Banana Split
folder
Harry Potter › General
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
1
Views:
2,264
Reviews:
2
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Harry Potter › General
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
1
Views:
2,264
Reviews:
2
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Banana Split
TITLE: Banana Split
AUTHOR: Taran
PAIRING: SS/HP SS/RH SS/DM SS/LV SS/NL
RATING: PG-13?
WARNINGS: This is AU. Really, really silly stuff ahead! You have been warned!
FEEDBACK: Yes Please!!! If this story is hated, I promise not to write any more like it... well, not too many more anyhow! lol taran_swann@yahoo.ca
DISCLAIMER: *sigh* Not mine. Some nasty, ugly, brilliant woman by the name of J.K. Rowling owns the whole Harry Potter universe. I\'m just borrowing for a while, and then I\'ll send it all back the way I found it.
SUMMARY: Harry slips, Snape laughs.
NOTES: This story was written as part of the Severus Snape Fuh-Q Fest (Scenarios: OFFICIALLY #4: Snape gets caught with his pants down. UNOFFICIALLY 1: Snape discourages his suitor. 2: Snape receives some bad news. 5: Snape hadn\'t realised that would be considered a fetish. 6: Voldemort\'s pensieve uncovers memories. 7: While looking for a cufflink dropped in the heat of passion, Snape (or his lover) finds something surprising. 8: A house elf is insistent. 9: Snape has to use his safeword. 11: Snape\'s intolerant of his lover\'s youthful exuberance. 12: Cautious Snape sleeps with his wand under his pillow, with unforeseen consequences. 14: Snape goes too far and someone loses their patience. 15: Snape bitterly watches them together, so oblivious in their happiness that they don\'t even notice him. 16: Snape receives a child. 18: Snape becomes a squib, and has to rely on others. There are little bits of other scenarios, too, thrown in for good measure. lol)
BETA: Sher gets the blame for the beta-ing as well as for her \"help\" with the story! lol You can blame her too for the \"Oh, my giddy aunt!\" phrase. She found it! lol (Sorry, Sher, but I\'m not taking the fall for this story alone! lol) Also, a HUGE thank you with hugs to Venivincere for the speedy beta and the perfect ending! :D
ARCHIVING: The Severus Snape Fuh-Q Fest Archive until the end of the fest, then anywhere asked.
Banana Split by Taran
\"Oh, My, Gawd! I just slipped on a banana peel!\" Harry Potter sat on his butt in the middle of the courtyard laughing hard enough to have tears streaking down his cheeks, and unable to breath. His friends, Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger, stood over him laughing just as hard.
They neglected to see a sight they were not likely to have a chance at again. Their stoic, unemotional potions master had witnessed the slip and was unable to prevent himself from responding. He quickly covered his mouth and turned away, heading back into the castle, as what started out as mild giggles, turned into outright belly shaking chuckles.
Severus Snape laughed all the way down to his dungeon office. He knew the 17 year old Potter boy was not exactly graceful, still in that gangly stage of a late puberty, but he had never expected the boy to be such a klutz. Snape knew he really shouldn\'t find it *that* funny, but he just couldn\'t help it.
It was good to see The-Boy-Who-Lived-Yet-Again laughing and enjoying himself, as well. The entire school had been too stressed for too long and now that You-Know-Who-Crapped-His-Pants was gone, things were finally getting back to some semblance of normalcy. Well, as normal as Hogwarts gets. A Hogwarts with Harry Potter. gwargwarts with Harry Potter, an ex-con, a werewolf, and a former Death Eater-turned Spy. Ok, so normal was too strong a word. More like...quirky.
Still, life was vastly improving as far as Severus Snape was concerned. He no longer had to bend over both ways to please old Baldy Voldy or Dumbledork. Even Snape\'s sex life was improving since Hagrid had finally put his mutt to pasture. Snape no longer had to put up with the whiny, drooling monster every time he neared Hagrid\'s little hut. Of course, sex with the half-giant was difficult, but well worth the aches and pains, which didn\'t come close to what the scaly dark lord had dished out. Hagrid didn\'t have any odd fetishes to deal with either. Unless... well, no, that wouldn\'t be considered a fetish.
Of course, things did get out of hand at times. There was the one night that he\'d actually ho uso use his safe-word. Snape had been teasing Hagrid about his little four inch cock and hpparpparently gone too far. Hagrid lost his patience with him and accidentally turned him into a squid...err squib before Snape was able to utter \"pink frillies.\"
It took a week for the mistaken spell to wear off, leaving Snape to depend on other\'s to help him brew potions and do anything else requiring magic. Snape had been irked at first to have only Neville Longbottom volunteer to help him with his potions, however, learning of the boy\'s talented mouth, convinced him that Longbottom (with the very nice bottom) did have potential after all.
