Merry Christmas, Sirius & James!

Title: Merry Christmas, Sirius & James!  

Author: Prongs (Padfoot79)

Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns all things \'Harry Potter.\'

Dedicat To To all of the members of the SiriusXJames group!

A/N: This is the holiday story for the SiriusXJames Group.  The members voted in several polls to determine what this story would be about.  

The first poll determined that this will take place in either the boys\' 6th or 7th year.  (I have decided to make it take place in their 7th year).  

In the second poll, the members decided that Sirius and James would become a couple over the holidays.  So, when this story begins, they are not already a couple.

According to the results of the third poll, this story needs to have angst, which will lead to comfort and eventually to fluff and smut.

The fourth poll had a long list of things that could possibly happen in the story.  Members could vote for as many as they wanted to.  I am only using the top five, though.  Here they are:

1) Sirius wears tight black pants.

2) Sirius wears eyeliner.

3) James comforts Sirius after Sirius has a nightmare.

4) James almost falls down a flight of stairs, but Sirius catches him.

5) Someone else happens to like Sirius, too.

I hope you enjoy the story!  Happy Holidays, Everyone!!!

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~*~

\"Are you all packed?\" James asked from across the room.

Sirius studied James for several moments before answering.  \"I think so,\" he finally replied numbly.  

James put down his broom and walked over to his best friend.  He sat down next to Sirius on the bed and gently rubbed his hand up and down Sirius\' back.  

\"Siri, are you all right?  You seem awfully quiet and distant, you know.\"

\"Am I not allowed to be quiet and distant?\" Sirius asked.

James sighed, \"It\'s so unlike you.  You\'re usually so loud and full of energy.  Do you think you\'re getting sick?\"

Sirius shook his head.  

\"Do you want to talk about it?\"

Sirius shook his head again.

James removed his hand from his friend\'s back and stood up.  \"I\'m always here to listen to you.  You know that, right?\"

\"Yes, James.  I know.\"

James smiled encouragingly at his best friend and then returned to his packing.  Sirius just watched James with a saddened expression on his face.

~*~*~(Later that day at the Potter house)~*~*~

 

\"Thank you so much for letting me stay here,\" Sirius said to James\' mother.  \"I really appreciate it.\"

Mrs. Potter smiled warmly at Sirius.  \"We wouldn\'t have you go anywhere else, dear,\" she replied.  

\"Well, thank you,\" Sirius said again.  \"I think I\'m going to go to bed now.  I feel exhausted for some reason.\"

Mrs. Potter looked surprised, but she did her best to hide it.  \"Certainly.  I hope you sleep well.\"

\"I\'m sure I will.  Please tell James where I am.\"

\"Of course.\"

Sirius sighed and walked out of the kitchen.  He hurried upstairs and into his room.  After closing the door softly behind him, he made his way over to the large window.  The shades were not yet drawn, so Sirius sat in front of the window and looked out at the night sky.

Eventually, he drifted off to sleep…

~~~

\"Sirius, why don\'t you just leave?  Go away somewhere or something.  We don\'t want you here.  We never have.  Right, mother?\"

Mrs. Black bitterly nodded her head.  \"You\'ve never done anything right, Sirius.  You\'re a disgrace to this family.\"

\"Just because I don\'t see things the way you do?\" Sirius asked, folding his arms across his chest.  \"You only hate me because I\'m different than you.\"

Sirius\' mother walked over closer to her son and put her hands on her hips.  \"You were a mistake, you ungrateful git.  We never wanted you.  Nobody will ever want you.  Why don\'t you take your brother\'s advice?\"

Sirius glared at his brother and then looked towards his mother again.

\"In other words, leave.  Forever!\" Mrs. Black exclaimed.

\"What\'s going on in here?\" Mr. Black asked gruffly as he entered the living room.  

\"We were just discussing how much we can\'t stand Sirius,\" Regulus commented with an evil grin.

Mr. Black nodded in agreement.  \"You\'re good for nothing, Sirius.  You\'re never going to amount to anything.  Your brother, however, is a perfect example of a wonderful pureblooded wizard.\"  Mr. Black looked proudly at Regulus.

Sirius shook his head and turned around to leave the room.  However, he was stopped by his father.  

\"Do not leave without my permission!\" Mr. Black yelled as he grabbed Sirius\' wrist and twisted it.  \"You pathetic, rotten-\"

~~~

Sirius awoke with a start.  His heart was pounding fast as he looked around the room nervously.  When he realized he was at James\' house, he immediately calmed down.  After waiting several moments to catch his breath, Sirius got up from the large comfortable armchair in front of the window.  He forced himself to change his clothes and then he climbed into bed.  

However, Sirius barely slept at all.  Instead, he stared at the ceiling nearly the entire night.

~*~*~*~

The following morning, Sirius awoke before anyone else.  He took a shower and then made his way downstairs.  After scrounging around the kitchen for something to snack on, Sirius sat down on the sofa and waited for James to wake up.

Of course, seeing James was entirely too painful sometimes.  They had been best friends for nearly seven years now, but Sirius desperately wanted them to be much more than simply friends.  Sirius Black was indeed in love with his best friend, but he didn\'t have the courage to admit his true feelings to James.  

\"Lost in thought?\"

Sirius jumped slightly and looked up at James.  \"Guess so,\" he replied.  

\"Sleep well?\" James mumbled, walking into the kitchen.

