A Walking Shadow
A Walking Shadow
Title: A Walking Shadow
Author: Yymeatha
Pairing: Snape/Harry
Rating: NC-17
Feedback: Please! This is my
first ever slash fic and my first serious and complete fic.
Disclaimer: Not mine, however
much I wish that were untrue. I have also taken quotes from Shakespeare and
Eugene Ionesco.
Notes: Many thanks go to my
muses, namely Kat, KT, Hollie and Amy who provide many bizarre and wonderful
conversations to draw upon. Extra thanks to Amy for beta-reading and
commiserations to Kat whom I suspect wanted to beta-read but didn’t get her lot
in on time.
This fic is part of the
´Order of the Phoenix´ Harry/Severus Fuh-Q-Fest
(http://groups.yahoo.com/group/After_class/). Challenges: Harry needs
comforting after Sirius´ death, Harry sees a sexual fantasy about himself in
Snape\'s pensieve, Occlumency practice creates a link between Snape and Harry,
and they start experiencing each other\'s dreams.
Spoilers: Books 1 to 5.
Archive: After_Class archive
and other random places after 30th September. If you want it, please
ask me first so I can go and see the site. Many thanks.
Life’s but a walking
shadow, a poor player who struts and frets his hour upon the stage and then is
heard no more. It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
signifying nothing.-William Shakespeare
A
Walking Shadow
Harry Potter had long since decided that
the July of 1996 was unnecessarily hot, needlessly Dursley-infested and
unquestionably the strangest summer of his nearly-sixteen-year old life.
Unfortunately, while he could at least do something about the heat
–specifically wearing as little as possible and staying in the shade where
Uncle Vernon couldn’t see him- the presence of the Dursleys was a necessary
evil. The Dursleys themselves had been behaving awfully strangely all summer
and, although this was, at times, a welcome state of affairs, it was beginning
to unnerve him just the slightest.
For one thing, they had left him mostly
alone. Harry was not naive enough to believe that this was due entirely to the
Order’s threat at the end of the previous term; if anything, his Aunt Petunia’s
innate tendency to poke her considerable-sized nose in where it wasn’t wanted,
should have been fuelled by her eternal quest to know everything about others’
lives. But there had been no neck-craning, no beady-eyed glances when she
thought Harry wasn’t looking, no spontaneous checks to “make sure you’re doing
what you should be doing!” Harry had decided that either he wasn’t noticing
anymore or Aunt Petunia had inexplicably gained experience in the art of
not-being-seen.
The alternative was, of course, that Aunt
Petunia had simply stopped… but Harry had made an observation several years
back, that when Aunt Petunia stopped spying on other people’s lives, Hell would
freeze over. And Privet Drive
had showed no signs of becoming the sudden centre of an unscheduled
snow-blizzard in the middle of July.
If Aunt Petunia’s strange behaviour wasn’t
enough to confuse him, the rest of his family’s activities certainly were.
Uncle Vernon, while definitely not being ‘nice’ to him by any stretch of the
imagination, had noticeably made an effort to curb all insults thrown his way.
When Harry had accidentally broken a piece of priceless Wedgewood as he dusted
the living room last week, Uncle Vernon had made no nasty comments whatsoever.
He had turned several interesting shades of purple but Harry was feeling
generous enough to chalk that up to the heat.
If Harry hadn’t known better, he would
almost be tempted to believe that the Dursleys were trying their very best to
be nice to him. But ‘nice to Harry’ and ‘the Dursleys’ had never mixed well in
any sentence before and Harry held no beliefs that they would now.
Although the days were undoubtedly strange
and confusing, Harry preferred them substantially to what awaited him when
darkness fell and he had only his own dark thoughts for company.
In the silence and solitude brought on by
the thick night Harry found himself thinking more than was probably healthy.
Although he had been told time and again that he was not to be blamed for any
of the events which had caused people to lose their lives, he couldn’t see how
he could not be blamed. If he hadn’t told Cedric to take the Cup, Cedric
would still be alive. If he had listened to Sirius, Remus, Ron,
Hermione…anyone, if he had just swallowed his damnable pride and returned to
the Occlumency lessons, if he hadn’t been so impulsive and downright stupid...Sirius
would still be alive.
