Sins of My Past

Sins of My Past

Sins of My Past
Chapter 2
By Cadena
Rating: NC-17


I awake before dawn still propped up against the wall. I get up off the floor and walk towards my bedroom. I glance out the window. It has stopped snowing outside. I reach my bed and let myself tumble into it. I cuddle up with the large cotton duvet.
Right as I am about to drift into the sleepless void I call dreamland there is a tapping at my window. Slowly I get up and shuffle over to the large glass pane window.
It is Potter's owl.
I shrug and refuse to let myself get happy or even anticipate what might be in the message.
I let the owl in and she flutters around my room once before settling down on my chest of drawers. I snatch the parchment roughly from her beak. She hoots indignantly at me and flies quickly out the open window. After she leaves, I close it. Slowly I break the purple seal. It is indeed from Harry. He has written it in sparkly purple ink. How Harry.
I read...
Dear Draco,
You know tonight I ran after you in the storm, but I couldn't catch up to you. Man, you're a fast walker. Or maybe I'm just a slow drunk.
Anyway, you ran out of the bar so quickly... I didn't mean to offend you. I'm sorry if I offended you tonight. I want to make it up to you. So how about I take you out for some more drinks tomorrow? Just you and me. WE can talk about old times, you know, back before it all got so complicated.
Will you meet me at the bar (same one) tomorrow night, let say around eight?
I'll be there, I hope you will be too.
Harry Potter
He must have jus wrote this. Wow... Again how Harry.
I get back into bed and contemplate. Should I meet him?
I want to, but do I deserve to?
I think myself to sleep this time and dream about Harry.
****
It's eight P.M. and I find myself in front of the bar.
I'm not sure what I'm doing here. A hand grabs me on my shoulder and I spin around in surprise.
"I'm glad you came," its Harry.
"I almost didn't, I was about to run away, but you caught me." I say as we walk in. He laughs heartily.
"You know there is something different about you Draco. I really don't know what to think about you."
We walk over to my usual table in the corner.
"Well, three some odd years in Azkaban can change a person Harry. Especially when all you have to keep you company are soulless assholes and criminals." I roll my eyes. Why am I here?
"Is that how long you were in there Draco? For some reason I thought it was only a year. But I suppose you would be the expert on the subject. How did you handle it? You obviously didn't go crazy." He pauses and looks at me and then continues, "Well, at least too much." He smiles gently.
"I don't like to talk about it." I say coldly.
"Okay, well then, why don't I get us something to drink? What'll you have?"
"Same as last time." I reply again.
Harry nods as he gets up from the table and swaggers up to the bar. He returns a few moments later with a couple of pints. I light my pipe and start again the steady barrage of smoke induced harm to my lungs. Before I can take a drink I catch my reflection in the glassy bubbly surface.
Anyone else who saw me would have thought I was a hardened angel. My delicate features slightly feminine in appearance. Long lashes that cover steely gray eyes, pale skin upon a smooth face, with wavy blonde hair, disheveled and messy.
But what I see is a different story. What I glimpse is hideous, grotesque even. I see a grim withered face with pasty white skin, with eyes that are sunk in with black circles...
I grab my pint suddenly as if removing it will shake myself from my image. I take a long drink. I'm once again trying to dull the constant pain in my head, the guilt.
Harry stares into my eyes. I look away.
"What happened to all your confidence and arrogance too? I find it hard to believe that even a few years in Azkaban could tear that away from you."
I stare at him amazed by his bluntness. But I answer anyway...what the Hell...
"I've done and witnessed things that were wrong. Killed, tortured, and worse. It's what I was raised to do and I knew I could do it better than everybody else. So I continued anyway. For my own sake I shouldn't have done these things, for the sake of others as well. But you see I had no confidence in anything else. I've never been good. But once 'fallen from grace' of evil I had confidence in nothing, and still do not." I say defeated.
A fallen angel of death.
I've had time to ponder my mental problems. This is my explanation.
He picks up his drink and starts to toast, "Well, here's to rebuilding your confidence then," he starts to snicker.
Again I am amazed at his gaul. But them I realize he is only joking. I give him a faint smile and we toast.
He smiles warmly at me and takes a drink. For the first time I'm glad I came tonight. I'm glad for some company other than my own. Several pints later Harry clears his throat.
"Could I ask you a personal question?" he says.
"Well, on with it then," I give a slight sway with my left hand. I already know what he is going to ask. I wait patiently until he gains the courage to come out and ask.
"Why did you join the Death Eaters, Draco? You know they were bad. They were already losing when you joined. You had to have known that they were doomed to fail, so why?" he sits silently for me to answer. His green eyes with a dull fire in them, looking at me trying to expose my insides for him to explore.
I sit in silence for a minute and try to think of a way to say this as eloquently as possible. But what I am about to say never comes out.