\"Yeah,\" Sirius lied.  \"You?\"

\"Okay,\" James replied.  \"Look, Siri, are you sure you\'re all right?\"

Sirius nodded his head.  \"I\'m sorry I seemed kind of distant yesterday.  I think I was just tired.\"

James raised an eyebrow, but said nothing.

\"What\'re we doing today?\" Sirius asked, trying to change the subject.

\"I hadn\'t really thought about it that much,\" James said, yawning.  \"Any ideas?\"

\"We could go shopping,\" Sirius replied.  \"Remember a while back when I told you I would help you buy some new clothes?\"

James just stared at Sirius worriedly.

Sirius rolled his eyes.  \"You said you wanted some new clothes to impress someone.  Remember?\"

James\' eyes widened.  \"Yes.  I had forgotten you said you would help me.\"

\"Well, Prongs, I am always here to help you.\"

James grinned, \"Thanks, Padfoot.  Maybe it would be fun if we went out shopping today.  Just give me half an hour to get ready, okay?\"

\"No problem,\" Sirius replied.

As soon as James finished eating, both young men returned upstairs.  James went into the bathroom to take a quick shower, while Sirius returned to his own room.  

He once again sat down in the large chair opposite the window.  It pained Sirius to think about James liking someone else.  It hurt more than any abuse from his parents had ever hurt.  However, the idea of spending an entire day shopping with James made Sirius feel better.  He knew that he would never have James Potter\'s love, but at least he had his friendship.  

~*~*~*~

\"Are you trying those on?\" James asked, motioning to the tight black pants that Sirius was holding onto.

Sirius grinned.

James felt himself blushing and quickly made his way to a nearby rack of clothes.  He had no idea how he was going to contain himself seeing Sirius in pants like that.  James was madly in love with his best friend, and those bloody tight pants were not going to help matters at all.  In fact, they were going to make James\' situation much worse.  How on earth was he suppoto hto hide his true feelings when Sirius was walking around in pants that clung to his perfectly sculpted body?

James groaned and grabbed a sweater that was lying on the rack.  

\"I\'m going to try these on now,\" Sirius said, coming up behind James.  \"Do you want me to wait for you or are you finished out here?\"

\"Erm, you go ahead.  I\'ll meet you in there,\" James replied.

\"All right,\" Sirius mumbled as he walked over to the dressing room.  

James sighed as he watched his beautiful best friend.  Gods, the man was amazing.  If only James could tell Sirius how he really felt.  Naturally, he could never do that.  Even though Sirius was gay, he would probably be truly disgusted with his best friend lusting after him.

\"It\'s more than lust,\" James muttered as he threw the sweater back on the rack and grabbed another color.

\"Excuse me?\" the saleswoman across from James spoke quietly.

\"Nothing,\" James replied as he hurried into the dressing room.  Perhaps this entire shopping excursion was a rather large mistake.

As soon as James entered the dressing room, he saw Sirius looking into a large mirror.  James gulped when he realized that his best friend was wearing those incredibly tight black pants.

Sirius saw James in the mirror and smiled.  He turned around quickly.  \"Well, what do you think?  Are they too tight?\"

James bit his lip and tried to calm himself down quickly.  \"They look great,\" he finally said in what he hoped was a perfectly normal voice.

Sirius looked slightly crestfallen, but his expression quickly changed.  \"Thanks,\" he mumbled as he turned around to face the mirror again.

James nodded and hastily entered a small dressing room.  He hung the clothes up and sat down on the bench.  How on earth was he going to survive this entire vacation, let alone the shopping trip?  How long could he possibly go on without telling his best friend that he was madly in love with him?

\"James?  What did you bring in?  Does it fit?\" Sirius called.

James jerked his head up and grabbed a pair of jeans and a tight green sweater.  He quickly pulled them on and then stepped out of his dressing room.  Sirius was standing there holding onto the black pants and several shirts.  He was wearing his normal clothes again.

\"It\'s a bit tight,\" James said, motioning to the sweater.  \"I think the jeans fit okay, though.\"

Sirius smiled slightly.  \"I don\'t think the sweater is too tight,\" he remarked carefully.  \"The whole outfit looks good on you.  I think you should buy it.\"

\"Maybe I will,\" James replied as he returned inside and closed the door.

Sirius bit his lip and clutched the clothes in handsands tightly.  

~*~*~*~

Later that evening, the two Gryffindors were comparing their purchases.  

\"You bought make-up?\" James asked, surprised.  \"When did you do that?\"

\"While you were looking at shoes,\" Sirius replied.  \"I\'m not sure how it will look, though.\"

James attempted to appear nonchalant, \"Maybe you should go put some on.  See how you look.\"

Sirius shrugged his shoulders.  \"You wait here then.  And be honest when I come back.\"

James grinned, \"No problem, Siri.\"

While Sirius was in the bathroom applying his new make-up, James\' mother walked into the room.

\"Did you boys have a nice time shopping?\" she asked.

James nodded his head.

\"James?  Is everything okay?\"

\"Of course, mum.  Why do you ask?\"

\"You and Sirius both seem somewhat distracted,\" Mrs. Potter replied kindly.  \"It\'s almost as if you…\"

\"What?\" James prompted.

Mrs. Potter leaned in closer to her son and lowered her voice.  \"You have feelings for Sirius, don\'t Jam James?\"

James\' brown eyes widened as he stared at his mother.  Was he that obvious?  

