Why Fred and George Will Never Eavesdrop Again ...

Why Bill, George and Fred Never Call Hermione a Bookworm … Any more.

“What’s the bloody big deal?” Bill glared at his younger brothers. “A wank is a wank, doesn’t really matter whose hand it is.”

“Bill, that is just so wrong on so many levels.” Fred groaned, throwing himself backwards on the bed. George laughed at his twin before agreeing with his older brother.

“Any old hand will do better than your own.”

Fred promptly whacked George upside the head with a pillow. Bill laughed heartily, his head thrown back, long hair falling down past his shoulders.

“Exactly,” he concurred.

Suddenly, the door flew open, and three red-headed Weasley men were face to face with one Hermione Granger, hands on hips, lips pursed, ready for a verbal lashing.

“Now you have Bill in on this little farce?” She demanded angrily. “I can’t believe you think that Remus and Sirius and PROFESSOR Snape would do such … such … things with each other, in the kitchen no less.” Hermione huffed and puffed, then crossed her arms defensively while tapping her foot in agitation.

“Hermione, if you had heard what I just heard downstairs, you would know that it is not just Remus, Sirius, and Professor Snape, but Tonks and Dumbledore as well.” Bill added with a mischievous sly grin.

Hermione’s face fell. Fred buried his head under his pillow, mumbling, “I don’t want to know … I don’t want to know … I don’t want to know.”

“Poor Freddie, too much for his virgin ears.” George laughed.

“Virgin ears my bloody arse, my virgin mind just doesn’t want to even think about … them … doing … that.”

“It’s a fact of life brother dear. How do you think we all came into being?” Bill gibed at the now red-faced twin, who groaned loud and long.

“Ugh, Bill, now you made think about Mum and Dad … doing … that.” Fred grimaced. “I don’t think I’ll ever look at a girl again.”

Hermione had the good grace to flush slightly. George had other ideas.

“That’s ok, Fred, obviously Lupin, Black and Snape are proof that it’s just as good with other men.”

Fred groaned again, this time throwing a handy book across the room at his brother. “I wonder if wizards can become priests.” He pondered aloud. Hermione started to giggle. Bill guffawed. George looked slightly green.

“You can’t be a priest, Fred. They’re celibate.” He commented in a horrified voice.

“Exactly.” Fred muttered. If possible, a light bulb would have lit over Hermione’s head to signal her sudden understanding of Fred’s discomfort. She smiled slyly at Bill, and with a wink, she pointed her wand towards the door, locking and warding it tightly.

“I think perhaps Fred requires a demonstration.” She grinned wickedly at the older red-head.

“Demonstration?” Bill paled just a bit before he started to flush from the neck up.

“That any hand will do better than his own.” Hermione flashed a self-satisfied smirk at the three males. “Isn’t that what you and George were talking about?”

“Uh … yeah …” Bill stuttered. George’s eyes grew wide as saucers. Fred’s jaw dropped and his sat bolt upright on the bed.

“Well, let me see then.” Hermione bossily demanded. “Fred in the middle please.”

“You’re … going … to … watch … us?” Fred stammered.

“Most definitely. Now, do you strip or do I strip you?” She purred, twirling her wand.

“Hermione?” George just stared at the bushy-haired young woman.

“All in the name of science, George. Just to prove Bill’s theorem.” She smiled wickedly, taking aim at his crotch.

“Okay, okay already, I’m stripping.” He yelped, not entirely confident in what all she could cause to disappear with that wicked wand of hers.

“I suggest you and Bill do the same, Fred, dear.” Hermione licked her lips in anticipation. Three suddenly quite warm men set to stripping away all their clothes, tossing them in a heap on the floor before settling on the bed, with Fred in the middle, of course.

“Now that’s my good boys,” Hermione crooned, settling on the edge of the bed between Fred’s feet. “Now show me what you like.”

All three stared at the normally quiet bookworm in shock. She grinned, arched one eyebrow cockily, and added, “Research, don’t you know.”