"You should know why, Potter. I only joined because of you." Well, that came out great...
"What do you mean?" he leans forward, elbows on the table and a quizzical look on his face.
"You really don't remember, do you, Potter." I grimace.
"Remember what?" his eyebrows knotted together in confusion..maybe frustration of trying to rememberWellWell, I'm not going to tell you if you don't remember." I smirk. It feels like old time again, where I used to play mind games and pranks. Harry pouts his full lips and bats his long lashed at me. I blush. I haven't seen Harry this way in years.
"Please Draco? I really don't have any idea of what you are talking about."
Maybe its the booze...okay, there's no maybe about it, it's the booze. I begin to tell him the tale of us that never happened.
"Well, if you want to know, I suppose it's only fair to tell you." What do I care, I have nothing to lose...
I remember it like it was yesterday. After all, it is what kept me going in Azkaban.
"It was the night of the Yule Ball. Everything was at full swing. The Christmas trees were decorated with candles and glowing orbs of varying house colors. The large wooden house tables had been replaced by hundreds of round tables, each with it's own house insignia on it. Floating in the air above all were thousands of sparkly glittery stars.
It was a beautiful sight. But me being afoy foy of course, I had to put it down. After I was supposed to be almost the devil incarnate. Why would I be impressed..."
*****
(FLASHBACK)
"Couldn't they have done something better than this?" I gesture disgusted at the great hall, "My father donates too much money to this school and this is the best they could do?" I tell Crabbe and Goyle. They nod in unison. I really don't think they even comprehend me sometimes.
I laugh out loud and decided it is time to make some mischief.
"Be on the look out for me boys. Do you understand me?" I threaten.
"It's time then?" Goyle grunts at me.
"Of course it's time you dolt. Now watch to make sure nobody sees me." I move over to the magic pumpkin juice fountain and pull out a vial of purple liquid. I look around to make sure no one is watching. I uncork the glass vial and pour it into the orange liquid. I quickly hide the empty vial in my robes for a later disposal.
The pumpkin juice, for all intents and purposes looks, tastes, and smells just like regular pumpkin juice. I just added a kick to it. I had made an alcoholic potion that transforms anything mixed with it into and undetectable uninhibiting alcoholic drink. I think that's just what Hogwarts needs. Too loosen up.
I grab a goblet from the mass of the never-ending supply next to the large fountain. I fill my goblet to the brim and down the entire cup. I can't even taste the potion. In fact, it taste delicious. I fill my goblet once more and drink it slowly this time. I take a seat at one of the closet Slytherin tables. Crabbe and Goyle both barely articulate to me that they're going to find the snacks. I excuse them from my presence.
I sit alone. I don't mind being alone. In fact I relish in being alone. I watch the fountain, I want to see who drinks my potios I s I look onward I feel the alcohol permeate my veins. Only one goblet full and I'm already catching a buzz. Maybe I made the potion too strong. Ehe, the stronger the better I surmise.
More fun for me
I smile secretly to myself. In two hours tops, the majority of the Hogwarts students are drunk, including 'Golden Boy' Harry Potter. I see him with his two side kicks, Granger and the Weasel. It seems a little of the drink has even loosened up the trio. I see Weasley grab Granger's. Al. All she does is giggles and moves closer to his side.
Hmmm, who would have guessed, Granger's a slut...
I look at Potter. He is laughing at something that blonde boy, what is his name....Finnigan, has told him. I feel slightly jealous.
I remember when I use to have something of a crush on Potter. I wanted to be his friend. At least that was how it started.
Friendship.
I wanted to protect him from those who would use him for their muggle purposes.
Well, okay, I just wanted him mainly because he was famous. I wanted to say I saw friends with the 'Boy Who Lived'.
I mean really, who wouldn't be jealous of me then.
But when Harry refused my offer of friendship I became obsessed.
I had never been turned down before in my life. Never! So I kept on obsessing on him so much that it turned to hate. Then I hated him with such and intensity that it turned into lust.
Now I don't think I could exist without Harry. We are like equal parts of a circle. Yen and yang, good and evil. Except I doubt that good wants to do all the deliciously evil things that my yang wants to do. Good probably would faint at the thought of it.
Obviously, I have come to terms with my sexuality years ago.
I watch my little Gryffindor stumble around the room with his followers right behind him. He looks good in his dress robes. He chose black velvet Robes with deep blue accents on the neckline and cuffs.
I wonder if he wears anything underneath them ... he's a goody goody Gryffindor, but one never knows.
I watch discreetly, then I decide I'm getting weird, so I turn around, down what's left of my drink and leave the ball. I need to get some air.
I walk down the hall and onto the outside grounds. I find a solitary stone bench behinds some rose bushes.
I sit and enjoy the cool air.
Twenty minutes or so go by. I hear a rustle in the bushes. I turn around quickly and gracefully. My demeanor still calm. A drunken Harry comes out of the bushes towards me.