\"I thought so,\" Mrs. Potter smiled.  \"How long have you felt this way?\"

\"A while,\" James admitted quietly.  \"Quite a while.  Several years in fact.\"

\"Have you ever said anything to him?\"

\"Mum!  Of course I haven\'t.  Merlin only knows what he would think of me.  I mean, he knows I\'m gay and all of that, but if he knew I wanted to be more than friends?  What if he didn\'t want to be with me at all after that?  I could ruin everything.\"

\"Is Sirius gay?\" Mrs. Potter asked.

\"Mum, lower your voice, plea" Ja" James begged quietly.  \"He could hear us.\"

\"James, sweetheart, he\'s in the bathroom down the hall.  I doubt he even knows we\'re carrying on a conversation.\"

\"When he leaves the bathroom and walks back to this room, he could hear us,\" James replied softly.  \"He can\'t possibly be gay.  Do you know how many of the girls at Hogwarts he\'s rumored to have been with?\"

\"Rumored,\" Mrs. Potter repeated.  \"Do you know for a fact that he has indeed been with them, James?\"

James shook his head.  \"I suppose not.  I\'m wary about bringing up relationships with him, mum.\"

\"I overheard you two talking earlier, though,\" Mrs. Potter said.  \"He said that-\"

\"Overheard or were eavesdropping?\" James asked with a smirk.

Mrs. Potter playfully swatted at her son.  \"As I was saying, I overheard Sirius say that he would help you pick out clothes to impress someone.\"

\"Oh that,\" James\' shoulders sagged and he studied the floor for several moments.  \"A few weeks ago, Peter was bugging us all about who we liked.  I didn\'t give a specific name, obviously, but I did admit to liking someone.  Sirius and Remus tried to figure out who I liked, but I didn\'t tell them.  Finally, to distract them, I made some comment about buying new clothes to impress the guy I liked.\"

Mrs. Potter nodded her head.  \"I see.\"

\"Please don\'t tell him, mum.  I can\'t risk losing his friendship.\"

\"I won\'t tell him, James.  However, I honestly think that you should.\"

\"Mum, I couldn\'t possibly do that,\" James hissed.  \"What if he-\"

\"I think he\'s gay,\" Mrs. Potter said.  \"I have a good eye for these things, and I have to say, I really think he\'s gay.\"

\"If he is, why do you think he hasn\'t told me before?\" James asked, almost looking hurt.

\"I don\'t know.  You would have to ask him that for yourself.\"

\"I can\'t do that.  And anyway, I doubt he\'s gay, mum.\"

\"Didn\'t he buy make-up?\"

\"That does make him gay.  He\'s just Sirius.  He\'s always doing things like that to try to rile people up,\" James said.

\"Maybe,\" Mrs. Potter spoke doubtfully.  \"I really do think you should be honest with him, though.\"

\"You already said that,\" James mumbled.

Mrs. Potter merely grinned tap tapped her fingers on the armrest of her chair.

\"What do you think?\" Sirius asked, walking into the room.  

James didn\'t know what to say.  And he really had no earthly idea what expression was on his face.  All he knew was that Sirius was wearing eyeliner and mascara, and it looked fabulous.  His long raven locks had been set free from the rubber band that had previously been holding them together.  He was wearing a tight long-sleeved silver shirt and his new black pants that clung to his body perfectly.  

\"I think you look lovely,\" Mrs. Potter said as she stood up.  \"Very beautiful in fact.\"  She walked over to Sirius and touched his hair for a moment.  \"I know I say this every time I see you, Sirius, but I always find myself so jealous of your hair.  No matter what I do to mine, it\'s never as soft as yours.\"

Sirius flashed his charming grin causing James\' mouth to water.

\"Thank you, Mrs. Potter.  However, as I always tell you, your hair looks fabulous.  I honestly believe it\'s just as soft as mine if not softer.\"

Mrs. Potter shook her head, obviously amused.  \"You know, Sirius, someday, you will make some lucky woman very happy.\"

Sirius bit his lip and started to speak, but he was interrupted by James\' mother.

\"Or perhaps I should say some man?\" Mrs. Potter suggested.

\"Mum!\" James yelled, standing up.  \"What are you-\"

\"She\'s right,\" Sirius said calmly.

\"I knew it!\" Mrs. Potter exclaimed.  She turned around and winked at her son.  \"Well, I do believe you boys have a lot to discuss right now.  I\'ll leave you to it.\"

James and Sirius watched Mrs. Potter leave the room and quietly close the door behind her.  

\"You\'re gay?\" James asked.  \"Why didn\'t you ever tell me?\"

\"Isn\'t it obvious?\" Sirius asked, gesturing to his outfit.

James shrugged his shoulders.  \"Well, I guess so, but…I mean, look at the rumors at school, Sirius.\"

\"That\'s just what they are-rumors,\" Sirius said as he sat down.  \"Look, James, I\'m sorry I didn\'t tell you.  I-\"

\"Does Remus know?\"

Sirius shook his head.  \"The only people who could possibly know are the people like your mum who have figured it out on their own.  I haven\'t told anyone.\"

\"Why not?\"

Sirius sighed.  \"I don\'t know, really.  I guess I was afraid of your reaction.\"

\"My reaction?\" James asked, looking surprised.  \ius,ius, I\'m gay, too, remember?\"

Sirius snorted.  \"I realize that, James.  It\'s just that I…I don\'t know.  I guess I didn\'t want to upset you or risk losing our friendship or-\"

\"Siri, why would you upset me just by telling me that you were gay?  How could that possibly hurt our friendship?\"

\"I\'m not sure.  I can\'t really explain it right now.  I just thought it would make things awkward between us.  People might think if we spent too much time together that we were going out or something.  It\'s okay when I\'m invo in in rumors, but I didn\'t want to drag you into it, too.\"

James tried his best not to look upset.  \"You mean you didn\'t want people to think we were more than best friends?\"

\"Something like that,\" Sirius replied.  \"I knew that would hurt you, and I would never hurt you.\"

James swallowed and tried his best not to point out that Sirius\' words had just stung like crazy.  Luckily, his father knocked on the door and interrupted their conversation.  