Snape was grateful to have broken up with Draco Malfoy as his former lover\'s youthful exuberance was starting to drive him nuts. He was equally grateful that Hagrid was much older than he. It made *him* look like the marathon runner, not the grand-pappy sitting in his rocker, completely *off* his rocker.
Snape settled down at his desk with his favourite gay porn magazine, \"Swish and Flick\", his pants in a dark pool at his feet.
\"Oh, my giddy aunt!\" Snape exclaimed, startled, as a very insistent little house-elf began knocking loudly on his opened door. He had completely forgotten to close and lock it. Snape growled just enough to make the tiny creature whimper and tremble. The poor frightened elf was barely able to convey that Snape\'s presence was rstedsted in the Great Dumbledork\'s office, before scampering away.
Snape sighed and reached down for his pants. At least it was only a house-elf that had caught him. Last time it had been Minerva McGonagall. That had led to disaster. Snape never wanted to see another pussy again in his life!
Several minutes after arriving at the headmaster\'s office, Snape was seriously beginning to reassess the situation. He\'d been given some bad news. No, it was worse than bad! It was horrific! It was an abhorrence of disgustingly, pathetically bad news! He was being given custody of a child and not just ANY child, but a WEASLEY child!! Bill Weasley had been one of Snape\'s lovers while attending school. His repulsive wife had given birth to an equally repulsive baby girl just before the war had broke out.
Both parents had died in a rather gruesome accident involving a candlestick, revolver, rope, knife, wrench and lead pipe. The Who-What-Where was still unsolved. Snape, however, strongly believed it was Miss Scarlet ie Dre Drawing Room with the Candlestick *and* Lead Pipe. Now Snape was to receive the brat as Bill and his wife had for some bizarre reason requested he do so in their wills.
Snape grumbled and growled his way through the halls and back to his dank dungeons. He was not pleased to see Mr. Potter standing outside the door to his private chambers. He had been discoung tng this would-be suitor for months and had only given in to the handsome Seeker a few times. Not nearly enough to consider it a relationship or even as cheating on Hagrid, as far as Snape was concerned.
Grudgingly, he allowed him entrance after Potter explained about a lost cufflink. It must have fallen in the heat of passion. Snape poured himself a brandy as Potter rooted around the bedchambers for the lost article. He gave the boy his most deadly glare as Potter returned from the bedroom laughing as hard as he had in the courtyard only hours before. As Potter held up a pair of pink lacy panties, however, he turned as white as the driven snow. He quickly snatched them away and ushered the hysterical boy out the door.
Even the time he accidentally turned He-Who-Wets-The-Bed into his favourite teddy bear had not been this embarrassing. Of course, the bastard should know better than to wake him in the middle of the night. Snape has always slept with his wand under his pillow and the old buffoon knew that. Nothing could be as embarrassing as the memory Snape had seen in Voldy\'s pensieve, though. Snape still got a chuckle out of that one.
Everyone always talks about the old dream where you go to school or work, having forgotten to put your clothes onell,ell, He-Who-Should-Never-Be-Unclothed-Under-Bright-Lights hadn\'t only dreamed about it, he actually *DID* it! Tom Riddle\'s elephantiasis inflicted balls were grotesque as they swung between the man\'s chicken legs. Snape shivered with repulsion at the remembered sight.
Snape sat in his favourite chair, drinking some of his favourite brandy from his favourite glass, thinking. Ok, so life wasn\'t anywhere close to normal. It wasn\'t average or ordinary. It certainly wasn\'t mundane, but it was comfortable. At least until the Weasley brat arrived, Snape could just sit back and enjoy the show.
Snape got up to open the one tiny window in his chambers to let in a little fresh air. He had to stand on a stool to reach where it was at the top of the high wall. Just as he got it open, Snape heard voices from the courtyard the window opened into. Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy walked past holding hands. Snape bitterly watched them together, so oblivious in their happiness that they didn\'t even notice him.
Snape was about to yell at the teenagers when he saw Potter suddenly turn arse over elbow. Arms pin-wheeling dangerously, Potter (The-Boy-Who-Slipped) dragged Malfoy down with him as he slipped on the same banana peel as before.
