Maeglin Yedi and the Order of the Serpent

Maeglin Yedi and the Order of the Serpent
by Maeglin Yedi

Pairings: SB/RL, HP/SS, many others implied
Rating: NC-17 eventually
Warning: Slash, het, parody and general silliness
Disclaimer: This whole world belongs to JKR. I just like to play with it. Maybe now is the time someone stopped me.
Archive: http://forever-rebel.net/maeglinyedi
Feedback: most welcome; maeglin.yedi@lycos.nl

Summary: What if you woke up in Riddle Mansion?

A/N: Work in progress. This is a parody. Look not for serious fanfiction here.

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Chapter 1: So you want to be a Death Eater


I don´t think that I´m supposed to be here. Where ever ´here´ is. I know for a fact that I went to sleep last night in my own bed, in my own house. So I don´t really have a clue why I´m currently walking through a dark corridor that has moving portraits on the wall.

I must be dreaming. That´s the only logical explanation, so I decide to go with that. Yep. A weird dream, fed by too much fanfiction and my overactive imagination. See, nothing to worry about. I´ll just stroll around for a bit until I wake up safe and sound in my own bed again.

This place is seriously creeping me out, though. It has this ´haunted house´ kind of vibe; cobwebs in every corner, swaying chandeliers hanging from the ceiling, and barely enough light shining down for me to see where the hell I´m going. But this is on dre dream, so I bravely walk on, round a few corners, and try not to think about scary things that generally lurk in shadows, waiting for an unsuspecting human victim, like yours truly.

Then I hear voices coming from the far end of the corridor, and I decide to take a look what´s going on there. I don´t really have anything better to do at the moment. Besides, I´m chronically curious, and despite the evilness that practically drips off the walls around me, I really want to find out where I´ve landed my sorry arse.

But when I stop in front of large, open doors that lead into some sort of ballroom like space, I realize that it might have been a better idea to just keep wandering around. I have no time to amend my plans, however, because a strong hand grabs my arm, and drags me into the room.

Lots and lots of black robes and white masks.

It begins to dawn on me that I might be in a bit of trouble here.

I glance up at the masked figure who is pulling me across the room, and notice his snake-headed cane. Well, that´s kind of a dead give who who the guy is, and I can´t help feeling a little flutter of excitement that I´m having a dream about Lucius. This could be good.

Or maybe not, because suddenly I´m staring up at everyone´s favorite Dark Lord, and he looks very, very real and very, very intimidating. The flutter of excitement is quickly replaced by a surge of fear, and I try not to faint right there and then.

\"My Lord,\" Lucius drawls, \"This woman was spying on us.\"

Wait a minute...I wasn´t spying on you! I was just standing there, looking kind of lost, and yeah, okay, I can see that that might have given you the idea that I was spying.

I look up and stare into bright red eyes that seem to burn their way straight into my mind, and I do what every sane yet silly Muggle girl would do when confronted with Lord Voldemort.

I drop to my knees, crawl forward, and kiss the hem of his robes.

\"My Lord,\" I breathe, my voice cracking. \"I live to serve you.\"

Which of course is a downright lie, but I´m not taking any chances here, even if it´s only a bizarre dream. I like to believe I´m a Slytherin. I like to keep my arse alive, thank you very much.

\"Shall I dispose of her, my Lord?\"

\"No!\"

Um...I realize Lucius wasn´t asking me that question, but I answered it anyway. I dare not look up, and wait for the inevitable Killing Curse that will hopefully wake me up, or if my luck is running out, kill me on the spot.

Instead, I feel cool, strong fingers tighten around my chin and pull my face up. Voldemort is sneering down at me, and I gulp.

\"How did you get past my wards?\"

A just question, my liege. I blink kind of stupidly, and whisper: \"I have no idea.\"

Voldemort pulls me up further. \"Why are you here, child?\"

\"I´m not a child!\"

The fingers around my chin slide down and tightenund und my throat. Perhaps I should have just kept my mouth shut.

\"You are whatever I say you are.\"

\"...okay...\"

\"I shall repeat the question one last time, child. Why are you here?\"

Oh, fuck. This isn´t going well at all. I have no idea what to say to him. Somehow I think that ´This is all but a dream, and you are only a figment of my imagination´ won´t get me out of here alive. And yet it is the truth. Or I think it´s the truth. Because it´s the only option that makes any sort of sense.

\"I don´t know,\" I whisper, the hand around my throat slowly starting to cut off my breath. \"I really don´t know how I ended up here. I don´t think I´m supposed to be here.\"

Voldemort smiles at me. A truly horrifying sight, and I shudder in his grasp. I feel like I´m drowning in his red gaze, and that he is looking right through me, as if I´m nothing more than some meaningless insect that annoys him.

\"You´re not a witch, are you? I sense no power in you.\"

\"I´m a m-muggle,\" I manage to mutter, my voice rather tight, and my mind starting to feel light from the lack of oxygen.

\"You bore me, muggle.\"

\"I can be entertaining!\"

I have no idea why I said that, but I guess I´m not thinking all that straight while staring death in the face, because I´m now worrying how on earth I can entertain someone like Voldemort, since I never did take that tap dance class back in school.

\"I doubt it.\" And with that, Voldemort´s hand grasps my throat impossibly tighter, and I realize that he´s not even going to waist a curse on me, but will just crush my windpipe, and I need to do something now, because I´m still not waking up, but the edges of my vision are starting to get blurry.