\"Boys, would you like to make some cookies for the neighbors?\"

\"Cookies?\" James asked, glad to have a distraction.

Mr. Potter nodded his head.  \"Yes.  It seems that your mum thought she had enough to make a tin of cookies for our neighbors, but some of the cookies seem to have disappeared.\"

Sirius snorted and glanced at James who also looked guilty.

\"I do hope you\'re not going to let them ful full blame for the missing cookies,\" Mrs. Potter said as she entered the room.  \"I know there are three thieves present in this room.\"

\"I, erm…\" Mr. Potter looked at his wife helplessly.  She merely grinned.

\"We can make them,\" James said.  \"The muggle way?\"

\"Please,\" Mrs. Potter said.  \"They always taste better that way.  It really won\'t be too terribly difficult.  I\'ve already mixed most everything together.  All you need to do is add some chocolate chips and then bake the cookies.  Fifteen to twenty minutes should be enough.  You\'ll have to check on them while they cook.\"

\"We can do that,\" Sirius said, smiling.  \"Anythelseelse?\"

\"I don\'t think so,\" Mrs. Potter replied.  \"We\'re going over to your Aunt Maria\'s house,\" she said, looking at James.  \"We\'ll probably eat dinner over there, so you boys can get whatever you want to for dinner.\"

\idesides cookies,\" Mr. Potter chuckled.

James and Sirius laughed.

~*~*~*~

Sirius sighed as he watched James add the chocolate chips to the batter.  \"James, I really am sorry I didn\'t tell you sooner.  Please forgive me.\"

James was still hurt by Sirius\' comment about the two of them being together.  He really didn\'t know what to say to his best friend at the moment.  \"I\'m fine, Siri.  I mean, it\'s fi&nbs Really.  Just let it go and help me by bringing that pan over here.\"

Sirius nodded his head and grabbed the large pan.  He held it steady while James placed the batter onto it.

James set the timer for fifteen minutes and then followed Sirius into the living room.  The two sat down on the sofa, and James turned on the muggle television.  

They said nothing while the cookies baked in the oven.  After fifteen minutes, both got up andckedcked on the cookies.

\"They need more time,\" James said, shoving the pan back into the oven.  \"We\'ll check them again in five minutes.\"

James left the room and started to walk up the stairs.  

\"What\'re you doing?\" Sirius asked from the bottom of the steps.

\"Getting another shirt to put over this one.  I\'m cold.\"

\"Oh,\" Sirius replied.  He bit his lip and then followed James up the stairs.  He disappeared into the bathroom for a moment.  When he returned into the hallway, he shook his wet hands on the hard floor and hurried down the stairs to stop the loud buzzing of the oven timer.

Meanwhile, James had pulled a quidditch sweatshirt over his head and was on his way down the hall.

Sirius left the kitchen and walked to the bottom the stairs.  \"James, I think they\'re done, but I-\"

Before Sirius could finish his thought, James had slipped on the wafromfrom Sirius\' hands.  He lost his footing and started to fall down the hardwood steps.  

Sirius moved quickly up the steps and grabbed James around the waist.  He pulled James toward him and then leaned against the wall.

\"You okay?\" Sirius asked, worriedly.

James nodded his head.  The feeling of Sirius\' arms around his body completely dulled his thoughts.  \"Some wate thi think,\" he mumbled.  \"Slipped on it or something.\"

\"That was my fault,\" Sirius said, guiltily.  \"I didn\'t dry my hands because I was running to check on the cookies.\"

\"It\'s okay,\" James replied.  Gods, he could stay in Sirius\' arms forever.

\"I\'m glad you aren\'t hurt,\" Sirius said.  He figured he should let go of James, but it felt so good to be holding his best friend.  He never wanted to let go.

\"Right.  Well, should we go check on the cookies then?\" James asked.

\"Suppose so,\" Sirius replied, regretfully letting go of James.

The rest of the afternoon and evening passed quickly for the two Gryffindors.  After checking on the cookies, they watched some more TV.  Eventually, they each made a sandwich and then cleaned up the kitchen for James\' mom.  Soon after that, Sirius went upstairs to bed, leaving James behind on the couch.

Sirius sighed as he took off his make-up.  He was desperately hoping to get more of a reaction out of James.  Unfortunately, it seemed as if James\' mother was the only one truly interested in how he looked.

Sirius took off his silver shirt and tight black pants and tossed them onto the large chair in his room.  He then pulled on a pair of boxers and a t-shirt and climbed into bed.

~~~

\"You bastard!  I can\'t believe you\'re in this family.  You\'re a complete disgrace,\" Sirius\' father yelled as he slapped his son with a leather belt.  

Sirius flinched, but tried to stand still.

\"How could you possibly end up in Gryffindor?\" Mrs. Black shrieked.  \"What a complete disappointment!\"

\"Exactly,\" Mr. Black hissed as he hit his son with the belt again.  

This time, tears formed in Sirius\' eyes and slowly started to fall down his face.

\"Pathetic!\" Mr. Black exclaimed as he slapped his son again.

