Sing for Me, Cry for Me

9. Break-up.





Some time passed but the only thing that was gradually clearing was the smoke and dust from the explosion while Harry’s emotions were in turmoil. He sat down and put his head on his crossed hands in front of him. It was strange, more than strange, it was confusing and even more so, it was unreal and terribly scary. You couldn’t just go from hate to love in a heartbeat in this strange tightening in your chest. Speaking about which Harry could still feel it, it was a nice feeling as if something was going on inside of him, something happy, as if his spirit had a life of his own, a happy life so different from the one Harry found himself in. He could still feel the warmth that spread through his body when Lucius was close, he could still feel something around his finger… The Ring! He jerked his head and looked at the ring that was now sparkling with emerald drops on his finger. It was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen (not that he had the chance to see a lot of them). It was masterfully carved in a snakelike form (“Figures” thought Harry with a tiny smile that resembled too much a smirk. Though he didn’t know why he should smile in the first place.). The slender silver serpent was wrapped around his finger and it looked as if his skin was changing colors. Silver and emerald Harry noted looked astonishingly perfect together merging with each other and turning back to their original colors again. It felt like a real snaky, tiny little snaky and Harry could swear that it slithered back and forth on his finger. He decided to stop it and take the ring off to take a better look but it wouldn’t go.



“Shit! It’s stuck! The bastard bound this ring to me! The next thing I know I’ll be wearing a collar signed “Property of Lucius Malfoy” on my neck!”



Harry was livid.



“Mr. Potter.”



Harry looked up from where he was sitting and saw Snape towering over him. For once there was no malice in his voice and his eyes didn’t project all the hatred of the world at Harry but rather a bit of curiosity. Harry hastily put his hand in his pocket and ventured to ask politely:



“Yes sir?”



“If this,” he pointed at Harry’s cauldron, “makes its way into the vial it will make a top mark.”



Harry suddenly felt himself in a Twilight zone where Snape was all nice and fluffy and too speechless to form a coherent “Yes sir” just nodded. So he poured his potion into the vial and looked up. Hermione was watching him with the look of a person who had just found out something terrible about her parents. Harry raised his eyebrow at her questioningly but she ignored him and turned away putting her things into her bag. And only now did he notice to his utter horror that it was Hermione’s cauldron that Lucius exploded. “He must really hate her,” he thought to himself, “and somehow I don’t feel enough strength to disagree with him. She’s looking at me as if I committed some horrible crime. What’s her problem, anyway? She’s been acting so…unfriendly all through today. Must she be always the only one to know all the answers. I’m not that stupid after all. Who does she think she is?”



Snape was standing at the doorway waiting for the last students to leave. As it was the last students left were Harry and Hermione. Harry carefully came up to Hermione and asked:



“Coming?”



She looked at him as if he somehow mortally offended her, then after thinking for a moment nodded and putting up her nose in the air headed towards the door.



“Well, Ms. Granger. It looks like it is zero today. Pity.” he smirked.



Harry extended his hand and gave Snape his vial.



“Oh, Mr. Potter. Yes, like I said top marks. You did remarkably well today.” Snape sneered.



Somewhere at the background Harry could have sworn that Hermione snorted.



“And now both of you be so kind and leave my dungeons. And if you won’t be fast enough it will be 50 points from Gryffindor, Ms. Granger,” he stressed her name, “for disrupting my class and turning the classroom into ruins.”



The walk to the Great Hall was a silent affair. Harry couldn’t help but notice that Hermione was giving him oddly malicious looks the ones he used to get either from Snape or Malfoy. Draco Malfoy. It was rather unnerving. When they finally reached the hall for the walk from the dungeons seemed to extend for miles and years Harry dearly wanted to sit separately from Hermione, somewhere where he could be totally sure that she wouldn’t attack him. But the table seemed to shrink itself somehow and so they sat themselves at the very end of the Gryffindor table side by side.