Despite Dumbledore’s insistence that it was
himself whom had caused Sirius’ death, Harry couldn’t see how anyone except
himself could be blamed for the loss of the most important person in his life.
He wanted to blame Dumbledore, oh god how he wanted to pin the blame
on someone else (and a small part of him recognised that that was exactly what
Dumbledore had tried to allow him to do) but the fact of the matter was that
Sirius’ death was utterly, inescapably his fault. And no amount of
begging, of crying and screaming and trashing Dumbledore’s office, would ever
bring him back.
Sirius had been the most important person
in Harry’s life for two years. It was the dim hope that Sirius would be cleared
and that Harry would be able to live with him that had kept him going when
people refused to believe him or else betrayed him behind his back. Sirius had
been a link to his parents and, more importantly, someone who would care for
him not just because he was James’ son but because he was his godson.
And now Sirius had left him alone and his
world had been torn apart. Nothing would ever be ‘alright’ again because there
would be no one to go home to. Just as Harry’s world had ceased as certainly as
Sirius’ life had, he felt that the world itself should have ended. The stars
ought to have winked out, for where was their beauty without the brightest of
them all? Time itself should have come to an end because what was time worth if
it wasn’t time spent with Sirius?
BuB>But each monotonous day came and went, the
sun rising and falling and glowing with its disgustingly cheerful light. The
stars continued to shine despite the fake amongst their midst that mocked him
with its light. Time passed slowly and swiftly as another day came to another
end and Harry felt as though it should be The End. People went on with their
stupid, insignificant, boring, everyday lives and Harry just wanted to shout
from the rooftops for them to stop! What was the point anymore?
Because Sirius was dead!
And when he had worked himself into a state
of mingled anger and grief and guilt and helplessness, Morpheus clawed at his
mind and he fell until he reached the depths of abysabyss with no way out and
could fall no more and the dreams of death and gore and torment prowled his
unsuspecting mind.
* * *
Severus Snape had come to regret many
things in his life and while a number of them could be attributed to some
higher power that enjoyed mocking him, the majority had come as a consequence
of his own poor decisions. Joining the Death Eaters, he reflected sourly as he
stalked across the Hogwarts grounds to Hogsmeade, his left arm throbbing
violently, had definitely been one of his more foolish choices. Reaching the
Apparation borders on the outskirts of Hogsmeade, Severus took a brief moment
to compose himself to his satisfaction before he Apparated to this week’s
unknown destination.
He arrived with a deafening pop in a It seemed that everyone else had already Before he could take his customary position “Severus…” Lord Voldemort was seated at the He stopped a few feet from Voldemort and “Remove the mask.” Again, Severus obeyed the command and this “Lucius…” Severus started in surprise, though he was The Dark Lord’s sibilant tones were “-here has informed me of some Outwardly, Severemaremained calm. Inwardly, “Yes,” Voldemort hissed excitedly. Voldemort sat back and waited. Severus gave “I was in the room shortly after the Potter Severus finished, more than a little “What you say is true, Severus. You, of The question was loaded. Severus knew that Voldemort appeared interested but, of Severus acknowledged this with a respectful Severus waited once more with baited “Interesting, Severus. I sense the truth of Dutifully, Severus recited what he had been Voldemort appeared to be deep in thought. “Dumbledore believes it to be love,” he Again the Dark Lord pondered his words. Severus’ heart began beating again at more “However, incompetence will not be Realising his dismissal, Severus made as Albus would worry about him but he couldn’t Bed…what a lovely idea… bedroom house situated in the middle of Surrey Neither slept well that night and both
large spacious area, more of a cavern than a room, that boasted elaboratecarvcarved spiralling pillars which snaked up and up to the high-domed gothic
ceiling above. His arrival startled several nearby junior Death Eaters to his
vicious delight –not that he enjoyed terrorising children, of course -but he
paid them little attention, instead striding across the room towards the large
ornate doors, lost in his contemplation. Joining had seemed like a good idea at
the time. And, as it turned out, Lucius had been interested in him…just
not in the way Severus would have liked. Reaching the doors, Severus halted and
carefully drew out a white mask from within the depths of his robes. He allowed
himself a brief moment to sneer in disgust at the lavish, absurdly intricate
engravings on the otherwise flawless mask, before placing it over his face and
entering the room beyond. The Dark Lord really was ridiculously fond of the
ostentatious.
arrived and that they were now waiting for him. That did not bode well.