Laughing raucously, Snape himself fell off the unsteady stool he was perched on. Still laughing, completely ignoring the pain, Snape thought, \"Yes, life is pretty good!\"
AUTHOR: Taran
PAIRING: SS/HP SS/RH SS/DM SS/LV SS/NL
RATING: PG-13?
WARNINGS: This is AU. Really, really silly stuff ahead! You have been warned!
FEEDBACK: Yes Please!!! If this story is hated, I promise not to write any more like it... well, not too many more anyhow! lol taran_swann@yahoo.ca
DISCLAIMER: *sigh* Not mine. Some nasty, ugly, brilliant woman by the name of J.K. Rowling owns the whole Harry Potter universe. I\'m just borrowing for a while, and then I\'ll send it all back the way I found it.
SUMMARY: Harry slips, Snape laughs.
NOTES: This story was written as part of the Severus Snape Fuh-Q Fest (Scenarios: OFFICIALLY #4: Snape gets caught with his pants down. UNOFFICIALLY 1: Snape discourages his suitor. 2: Snape receives some bad news. 5: Snape hadn\'t realised that would be considered a fetish. 6: Voldemort\'s pensieve uncovers memories. 7: While looking for a cufflink dropped in the heat of passion, Snape (or his lover) finds something surprising. 8: A house elf is insistent. 9: Snape has to use his safeword. 11: Snape\'s intolerant of his lover\'s youthful exuberance. 12: Cautious Snape sleeps with his wand under his pillow, with unforeseen consequences. 14: Snape goes too far and someone loses their patience. 15: Snape bitterly watches them together, so oblivious in their happiness that they don\'t even notice him. 16: Snape receives a child. 18: Snape becomes a squib, and has to rely on others. There are little bits of other scenarios, too, thrown in for good measure. lol)
BETA: Sher gets the blame for the beta-ing as well as for her \"help\" with the story! lol You can blame her too for the \"Oh, my giddy aunt!\" phrase. She found it! lol (Sorry, Sher, but I\'m not taking the fall for this story alone! lol) Also, a HUGE thank you with hugs to Venivincere for the speedy beta and the perfect ending! :D
ARCHIVING: The Severus Snape Fuh-Q Fest Archive until the end of the fest, then anywhere asked.
Banana Split by Taran
\"Oh, My, Gawd! I just slipped on a banana peel!\" Harry Potter sat on his butt in the middle of the courtyard laughing hard enough to have tears streaking down his cheeks, and unable to breath. His friends, Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger, stood over him laughing just as hard.
They neglected to see a sight they were not likely to have a chance at again. Their stoic, unemotional potions master had witnessed the slip and was unable to prevent himself from responding. He quickly covered his mouth and turned away, heading back into the castle, as what started out as mild giggles, turned into outright belly shaking chuckles.
Severus Snape laughed all the way down to his dungeon office. He knew the 17 year old Potter boy was not exactly graceful, still in that gangly stage of a late puberty, but he had never expected the boy to be such a klutz. Snape knew he really shouldn\'t find it *that* funny, but he just couldn\'t help it.
It was good to see The-Boy-Who-Lived-Yet-Again laughing and enjoying himself, as well. The entire school had been too stressed for too long and now that You-Know-Who-Crapped-His-Pants was gone, things were finally getting back to some semblance of normalcy. Well, as normal as Hogwarts gets. A Hogwarts with Harry Potter. gwargwarts with Harry Potter, an ex-con, a werewolf, and a former Death Eater-turned Spy. Ok, so normal was too strong a word. More like...quirky.
Still, life was vastly improving as far as Severus Snape was concerned. He no longer had to bend over both ways to please old Baldy Voldy or Dumbledork. Even Snape\'s sex life was improving since Hagrid had finally put his mutt to pasture. Snape no longer had to put up with the whiny, drooling monster every time he neared Hagrid\'s little hut. Of course, sex with the half-giant was difficult, but well worth the aches and pains, which didn\'t come close to what the scaly dark lord had dished out. Hagrid didn\'t have any odd fetishes to deal with either. Unless... well, no, that wouldn\'t be considered a fetish.
Of course, things did get out of hand at times. There was the one night that he\'d actually ho uso use his safe-word. Snape had been teasing Hagrid about his little four inch cock and hpparpparently gone too far. Hagrid lost his patience with him and accidentally turned him into a squid...err squib before Snape was able to utter \"pink frillies.\"
It took a week for the mistaken spell to wear off, leaving Snape to depend on other\'s to help him brew potions and do anything else requiring magic. Snape had been irked at first to have only Neville Longbottom volunteer to help him with his potions, however, learning of the boy\'s talented mouth, convinced him that Longbottom (with the very nice bottom) did have potential after all.
