100 Ways to Kill a Weasley

“Come on Ron”, Hermione said; “We're going to be late meeting the rest of the Order.”

“I don’t see why we have to go all the way to America for a meeting; and at dinnertime too!” Ron grumbled as Hermione rolled her eyes.

“More than your stomach is at risk here Ron,” she said; nearly running through the Great Hall.

Hastily she tugged on his arm as they ran across the grounds of Hogwarts, hurrying to the Apparition point. Glaring at the two teenagers Professor Snape grabbed them each by the arm and prepared to Side-Along Apparate them to their destination.

The Order was doing something unusual today; meeting in Muggle Salem, MA. Death Eaters were scouring Hogsmeade and other towns so thoroughly that most of Wizarding Britain was deemed unsafe for group congregation. The meeting in America was also a recruiting and awareness drive. The Order was certain that the Death Eaters would attempt to infiltrate the United Stated now that Voldemort was on the move again in Britain.

Hermione clung to Professor Snape as they landed outside the ‘Mr. Kim’s Great China Wall Mega Super Buffet’. How she hated apparating!

Snape let go of Ron as soon as they arrived and Ron tumbled to his knees in the parking lot. The Professor however kept a hold of Hermione until she regained her balance then stalked across the asphalt and into the restaurant.

“What a Git!” Ron declared,and he got up and dusted off his hands and knees.

Ron finally straightened up then froze; staring at the neon sign above their heads that read '300 ft buffet - largest in the state!’

He scurried after Professor Snape who held the door for Hermione, who oddly enough blushed, but let the door shut in Ron's face. Ron yanked the door open; the hundreds of aromas washing over him as he entered the restaurant and whispered almost reverently, "I'm in heaven...”

Professor Snape held the chair next to his out for Hermione as they came into the reserved dining room with their plates of food, leaving Ron to take the chair directly opposite them. The meeting was progressing well despite the constant interruptions by Ron getting more and more food. Snape ate sparingly; his appetite severely curtailed by the sight of Ron shoveling food into his face as though he had never eaten before. The boy’s plates were certainly stacking up.

“Thank you everyone for attending; the bill has already been settled feel free to stay and visit among yourselves a while longer,” said Dumbledore. “Professor McGonagall and I must be getting back promptly.”

Ron got up to get another plate of steamed dumplings.

“I need to get back to my research project,” said Hermione looking up at Snape, “may we go now Professor?”

Snape nodded and headed towards the front door. Hermione paused to say goodbye to Luna and Tonks before following.

“’Mione! You spent all last weekend buried in the dungeons with the Greasy Git working on that project and you won’t even tell me what you are researching!” sputtered Ron as he hastily chomped the last of the dumplings.

“Wait for me!” Ron called as Professor Snape and Hermione paused by the front door.

Snape’s mouth flickered into what might almost be considered a faint smile as he handed one of the Andes mints from the bowl by the cash register to Hermione. Smiling, she took the candy from him and walked outside trying to keep up with Severus’ long strides. Ron grabbed a handful of the foil wrapped candies and followed behind them slowly as he stuffed the spares into his pockets.

Severus waited behind the restaurant carefully opening and eating his mint. He pulled a nearly giggling Hermione close in order to Apparate; winking at her slyly and thinking of their ‘research’. It was going to be a good evening.

“Man I can’t believe I ate so much”, moaned Ron from a few yards away as he paused to open one of the sweets and stuff it in his mouth.

“OH! I feel… I feel sick”, groaned Ron, stopping where he was.

Suddenly his head became swollen, then his guts; he was inflating like a balloon! Bigger and bigger he grew until suddenly he exploded into a revolting mass.

“Oh my god! Ron!” gasped Hermione not moving from Snape’s side. “We must Owl his parents immediately on our return; though I don’t think there is anything St. Mungo’s could do….”

“Hmm…” said Snape as he focused on Apparating them safely pulling Hermione closer, “it was only a wafer thin mint.”