Cloudy Skies and Heartache

Chapter 9







Adara was growing up so quickly. It felt like just yesterday when he had held her in his arms for the first time.







But now Remus’ little girl was already a one year old toddler, having celebrated her first birthday last week.







Looking at his pride and joy waddling unsteadily across the living room in front of him as she pulled her little ducky on wheels by its string behind her, Remus felt the usual clenching of his heart that came with watching her.







With a full head of raven black silky curls, large intelligent looking eyes, and fine doll-like features, she looked just like a copy of Sirius. The only difference was her bright amber eyes that seemed to glitter in the light. But still, the uncanny resemblance to the Blacks made Remus’ heart ache with longing, sadness and guilt every time he looked at his baby girl.







Till this day, he still missed Sirius. His heart still pining for the other boy. But Remus, if nothing, was a sensible intelligent man, and he knew very well not to expect anything, from the future or Sirius. He still felt the pain of Sirius’ accusations from more than two years ago and the guilt that stemmed from the look of betrayal on Sirius’ face had never left him.







Remus had violated his best friend and betrayed their friendship. He had no right to expect anything from Sirius, nor the privilege of hope.







The irony was that he had been gifted with such a beautiful child because of his sins, but he knew that perhaps he was the only one who would be able to see Adara as a gift, and not a burden.







Remus dared not imagine Sirius’ fury at having fathered a bastard child, furthermore one borne by a male werewolf. Sirius would probably condemn him and his precious girl as a freak, and never acknowledge her as his child.







But thank Merlin Adara had not shown any werewolf traits so far. Doubt had ate at him constantly throughout his pregnancy of whether he would have passed on his curse to his baby, and he was grateful every full moon for that.







It also seemed that the wolf in him had calmed down considerably after he had gotten pregnant. It was gentler and calmer somehow, especially during his pregnancy. No longer did he wake up with gouges on his body from his claws, or fractured bones. He still had the aches, pains, cuts and bruises that came with transformations, but nothing serious that required any medical attention. He liked to think that it was the wolf’s way of ensuring its cub’s welfare and safety.







But still, he always had Adara sent to Hogwarts to be looked after by Madam Pomfrey during his transformations. It was too big a risk to take. He could not bear the thought of having his child in the same house as him during his transformations.







But it seemed that she quite enjoyed her trips to Hogwarts, taking immediately to the old school that she had been conceived in, and to Madam Pomfrey like a grandmother. Professor Dumbledore had even popped in on quite a few nights to entertain the little girl with various charms and magick tricks, leaving the little one enthralled and never wanting to leave.







Shaking his head to himself as he chuckled quietly as he remembered the last time he had gone to Hogwarts to pick Adara up from the infirmary. He had entered to find Adara floating around on a little white fluffy cloud, giggling infectiously as Professor Dumbledore charmed the cloud to rise and fall gently.







Clapping her hands in glee as she saw Remus enter the room, Adara had looked at Professor Dumbledore and pointed demandingly at her father. Professor Dumbledore immediately obeyed and charmed the little cloud over to Remus, depositing his bundle of sunshine gently into Remus’ waiting arms.







His little girl had the most powerful wizard in the world wrapped around her tiny little finger.







Pulling himself out of his thoughts, he gave his pot of mashed potatoes a final stir, before turning off the fire and scooping them out onto two plates of bangers.







Putting the dirty pot into the sink, he placed the two small plates of bangers and mash on the table before calling out to his daughter.







‘Dinner’s ready Adara. Time to wash your hands and have dinner.’







‘Papa Papa!’, was all Remus heard before he felt Adara collide into his legs and clinging onto them for dear life.







‘Hahaha, what are you doing down there little girl? Come up here’, Remus laughed as he picked her up and swished her around in the air.







Adara laughed her deep infectious laughter that seemed to come from her belly and always leave her body shaking in laughter. She had a laugh just like Sirius really. Loud, uncontrolled and infectious.







After washing her hands and putting on her bib, Remus sat her down in her high chair for dinner.







