArrg.
Dean and ShagsTheDustMop were snogging near the refreshment table. Zephyr, Aoibheann and Campy Capybara walked by deep in discussion.

“Alan Rickman is the best choice for Snape,” said Zephyr fervently.

“I still say that Jeremy Irons’ performance is unequalled,” Aoibheann disagreed.

“Rickman has my vote,” piped up Campy Capybara Smiling, Shiv started to head out on the dance floor as the Weird Sisters started playing a fast paced tune when a hand was clamped over her mouth and all went dark. She struggled against hands that gripped her arms and pulled her along. In a few minutes she felt cool air and she could see once more. She looked into the face of a grinning Weasley twin.

“How dare you!” she sputtered, furious about being scared like that.

“Hold on,” said the Weasley and Shiv gaped in horror ae ree realized she was sitting sidesaddle on a broom about five feet from the ground. With a blinding speed they were up in the air and Shiv screamed.

In minutes they were descending towards the ground. When they touched down, Shiv rolled onto the soft sod, thankful it was over. She stood up angrier than ever and saw that they were on the Quiddith pitch. The other Weasley twin was landing now.

“What is the meaning of this?” she shouted at them.

“Don’t get your knickers in a wad,” said the twin who had just landed. “I am Fred and that’s George.”

“I know who you are,” she snapped.

“Really? We wouldn’t have guessed,” said George bitterly.

“What’s that suppose to mean?”

“It’s like this. We are quite put out,” said Fred.

“Why?” Shiv asked, her anger fading.

“Because of you and all the rest of those women. All you write about is Snape,” said George huffily.

“The greasy git,” Fred muttered.

“And Filch. I mean really, woman, what do you see in those decrepit ugly men?”

Shiv frowned. “So you picked me to complain to? Why not just tell everyone how you feel?”

“We plan to,” said Fred with a smile. “You weren’t busy so we thought we would start with you.”

“You see we want a chance to earn our place,” said George smiling also.

“Stories you know, about us as sex gods,” Fred said, George nodding in agreement.

Shiv laughed. “Why should I write about you two?”

“Thought you might say that,” said George.

“Guess we will have to show her,” said Fred.

Shiv looked at them and tried not to giggle. “Oh dear. You can’t be serious,” she said as the twins advanced on her.

“Dead serious,” said George.

“Nothing here to joke about,” said Fred, wrapping an arm around her waist as George did the same.

Shiv grinned. “And just how don ton to show me?” she asked coyly as they steered her towards the changing rooms.

“Ever heard of a Weasley sandwich?” asked George.

“Once you try it, you wont be satisfied with any other kind,” teased Fred.

****

Ron sat on a rock by the lake tossing pieces of bread to the giant squid. “Stupid gits,” he snarled. “Why don’t they just take out an advertisement in the Daily Prophet. ‘Ron Weasley, seventeen, virgin. Any takers?’”

He tossed the rest of the bread to the squid. “I mean, is it so horrible to a virgin?”

“Not at all.”

Ron looked at the squid in disbelief. “Blimey. Did you…?” he heard soft laughter behind him. Turning his head, he saw a woman drawing closer.

She sat down beside him. “There is nothing wrong in being a virgin, Ron,” she said softly.

Blushing, Ron looked at her name badge. “Metamuse?” She nodded.

“Fred and George think there is.”

“Your opinion is the only one that counts.”

“I want to do it, but I just…haven’t had the chance,” he admitted, turning redder. “The girls at school seem to know more than I do and it sorta scares me.”

“Maybe you need someone who is older and patient,” she suggested.

Ron looked at her and noticed her sly smile. “Are you offering?” he gulped.

“Yes, I do believe I am.”

****

Remus had finally shaken off his pursuers and was having a lovely conversation in the Entranceway with Wendynat. The girl was charming and he was becoming vwarmwarm.

“So, do you girls like it doggy style?” A loud, familiar voice said, interrupting their conversation. Remus blushed. Wendy looked behind her and saw Sirius walking towards them, his arm around Reitiniting Hood and another around Maddy Riddle. Deb and Bellatrix following close, giggling. “Hey, Moony!” Sirius said rather too loudly. Wendy could smell the alcohol as he drew nearer. “Want to join us?”

Remus gave Wendy an apologetic look. “I am just fine where I am thanks.”

“Your loss,” Sirius grinned, turning to kiss Maddy. “Come along ladies. We shall see what we can find to do.”

“Sorry about that,” Remus sighed.

