Dark Night of the Soul
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Harry Potter › General
Rating:
Adult +
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3
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Currently Reading:
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Category:
Harry Potter › General
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
3
Views:
1,329
Reviews:
2
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Chapter 2: Deep Twilight of the He
~ Disclaimer: I own nothing but what springs from my imagination (Poe and Ariah are mine, thank you very much). Severus Snape, Remus Lupin, Hogwarts, and the rest of the Potterverse are the property and the children of JK Rowling. ~
Dark Night of the Soul
Chapter 2: Deep Twilight of the Heart
Severus sat at the staff meeting, occasionally glancing over at his love. Ariah Morrigan was beautiful. Tall, raven haired, vivid blue eyes, quick and easy smile, classic features. She was also smart, powerful,d, ad, and funny. Not that she was perfect, she had her flaws. She was stubborn, she tended to leap before she looked, she had a temper, and she did not suffer fools well. She also snored. And refused to eat vegetables. And had the most annoying manner of scrunching up her face when she didn’t want to do something. And she had the most kissable lips…Severus shook his head. A staff meeting was not the place to be musing about her lips, not to mention the little moaning sound she made when he touched her very sensitive…
“Do you agree, Severus?” Albus’ voice cut through his reverie.
“Hmph, I’m sorry, I missed the question.”
“I noticed. Do you agree that we should do something extra special for Yule this year?”
“I can’t imagine particularly caring what Yule festivities are planned.”
“Not donning the Santa suit this year, Severus?” queried Remus with a grin. Severus responded with a glare.
“I have no intention of stepping foot anywhere near a Yule celebration, much less a ‘Santa Suit’, whatever the bloody hell that is,” he growled.
“Muggle Christmas thing,” explained Remus.
“Bah,” said Severus.
Ariah looked at him and smiled a small smile. She understood him like no one else. And she never made excuses for his behavior. In fact, she requested that he not change.
“You are who you are, Sev,” she had said to him, “and why should you change?”
But he had changed. He knew it. The changes weren’t obvious, they were subtle. He was more tolerant, eve he he didn’t let that tolerance show. Sometimes that bothered him. He was worried that he was developing a weakness, one that would do him no good once she left him. He had accepted the fact that she would eventually leave him. There had to come a time when she needed more than what he was. He was afraid that time was rapidly approaching.
“Well,” said Minerva, “if no one has any ideas, we will simply go with a Yule feast, perhaps another ball? Can the heads of house discuss it with the prefects?”
The rest of the staff nodded in agreement, Severus rolling his eyes slightly. The meeting broke up with the staff heading to the Great Hall for dinner. Ariah hung back and waited for Severus.
“I take it you want me to talk about the Yule festivities with the prefects?”
“If you would,” he answered in a clipped tone.
Ariah looked at him questioningly, “Is everything all right, Severus?”
“Fine, Ariah.”
“Well, at least you didn’t call me Professor Morrigan again.”
“Was there something else you needed?”
“No, Severus, nothing at all. I just assumed you’d want me to discuss your second least favorite holiday with the prefects and save you the agony. Are you coming up to my chambers tonight?”
“I don’t think so. I have some potions to work on.”
“I see. Well, if you change your mind, the offer still stands. The offer always stands.”
“I shall keep that in mind,” he replied, glaring at two Ravenclaws that stood in his way. He quickly took 10 points from them and strode into the Great Hall, leaving Ariah standing there shaking her head.
It was this way every now and again with him. He would close down and not let her in. Eventually it turned into a row, then amazing lovemaking as they made up for the harsh words they may have spoken. But this time it felt different. There was something deeper to Severus’ curtness with her. Ariah knew she had to worm her way in and find out what was bothering him. The one thing about her lover that she had issues with was his habit of curling up within himself and not letting her in. It was fine in small doses, but lately, he’d been retreating deeper and deeper into himself. The last time she saw him like this, he had eventually taken the Dark Mark. She wasn’t about to let the man she loved slip into self destruction again. Ariah followed Severuto tto the Great Hall and took her usual spot between him and Remus.
They ate a quiet meal, not saying anything to each other, with Ariah occasionally breaking into snippets of conversation with Remus. It was during one of these moments of conversation that Severus stood up, excused himself and swept out of the Great Hall.
“Problem?” asked Remus.
“I’m not sure. He’s doing that retreating thing again,” she replied.
