Harry Potter And So It Begins

Raven was waiting for Tonks when she Apperated into the carriage house. She instantly aimed her wand at him ready to blast him into oblivion. "You know that won't work on me," he reminded her. "Put it away and let's talk." He walked over and sat in one of the old comfortable chairs and gestured for her to do the same.

Tonks grumbled and sat on the arm of the chair across from him, putting her wand away. She had so many things she wanted to tell him off for. Yet seeing him sitting there so calm and relaxed had her feeling utterly conflicted. She knew she had never loved anyone like she loved him, probably never would and she hated him for it. It was because of HIM she had never been able to truly open up to anyone.

"I know you're expecting an apology for what I did," he began, interrupting her thoughts, "But you will not get one." He saw the shock and confusion on her face. "I did what I felt had to do and would do it again. I know how bad things must have been for you, but believe me they would have been far worst if I'd stayed."

Her feelings of confusion turned to rage at these words. "You son of a bitch," she yells standing up. "How dare you sit there all calm acting like you've done me any favors. You have no idea what you did to me. It took me years to get over your walking out on me." She was in tears as she continued. "I spent the last few years feeling like a slut because of you. Sleeping with man after man trying to find someone I could finally open up to. Trying to find anyone who could love me the way you did." She began pacing as she finally broke down and told him what he had done to her.

"No one wanted me for anything but my body, none of them cared about me. My parents tried to help, so did Charlie for a while, but none of them could understand how empty I felt. None of them knew how much I missed you." She turned and pointed her wand at him again but he had moved.

"I know," he said from behind her. As she spun around he wrapped his arms around her and held her as she began crying into his chest. "I know how much you were hurting. Your folks and Charlie sent me several howlers over the years for what I did." He spoke softly. "I wish I could have spared you that pain, but I couldn't. I knew if I had stayed you would have faced far worst."

"You bastard," she shoved him away. "You don't get it do you? Nothing was worst than what you did!"

Raven closed his eyes and lowered his head. "The truth is," his voice was so soft she barely heard him.

"What truth?" she demanded.

He held out his hand as a small thin book appeared in his hands. "Read and you'll understand."

She looked at him for a long time before taking his journal. She had read his father's journal with him many times before so she was fully aware that it was the Fae equivalent of a pensive. As she began to read, she was drawn in and saw images from his last few days at Hogwarts.

She watched as he and Charlie frantically looked for her. She didn't remember any of this and didn't understand what was going on. The image changed to night and she saw Raven holding the pendant he had given her their first Christmas together. Reading his father's journal, she gasped as she saw the chain was broken. Her hand instantly went to the same pendant around her neck. She watched as Charlie entered the dorm room trying to console a crying Raven. Raven never cried, she thought automatically.

"We'll find her mate, everyone's still looking." Charlie told him.

Why are they looking for me? What happened and why can't I remember any of this? She asked herself.

The image changed again to the next morning. Charlie and Raven were racing through the Forbidden Forest until they came to a clearing. In the center was Tonks, lying naked and broken on the cold wet ground.

Her breath caught in her throat as she saw herself lying there. She knew from the extensive injuries and dried semen covering her body that she had been savagely tortured and raped. Raven removed his robes and transfigured them into a blanket. As he draped the blanket over her, she pulled away crying, "please, no more."

Tonks watched Raven fight back his tears as he wrapped her younger self in the blanket. "Shhh... It’s me Nymph, it's Raven,” he told her gently. He picked her up and carried her to the hospital wing.

In the hospital wing Charlie and Raven refused to leave her side. She could see their concern and rage as Madame Pomfrey examined her. Pomfrey’s expression was grave when Dumbledore and McGonagall entered the room.

"She's been tortured and sexually assaulted," Pomfrey told the Professors and students. "I can heal her physical injuries, but the mental trauma..." her voice quivered before fading.

"What about the baby?" Raven asked in a voice barely above a whisper.