~~~

Sirius awoke in a cold sweat.  He rubbed his eyes and looked around his room.  Breathing a sigh of relief, he stood up and walked across the room.  He opened the door and quietly made his way downstairs.  Most of the lights were out, so he figured that James was already sound asleep.

nterntered the kitchen and grabbed a clean glass.  He quickly filled it with water and gulped it down.  The cool drink felt wonderful on his parched throat.

\"Are you all right?\"

Sirius jumped and turned around to face James who apparently had been sitting at the kitchen table the entire time.

\"I\'m fine,iriuirius said.  \"Why wouldn\'t I be?\"

James shrugged his shoulders.  \"You usually sleep through the night.\"

\"How would you know that?\"

\"I shared a room with you for six years, remember?  I think I\'ve only seen you wake up once or twice during the night.\"

Sirius studied James for a moment.  \"I guess I was just thirst he he finally said.  \"Are you okay?\" he asked, hoping to shift the focus onto James.

\"Guess so.  Can\'t seem to sleep.\"

\"Something bothering you?\"ius ius asked.

James ran his fingers through his unruly hair as if deep in thought.  \"Nah.  I\'m fine.  You should go back to sleep, Siri.  I\'ll see you in the morning.\"

\"I hope you sleep better,\" Sirius remarked as he passed James and walked out of the kitchen.

James nodded his head and eventually returto hto his room upstairs.  His parents still weren\'t home, but he figured they were gabbing away with Aunt Maria.  He fell into his bed and pulled the covers up over his body, but he still couldn\'t sleep.  He stared up at the ceiling for nearly an hour before a harsh scream caused him to jump up and run out of the room.

James hurried into Sirius\' room where he found his friend thrashing about the bed, obviously in the middle of a nightmare.  James placed his hands on Sirius\' shoulder and shook his friend gently.  

\"Siri?  Sirius, it\'s okay.  Wake up!\"

Sirius\' eyes opened, and he stared at James worriedly.  Eventually, his expression changed, and he sat up in bed.  James sat down beside him.

\"How often does this happen?\" James finally asked.

Sirius looked out the window and tried his best to avoid James\' question.

James sighed. \"Earlier when I said you usually sleep soundly, you almost looked uncomforta &nb  You\'ve been putting up silencing charms, haven\'t you?\"

\"Sometimes,\" Sirius admitted.  \"At least, in the last few years.  I forgot to just now.  I\'m sorry I woke you up.  Are your parents home yet?  Did I bother them, too?\"

James stared at his best friend intently.  \"You didn\'t bother me at all, Siri.  And, no, they aren\'t home yet.  Do you have nightmares every night?\"

\"Almost,\" Sirius replied.

\"About your family?\" James asked, quietly.

\"Yes,\" Sirius mumbled.  \"I always relive something they did to me.  It\'s always something I want to forget about.\"

James moved closer to his best friend and rubbed his hand up and down Sirius\' back in a comforting manner.

\"I just don\'t understand, James.  Why did they always have to hit me and yell at me?  Why do I have to relive all of this?  Wasn\'t it bad enothatthat it happened at all?\"

\"It should never have happened,\" James whispered as he gently brushed Sirius\' hair away from his face.  \"And I wish it never had happened.  I hate your family.\"

\"So do I,\" Sirius said, sniffling.  

\"Is this why you seemed so distracted the other day when we were packing?\"

\"Kind of,\" Sirius replied.  \"I feel guilty for always coming here.  Your parents are so nice to take me in, but I worry I\'m ruining your family\'s Christmas.\"

\"Sirius, don\'t talk like that!\" James exclaimed.  \"You are a part of our family, you know.  We wouldn\'t want you to be anywhere else during the holidays.  You belong in our family.  You know how much my parents love you.\"

\"Don\'t you ever get tired of being with me so much?\" Sirius asked softly.  He looked down at the blanket and tried to avoid James\' eyes.

\"I could never get tired of spending time with you, Sirius.\"

\"You don\'t have to say that, you know.\"

\"But I mean it,ius.ius.  I really do.\"

\"Thank you,\" Sirius whispered.

James nodded his head and then jumped slightly when he heard his parents arriving home.

Sirius looked up with worried eyes.  \"Maybe you should go back to your room now,\" he said quietly.  \"I really don\'t want them to know about…\"

\"I understand,\" James replied.  He rubbed Sirius\' back one last time and disappeared into the hallway.

Sirius watched him leave and then got up and walked across his room.  He tossed his clothes onto the bed and sat down on the large chair.  As he stared out at the stars, tears trickled down his face.  

He felt as if his life was such a bloody mess.  He couldn\'t sleep without having nightmares about his childhood.  He could barely stand to be around his best friend because he was in love with him.  

Sirius shook his head and wiped away the tears with the back of his hand.  However, they continued to fall.  

Soon, the tears turned to sobs, and Sirius curled up on the chair and buried his face into the arm of the chair.  Little did he know that someone was watching him.

r lor looking at his best friend for several minutes, James stepped out of the shadows and tenderly placed his hand on Sirius\' back.

Sirius jumped up and almost yelled.  He put his hand over his mouth and just stared at James.

James knelt down in front of Sirius and gently wiped away the tears with his hands.  

\"Did you have another nightmare?\" James asked.