“Are you going after him?”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea right now.”
“You’re probably right,” said Remus, “one thing Sev hates is being coddled.”
“There’s something going on with him. I’m wondering if he’s having doubts about us,” she said.
“How can he have doubts about you?”
“He’s Severus Snape. Of course, he could have having those dastardly self doubts again. Those are worse than any doubts he may have about me or about us.”
“True.”
“Besides, I can be quite difficult.”
“Not you.”
“Severus and I are well matched in degree of difficulty,” she said with a wry grin.
“I hope you work things out, I truly mean that,” said Remus.
“So do I, my friend, so do I.”
With a wistful look, Ariah got up from the table and headed to the Slytherin common room to talk to the prefects. She would confront Severus later.
* * * * *
Severus had left the Great Hall and headed for his dungeon chambers. He knew he had to confront his feelings head on, but it would be easier to just knock back some firewhiskey and wallow for awhile. Weighing the options in his mind, he chose the firewhiskey. He could always sober up with a potion should he feel the need.
He entered his rooms and headed straight for his small bar. He opened up a bottle of firewhiskey and took a shot. He felt the warmth course down his throat and settle in his stomach. Grabbing the bottle and eschewing the glass, he sat in his green leather wingchair and stared at the ceiling. He wondered to himself what was creating all this doubt in his mind. Why was he suddenly doubting a woman who had gone to hell and back for him? Why was he doubting a woman who had loved him for decades from afar, who broke all the rules of her family to save his life, and who gave up all that she was to be with him? It hit him in an instant. It wasn’t Ariah he doubted. It was himself. His weakness helped him join the Death Eaters. His joining the Death Eaters proved his lack of character. His lack of character caused him to alienate everyone who ever tried to get close to him. This alienation caused him to regard himself in the lowest esteem possible. And this low self esteem caused the waves of self doubt that plagued him. It wasn’t that he doubted Ariah’s love. It was that he doubted he was worthy of the she she gave him freely and the happiness that filled him when he was with her.
He loved her. Gods how he loved her. He had never in his life felt the way he felt when he was with her. But along with loving her came the responsibility. He had the responsibility to keep her heart safe. He couldn’t even safeguard his own fragile heart, how could he take care of hers?
She was better off without him. She was better off with someone like Remus. She was better off with anyone other than Severus Snape, the bitter man he was. Severus sighed and ran his hand through his hair. She was better off never having known him.
Dark Night of the Soul
Chapter 2: Deep Twilight of the Heart
Severus sat at the staff meeting, occasionally glancing over at his love. Ariah Morrigan was beautiful. Tall, raven haired, vivid blue eyes, quick and easy smile, classic features. She was also smart, powerful,d, ad, and funny. Not that she was perfect, she had her flaws. She was stubborn, she tended to leap before she looked, she had a temper, and she did not suffer fools well. She also snored. And refused to eat vegetables. And had the most annoying manner of scrunching up her face when she didn’t want to do something. And she had the most kissable lips…Severus shook his head. A staff meeting was not the place to be musing about her lips, not to mention the little moaning sound she made when he touched her very sensitive…
“Do you agree, Severus?” Albus’ voice cut through his reverie.
“Hmph, I’m sorry, I missed the question.”
“I noticed. Do you agree that we should do something extra special for Yule this year?”
“I can’t imagine particularly caring what Yule festivities are planned.”
“Not donning the Santa suit this year, Severus?” queried Remus with a grin. Severus responded with a glare.
“I have no intention of stepping foot anywhere near a Yule celebration, much less a ‘Santa Suit’, whatever the bloody hell that is,” he growled.
“Muggle Christmas thing,” explained Remus.
“Bah,” said Severus.
Ariah looked at him and smiled a small smile. She understood him like no one else. And she never made excuses for his behavior. In fact, she requested that he not change.
“You are who you are, Sev,” she had said to him, “and why should you change?”
But he had changed. He knew it. The changes weren’t obvious, they were subtle. He was more tolerant, eve he he didn’t let that tolerance show. Sometimes that bothered him. He was worried that he was developing a weakness, one that would do him no good once she left him. He had accepted the fact that she would eventually leave him. There had to come a time when she needed more than what he was. He was afraid that time was rapidly approaching.
“Well,” said Minerva, “if no one has any ideas, we will simply go with a Yule feast, perhaps another ball? Can the heads of house discuss it with the prefects?”
