Love Affair

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter and I’m not making any money out of this.
Pairing: Remus/Sirius
Author: Catium
Rating: NC-13
Word Count:
Genre: Romance, drama.
Status: In progress
Warnings: Fluffy feelings, language, drama, slash, smut!!!
Summary: The story of Remus and Sirius’s friendship and love affair.
Note: This story is kind of a prequel to There Is a Thin Line Between Hate and Love. In chapter 13 of There Is a Thin Line... Harry comes to Remus for an advice because he thinks he has feelings for Draco. Remus tells Harry that he and Sirius were a couple and after Harry runs out to talk to Draco, Remus starts to think about how he and Sirius became friend and later lovers. This story traces Remus and Sirius story of friendship and later love affair.
I wouldn’t mind a few reviews. Is anyone reading this story?

Chapter 9. – The Beginning of the End

“Remus?” Sirius called when he walked into their cottage after another really difficult day in the Auror training.

Nearly two years had gone by since him and Remus, along with their friends, James, Peter and Lily had graduated from Hogwart’s. Sirius was in his second of four years in Auror training and Remus...well Remus was just lucky he had his job at Flourish & Blotts.

James had married Lily soon after graduation and was also in Auror training. Lily was working as a receptionist at St. Mungo’s, still trying to figure out what exactly she wanted to do. Peter was also holding a temporary job not sure what he wanted to be when he grew up.

Almost a year ago Voldemort had begun his war openly, after waging it for almost a decade in secrecy. He had attacked Diagon Alley along with his followers. Their targets had been everyone, since those who were on his side had been warned to not be at Diagon Alley that day. Afterwards he had declared an open war against all Mudbloods and Bloodtraitors. The Ministry had declared war back. A few weeks later the Wizarding World was at brutal open war. Voldemort and his followers weren’t sparing anyone and the Ministry was trying to fight back but they weren’t doing a good job. There were too many traitors within the Ministry, every attack they tried to launch on Voldemort failed. The light side seemed bound to lose.

Then Dumbledore stepped in. He had called a bunch of people he trusted and knew for sure weren’t Voldemort’s followers to a meeting. Amongst those people had been Sirius himself, Remus, James, Lily and Peter. At the meeting Dumbledore had told them his plan. To start an order who would fight Voldemort and his Death Eaters by any means necessary. The two rules he started out with was that they could not speak about the order or it’s business outside the order. And anyone who would be caught doing Dark Magic would be handed over to the Ministry immediately. Then he had asked who of them were willing to join. Everyone who he’d called at the meeting signed up without hesitation. Soon afterwards Remus, always the clever one with names, had found the perfect name for this order. He had been thinking about Dumbledore’s phoenix Fawkes. And named the order the Order of the Phoenix.
___________________________________________________________________________

“Remus?” Sirius called again.

“In here.” Remus’s voice answered him, coming from the kitchen. Sirius smiled as he walked into the kitchen and found the smell of a roast. One of the good things of Remus working in a shop was that he rarely had to work late and his work hours were regular. So whenever Sirius came home, Remus would usually have cooked dinner. The few times Sirius came home early he would cook but the fact was he was rubbish at it, so he gladly gave this
house chore over to Remus who should have been a professional cook.

“Why are you making roast?” Sirius asked him.

“We’re having company tonight remember?” Remus told him. Sirius simply looked at him not remembering at all.

“Oh jeez, Sirius. You forgot?” Remus asked him when he saw the empty expression on Sirius face. When Sirius didn’t answer him, he added. “James, Lily and Peter are all coming over for dinner. The first dinner we have together this year. Everyone has been so busy working and doing Order missions that we haven’t managed any time together.”

“The year 1980...” Sirius said absentminded. “...I’d completely forgotten. I should go change into something more dinner-y and less work-y.”

Remus looked him over, wearing his dark red, Auror in training, robes that were very dirty and looked a little burned. He didn’t ask what had happened, because sometimes Sirius’s work stories gave him nightmares or he couldn’t sleep at all worrying over his boyfriend.