\"No,\" Sirius replied.  \"I gave up on sleeping for tonight.  I just can\can\'t explain it, but I\'m…I\'m sorry.  I must be hard to live with.\"

\"Not at all,\" James replied.  He started to speak and then closed his mouth.  He looked thoughtful for a moment before he finally spoke.  \"Would you like to spend the night in my room, Siri?\"

\"Won\'t I bother you?\"

\"No,\" James replied.  \"I think it might help you to have someone with you.  But, I mean, if you don\'t want to stay with me, then of course, you don\'t have to.\"

\"If you really don\'t mind, I want to,\" Sirius said softly.

James smiled and stood up.  He offered his hand to Sirius who immediately grabbed it.  The two made their way to James\' room and climbed into the bed.

Sirius laid his head down on one of the pillows and studied James for a moment.  He knew he shouldn\'t ask, but he couldn\'t seem to stop himself.  \"Will you hold me?\"

James\' heart started beating faster at Sirius\' request.  \"Yes,\" he managed as he moved in closer to Sirius and wrapped his arms around his best friend.

Sirius smiled and cuddled up closer to James.  He was worried about James\' response to his request, but luckily, James seemed to think nothing of it.  Sirius closed his eyes and eventually fell into a peaceful, worry-free sleep.

~*~*~*~

Sirius blinked several times from the bright sunlight shining in through the window.  He eventually opened his eyes all of the way and looked over at James who was staring right back at him.

\"You didn\'t have any nightmares, did you?\" James asked.

Sirius shook his head.

\"I\'m glad,\" James replied.  

\"Thank you,\" Sirius said awkwardly.  \"For letting me stay in your room, I mean.\"

\"Anytime,\" James said.  

\"I guess I\'ll go take a shower then.\"

\"Right.  I\'ll see you downstairs,\" James murmured as he watched Sirius leave the room.  He sighed and glanced outside.  Snow was falling rapidly onto the ground, forming a perfect Christmas Eve scene.  He smiled slightly and hurriedly got dressed.

~*~*~*~

Later that morning, James received an owl from Remus.  He quickly read the letter and then panicked.

Seeing the worried look on his friend\'s face, Sirius hastened to James\' side.  \"Is everything all right?\" he asked.

James sd. &d.  \"You know how Remus likes Snape, right?\"

Sirius grunted and nodded his head.  

\"And you know how Snape is friends with Lily Evans?\"

Sirius rolled his eyes.

\"Apparently, Lily told Snape something and now Snape told Remus and-\"

\"Remus told you,\" Sirius finished.  \"What is it?\"

\"How do you feel about Lily?\" James asked, worriedly.

\"She annoys me.  Why?\"

\"She likes you,\" James remarked.  \"A lot, it would seem.\"

Sirius moaned.  \"Why on earth would she like me?  We\'ve pulled pranks on her before, haven\'t we?  She has no reason to like me.\"

\"You\'re gorgeous.  Anyone can like you for that reason alone,\" James said, and then clamped his hand over his mouth.  

Sirius froze and just stared at James.

James quickly got up and ran out of the room and outside to the Potter\'s backyard.

\"Everything okay?\" Mrs. Potter asked, walking into the room.  

\"I don\'t know,\" Sirius replied.  \"Do you know who James likes?\"

\"I do,\" Mrs. Potter replied.  \"But I can\'t tell you.\"

\"Oh,\" Sirius said as he sat down.  \"Can you give me a hint?\"

\"Why?\"

\"Because I…it\'s just that he…well, he just said something that made me wonder if…\" Sirius shook his head.  \"Nevermind.  He can\'t possibly be interested in-\"

\"In who?\" Mrs. Potter prompted.

\"Me,\" Sirius sulked.  

\"Why do you say that?\"

\"We\'re best friends.  It would probably freak him out if he knew that I…\"

\"You?\"

\"I\'m in love with him,\" Sirius admitted.  

Mrs. Potter grinned.  \"Where is he?\"

\"Outside.\"

\"It\'s freezing out there!\" Mrs. Potter exclaimed.  \"Perhaps you should go get him.  We don\'t want him getting sick with Christmas being tomorrow.\"

Sirius scrunched up his forehead and looked at James\' mother.  \"Who does he like?\"

\"I think maybe you should go and ask him,\" Mrs. Potter replied mysteriously.  \"I\'ll be in the kitchen if you need me.\"

Sirius sighed and got up from the sofa.  He quietly crept outside and found James sitting on one of the benches in the Potter\'s backyard.

\"You know,\" Sirius said.  \"I couldn\'t possibly ever be interested in Lily Evans.  I\'m gay, remember?\"

\"I never said you were interested in her,\" James replied, staring straight ahead.

\"Hmm, well you did ask me how I felt about her.\"

\"So I did.\"

\"Who do you like, James?\"

James turned to face his best friend.  \"Why are you asking?\"

\"Because we usually tell each other everything.\"

\"You didn\'t feel the need to tell me that you were gay,\" James retorted.

Sirius gazed down at the snow.  \"I should have told you, James.  I\'m sorry I didn\'t.\"

James shrugged his shoulders.  \"It\'s done now.  Doesn\'t matter anymore.\"

\"Will you tell me who it is you like?\"

James shook his head.  \"I can\'t.\"

\"Why not?\"

\"You wouldn\'t understand,\" James replied.

\"Is it someone I hate?\" Sirius asked.

James laughed slightly and shook his head.  \"I don\'t think so.\"

Sirius sighed.  \"James?\"

\"Hmm?\"

\"Do you know why I slept so much better last night?\"

\"You were probably exhausted, Sirius.\"

\"I slept better because of you,\" Sirius said.

