It\'s Not About Want, It\'s About Need

Remus was standing in the room with the long table. Charlie and Bill Weasley were discussing something with Kingsley Shacklebolt. They had greeted Remus nervously when he had entered, not even a meager attempt at small talk. Remus knew the task of taking care of Sirius’ things had already been given to him. He didn’t want it.

He walked into the kitchen and saw Severus pouring out two cups of tea.

“Thought you might need this,” he said, turning around and handing the cup and saucer to Remus.

“I need Dreamless Sleep,” Remus said tersely.

“You’ll have that too,” said Severus, sitting down at the small table in the kitchen. “I put a draught in your room by the nightstand. You look angry.”

“I am angry,” Remus said, sitting down across from him. “I’ve just lost the last of my childhood friends and Albus Dumbledore expects me to be surrounded by his ghost.”

“You’ve seen his ghost?” Severus said, his eyes widened slightly. “I would have thought that Black…”

“Matter of speaking,” Remus said tiredly, waving an erratic hand. “You know what I mean.”

Severus took a sip of his tea in silence. Remus looked down into his, imagined faces in the black surface.

“I couldn’t tell anyone any sooner than I did,” Severus said quietly. “Umbridge’s bloody minions were everywhere.”

“I don’t blame you,” Remus said quickly.

“And I looked in the forest for…”

“I don’t blame you,” Remus repeated, his voice tight.

“You’re not angry,” Severus said with a shrug. “You’re furious. Why?”

“Because Albus sent Harry back to the Muggles with no one but his thoughts,” Remus said, running a hand wearily through his hair. “I feel responsible for the boy now that… Sirius is gone.”

Severus flickered a glance to the door and then rested his hand over Remus’.

“I am sorry,” Severus said. “But the man was told to stay behind. It was his own bloody heroism…”

“Severus, shut up,” Remus said quietly, he he didn’t pull his hand away. “Just… don’t. I don’t need to hear that age old refrain, not now.”

Severus withdrew his hand.

“What do you need to hear?”

…

They were barely in the door of Snape’s London flat when Remus closed the door with a slam. The next slam was Severus’ back against the door as Remus pressed in hard, his teeth against his throat. Severus groaned as he struggled out of his robes, pushing open Remus’ shortly afterwards.

“You know, the bed’s more…”

Remus cut Severus’ protest short with a kiss that didn’t press as much as it pulled. Remus wanted blind, loving forgetfulness. He needed sensation and he needed it now. Severus yielded and opened like an embrace, pulling Remus in as they engaged in that breathless kiss. Remus yanked him away from the door and pushed him down over a small table by the door. A vase of flowers was swept aside and shattered, Severus’ eyes widened in surprise as he fell to the table with a grunt. This wasn’t like Remus at all.

“Remus, what the… nnghhh!”

Just as he had made to protest, Severus felt the searing, painful tear of the dry-reamed plunge as Remus’ cock sliced into him. He gripped the edge of the table and gasped, unable to look back, nearly afraid of what he’d see.

Remus felt the resistance, but he pushed harder, despite the cry of pain from Severus. He felt the roar of memory pressing in on him and he needed something to replace it, replace it now. He was tired of being the good, quiet one. He was exhausted with his role as mentor, savior, quiet acceptance. He hadn’t even bothered to take off the rest of his clothes, just enough for the pentration as he drove into Severus again and again.

Even through it, Severus was grateful for the brutal interlude. He’d had enough of his troubles with being eyed coldly by members of the Order who seemed to almost blame him for Black’s death by default. He welcomed the pain of this moment, because it was with Remus.

The table squeaked noisily, no other sound except the harsh breathing from both men. Remus felt the orgasm approach and he welcomed its drowning, a low exhale of a moan as he came, shuddering into Severus.

“Sehh… Severus,” Remus panted heavily as he leaned over his lover. “I’m sorry… Merlin, I’m sorry.”

Severus reached back as best he could, looking up at Remus with pain-glazed surprise.

“Is that what you needed?”

“Yes… no… I don’t know,” Remus said, pushing himself up and off Severus, then helping the man up.

Severus could taste blood in his mouth where he had inadvertently bitten the inside of his cheek.

“If anything, I can thank Sirius Black for bringing us together,” Severus said, with a trace of bittersweet humor. “If not for that, how would I have ever known you.”

Remus touched his cheek with a sad smile.

“It would have killed him to know he brought us together,” Remus said, then shook his head in faint disgust. “Ah, how can I even joke about that… I will miss him. I knew a different Sirius than you knew, Severus.”

Severus pulled his robes around himself, wincing.

“And I knew a different man than you knew,” he added. “Perhaps all the better for that. Come on. You at least owe me a bath for that… taking.”

Remus nodded and followed him up to the bathroom.