Snape was grateful to have broken up with Draco Malfoy as his former lover\'s youthful exuberance was starting to drive him nuts. He was equally grateful that Hagrid was much older than he. It made *him* look like the marathon runner, not the grand-pappy sitting in his rocker, completely *off* his rocker.
Snape settled down at his desk with his favourite gay porn magazine, \"Swish and Flick\", his pants in a dark pool at his feet.
\"Oh, my giddy aunt!\" Snape exclaimed, startled, as a very insistent little house-elf began knocking loudly on his opened door. He had completely forgotten to close and lock it. Snape growled just enough to make the tiny creature whimper and tremble. The poor frightened elf was barely able to convey that Snape\'s presence was rstedsted in the Great Dumbledork\'s office, before scampering away.
Snape sighed and reached down for his pants. At least it was only a house-elf that had caught him. Last time it had been Minerva McGonagall. That had led to disaster. Snape never wanted to see another pussy again in his life!
Several minutes after arriving at the headmaster\'s office, Snape was seriously beginning to reassess the situation. He\'d been given some bad news. No, it was worse than bad! It was horrific! It was an abhorrence of disgustingly, pathetically bad news! He was being given custody of a child and not just ANY child, but a WEASLEY child!! Bill Weasley had been one of Snape\'s lovers while attending school. His repulsive wife had given birth to an equally repulsive baby girl just before the war had broke out.
Both parents had died in a rather gruesome accident involving a candlestick, revolver, rope, knife, wrench and lead pipe. The Who-What-Where was still unsolved. Snape, however, strongly believed it was Miss Scarlet ie Dre Drawing Room with the Candlestick *and* Lead Pipe. Now Snape was to receive the brat as Bill and his wife had for some bizarre reason requested he do so in their wills.
Snape grumbled and growled his way through the halls and back to his dank dungeons. He was not pleased to see Mr. Potter standing outside the door to his private chambers. He had been discoung tng this would-be suitor for months and had only given in to the handsome Seeker a few times. Not nearly enough to consider it a relationship or even as cheating on Hagrid, as far as Snape was concerned.
Grudgingly, he allowed him entrance after Potter explained about a lost cufflink. It must have fallen in the heat of passion. Snape poured himself a brandy as Potter rooted around the bedchambers for the lost article. He gave the boy his most deadly glare as Potter returned from the bedroom laughing as hard as he had in the courtyard only hours before. As Potter held up a pair of pink lacy panties, however, he turned as white as the driven snow. He quickly snatched them away and ushered the hysterical boy out the door.
Even the time he accidentally turned He-Who-Wets-The-Bed into his favourite teddy bear had not been this embarrassing. Of course, the bastard should know better than to wake him in the middle of the night. Snape has always slept with his wand under his pillow and the old buffoon knew that. Nothing could be as embarrassing as the memory Snape had seen in Voldy\'s pensieve, though. Snape still got a chuckle out of that one.
Everyone always talks about the old dream where you go to school or work, having forgotten to put your clothes onell,ell, He-Who-Should-Never-Be-Unclothed-Under-Bright-Lights hadn\'t only dreamed about it, he actually *DID* it! Tom Riddle\'s elephantiasis inflicted balls were grotesque as they swung between the man\'s chicken legs. Snape shivered with repulsion at the remembered sight.
Snape sat in his favourite chair, drinking some of his favourite brandy from his favourite glass, thinking. Ok, so life wasn\'t anywhere close to normal. It wasn\'t average or ordinary. It certainly wasn\'t mundane, but it was comfortable. At least until the Weasley brat arrived, Snape could just sit back and enjoy the show.
Snape got up to open the one tiny window in his chambers to let in a little fresh air. He had to stand on a stool to reach where it was at the top of the high wall. Just as he got it open, Snape heard voices from the courtyard the window opened into. Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy walked past holding hands. Snape bitterly watched them together, so oblivious in their happiness that they didn\'t even notice him.
Snape was about to yell at the teenagers when he saw Potter suddenly turn arse over elbow. Arms pin-wheeling dangerously, Potter (The-Boy-Who-Slipped) dragged Malfoy down with him as he slipped on the same banana peel as before.
Laughing raucously, Snape himself fell off the unsteady stool he was perched on. Still laughing, completely ignoring the pain, Snape thought, \"Yes, life is pretty good!\"