Already, icy tendrils of dread were creeping up his spine and Severus had to
consciously override the instinct to shiver. He was here to die. He was certain
of it.
in the circle, a shrill, sibilant voice interrupted his journey.
far end of the room, enthroned in a large high-backed chair. His narrowed
crimson eyes gleamed in the torchlight, watching the blank surface of Severus’
mask. The face was long and gaunt, bleached skin stretched over frail bones
which lent his visage the appearance of a horse’s skull and Severus could not
help but feel disappointed. Such a pity…he used to be such a handsome man.
“Come…” Severus obeyed swiftly, moving across the dry stone floor and trying
desperately to not let his mounting unease show in either his posture or his
mind. Voldemort, after all, was an accomplished Legilimens.
sketched a low hasty bow, striving to school his thoughts in preparation for
the inevitable interrogation. The brief, rebellious declaration that a Snape
bowed to no man was hastily swept away before it could even reach the
surface. Upon his straightening, a low serpentine hiss that echoed ominously in
the cold room broke the heavy silence.
time removed his ivory mask, doing so as slowly as he dared. If he was going to
, th, then he wanted to die knowing that he had, at the very least, incensed the
bastard before he was slaughtered. Voldemort’s crimson eyes narrowed but he
made no comment, instead opting to observe Severus without the faceless mask
concealing his features. Severus knew that Voldemort could discern nothing from
his mien; he had spent many hours training himself to reveal nothing from his
expressions.
certain he had not let it show. He heard behind him the soft rustling sound of
moving robes and then Lucius Malfoy was stood next to himecutecuting a low,
insufferably sycophantic bow. “My Lord…” he murmured, sounding almost nervous.
Severus smirked maliciously inwardly. Lucius never liked to be identified;
there could be certain… side-effects if an accusation or deed was traced back
to it originator. No, Lucius liked to remain in the shadows, just as Severus
himself did. The silent and, above all, anonymous informant.
speaking again and Severus tuned back into him.
rather…interesting news.” A dramatic pause. Severus remained silent. “It
appears that you both have an acquaintance with a certain creature. I am
most curious as to how this came about.”
his mind and stomach both reeled. How could he have missed this?
“I see this information was not incorrect. You shall be rewarded Lucius… return
to the circle.” A swirl of robes in his peripheral vision and Severus was left
alone again. “Tell me Severus, how you came upon this acquaintance. For it
answers to none but the Blacks and it seems very strange that it should come
across your face in the fire.”
the only explanation he could. “My Lord, my position as your spy would have
been jeopardised had I not.” Carefully, he made certain that he allowed his
feelings of duty and servitude to rise to the surface. He didn’t allow
througe the thought that they were feelings directed at Dumbledore, not at the
being sat before him. That would not likely sit too well. Voldemort remained
silent and Severus breathed a mental sigh of relief that he would at least be
allowed the chance to try to explain. The Dark Lord must be in a good frame of
mind tonight.
child attempted to contact Black through the fire,” he began, letting his full
true feeling of hatred for Black rise. It couldn’t hurt to talk the truth for
at least some part of his explanation. And he certainly hated how Black’s death
haunted him still, despite his absence at the time of it. Bothersome things
that dreams were; he didn’t need to see the same scene again every night as
vividly as if he were there! “He informed me of Black’s supposed capture,
believing our loyalties to lie in the same hands. Although the child is
undoubtedly one of the more obtuse of the little horrors I have had the
displeasure of teaching, even the idiot Longbottom would have been suspicious
had I not appeared to endeavour to contact the Order after Potter’s tirade.”