The rest of the staff nodded in agreement, Severus rolling his eyes slightly. The meeting broke up with the staff heading to the Great Hall for dinner. Ariah hung back and waited for Severus.
“I take it you want me to talk about the Yule festivities with the prefects?”
“If you would,” he answered in a clipped tone.
Ariah looked at him questioningly, “Is everything all right, Severus?”
“Fine, Ariah.”
“Well, at least you didn’t call me Professor Morrigan again.”
“Was there something else you needed?”
“No, Severus, nothing at all. I just assumed you’d want me to discuss your second least favorite holiday with the prefects and save you the agony. Are you coming up to my chambers tonight?”
“I don’t think so. I have some potions to work on.”
“I see. Well, if you change your mind, the offer still stands. The offer always stands.”
“I shall keep that in mind,” he replied, glaring at two Ravenclaws that stood in his way. He quickly took 10 points from them and strode into the Great Hall, leaving Ariah standing there shaking her head.
It was this way every now and again with him. He would close down and not let her in. Eventually it turned into a row, then amazing lovemaking as they made up for the harsh words they may have spoken. But this time it felt different. There was something deeper to Severus’ curtness with her. Ariah knew she had to worm her way in and find out what was bothering him. The one thing about her lover that she had issues with was his habit of curling up within himself and not letting her in. It was fine in small doses, but lately, he’d been retreating deeper and deeper into himself. The last time she saw him like this, he had eventually taken the Dark Mark. She wasn’t about to let the man she loved slip into self destruction again. Ariah followed Severuto tto the Great Hall and took her usual spot between him and Remus.
They ate a quiet meal, not saying anything to each other, with Ariah occasionally breaking into snippets of conversation with Remus. It was during one of these moments of conversation that Severus stood up, excused himself and swept out of the Great Hall.
“Problem?” asked Remus.
“I’m not sure. He’s doing that retreating thing again,” she replied.
“Are you going after him?”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea right now.”
“You’re probably right,” said Remus, “one thing Sev hates is being coddled.”
“There’s something going on with him. I’m wondering if he’s having doubts about us,” she said.
“How can he have doubts about you?”
“He’s Severus Snape. Of course, he could have having those dastardly self doubts again. Those are worse than any doubts he may have about me or about us.”
“True.”
“Besides, I can be quite difficult.”
“Not you.”
“Severus and I are well matched in degree of difficulty,” she said with a wry grin.
“I hope you work things out, I truly mean that,” said Remus.
“So do I, my friend, so do I.”
With a wistful look, Ariah got up from the table and headed to the Slytherin common room to talk to the prefects. She would confront Severus later.
* * * * *
Severus had left the Great Hall and headed for his dungeon chambers. He knew he had to confront his feelings head on, but it would be easier to just knock back some firewhiskey and wallow for awhile. Weighing the options in his mind, he chose the firewhiskey. He could always sober up with a potion should he feel the need.
He entered his rooms and headed straight for his small bar. He opened up a bottle of firewhiskey and took a shot. He felt the warmth course down his throat and settle in his stomach. Grabbing the bottle and eschewing the glass, he sat in his green leather wingchair and stared at the ceiling. He wondered to himself what was creating all this doubt in his mind. Why was he suddenly doubting a woman who had gone to hell and back for him? Why was he doubting a woman who had loved him for decades from afar, who broke all the rules of her family to save his life, and who gave up all that she was to be with him? It hit him in an instant. It wasn’t Ariah he doubted. It was himself. His weakness helped him join the Death Eaters. His joining the Death Eaters proved his lack of character. His lack of character caused him to alienate everyone who ever tried to get close to him. This alienation caused him to regard himself in the lowest esteem possible. And this low self esteem caused the waves of self doubt that plagued him. It wasn’t that he doubted Ariah’s love. It was that he doubted he was worthy of the she she gave him freely and the happiness that filled him when he was with her.
He loved her. Gods how he loved her. He had never in his life felt the way he felt when he was with her. But along with loving her came the responsibility. He had the responsibility to keep her heart safe. He couldn’t even safeguard his own fragile heart, how could he take care of hers?
She was better off without him. She was better off with someone like Remus. She was better off with anyone other than Severus Snape, the bitter man he was. Severus sighed and ran his hand through his hair. She was better off never having known him.