As he fed her small little pieces of bangers and spoonfuls of mash, his mind turned to his usual dinner worries.







Money was a constant problem for Remus. Having spent his almost his entire pregnancy unemployed, plus the financial requirements of having a child, his savings had taken a major hit, even with the kindness of Madam Pomfrey, and he suspected Professor Dumbledore’s.







Also, due to the fact that he had moved to a quiet, unknown town during his pregnancy to keep a low profile, and to avoid Sirius, James, Lily and Peter, this meant that there wasn’t an abundance of well-paying jobs available out here.







Remus was incredibly thankful he had managed to find a job in the local bookshop that allowed him to bring Adara in with him during working hours. The money he earned there was enough to keep Adara well-fed and warmly clothed at the very least, though not quite enough to keep Remus in good shape.







He knew he had all along been a skinny boy, but he had lost weight over the past two and a half years since leaving school, and was skinnier than ever. He wasn’t starving or malnourished, but Remus only ate the minimal basics to keep himself full and reasonably healthy. He had even gave up on his usual weekly indulgences in chocolate, unless it was a nibble off a Adara’s chocolate bar that was usually from Madam Pomfrey.







It seemed like Adara had taken after her papa and had inherited Remus’ famous sweet tooth. She loved all kinds of sweets, except liquorices, but had an exceptional soft spot for chocolate. Her small little heart-shaped face would light up everytime Madam Pomfrey would bring some chocolate. Remus suspected that Professor Dumbledore was giving her chocolate every month too.







Although the chocolate was always for the both of them, Remus would always only take a small nibble off Adara’s chunk of chocolate, which she always sweetly offered to share with her papa. He always felt guilty that he was unable to provide her with more, and hence was unwilling to take away any little bit of her luxuries or deprive her of the little pleasures she had.







A small voice inside of his head always reminded him that Sirius would have been able to provide her with so much more, and allow her to live comfortably had she been brought up by Sirius.







Such thoughts left a deep rooted feeling of inadequacy, guilt and sorrow in Remus. Something which he kept hidden deep inside, and never showed to Adara.







There was nothing he could do about that, but the least he could do was give Adara the best he could have, with whatever he had now.







Feeding Adara her last bite of mash, he quickly scoffed down the remainders of his meal, before levitating both plates into the sink, and lifting Adara out of her high-chair. He swished his wand in the air, setting the dishes in the sink to be washed, and carried his little girl out of the small little kitchen and into the bathroom for her nightly bath.







Remus actually did not like to use magic unnecessarily, but when faced with a one year old child with an extreme abundance of energy, household charms were a huge blessing. He never knew a one year old girl could run him to the ground, leaving him exhausted every single night. Thank goodness she had been a quiet baby and had not spent every night crying her lungs out.







It seemed that personality-wise, Adara had taken after him, and not the boisterous, loud and hyperactive child Remus had often imagined Sirius to have been. She enjoyed puzzles, being read to and rainy days it seemed. However, she had her fair share of loud, ear-popping tantrums, especially during bed times. She was definitely Sirius’ child when she threw a tantrum, cause she sure knew how to throw a tantrum, like only a Black could.







At times like those, it took hours upon hours of soothing, singing and rocking to get his red-faced screaming girl to hush and fall to sleep.







Thank Merlin there was nothing like that tonight, as Adara obediently had her bath and tucked lovingly into bed. However, she still managed to demand 4 stories out of Remus, before she quietly settled down in bed to listen.







But all it took was one and a half stories before her heavy eyelids began to droop, and Adara drifted off to sleep, her tiny little pink mouth hanging open slightly.







Remus gazed down gently at his little miracle, tracing her features gently with his fingertips. Times like these just made his heart want to burst with happiness and joy really.







Kissing her tiny forehead gently, he whispered, ‘Good night my little star.’







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Ello! Didn’t know I would end up writing so much today. Feeling abit under the weather, but just felt like writing. So here you go (: hope you guys enjoy it. Please read & review! More action coming up soon! xxx