“Don’t ask.” Sirius told him when he saw him looking at his robes.

“Wouldn’t dream of it. Put the robes in the dirty laundry and ruffle up “your” bed a little so it looks like you’ve been sleeping in it. We wanna keep up the appearance.” Remus ordered him.

“Will do sir.” Sirius said and saluted military style then he added in a teasing tone. “I just love it when you order my around like this...sir.” Then he walked close up to Remus and asked him. “Is there something else I can do for you sir?” He asked in an innocent tone.

Remus growled a bit and grabbed Sirius pulling him flush against him and giving him a mind blowing, but a very short kiss, then he pushed him away saying. “You can... not be a tease right now Sirius. You know I can’t stand it when you start teasing me and we don’t have time for this. They’re arriving in fifteen minutes. Go... get... dressed.” He ordered again.

Sirius didn’t move straight away still looking at Remus and not breaking his embrace.

“Maybe we should tell them tonight.” He said sounding more seriously than he normally did. “We’ve been together for over two years. I think they should know.”

“We don’t know how they will react.” Remus said not needing to ask Sirius what he was talking about.

“It they don’t agree then we don’t need them as friends.” Sirius said angrily.

“Yes we do Sirius. They aren’t just our friends. They’re our family. And during these times families need to stick together. And not add to the worrying. And coming out now, that will put us in danger. And they will worry about us even more. About us being killed because we’re...gay. This is not the time. This war won’t last
forever. We will tell them when the war is over.”

Sirius sighed knowing that Remus was right.

“You’re right Remus. Like always. I will go get changed then. And one order for you sir.”

“Mhm.” Remus mumbled in agreement. “What?”

“No war or Order talk tonight. All right?”

“Agreed.” Remus said and gave Sirius a quick kiss then pushed him gently towards the stairs.

Sirius went upstairs and changed quickly into a set of, bit-fancy-but-still-casual-enough-for-a-dinner-with-friends, robes and went downstairs again. He set the table for Remus, which was something he was good at. And just as Remus took the roast out of the oven the door bell rang.

“Ah...right on time.” Remus said. “Will you answer the door ho...Sirius.” Remus quickly changed the end of the sentence, shifting gears for the evening. From boyfriend to best friend.

“Will do.” Sirius answered him and went to the door. Outside James and Lily were standing close together and behind them a, still too short, Peter peeked.

“Hey guys. Common in.” Sirius greeted each of them with a hug when they walked in.

“Hey Sirius.” Lily said back once inside from the cold January weather. “It’s freezing outside. I don’t understand how you and James manage to live through your outdoors exercises every day.”

“Clearly the none war or Order talk rule have been set for her too.” Sirius thought, “Otherwise Lily would have started the conversation with something about the war, since that is the new weather talk these days.”

“Guess we just handle the cold better than you darling, sorry.” James answered her apologetically, when they walked into the living room.

“I agree with Lily, you two are nuts, I wouldn’t want this job if the Minister himself asked me to become an Auror.” Remus said when he walked into the living room saying hello to his friends.

“I’m on board with Lily and Remus. Too cold.” Peter said.

“Well, the dinner’s ready.” Remus told them. “The night is young we eat now and talk later.”

“Sound like a plan to me mate.” James said happily and took the lead into the kitchen were the roast waited for them.
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

“Whoow...I’m full.” Peter said patting his stomach around an hour later.

“Me too.” James said and leaned back in the chair. “Thank you so much for this dinner Remus it was...”

“Delicious. Like always Remus. You’re natural at this.” Lily concluded James’s sentence.

“Thank you all.” Remus said smiling like always when people complimented his cooking.

“Your best roast so far Remy.” Sirius told him looking his lover in the eyes.

For a second Remus started back at him, then, remembering the company he broke the contact. “How about we move into the living room before we’re unable to move?” He suggested and everyone agreed to that, moving reluctantly to the living room.

Remus gave Sirius an irritated look as they walked after their friends to the living room.

“What?” Sirius mouthed.

“Don’t do that.” Remus whispered in low but harsh voice.

“Do what?” Sirius whispered back.