"What are you doing here?" he says with a menacing glare.
"I'm getting some fucking air, Potter. Last I checked it wasn't a crime." I smart back. He leers at me, or at least I think it's a leer. He sits down sloppily on the bench besides me and rest his head in his hands.
"With you...? It should be, asshole..." he insults me.
With hardly an upward glance I reply, "You know I'm not in the mood for this, Potter, so why don't you go and play pocket pool on the other side of the garden." I close my eyes in frustration, hoping beyond all hope that he will just leave me alone and not force me to retaliate upon him. I long for a second of peace.
"I can play pocket pool wherever I want to, Malfoy. I could even do it right here if I choose to." Hirksirks.
He is so drunk I doubt he'll remember any of this in the morning.
I decide to have some fun.
"I don't think you can, Potter." I challenge.
"You of all people can't tell me what to do!" he starts raise his voice
"Quite down drama princess." I slyly retort.
He looks at me like I've grown horns on the top of my head. For what I am about to do, I probably should.
What is a good way to get a guys pants off when he's drunk?
Dare him!
My demeanor suddenly changes; softer, gentler, but devious at the same time.
"You know Potter, I think you're mad but I don't think you're that mad." I smirk.
"I'm crazier than you know Malfoy."
"Yeah, right. Other than your little adventures, which I doubt the validity of anyway, I doubt you've ever put a toe out of line. You're all alike in Gryffindor. Goody good wankers and the like."
"Well, that shows how much you know, Malfoy. I've done plenty of bad stuff. You see, I just do it so well I never get caught." He says slowly as if to antagonize me.
"I don't believe you. I think you should prove it Potter. That is, if you're man enough." I enunciate the last part just enough to piss Potter off.
"Bring it on Malfoy." He says smugly.
"If you say so ... all right...let see what wouldn't you do? Hmmmmm." I say as if I haven't had this planned. "I dare you to take all your clothes off." I snicker and smile coldly.
He stands up and starts to unfasten the clasps on his robes. Soon his velvety robe is lying on the bench next to me. Harry reaches for his belt and unbuckles it. He unbuttons the top two buttons and stops. He stares at me grinning like a letch.
"You know I actually think you want me to take my clothes off Malfoy," he raises his eyebrows and tilts his head to the left. His thumbs are hooked inside of his half unfastened jeans, he's not wearing any underwear and he looks undeniably sexy. All kinds of fantasies are playing through out my mind and I am turned on, but don't show it.
"Oh yeah, I'm a bloody faggot and I've harbored a secret crush on you for years." I say sarcastically and laugh not at what I say, but because it's true and Potter is none the wiser.
"I know you do, but I don't mind." He says a matter of factly.
For the first time Harry actually shocks me.
"Huh?" I blurt out before I can stop myself.
"I wouldn't really mind taking my pants of for you Malfoy." He says with a playful grin.
For the second time ever he shocks me again, my eyes wide open in disbelief.
I am speechless ... well, for the moment.
I recover my wits fast and try to decide whether or not Harry is joking. He unclasps another button and studies my face. He's trying to tease me. I don't know what possesses me to do so, but I play along.
"So you're saying that you want to strip for me?" I raise my eyebrows.
He plays along with me, or at least I think he is.
"That depends if you want me to." He smiles broadly and giggles.
The 'Great Harry Potter' giggles.
How ... unexpected.
Suddenly I get up from the bench and I get in his face.
"Are you for real, Potter?" I use my trademark drawl.
"Let me show you how real I am." And he closes in the rest of the gap between us and kisses me gently on the lips.
Most people think a passionate kiss always needs to have a lot of activity, tongues and the like. Those are the one's who have never really experienced true passion. The kind of passion that in one slight touch from the object of your desire can send waves of sensation through your body. One simple touch can transport you to a state of bliss you never knew existed.
It is that kind of kiss.
My senses are overwhelmed. The soft warm feeling of his lips, the firm yet gentle hold of his hand on the back of my head, the smell of his skin and body. It isn't a fast or deep kiss. It is a long simple kiss that is shocking, hypnotic, and chillingly erotic.
He pulls back, afraid of my reaction. I feel the heat of his lips on mine start to fade away. I can no longer smell him...taste him.
"Well, I suppose you showed me, didn't you?" its the only thing I can think of to say.
"What, didn't you like it? I think it pretty much says everything, Malfoy. Well, everything but what you have to say." He looked sheepish and blushes.
Giggling, kissing, and blushing...I thought I'd never see the day Potter turned into a bitch.