pleased at how calm his voice had sounded and definitely smugly satisfied at
how flawless his explanation thus far was. And surely it would not have brought
about any suspicions to deliberately insult both the Potter brat and
Longbottom. They were as bad as each other…one as arrogant as the other was incompetent.
course, had to say something or else the Order would become suspicious as to
why you had originally contacted them… and nothing less than the truth would
have coced ced Dumbledore to act. I will give you that much.” He paused,
regarding Severus carefully for a moment before continuing, his voice now much
lower and infinitely more dangerous. “And yet your actions caused my plan to
fail. If you had not interfered, the Prophecy would be in my hands and the
Potter child dead. What do you have to say, Severus?”
his life depended on his answer but he would have to speak carefully. If
Voldemort even suspected that he might not be telling the truth, he would be
dead before he could blink. “My Lord, I realise that my actions have had
unforeseen consequences and for that I am truly sorry.” And he was in a
way…only not for Voldemort. “However, I do not believe that events have turned
out quite so terribly, considering.” He hurried on before Voldemort could
muster up any indignation at being contradicted. “Certainly, the continued
existence of Potter’s life is unfortunate but his death now rather than a month
ago will be all the more devastating for the morale of the muggle-lovers. Now
that the Ministry has accepted your return to power, Potter’s death will be
attributed to you and that will cause far more fear among the wizarding
community than if he were to die of more seemingly natural causes.” Certainly
true.
course, he picked the one hole in Severus’ argument. “It will also cause much
anger, Severus. And power thrives off anger. That would not be a welcome state
of affairs.”
bow of his head. “That is true, my Lord. I apologise. However, the case of the
Prophecy is not so hopeless.” Severus watched with something akin to wry
amusement as the Dark Lord’s face predictably brightened with interest.
“Dumbledore was foolish enough to entrust me with the Prophecy in its entirety.
It appears that the original was spoken to him.” True again but also entirely
misleading.
breath, hardly daring to hope. His heart rate slowed to a dangerous level as
his insides turned to liquid ice. He forced the truth of his words to the
forefront of his mind, willing Voldemort to believe him.
your words. Perhaps your fate is not so dire after all. And the prophecy…?”
told. “The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches…born to
those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies…and the Dark
Lord will mark him as his equal, but he will have power the Dark Lord knows not…and
either must die at the hand of the other for neither can live while the other
survives.”
“So one of us must kill the other…how simply beautiful!” He laughed, his cold
voice echoing around the vast room and behind him, Severus could hear the
others laughing along with him. Fools, all of them. The laughter ceased
abruptly. “And this power that I know not?” he inquired.
stated simply.
“Yes,” he mused amusedly. “It would explain his survival… but love is no power!
It is a weakness! They are fools if they believe the muggle-born’s love will
save him!” He turned once more to Severus. “I had intended to kill you,
Severus. Make no mistake. But it would be unseemly to murder the bearer of such
good news…I believe I shall let you live this time.”
than twice its usual speed as adrenaline abruptly rushed through his body.
Resigned as he was to the inevitability of the loss of his life, he had
nearly lost it and, wretched thing that it was, he had become rather attached
to it. Voldemort’s final words caught him completely off guard.
tolerated, Severus…Crucio!” Voldemort spared a moment to bask in
ill-concealed glee at the sudden loss of Severus’ blank features which had
crumpled under the pain. “Do not disappoint me again, Severus. You have my
permission to leave.”
composed a bow as possible under the circumstances. He managed to retain enough
stability of mind to disapparate before he collapsed to the floor and to
apparate to Snape Manor rather than to Hogsmeade. Appearing in Death Eater robe
with mask in hand, middle of the night or no, would not be beneficial to his
cover. Some sodding insomniac would be awake to see him.
care less. The interfering old coot deserved it.
accusing, body trembling with the fresh imprint of artificial pain.
dreamt of prophecies and Death Eaters and Sirius…Black…falling…falling…falling…