\"It wasn\'t me,\" James replied.  \"If anyone had been there, you probawoulwould have felt better.  It just helps knowing you\'re not alone.\"

\"No,\" Sirius replied forcefully.  \"It helps me to know that you\'re there.\"

James stared at Sirius.  \"What are you saying?\"

\"Something that I hope I don\'t regret later,\" Sirius replied nervously.

\"Which is?\"

\"I\'m in love with you,\" Sirius said quickly.  He bit his lip and waited for James\' reaction.

\"What?\" James croaked.  \"What did you just say?\"

\"I said that I\'m in love with you,\" Sirius repeated, this time more clearly.

\"Why did you say that you may regret saying it later?\" James asked warily.

\"I think I already am,\" Sirius mumbled doubtfully.  \"If you don\'t feel the same way, then I\'ve ruined our friendship forever.\"  He started to get up, but he was stopped by James\' hand on his sleeve.

\"Don\'t leave,\" James beggeP>
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\"But I-\"

James pulled Sirius back down onto the bench and moved in closer to his best friend.  \"Ask me again.\"

\"Ask you what?\"

\"What you asked earlier.\"

Sirius swallowed.  \"About who you like?\"

James nodded.

\"All right.  Who do you like?\"

\"Do you know why I didn\'t answer you before?\"

\"You said I wouldn\'t understand.\"

\"Exactly.  I thought you wouldn\'t feel the same way, and like you, I didn\'t want to risk losing our friendship.\"

\"You mean you…\"  Sirius\' voice trailed off.

James smiled and placed a cold hand on Sirius\' face.  \"I\'m in love with you, too,\" he finally said.

Sirius\' eyes widened.  \"You\'re not just saying that?\"

\"Gods, no,\" James replied.  \"I\'ve felt this way for a few years now.\"

\"So have I,\" Sirius admitted.

James wrapped his arms around Sirius\' body and gently pressed his lips against Sirius\'.  Sirius replied quickly, and the two shared their first kiss.

~*~*~*~

\"It\'s freezing,\" James whispered after several minutes had gone by.

\"I barely noticed,\" Sirius said quietly.  \"I just can\'t believe that you-\"

\"And I can\'t believe that you like me,\" James interrupted.

\"Love,\" Sirius corrected.  \"I love you, James.\"

James leaned forward and tenderly kisseriusrius again.  \"And I love you.\"

\"I guess we should go inside, shouldn\'t we?\"

\"I think we need to tell my mum,\" James said, grinning.

Sirius winked as he grabbed James\' hand in his own.  \"Oh, I\'m pretty sure she was watching us from the window.\"

James just rolled his eyes as he walked back inside his house.

\"Hello boys,\" Mrs. Potter said as soon as they entered the house.  She handed them both mugs of hot chocolate.  \"You must be freezing.\"

\"Were you spying on us, mum?\" James asked as he grabbed the mug from his mother.

\"Would I do that?\"  Mrs. Potter asked.

\"I saw you,\" Sirius replied, taking the other mug.

Mrs. Potter started to blush, but she stopped when Sirius hugged her.  \"Thank you for talking with me earlier,\" he whispered in her ear.

Mrs. Potter returned the hug and kissed the top of Sirius\' head.  \"You\'re very welcome,\" she replied as she then hugged her own son.  \"I\'ve known for a while that you both liked each other.  It was just so obvious.\"

\"Well, thank you for helping us realize it,\" James said to his mother.  

\"Anytime,\" Mrs. Potter replied as she returned to the kitchen.

~*~*~*~

Later that night, Sirius and James were cuddled up next to each other in James\' bed.

\"Do you realize that tomorrow will be the first real Christmas I\'ve ever had?\" Sirius asked.

James ran his fingers through Sirius\' hair.  \"Did your parents ever give you anything for Christmas, Sirius?\"

Sirius snorted.  \"Not really.  Maybe when I was really little before they knew what a horrible person I was.\"

\"Stop talking like that,\" James replied, moving slightly so that he could see his best friend\'s face.  \"You\'re not a horrible person, Siri.\"

Sirius ran his fingers through James\' messy hair and smiled.  \"You mean the world to me, James,\" he whispered.  \"I\'d be lost without you.\"

James moved in closer to his best friend and placed a small kiss on Sirius\' lips.  \"You\'re my everything, too, Sirius.\"

\"Love you,\" Sirius murmured as he cuddled up close to James.

James wrapped his arms tightly around Sirius and the two quickly fell asleep.

~*~*~*~

\"Good morning, handsome,\" James said as soon as Sirius opened his eyes.

Sirius squinted at James fevereveral seconds before speaking.  \"How on earth can I be handsome at this time of mng?\ng?\"

\"Siri, it\'s ten in the morning,\" James pointed out.

\"Exactly.  Too early,\" Sirius murmured as he tugged at the blankets.

James grinned, \"Not too early, love.  We should probably wake up now.\"

Sirius sighed and rubbed his eyes.  \"I like waking up next to you,\" he said softly.  \"It feels so right.\"

\"I know,\" James agreed.  \"It does.  I just wish we had admitted our feelings to each other sooner.\"

Sirius nodded in agreement.  \"If only.  At least we have each other now.\"

\"And forever,\" James added.

\"Exactly,\" Sirius smiled and pulled James into a tight embrace.  \"Merry Christmas,\" he whispered.

James tenderly kisSiriSirius\' neck.  \"Merry Christmas, Siri.\"

\"I guess we should get dressed,\" Sirius mumbled.