Baby? Tonks gasped. I.... I was pregnant? She barely remembered being pregnant. I thought the fall had... I hadn't fallen down any stairs. This is how I had lost my baby, our baby. Her head was reeling as she learned the truth. It took her less than a minute to figure out what had happened. She watched the memory play out and confirm what she suspected.

"I'm sorry Lord Raven," Pomfrey answered. "She lost the child."

Raven fell back on the bed behind him. She saw the devastation on his face as Charlie and McGonagall tried to console him. Suddenly his expression became unreadable as he stood up. He walked over to her and took her hand. He placed the repaired pendant in her hand and kisser her softly.

"I will always love you Nymph," he said. "Never forget that." He closed his eyes and spoke in something in Elfish that she couldn't understand. He turned back to Charlie. "Take care of her for me." Without another word he cast a stunning spell and set Charlie in the chair beside her bed.

"Raven," McGonagall demanded, "What are you doing?"

"What I have to do to protect them," he answered her. "I'm sorry Aunt Minerva, but I have to do this. You heard Poppy, she may never recover from the mental trauma. This way she has a chance."

Walking over to Dumbledore he handed the Headmaster his wand. "I'm sorry, but I won't be needing this." Dumbledore nodded. "Goodbye... and thank you." Raven was engulfed in flames and the next part of the memory began.

Raven entered the Great Hall behind the Slytherin table. "Jasper," he said, his voice full of uncontained rage.

The tall good-looking Slytherin Adonis turned around only to be grabbed and thrown against the wall. "You son of a bitch," Raven roared as he began pounding on the dark haired man. An invisible barrier isolated the two from the rest of the hall. It also hid the faint glow emanating from Raven's body.

As Tonks watched, she finally understood what had happened. Jasper had kidnapped, raped and tortured me. Raven knew this and had altered hers and Charlie's memories before going to the Great Hall. He had beat on Jasper, not out of anger but as a distraction while he altered the memories of the rest of the school.

"You tried to kill her..." Raven yelled loud enough for everyone to hear. "You threw her down the stairs trying to kill her." The whole time he was accusing Jasper, he never once let up the assault long enough for Jasper to respond.

As the Great Hall filled with talk, Tonks knew it had worked even the Professors were buying it. Raven knew his spell had done its job and finished the job by slamming his fist into Jasper's face and yelling, "REDUCTO!"

Tonks was nearly overcome by a wave of nausea as Jasper's head exploded by the combination punch and spell. The memory faded as she closed the journal.

"You were trying to protect me," she told him. "But why walk away." That was the only thing she still could not figure out.

"Because," he began, "If I hadn't the memories would have come back. Your mind needed time to heal and our being together could have triggered flashbacks. I couldn't risk it, so I left."

"But why alter Charlie's memories?" she asked

"Because I couldn't put him through that. I love you both too much to let you live with the memories of what happened. I will never apologize for what I have done and I would do it again if I had to."

Tonks nodded, in her last few years as an Auror she had encountered several rape victims and knew how traumatic the experience was. She knew about the flashbacks and nightmares. In the back of her mind she still hated Raven for what he did, but she was also grateful he had spared her that pain. He's probably right, it was probably better this way. She couldn't hate him any more, knowing how much it had to killed him living with the knowledge of what had happened to her and their unborn baby. He left everything and everyone he ever knew to protect the two people he loved most from the truth.

They spend the rest of the day talking and catching up. Raven told her about his time in America including living with Sarah and Angela. He skipped over many of the details about the true nature of his relationship with Sarah and would only say that she was his friend and he cared about her and Angela very much.

He invited her to stay for dinner, but she declined and said she needed to get back to work. "I'm sorry, but I've got a mountain of paperwork to finish. I'll stop by when I can, I promise."

She gave him a hug before leaving, feeling better then she had in a very long time. It wasn't that she didn't want to stay. It's just that it was going to take time. But, this was a start.