“Call me Remy in front of them. That’s the name we use...as a couple, not friends.”

“Sorry I forgot myself.” Sirius apologized in a low voice.

“Just don’t do it again.” Remus whispered back and walked faster to catch up with their friends.

Once seated a sleepy silence settled over everyone. Remus’s dinner had been a bit too good. Everyone had eaten so much that now all they really wanted to do was to take a nap.

Then Lily broke the silence.

“My and James have news and we weren’t going to tell you tonight but I just can’t hold my big mouth shut.” She looked lovingly at James and asked him.

“You wanna tell them or should I?”

“Now?” James asked her. Lily knotted her head.

“Tell them together?” James asked. Lily knotted her head again and then they told their friends the news.

“We’re pregnant.”

Peter’s eyes widened comically.

Sirius jaws dropped.

Remus smiled.

“Congratulations.” He said and stood up to give Lily and James a hug. Sirius and Peter quickly followed and after congratulations had been given Remus said.

“I think that this baby is going to bring you a lot of happiness.”
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

“Did he tell what he wanted?” Remus asked Sirius as they raised up the familiar steps in Hogwart’s that lead to the Headmaster’s office.

“Just that he needed to see us face to face. That it was urgent.” Sirius answered him.

“What do you think He did now?”

“Don’t know but we’re about to find out.” Sirius said as they burst through Dumbledore’s door. Not bothering to knock. Dumbledore had told them some time ago to just come on in when he called for them.

“Ah Remus...Sirius.” Dumbledore said smiling when he saw them. “Have a seat.” He offered them and pointed at the two unoccupied chairs in the room. Remus looked around. Lily and James were sitting in two of the chairs. They stood up when they saw Remus and Sirius and greeted them whole heartily. The Order missions had taken up so much of their time that the four friends had barely seen each other since their dinner in January.
They all took a seat after greeting each other. Remus looked at his friends and then noticed the other company that was in the room.

Lily was now eight months pregnant and had her hand on her stomach. Next to her and James another couple was seated. The Longbottoms, Frank and Alice. Remus looked at the heavily pregnant Alice wondering how far along she was. They were part of the Order, had been at the meeting when Dumbledore had founded the Order. Sirius also knew them from work. They were two years his seniors in the Auror department. They had been graduated from the
program around the same time the war had broken out.

“Tee?” Dumbledore asked them.

“No thanks.” Sirius said hurriedly.

“What’s this all about Dumbledore?” Remus asked him. “Why are Frank and Alice here?

“I asked them to come. Like I asked James and Lily. Dumbledore started to say. “We don’t have a lot of time. So I’ll explain without delay. This morning I went to see a woman named Sybill Trelawney about a job, as a Divination teacher. She is the great-great-granddaughter of the great seer Cassandra Trelawney. I thought she might have inherited some of that power. I was greatly disappointed. She didn’t have any ability. But when I was about to leave she fell into a trance. A real trance and she made a prophecy. I decided after this performance to give her the job. The Ministry got an alert as happens when a real prophecy is made and it’s already been stored in the Ministry.”

“That’s...very interesting Dumbledore but what has this to do with us?” James asked him.

“I’m getting there James.” Dumbledore told him then continued. “The prophecy involved the Dark Lord and the coming of the one with the power to vanquish him. The one is to be borne to those who have defied him three times. Born as the seventh month dies. I made the calculation quickly, realising that this prophecy might imply to two to-be parents only. The Ministry won’t figure that out since they don’t know about all the times the parents to-be have confronted Voldemort since some of those time happened while they were working for the Order. But Voldemort will realise to whom the prophecy refers to soon.”

“How will he do that?” Frank asked.

“I’m afraid someone was spying on my meeting with Trelawney. But the owner of the Hog’s Head were we met caught him and threw him out. I’m not sure he heard the whole prophecy but enough so Voldemort will make the math... and get two.”

“And who are the par...” Lily started to ask then she looked at Alice and herself and a strange expression came on her face.

“Alice when are you due?” She asked her.

“And the end of July why do you ask?” Alice told her.