“It’s alright,” Wendy said sincerely, smiling at him.

“I was going to ask you if you wanted to take a walk on the grounds, but after that I am afraid you might think I had an ulterior motive.”

Wendy blushed. “I would like to take that walk with you, Remus.”

He smiled and offered her his arm. “And Remus,” she said softly.

“Yes?”

“I wouldn’t mind if you did have an ulterior motive in mind.”

He looked slightly taken aback before a wolfish grin crossed his face. “Indeed.”

****

Minerva slammed the door to her private rooms so hard that a vase on the tall bookshelf toppled, splintering as it hit the floor.

“What is troubling you, Minerva?” asked a soft, tenor voice.

“That old fool!” she raged, tossing her pointed hat on a table. “Do you know what is going on downstairs?”

“Yes. The other portraits have informed me. I told you that one day that Muggle lover would turn Hogwarts over to them. Such debauchery,” the soft voice hissed.

Minerva sighed heavily. “It isn’t that, it’s just I feel so damn old and ugly.”

“You are not ugly, my darling. And as far as being old, you are like fine wine. You grow more fragrant and luxurious with age.”

Smiling, she turned to look at the portrait of Tom Riddle. He had given it to her the day before he had left Hogwarts. The tall, dark haired eighteen year old gazed at her with a mixture of lust and admiration. No one, not even Dumbledore, knew that they had been lovers during his seventh year. “You always were a smooth talker, Tom,” she chided gently.

“Only for you, my love,” he said wistfully. “Now then, we need to get you to relax. Take off your robes, Minerva. Let me see your beautiful body.”

****

Irrational panted as she tried to keep up with LilyMalfoy. Darn wench. She had wrested her away from Madam Hooch only to have Lily take off crying ‘catch me if you can’. Ira had chased her through the lower hall and saw her duck into a side room. Ira opened the door, glad to have her cornered.

“Look what I found, Ira,” Lily giggled, pointing at a large bed draped in forest green and silver. In the middle of the bed were Harry and Draco. Harry pulled a sheet up to his chest, his cheeks red and Draco was kneeling beside him. Ira blinked and covered her mouth as she saw what Draco was wearing. He was dressed in a green leather bustier and matching green sheer knickers, complete with lace. Fishnet stockings were held up with green garters and she saw a pair of black leather pumps at the edge of the bed.

“Get the hell out of here,” Draco roared, standing.

Ira coughed. “It’s hard to take someone in a bustier and fishnets seriously.”

“Ah Ira,” Lily hiccupped. “He’s sooooo cute! And you should see the size of Harry’s weiner.”

Harry made a coughing noise and pulled the sheet up higher. Lily staggered towards the bed, removing her robe as she went.

“Who invited you to stay?” Draco asked in a whiny voice, crossing his arms across his chest. Lily’s bra followed her robes to the floor. As she bent to pull off her knickers, she fell, landing on her knees in front of Draco.

“Oh, look what we have here,” she said, grasping his cock through the sheer green pants. Before Draco could open his mouth, Lily had freed his stiffening member and wrapped her lips around it. Draco looked shocked and then shrugged his shoulders, grinning. Ira glared at Lily.

“Well, that’s a fine cup of tea,” Harry said testily. His and Ira’s eyes met. “Do you fancy girls?” she asked.

“Don’t know,” Harry said blushing.

“You are about to find out, “ Ira’s eyes sparkled as she shed her robes and jumped on the bed.

****

Meanwhile, the catfight around Filch had finally played itself out when one of the women had stripped her robes off. She was wearing a purple bra and panty set with Filch’s name embroidered in bright yellow. Chuckling, he grabbed her.

“He’s mine! All mine!” shouted Corazon as Filch swept her up in his arms. “Eat your hearts out girls!” she called smugly as Filch carried her out of the hall.

****

Shem walked sullenly out of the hall and up the stairs. She kept walking until she stood outside the large gryffins in front of Dumbledore’s office. The door opened and she jumped.

“Come on up,” boomed a voice. Curious, she stepped on the revolving staircase. Opening the door at the top of the stairs, she saw Albus waiting for her.

“Welcome to my office, Shem.”

“Thank you.”

“Why are you so disappointed?” he asked, though he already knew.

Shem shrugged. “Just lost a bet,” she said, nonchalantly looking around the room at the silver instruments.

“Argus is a fool,” he said smugly.

She turned to look at him, her mouth agape. “You do know everything that goes on around here?”

“Not everything. Lemon drop?” Albus asked her, his eyes twinkling.