\"Suppose so,\" James replied, smirking.  

Sirius got up and walked across the room toward the bathroom.  

\"Sirius?\" James called from the bed.

\"Hmm?\" Sirius looked over at his best friend.

\"You are going to wear that outfit again sometime soon, right?\"

Sirius grinned and folded his arms across his chest.  \"You mean the one with the silver shirt and tight black pants?\"

\"Don\'t forget the make-up,\" James added worriedly.

\"You hardly said anything about it when I had it on before,\" Sirius pointed out.

\"I didn\'t know what to say,\" James replied.  \"All I really wanted to do was grab you and kiss you.\"

\"I\'m quite positive I\'ll wear it again very soon,\" Sirius said as he winked at his best friend.

James just sat there on the bed smiling.

~*~*~*~

Later that day, after opening presents and eating a large, wonderful meal, Sirius and James returned to James\' room.

\"I have one more present for you,\" Sirius said as soon as James closed the door.

James raised an eyebrow. \"You\'ve already given me so much, Siri.\"

\"Not nearly enough, though,\" Sirius replied.  

James started to argue, but was cut off by Sirius\' warm lips.

\"Now, just wait over hern thn the bed.  I\'ll be back in a few minutes.\"

\"But Sirius, I-\"

Sirius smiled and quickly exited the room.

James sat down on the bed and tried his best to be patient.  Unfortunately, he had a rough time of it.  Whenever Sirius was out of the room, James felt lonely and needy.  He honestly needed Sirius around him as much as possible.  

James sighed and started tugging at his hair.  Sirius was simply taking forever.

\"All right, I\'m back,\" Sirius said as he rushed into the room and closed the door behind him.

James\' jaw dropped when he saw his best friend.  Sirius was wearing the tight black pants with the silver shirt.  All of the fabulous make-up was in place perfectly, and Sirius\' long raven locks were loose and falling on the front of his face and down his shoulders and back.

James immediately got up and hurried over to Sirius.  \"You look beautiful,\" he said quietly.

\"Thank you,\" Sirius replied as he took James\' hands in his own.  \"I\'m your present,\" he said hesitantly.  

James\' eyes widened, and he placed his hands on Sirius\' face.  Gently, he brought his lips to Sirius\' and kissed him slowly.

\"This is the best present I have ever received,\" James whispered, looking into Sirius\' eyes intently.

Sirius smiled and pressed his forehead against James\'.  \"I\'m yours forever, you know,\" he whispered.

James\' eyes were locked on Sirius\' as he replied, \"And I\'m yours forever.\"

\"Do you know how entirely sappy we are right now?\" Sirius asked, amused.

\"I don\'t care,\" James said softly.  \"I fully indeed to be as sappy as I want to with you, whenever I want to, for the rest of our lives.\"

\"Good,\" Sirius replied as he moved his head slightly and brought his lips to James\'.  They kissed passionately for nearly a minute, but stopped when they heard a clicking noise.

\t wat was that?\" James asked, looking alarmed.

Sirius turned his head and started laughing.

\"Mum!\" James looked horrified when he saw Mrs. Potter standing in the open doorway holding a camera.

\"Oh James, sweetie, calm down!\" Mrs. Potter exclaimed as she walked into the room.  \"You two will be glad I took that picture.  You have no idea how perfect you look together!\"

\"I\'m glad you took it,\" Sirius said, grinning.  \"You have to make sure you give me a copy, though.\"

Mrs. Potter waved her hand in the air.  \"Of course, Sirius.  You know you\'re like my son, too.  Especially now,\" she said with a wink.  \"Now, pose, why don\'t you?  I want to get some more pictures of your first Christmas together.\"

\"Merlin,\" James muttered, but he was smirking as he wrapped his arms around Sirius\' waist and posed for three more pictures.

Mrs. Potter walked toward the door and grinned.  \"I\'ll let you two get back to what you were doing.\"

\"Thank you, mum,\" James replied, still holding onto Sirius.

\"And I\'ll be sure to tell your father not to disturb you tonight,\" she said as she left the room.

Sirius started laughing as he faced his lover again.  \"You mum cracks me up, James.\"

\"Indeed,\" James said.  \"Now, where were we, Siri?\"

Sirius raised an innocent eyebrow.  \"The bed, perhaps?\"

James grinned, \"Of course.\"  He took Sirius\' hand in hin ann and gently led his best friend over to the bed.  He pushed Sirius down onto the bed and climbed on top of him.  \"I could certainly get used to this, you know.\"

\"I\'m glad,\" Sirius replied.  He wrapped his arms around James\' body and pulled them closer together.  \"Because it\'s going to happen quite often.\"

\"Fabulous,\" James murmured as he placed small kisses all over Sirius\' neck.  \"I love you so much, Sirius Black.\"

\"And I love you so much, James Potter.  We\'ll be together forever,\" Sirius said quietly.

\"And beyond,\" James added.

\"Merry Christmas, James,\" Sirius murmured as he kissed his lover\'s unruly hair.  \"This is the best Christmas I\'ve ever had.\"

\"Merry Christmas, Siri,\" James replied, running his fingers through Sirius\' long locks.  Then he grinned.  \"If you think this is the best one you\'ve ever had, just wait until next year.\"  He leaned down and kissed Sirius again.  \"And the next.\"  Another kiss.  \"And the next.\"  

Sirius felt tears forming in his eyes as he passionately kissed his best friend.  His lover.  His everything.  His James.

This was indeed a most wonderful Christmas…

~*~*~*~

THE END