“I’m due at the end of July too. And my and James have in fact defied Him three times.”

Realisation dawned on Alice’s face and she said in a low voice. “So have my and Frank.”

“The prophecy is about our kids.” James said.

Dumbledore simply knotted his head gravely.

“Who was the spy and how do you know he’s working for Voldemort?” Sirius asked Dumbledore.

“The owner of the Hog’s Head didn’t know the name. But he remembered him from his school years. Told me he graduated almost two years ago, a Slytherin, wears black button down robes...” Dumbledore started to say slowly. “black, dirty looking hair and an eagle nose.”

“Snape.” Sirius hissed and Remus had an hard time suppressing his growl. Frank and Alice didn’t know he was a werewolf, otherwise he would have given in and growled.

Lily’s expression went from weird to betrayed.

“He wouldn’t...” she started to say.

“He isn’t your friend anymore Lily.” Dumbledore told her. “He’s not the boy you knew. I know you were friends...but that’s the past. He’s joined with Voldemort. I’ve witnesses that put him on the scene of several Death Eaters attacks. I’ve talked to him in person and he didn’t say anything to prove he’s a Death Eater now but he didn’t tell anything to prove me wrong either.”

“How could the witnesses see him? The Death Eaters were masks.”

James shook his head when he told her. “They are strong enough now and feared enough so they don’t need the masks.”

The truth finally hid Lily full time and she hid her face in her hands. “Oh god no.” She whispered. “Severus.”

“I’m truly sorry Lily. I tried to get him on our side but...” Dumbledore told her then stopped mid sentence like he was at loss for words.

The room filled with silence as the news sunk in full time and they started to realise what it meant.

“The babies” Remus started to say breaking the silence. He couldn’t believe this was happening. James and Lily’s baby was supposed to bring them happiness not...this.

“He will come after them.” Dumbledore told them. “As soon as he’s done the math.”

“We can’t stop him.” Alice said.

“We’ll have to hide.” Frank declared.

“I agree with Frank.” James said, “To hide is the best solution.”

“But how?” Lily asked.

“How can they hide form the most powerful dark wizard alive?” Sirius pondered

Dumbledore had been watching the exchange silently but now he answered Sirius’s question.

“I’m not trying to sound like an egoist, but I know how you’ll hide from the most powerful dark wizard alive.”

“How?” Lily asked again.

Dumbledore gave her a small smile and a little of his usually ever present twinkle returned to his eyes.

“With my help.”
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

“I miss Lily and James” Remus whispered when he was resting in Sirius’s arms after they’d made love.

It had been six months since Lily and James had went into hiding along with Alice and Frank Longbottom. Dumbledore had helped them to hide very well... at least for the time being. Now he was spending a lot of his time trying to find a way to hide them completely from Voldemort, whom according to the sources was making his
Death Eaters look for them night and day, even going after the likeliest tracks himself.

Both Lily and Alice had given birth at the end of July. Alice shortly before midnight on the 30’th and Lily a few hours after her on the 31’st. Thus making the prophecy match for their sons. Dumbledore had told Remus and Sirius they’ve both given birth to healthy baby boys. Lily and James had named their son Harry James Potter.
Frank and Alice’s son name was Neville.

“I miss them too.” Sirius whispered back at him. Pulling him closer to him. “We haven’t even seen little Harry yet.”

“Dumbledore doesn’t want to risk anything. That’s why their location is only known by him.”

“If his attentions were to keep us out of the loop like this, like he doesn’t trust us. Then why did he tell us about the situation to begin with?”

“Probably figured out that James would tell us anyway. Which he would’ve. Dumbledore knows we don’t have any secrets from each other.” Remus said giving Sirius the most likely explanation in his opinion.

“Yes he would’ve told us. Dumbledore was just making sure they didn’t waste time to come visit us and tell us what was going on before they went into hiding.” Sirius agreed to Remus’s explanation. “But you’re not right about the keeping secrets part. We’ve kept a secret from them.”

“Yes we have.”

“We should’ve told them that night when we invited them to dinner.”

“Yes we should.”