“Why the hell not?” Shem muttered, still angry over Corazon snagging Filch. She popped the candy in her mouth and began sucking. It only took a matter of seconds before she felt the sensation flowing through her. “Oh my,” she gasped looking at Dumbledore in disbelief. “These things are laced with Ecstasy.”

“Shh, don’t tell anyone,” he said with a small laugh. “Actually it is similar to that Muggle drug but made by wizards. Quite illegal. But it helps me relax,” Albus said winking at her, “and gives one a terrific hard on.”

Shem looked at him in disbelief and then grinned impishly. “Reall
“
“See for yourself.”

“Oh, I will,” she laughed, dropping to her knees and crawling under Dumbledore’s robes. He popped another lemon drop, his eyes twinkling more than normal.

****

Severus stood on the Astronomy tower, smoking a cigarette. His mood was dark and he prayed no one would come across his path. Hermione’s revelation had humiliated him and he was eager to lash out and hurt. ‘Damn them all’, he thought bitterly. Reluctantly he had admitted he was glad things had turned out the way they had. He had planned on asking Hermione to marry him. At least he had avoided that horrendous mistake.

“Professor Snape?”

Grimacing, Severus looked behind him. One of those ‘women’ had found him. She was a tall blonde, but he could tell she had not taken the MS Potion. After Hermione had shown him the results of the potion he could now see through it.

“Are you having a fag?” the woman asked.

Glowering at her, Severus blew smoke in her direction. If she was going to tell him that smoking was bad for his health, well, he hadn’t forgotten the Cruciatus.

“Was wondering if I could bum one?”

Severus blinked and offered her a cigarette, lighting it with the end of his wand. The woman puffed on it. “Thanks, I was going nutters.”

“You are welcome,” he said smoothly trying to read the ridiculous name badge. “Ozratbag…2?”

Oz laughed and held out her hand. “The name’s Ann.”

He gripped her hand quickly and released it. “Oz in reference of Australia?”

“Exactly,” Ann said with a small smile.

They stood there in silence as Ann finished the cigarette. “I will leave you to your thoughts,” she said softly. “I imagine we have made complete asses of ourselves today and you would rather not see me.”

Surprised, Severus studied her a moment. She was sincere. “You may stay,” he said quietly. “Tell me about your homeland.”

Ann spoke enthusiastically about Australia. Soon they were discussing her work, his potions and how Muggle chemistry could easily work with potions. Severus took off his cloak and wrapped it around her shoulders when she started shivering.

“Thank you,” Ann said shyly.

Severus looked at the tall, blonde woman. He found her height a breath of fresh air after all the back breaking times he had to bend almost in half to kiss Hermione. Not even aware of it, he leaned in and kissed her, questioningly at first and when she returned the kiss he gathered her in his arms.

His hands slipped under the cloak, cupping a breast as he bit on her neck. “Come with me to the dungeons,” he purred.

“I…sir…you are moving a bit too fast,” squeaked Oz breathlessly.

“You are only here for one night, silly woman,” he growled, capturing her lips once more.

****

The Incident…

Minerva walked back to the Great Hall a soft smile of her face, feeling relaxed. Tom always could talk her through anything. She didn’t pay much attention to the snogging and often time shagging couples grouped in corners. Pulling out her wand, she lit a couple of candles that had flickered out.

“Help!” cried Dryade running toward Minerva.

Minerva looked at the young woman with concern. “What’s the matter, child?”

“He, he’s trying to…oh gods…here he comes.” Before Minerva could register what was happening, Dyrade grabbed her wand hand and closed her fingers over the wooden shaft. “Abracadabra!” Dyrade shouted, pointing the wand at a flushed looking Cornelius Fudge who was running towards the girl, his robes open and his cock bobbing. There was a flash of light and sitting where Fudge had been a moment before was a round, orange pumpkin.

“Cool,” said Gina R Snape, who was sitting in Mad Eye Moody’s lap and sharing his flask. “I like the part where he stops moving.” Moody laughed and passed the flask.

“What have you done?” shouted Percy Weasley hurrying over to scoop the pumpkin up, caressing it lovingly. “Oh Corny, love, what did she do to you?” he sobbed.

Minerva stood there in shock as the clock struck twelve. ‘Oh dear’ she thought. Midnight on the cusp of a new year. No wonder the girl had transfigured Fudge. All Muggles could create magic for the twelve seconds between the years. It had been a secret that the Wizarding community was dreadfully afraid of. She shook her head sadly as she stared at the pumpkin. Only the one who cast the spell had the power to reverse it and that would have to wait for another 365 days.