Everybody seemed to notice that Hermione was out of it. Most of the people in the hall had already heard about the Potions accident and were giving her sympathetic looks though some of them were quite triumphant while Harry was being given looks of pity. Assuming that they were dating people were sure that Harry would have to deal with Hermione’s unfortunate state and they knew that it wouldn’t be easy. But dealing with Hermione was on the bottom or not existing at all on Harry’s current list of issues and questions he had to deal with.



All through their walk he was absentmindedly twirling the ring around his finger. It seemed to calm him down as much as Lucius’ presence. Now he was sitting at the table not particularly hungry and just watching his plate with an empty gaze.



Issue number one was Lucius Malfoy.

Issue number two was Lucius Malfoy who raped him.

Issue number three was Lucius Malfoy who called him kitten, love and little one.

Issue number four was Lucius Malfoy who made him forget about the fact that he raped him.

Issue number five was Lucius Malfoy who made him melt on the spot.

Issue number six was that he Harry Potter was losing his mind over Lucius Malfoy.



Issue number seven was that he Harry Potter was going to meet with Lucius Malfoy tonight at Malfoy Manor.

Issue number eight was that he Harry Potter absolutely loved the ring that Lucius Malfoy forced upon his finger and he didn’t want to give it away.

Issue number nine was that he Harry Potter had to hate Lucius Malfoy.

Issue number ten was that he Harry Potter couldn’t do it.



That’s where were the thoughts that occupied Harry’s head during dinner. He didn’t know why exactly he went there as long as he wasn’t hungry and watching Hermione puffing air and breathing fire wasn’t his ideal time spending. But here he was and he was deep in thoughts. So deep that he didn’t see it coming. It was as if a huge snowball fell from the top of the highest mountain and was now untangling from the layers of snow and pouring icy water down Harry’s back.



They were almost alone when Harry was brought back to the dinner table with the bang of Hermione’s fork. She gave him the look of contempt as if he was the filthiest thing ever and said:



“I don’t see why you are so unhappy? You’ve got top marks after all!”



Harry didn’t know what he could say to that to calm her down that’s why shrugging his shoulders he said something that only riled up her more.



“Well, I told you not to spend so much time with Neville.”



Her eyes grew angrier and her cheeks flushed.



“You know that it’s not the point. I had nothing to do with the explosion. My potion was perfect. It is always perfect.”



“Well, it didn’t seem to be so perfect today.”



“How can you be so…” she hissed but didn’t finish. Harry wondered what kind of epithet she was looking for to imply to him that she had to stop to think about it.



“So?”



“So hypocritical!”



“Beg your pardon?”



“You got top marks only because Lucius Malfoy did that potion for you!” she yelled accusingly.



Harry’s temper flared and his eyes flashed dangerously.



“That is not true! Why would Lucius Malfoy do anything to help me? And you should know better than that! You’ve been working beside me while I was doing the potion. Besides have you forgotten that I’ve spent the whole weekend in the library and learnt this potion thoroughly among other things!”



“That is beside the point.”



“No, that is the point exactly because I did the potion by myself! I was ready for the lesson and Lucius Malfoy has got nothing to do with that.” (And he only once told me what to do not that I’m going to tell you that.)



Hermione snorted. Harry started shaking.



“Do you really think Snape would put me top marks if he knew that it wasn’t me who did the potion but Lucius Malfoy. I am hardly his favorite student.”



“Oh, I begin to have my doubts on this matter.”



“What? How can you say that? You know as well as anybody else in this school that he hates me with every cell of his.”



Harry couldn’t believe that this conversation was taking place. It was beyond his comprehension. One more thing that fell upon him that day one more thing that was crashing down in his life.



“Than why did he put you top marks?”



Harry shuddered.



“Will you come off it? Not everything is about some stupid marks!”



“Oh, yes I am quite sure that this matter is quite beyond marks.”



“And what is that supposed to mean?”



“I was wondering…it was rather strange today… you know no snide remarks your way, no taking off the points for every minor fault…”



“I didn’t know you took such great pleasure in watching me being humiliated.” said Harry bitterly.



Hermione looked at him sharply.



“Are you sleeping with him?”



Harry was speechless with his jaw hanging open. He didn’t know where exactly out of all the shock he was in he found enough strength to croak:



“W-what? Are you out of your mind? I think that explosion of yours got your brain malfunctioning.”