“Now it’s too late.”

“Don’t say that.” Remus said harshly turning around so he was facing Sirius. “We’ll see them again and we’ll have another dinner together. Then we will tell them.”

Sirius knotted his head and gave Remus a kiss.

“You’re right. Like always. We’ll be able to see them again.”

“And then we will tell them.” Remus told him.

“And then we will tell them.” Sirius agreed.
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Sirius head was spinning.

Dumbledore had called him to a meeting. When he’d come inside his office James and Lily had been there, with now a fourteen month old Harry. Sirius had been surprised beyond. He’d not expected to be seeing his friends. Let alone their son. Lily had allowed him to hold Harry and Sirius had hold him in his arms while Dumbledore had told him about his newest plan in hiding Lily, James and little Harry. It had been complicated but basically the spell, called the Fidelius charm involved them hiding in one place and telling one person about where they were hiding. The secret would then be locked within that person and no one would be able to find them unless that person, the Secret Keeper, gave up the location of the place. James had wanted him to be the Secret Keeper.
Sirius had thought about it then he’d said yes. He would be able to keep the secret. He wouldn’t tell anyone, not even Remus.

Sirius had then been allowed to leave but before he’d left James had asked him one more thing. If he would like to be Harry’s godfather.

Sirius hadn’t hesitated before saying yes.

On his way out of the castle he’d run into Flitwick. He was the new Charms teacher and a part of the Order. He’d stopped Sirius needing to talk to him.

“A rumour has been rising within the Order Sirius.” He’d told him.

“You shouldn’t listen to rumours.” Sirius had answered him.

“This is a rumour hard to ignore. That there is a traitor within the Order, and that has only gotten stronger now that Dumbledore pulled Lily and James from their hiding place. Apparently He was getting close to them. And some people have been whispering, Sirius you know I wouldn’t tell you this if I didn’t find it necessary, I’m not the one to spread rumours like this.”

“Who are they saying it is?” Sirius has demanded needing to know.

“Remus. Some are saying that Remus is the traitor.”

Now Sirius’s head was spinning. Could it be true? Could Remus be a traitor? They’d not seen much of each other over the last months. Dumbledore had them on separate missions that they weren’t allowed to talk to anyone about. Not even each other. But could Remus really have turned to Voldemort? It was only a rumour. But rumours usually came from some true place. And Remus was a werewolf after all. A dark magical creature. And dark magical creatures were usually drawn to the dark arts. Or the one practising them. Sirius knew Voldemort had recruited werewolves into his army. Could he have recruited Remus?

Right now it seemed very plausible.
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Remus was confused and feeling more hurt than ever in his live.

There had been a big Order meeting on October 30’th, where everyone had been brought up to date on what was happening within the Order.

Dumbledore had done a spell six days earlier that now hid James, Lily and Harry completely. Their location was hidden within one person. A Secret Keeper. Dumbledore hadn’t told them who the Secret Keeper was. But everyone knew it was Sirius.

A member of the Order had walked up to Remus after the meeting. Remus hadn’t been able to say hello to Sirius whom had been attending the meeting. He’d had to go as soon as it was over attending some mission for Dumbledore. Remus was pressed for time but had giving himself some time to listen to this member of the Order.

The news had been surprising to say at least.

Apparently there was a rumour going on about a traitor. And some people were saying that person was Sirius.

Remus didn’t understand how that was possible. Sirius had never been drawn to the dark arts before. But he did come from a family of dark wizards. Maybe his inheritage was coming into the daylight.

The more Remus thought about this the more it seemed to make sense. And Sirius had been made Lily’s and James’s Secret Keeper. He’d run straight to Voldemort as soon as he could and tell him their location and then...

“Oh Merlin no!” Remus thought desperately.
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Lily and James were dead.

Remus was in shock. He’d just heard the news. Voldemort had found their place on Halloween and killed them both. But when he’d tried to kill Harry something had went wrong. The killing curse had backfired somehow. Lily and
James’s house in Godric Hollow, where they’d been hiding, had been destroyed and Voldemort was dead. But somehow Harry had survived.