I decide to go for it. I move forward to kiss him this time. I start the same as him, except I deepen the kiss. I part my own lips and gently bite down on his lower one. This time (***syn**) I'm the one who's hands are in his hair. I fell his arms wrap around my waist and his firm hands on my back. He pulls me closer
His lips part and I slide my tongue inside his mouth. He's warm inside ... so very warm. It's very hard to hide how turned on I am becoming. Harry obviously isn't trying to hide anything. I run my fingers tho\rough his unkempt hair then down his back. I bravely move my hands lower to his ass, and pull his hips to mine.
He moans. I feel the vibrations on my tongue and I push it deeper into his mouth.
It is Harry who breaks the kiss. He gulps in the cool oxygen. I just want to pull him in another embrace but I don't. I study his body language. He is very horny. I can easily see a lump bulging underneath his half undone pants. I look into his eyes. He studies me the same, I think.
And so here we are staring at each other, both seeing the other in a new light. No more colors of black and white, now there is a whole spectrum of colors. Anything is possible.
He reaches out a hand for mine.
"Come with me?" he asks with a smile playing at the ends of his lips. I grab his hand.
"Are you sure?" I ask a question of my own.
He reaches out and puts his hands on my shoulders. Soon we are in another battle of tongues.
I think to myself how stupid I was to ask that. This opportunity won't present itself again. I pull my mouth away from his and whisper in his ear, "Let's go, now." My lips moving against his neck. The movement of my lips on his skin raises the hair all over my being and sends a shock of sensation through my body that is not unlike the pleasure of lust.
He gestures to me intimately, seductively, "Come on then. Follow me."
I follow. We walk through the door into Hogwarts and down the main hall. It's good that the ball is still going on inside the Great Hall, otherwise people might be thinking what we are doing hurrying down the halls together, acting more than friendly to each other.
Down the main hallway at the third branch, we go up stairs. We enter the third floor corridor. Behind me I can hear the staircase changing.
At least no one can follow ... for a while
Harry turns around to make sure I'm still there, and of course I'm still here. I wouldn't pass this up for the world.
He grabs my hand.
"Don't be scared, the walls are only there if you see them. Close your eyes." He whispers in my left ear, softly licking the edge of it. I shut my eyes and allow myself to be pulled. There is a cool rush of air all around the exposed skin of my body, then a tingly sensation, that immediately leaves my aroused. I open my eyes to find Harry Potter before me, hands out in invitation to a room behind him. I turn around. The hall has disappeared.
"What happened?" I think about what he said last. The walls are only there if you see them. Close you eyes.
I thought he was talking symbolic crap about him and I being together. Never in a million years did I think Harry was this simple.
We just walked through a magic wall.
"Come off it Mal... Draco. I know you know about the magic wall premise." He eyes me suspiciously, "You've been through seven years at Hogwarts right?" then he adds, "I'm sure I remember you from some of my classes." He laughs.
"Is the space pope reptilian?" (***) He looks at me, his face in utter confusion. He smiles with on end of his mouth crooked up in amusement.
"That's what I love about you Draco. You're always unpredictable, always new."
Did he just say love?
But did he mean it the way I want him to? Does he even realize that he did say it? He probably just meant to say 'Like' or more likely 'hate.' I wouldn't blame him.
I keep my face stoic. (**?SP**)
Inside the room, most of the walls are covered with shelves. The majority of the shelves are covered with books, whirlly sliver trinkets, and moving pictures of various people in wooden frames. What's not covered in shelves is covered in mirrors.
There is a large couch (**Color?**)close to one of the walls. Next to it there is a small table, a large book next to a magical lamp that illumtinates the entire room sits atop it.
I walk over to the stand and pick up the book.
"˜The Study of Medeval Parseltongues and Their Snake Language'
I hold it up for him to see.
"Never stop do you, Potter?"
"Well, it the first book I've come across that actually takes the stance that parselmouths are not evil. It actually studies and presents theorys as to why they can speak to snakes. Even what good can come of it!" he gets embarassed. "Sorry, I'm boring you. I forget that I'm the only one interested in these kind-of things. I just wanted to learn more about myself." He adds sheepishly.
"Oh no, on the comtrary, I did my own personal study for parseltongues to. I wanted to find out if there was some way to become one. I've always wanted to commune with snakes, but it's only a natural gift. You can't induce it." I've read this book before. It's quite hard to understand. I'm impressed he could comprehend it. I had to read it twice to get the full content of the book.
I place the heavy voulme back in it's proper place and sit on the couch. Harry sits beside me.
Now is that awkward time where neither of us wants to start the snogging session this time. I place my hands behind me as to support myself as I lean back. My left hand brushes Harry's fingers lightly. The shock of adrenaline throughout my body is like a lightining bolt has struck.
I sigh. It's barely audible, but one the less Harry looks over at me.
I return his look, trying to be as alluring as possible.
He caresses my cheek with the back of his hand and glides it smoothly around to grip the back of my neck. He pulls me closer. The atmosphere is thick with sexual tension. I tilt my head upwards and to the side.