Putting an arm around Percy, she led him out of the hall. He held onto the pumpkin like his life depended on it.

****

The day after….

Lorena woke up tangled in the middle of the bed. Charlie had one heavy thigh thrown over her and Bill had an arm around her. It took her a moment to remember the foursome that had taken place last night and she blushed. There was a loud crack and all four bed partners sat up, looking around. With a loud crash, Hagrid’s bed broke.

****

Corazon sighed contently as Filch brought her coffee. He still was wearing the dog collar. “Good boy,” she said, lightly flicking the cat o’ nine tails.

****
AprilGrey stretched languidly, feeling like the cat that got the cream. ‘And what cream’ she thought smugly looking at the man snoring beside her, hungry for more cream before her coffee.

****
Ron hadn’t been able to sleep a wink. The big grin on his face wouldn’t go away. ‘Yes’ he thought, hugging himself. ‘No longer the Virgin King!’

****
Shiv was sore in places she didn’t know could hurt. George and Fred had never gotten around to ‘talking’ to any other of the women, but she wasn’t complaining. Laughing, she kissed each of the sleeping twins on the cheek.

****

Ira awoke feeling like she had cotton in her mouth. Lily was draped over her wearing Draco’s bustier. y any and Draco were spooned together, Harry hand holding Draco’s ‘gingerbread’. She felt giddy. Harry had found out he ‘definitely’ liked women as much as

****

“Good morning, beautiful lady,” Remus said shyly, handing Wendy a rose. Wendy smiled and caressed his cheek.

****
Leo groaned at the crick in her neck from sleeping on top of the desk. Arthur had already left. She picked up a piece of parchment lying on the desk.

“Leo,

You will never know how much I appreciated last night. You are truly an amazing woman.

Best Regards,

Arthur Weasley

PS Please don’t tell Molly”

Crumpling the note, she threw it across the room.

**
Du
Dumbledore was still sitting in his chair behind his desk with Shem asleep at his feet. He popped a lemon drop wondering if he could arrange for the ladies to return during the Spring Break.

****

Holding an ice pack on his prick, Sirius grinned as he looked around at the naked sleeping women in his room. “Top that Snivelus,” he said with triumph.

****
Severus woke feeling more relaxed than he had in a long time. He turned to his side to gaze at the woman sleeping beside him.

She had made him feel as if he were the best lover in the world. With every touch she had shivered or whimpered, hungry and eager for him. Though shy at first, he had led her into pleasures that he had denied himself with Hermione.

“Good morning,” he said softly, kissing her gently.

“I thought I was having a delicious dream,” Ann said huskily, a smile on her face as she ran a finger down his chest.

“Does this feel like a dream?” Severus growled, shifting until he was on top of her, his hard cock brushing against her thigh. She grinned and opened her legs, allowing him to slide in. They both sighed as their bodies joined. Their lovemaking was slow and languid, each exploring the sensations.

Severus lit a cigarette and passed it to Ann. “You are leaving today,” he said matter of factly.

“Yes,” she said with a hint of sadness. “Have to get back to the real world.”

“This is a real world, Ann,” he said, his voice barely a whisper. “And you could stay in it if you choose.”

She sat up quickly and stared at him. What was he saying?

“I am not asking you to stay just for me, though it is a bonus, but for yourself. I could arrange a way for you to travel to your homeland and back quickly. You could visit as often as you would like to.”

Ann looked at him in wonderment. “I thought this was just a fantasy. You…want to see me again?”

“Most assuredly,” he said silkily. “I understand if you chose not to. I am just coming out of a relationship.”

She couldn’t believe it. She had just had the most wonderful, passionate night of her life and had assumed it was a one-night stand. Now Severus, that dark sexy man, was asking to see her again. How could she resist?

“I would like that very much,” she said, feeling very happy. Severus smiled.

****

Albus finished reading the report Percy Weasley had written about the events leading up to Fudge’s transformation. It was far removed from what had happened in the Great Hall that night. “Still covering your tracks aren’t you, Cornelius,” Albus chuckled as he signed the report. He walked over to the window and saw Severus walking towards the gates heading to Hogsmeade again. It warmed Albus’ heart to see the man at such ease for a change.

Sitting back down, he, popped a lemon drop and thought of Shem. Yes, the New Year’s something had been one of the most entertaining he had ever witnessed at Hogwarts.