\"Wait!\" I force the air passed his death grip, and it comes out as strangled words. \"I know stuff!\" And I really don´t want to betray anyone, but I also don´t feel quite like dying just yet. \"I know...about the cemetery...how Harry got out...with your wands colliding...I know about...the department of mysteries...I knoout.out...the prophecy.\"

That must have pushed Voldemort´s happy button, because he releases my throat, and I slump to the floor, gasping for breath. I seem to have his attention. Now all I need to figure out is how to give him information without getting everyone on the side of light killed. Or without Voldemort realizing I´m only teg hag half truths.

\"I believe we shall keep her around for a while longer,\" Voldemort says, and I can hear Lucius mutter something beside me that could be approval or disgust or both. \"What is your name, child?\"

\"Maeglin.\"

\"An interesting name for a muggle.\"

\"It´s Elvish.\" I look up at Voldemort, a bit anxious to meet his gaze again.

He frowns, and looks at Lucius for a moment, before he smirks down at me. \"So now you want us to believe that you are an Elf?\" I hear several people laugh around me, and I try not to get too annoyed by it. These are Wizards after all, and evil ones at that. Best not to piss them off.

\"No, I´m not an Elf,\" I say as patiently as possible. \"It´s a long story.\"

\"Then you must tell me that story some time. But not now, since I am rather busy organizing raids at the moment.\" Voldemort gestures for me to stand up, so I scramble to my feet, but keep my head bowed submissively.

\"That´s quite all right,\" I mutter, and I´m feeling a bit anxious aboutt wit will happen next. I am still alive, but I´m not really sure if that is a good thing, because I´m also still trapped inside a room filled with Death Eaters.

\"Walden, escort this young lady to one of the guest rooms.\" And with that, Voldemort turns his back to me, and someone grabs my elbow, and steers me out of the hall.

I´m too busy worrying if ´guest room´ is just Death Eater talk for torture chamber, that I hardly notice who is dragging me into the corridor n, un, until that man pulls off his mask, and slips out of the Death Eater robe.

Walden Macnair.

With a small ax hanging from his belt, several knives neatly tucked away in leather holsters, and looking quite handsome, in that ´I´m a psychotic executioner´ kind of way.

I manage a half smile while he grabs my arm again, and leads me through the corridors. \"That´s a...nice ax you have there.\"

\"Be silent.\"

\"Just trying to make conversation,\" I mut kin kind of put out that he doesn´t want to talk to me.

\"Aboutt?\"t?\"

I blink up at him, and shrug. \"Your ax.\"

\"You like my ax, eh?\" Macnair grins at me, or at least I think he´s grinning, but it´s kind of hard to determine in this rather dark corridor, so for all I know he´s just giving me his predatory teeth baring thing. I really do hope it´s a grin, though, and I manage to give him a real smile in return.

\"Yeah, it looks pretty cool.\"

\"Would you like to feel it as well?\"

I snap my gaze up at him, and stare blankly for a few seconds. \"Um...no, not particularly.\"

\"All you bloody bitches are the same. All wanting to be Death Eaters, but you all start pissing your trousers the moment things get interesting.\"

\"I´m not a Death Hag,\" I pipe out before I realize that I´ve just used a term these guys probably aren´t even familiar with, since it´s something me and some friends made up for a role playing game, in which I, ironically enough, play Voldemort.

\"A what?\" Macnair stops walking, and looks at me curiously. At least, I think it´s a curious look, but again, for all I know this is his ´I´m now going to slice your throat´ expression.

\"A Death hag. Like a Fag hag...but different,\" I whisper, and give himorriorried look.

For a moment, Macnair stays silent, but then he bursts out in laughter. And yes, this is definitely laughter, and I let out a relieved sigh.

\"You´re funny.\" He grabs my arm again, and we continue our walk.

\"Is that a good thing?\" Well, you never know with these guys.

\"I suppose it is. It´ll definitely make it more fun to chop your head off when our Lord orders me too.\"

Wonderful. I think it´s time I do shut up, because these are subjects I don´t want to talk about. I like my head where it is; attached to my body.

Macnair stops, and pushes a door open. \"Get inside.\"

I do as he orders, be it hesitantly, but I´m quite relieved to note that it isn´t a torture chamber, nor a dark, damp dungeon, but just an ordinary bedroom.

Turning around, I look up at Macnair, not sure what I should say, or how much I´m allowed to ask. I briefly clear my throat. \"So...um...who am I supposed to call when I need like extra towels or something?\"

Macnair narrows his eyes.

\"Not that I expect to need them or anything, but I was just curious, and I´ll shut up now and just stay here until someone comes to get me.\"

Macnair nods his head once, and pulls the door shut.

\"Goodnight,\" I tell the closed door, and turn around, eying the room warily. But it really does seem like an ordinary room; large, four-poster bed, fireplace with a couple of comfortable chairs in front of it, and everything decorated in dark greens.

I´m not even going to attempt getting out of here, since I know it won´t be any use with magical wards protecting this place. The bed looks comfortable enough, though, and I lay down on top of the covers, staring up at the ceiling for a long time.

This has to be the weirdest dream I´ve had in a long time. I can only hope I do wake up before Voldemort decides to humor Macnair. It really was a nice ax. I just don´t want to feel it anywhere near my head.