Unrequited Ruin

Something His


Remus sighed, letting the hot water run over his body, sharp ears catching every minute trickle of it making its way down the drain at his feet. It was another shitty hotel in another shitty town, but he stayed where he could afford to stay and, right now, this was the best he could do. At least it was fairly clean. He\'d seen worse. This was practically a five-star compared to some of his past residences. Besides, it was only for a week.

Sighing, he leaned back against the wall and closed his eyes. Shit hole or not, at least it came with the comforts of a shower. Granted it was a rather small shower, but it was a shower none the less. Currently he was thankfully for the little things. Washing away the filth of the day was a relief. Today\'s task had been an infestation of vampires. They were feeding on the townsfolk. So in came Remus Lupin, the monster hunting werewolf, to take care of it. His job was probably about as crumby as his hotel room.

With a scowl, he turned the water up to pound on him, practically burning his fair skin, the unmarred flesh standing out red against the pale scars riddling it. All he wanted to do was stop thinking. He needed to relax for two seconds. That was it. His brain needed to stop working, or at least focus on something that didn\'t involve anyg asg as depressing as a job.

What was he doing this week? There was a thought. Once he was out of this place, where was he going? It would be the week before full moon. He could already feel it taking its toll on him. The wolf was closer to the forefront of his mind, which bothered him tremendously. Whenever he felt the wolf stronger, he felt as if his control was slipping. But what was he doing next week?

James and Lily had invited him to their home continually, but he had never taken them up on the offer. Hadn\'t they said something about coming over for the week and spending the full moon with friends? Lily had mentioned something about maybe inviting Peter over for dinner, and Sirius was always showing up everywhere unexpected. There was little hope of actually getting in touch with him unless it was either an emergence or he got in touch with you first.

Oh for Merlin\'s sake! He\'d done it again! Why did he always end up thinking about that damned Sirius Black? It caused nothing but trouble. Truth be told, it had never caused anything but trouble. From the moment Remus had really become aware of the rough boy\'s beauty during their time at Hogwarts, situations had been nothing that could be remotely considered favorable. So from the middle of their fourth year on to the present day, two months after graduation, he had harbored a mostly secret yearning for his dog star. The reason he had to think of it as mostly secret was because there was one person at least who knew that those flings he and Sirius had had their sixth and seventh years hadn\'t just been flings to him. Lily knew.

But he was lost in images of the black haired man. He was caught up in it now, and he couldn\'t get out. Memories of Sirius\' mischievous grin sprang to mind first, but the feral glint in the eyes above it soon carried Remus\' memories away. Hot as the water on his flesh, he could feel Sirius against him again. The senses of a werewolf run higher than that of any other man, and the wolf remembers by that course. The scent of the man he so longed to take hold of filled his nostrils. His memory played its tricks, and the water became hands, lips, tongues, a dozen different encounters combined to make one. Steam became moist breath on his throat, head back against the shower wall, resting in the corner.

He rolled his shoulders in, pressing himself back into the crevice, gripping himself tightly. His hand moved desperately, his mind telling him that it wasn\'t his hand but that of his dream lover, his dog star, his Sirius. The wolf\'s predatory instinct emphasized the possession of the thought - his Sirius. With a growl, he stroked himself harder, faster, drawing out his own whimpers and moans, feeling instead the larger, rougher hand of the man who inhabited his darkest fantasies. That lust deepened voice was in his ear, muttering to him, murmuring expressions of love that would never be true. It was only a dream, only one night, and no matter what was said or done Remus would always know that it was always a singular night and never did one assure that there would be another. But what did he care? What did it matter? Those hot, wet fingers caressing him, that burning tongue lapping at his skin, they belonged to his Sirius. And no matter who else had the man, the possession would still remain.

There was a final flash of memory, Sirius grinning that seductive grin of his, the same one that had lured Remus into the other man\'s bed so many times against his better judgement. And with that Remus came, shuddering and giving a sharp whimper. He kept his head back, still pressed into the corner, and placed his hands against the walls, palms pressing hard against linoleum in an attempt to keep his feet for slipping out from under him. The feel, the smell, the sound - they were all still surrounding him, enveloping him. But he knew when he opened his eyes that there would be no one there, and he was right. This shitty little hole-in-the-wall hotel room was his and his alone. Heavens knew where Sirius could possibly be at that very moment. All Remus knew was that, where ever he was, Sirius was surely not thinking of the werewolf as the beast was thinking of him.

And as he shut off the water and stepped out, grabbing a towel, Remus wished as he had for so long that his unrequited love might, someday, recieve what it tortures sos soul to seek: something that was altogether his.