Now the whole Wizarding world was celebrating the defeat of Voldemort. A defeat that a fifteen month old baby had managed when a bunch of grown up, very talented wizards couldn’t had.

Remus didn’t understand any of this. But one thing he did understand. Sirius had been Lily and James’s Secret Keeper. He’d told Voldemort were to find them. He was the traitor, and now a murderer. But not only had he been involved in the murder of his best friends. He’d also blown up a street full of Muggles...and Peter.
Sirius had fled after Voldemort had been defeated. Peter had gone after him. He’d managed to corner him in a street full of Muggles. And in a desperate attempt to escape Sirius had blown up the whole street. Killing twelve muggles and Peter. Thirteen innocent lives. When the Ministry had arrived Sirius had just been standing there laughing like a madman.

Dumbledore had given witness to that he’d been there when James had asked Sirius to be their secret keeper and he’d shown James and Lily how to do the Fidelius charm. And that James had done the spell with Sirius on the 24’th of October. That had been Dumbledore witness but the rest was easy to figure out. Soon after the Fidelius charm had been done Sirius had gone to Voldemort and told him the location. Then Voldemort had attacked on Halloween with these consequences. No trial had been needed over Sirius. He’d been sentences to a life in Azkaban on the spot. According to what Remus had heard Sirius hadn’t made any attempt to defend himself. He’d just stood there laughing.

Sirius hadn’t only become a dark wizard. He’d also gone mad.

Now Remus was sitting in his living room, across from Dumbledore as he finished telling him the events of the previous night.

“And Harry?” Remus asked frozen in shock.

“He’ll be living with Lily’s sister and her family. I think it’s for the best that he doesn’t stay in our world. He’s become an instant celebrity. A legend. That is not a healthy situation for any child to grow up in. The effects it would have on him...”

“He’d be spoiled.” Remus guessed at what Dumbledore’s next words would be.

“Right you are my boy. He would be. I think this is the best solution.”

“You’re right. It is. Sirius...” Remus had to pause at the name. “...is his godfather. But he’s not around. Everyone in James’s family are...dead. Lily’s sister is the only one he has.”

“And I’m confident she will take good care of him.” Dumbledore said then he stood up. “Now I must go. There is much still to sort out. I will check up on you.” He said and laid his hand on Remus’s shoulder. “You’ll take care?”

Remus knotted dumbfounded.

Dumbledore went to the fireplace and flooed out. Once he was gone Remus seemed to get back to live. He started crying. A heartbroken, grieve ridden cry.

He grieved for James and Lily and Peter.

But mostly he grieved for Sirius. His lover who he thought he’d know better than anyone. But clearly he hadn’t known him at all. He’d lost the love of his live. Not to death but to the Dark Arts. That was worse than if Sirius would have died. He was lost to him despite being alive. No one came back from being this deep in the Dark Arts. Sirius was lost to him. Forever.
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A year went by.

Remus fell into a deep depression after loosing his friends...his family...his lover. Loosing everything. He stopped going to work. Not finding the desire to get up in the morning to go to work. Finally he received a letter from Flourish. A letter of resignation, Remus threw it away after he read it. Not caring. He spent his time sitting around thinking about his and Sirius’s time together. Trying to figure out the point where Sirius had turned...evil...there was no other word to describe it. He’d killed thirteen people directly. And helped murdering his best friend and his wife. The man who was like brother to him. Tried to murder their child. He had gone evil. Remus obsessed about this. He didn’t think of anything else. When? How? Why? He didn’t find any answers.

A year from James and Lily’s death he had a visit.

There was a knock on the cottage door. His and Sirius’s cottage. Remus got up from the chair he’d been sitting in like he was in a trance. He opened the door and outside it Dumbledore stood.

Remus stared at him.

Dumbledore gave him a small smile then he asked.

“Well my dear boy, aren’t you going to invite me in?”

Remus stepped aside wordlessly and Dumbledore walked into the living room. Remus followed him. Then he remembered his manners.

“Please Albus.” His voice sounded strange and hoarse, even in his own ears.”Have a seat.”

“Thank you Remus.” Dumbledore said and took a seat. Remus sat back in his chair not knowing what to say to him.

“I’m so sorry I’ve not been to see you Remus. This year has gone by so fast. Trials, questionings... all in order to get the last of Voldemort’s followers off the street and into Azkaban.”

“It’s all right.” Remus said staring at nothing in particular not looking at Dumbledore. “I’ve needed some alone time.” Then he looked puzzled at Dumbledore.

“What do you mean this year?”

Dumbledore sighed softly like he’d been expecting something in the line of this just not this bad.

“Remus it’s been a year since James and Lily were killed. Today is Halloween. I heard that you were let go from your job. That you just stopped showing up to work and they didn’t have a choice but to replace you. No one’s seen you for a year. You’ve been closing yourself in here like a recluse.”

“Yeah.” Remus answered in a hollow voice. “I guess I have.”

Dumbledore leaned forward and put his hand on Remus’s shoulder. “I’m telling you this in the kindest way possible Remus. You need to snap out of this. Start living again. Burying yourself alive in this house...stop living your life... it won’t bring them back. None of them.

Remus looked Dumbledore in the eyes. And for the first time in a year the haze seem to lift a little. He saw the truth in Dumbledore’s words.

“You’re right.” He told him

“I know this has been very difficult for you. You lost everyone in your life in less than 24 hours. But now it’s time to move on. Is there anything I can do to help you?”

“There is something he can do.” Remus though. Then he said out loud.

“There is. If I can say goodbye to my old live then I can start my new life. And for me to say goodbye to my old life I need to say goodbye to my friends. I need to visit James’s and Lily’s graves. See Peter’s mom and most importantly... And that’s where you’ll have to help me.”

“Anything Remus.”

Remus looked at Dumbledore a determinded expression on his face.

“I need you to help me get a visit to Sirius.”
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Remus came home and for the first time in a year he really looked around the little cottage. The mess was unbelievable. How had he allowed this to become this way?

Dumbledore had managed to get Remus a visit to Sirius in Azkaban. They day of the visit came and Remus, already gone to visit James’s and Lily’s graves and see Peter’s mother, went there hopeful. When he got to Azkaban and saw Sirius the hope died. It hadn’t been because of the Dementors outside Sirius’s chamber door. It had been because of Sirius. Remus had known Sirius’s gotten mad. But he’d never suspected he was this mad.
Sirius had been speaking to himself. Something about treachery, and death...that they were all dead. And explosion. The rat... the bloody rat. He’d said that most often and the word switch.

Remus understood everything but that last word. Sirius was reliving the night of his friends death. How his treachery had got them killed. But he didn’t look guilty about it just...nonchalant...like he didn’t care. He had even sniggered and laughed every once and a while between his ramblings

Seeing Sirius like this made Remus realise that he must let go of Sirius for once and all. He decided that very moment to never visit him again.

Now Remus was back home and looked at the mess that had piled up over the last year. Then he raised his wand and went to work.

Remus cleaned up every piece of trash lying around. Then he went on to pack away Sirius’s stuff. He didn’t throw it away. He put it in the attic. Stashing it away and then did his best to forget it was there.

The very next day Remus went on a job hunt. It took him nearly a week but finally he found a job in a second hand bookstore in Muggle London. Remus dedicated himself completely to the job. Working all day every
day. Tireless in finding the books the clients wanted and books that they hadn’t thought of asking about yet.

He determinedly pushed away the memories of James, Lily, Peter and Sirius. Trying to forget in an attempt to get the grieve, the hurt, to stop. To get his broken and burned heart to heal. But despite his best efforts the memories would come hunting him during the night. In the form of dreams. First Remus took a lot of dreamless potion, when he started to form a immunity to it, he simply cut back on his sleep.

With these methods Remus managed to pull his life together enough for him to stay sane. Getting some sort of a new life.

And living this new, sort of life, 12 years went by.

TBC.

I’m not too proud to beg. So I’m begging you just one review would be nice. Pretty pretty please.