“That wasn’t my explosion! Someone set me up!”



(But you can’t prove it.)



“Than how are you going to explain the fact that Snape was acting very oddly towards you today. He kept staring at you all through the lesson. At you and Lucius Malfoy. Oh you looked quite comfortable there together by the way. I wonder if Snape was jealous.”



(Bitch. Lucius should have exploded her instead of her cauldron.)



“I am not going to explain anything. Especially about Snape. I really think you should visit Madam Pomfrey. Maybe she’s got something from hallucinations. Because you seem to have lost it. First of all it’s a very serious accusation and you have no proofs but your imaginary ideas. Secondly I wonder what would Snape say if he heard you right now. I’m sure you would be expelled in a wink. And all your points and merits wouldn’t help you much.”



“Probably only because he would be afraid that I would tell somebody else about the fact that he is in a relationship with a student.”



“Good. You still remember the fact that he is our professor. And if it somehow slipped your memory he went in school with my father whom he hated with his guts and this hatred passed on to me.”



“Oh, quit the crap. Professor. Dah!”



(I don’t believe it. Please somebody tell me I’m dreaming! Or shoot me right now.)



“Well, dah. I’m sure you read in Hogwarts. A History that there are certain rules concerning students and professors.”



“And since when did you abide with the rules, Harry?”



“You don’t believe it, Hermione. Surely you don’t believe it?”



“Ok, so you are denying it. You won’t admit it?”



“There’s nothing to admit. You are out of your mind.”



“Well, maybe I’m wrong.”



(Finally)



“Right, maybe it’s not Snape. Maybe it’s Lucius Malfoy himself. Or both of them?”



(Bitch. Bitch. Bitch.)



Harry tried in vain to calm down his breath.



“So, in other words, you are trying to say that I can earn a top mark only through my professor’s bed. Even if the professor in question is Snape? Don’t you think too highly about my abilities in this department?”



“Oh, I am sure you do an excellent job. And that stunt with a knife? Ingenious. Was it a fit of jealousy or a gust of passion?”



(I didn’t think about that this way. But I’d say it was a gust of passion.)



“I don’t believe you. And how about all the work I’ve done in the library?”



“Oh please! It was only one day. You can’t convince me that a person can become a potions genius in a day.”



“Right, but you can become a potions genius if you sleep with the Potions Master.”



“Exactly.”



“Oh, I see. But haven’t it occurred to you that you underestimate other people’s abilities. If it took you seven years it doesn’t mean that others can’t accomplish better results in much shorter time. Surely you don’t believe yourself to be indeed the smartest witch in the school?”



“I do believe that I am the smartest witch in the school.”



“You’re wrong Granger. You are so very wrong.”



“I’ve got the highest marks in our year. How’s that for a proof?”



“In our year, but not in the school. Besides have you already forgotten about all the points I’ve earned today from both McGonagall and Flitwick. I did so much better than you today.”



Harry suddenly burst into laughter.



“What’s so funny?”



“Surely you don’t think that I render them my services as well?”



“I’m sure your lovers wouldn’t want that.”



Harry stopped laughing.



“I repeat: they are not my lovers.”



“Isn’t it great. And how convenient. One helps you to brew an excellent potion and the other puts you an excellent mark.”



“I repeat: first of all, I did the potion BY MYSELF; secondly, THEY ARE NOT MY LOVERS.”



“Right, and after all I’ve witnessed today I have to believe it. And what about Friday’s night detention?”



Harry shivered.



“Was it a lover’s spat? But I’m sure everything is fine now judging by how you did remarkably well today.” she imitated Snape.



Harry stood up fed up with the conversation and before Hermione could say anything else held out his hand to stop her. His voice was calm, too calm but inside he was boiling:



“You know, if you had a shitty day it doesn’t mean that you are allowed to spoil mine.”



He was about to leave but turned around and looking at her in disgust said:



“God, look at you. The loss of some points turned you into such a bitch. I wonder where is the girl who thought that friendship was the most important thing in the world.”



And with that he left the Hall shaken to the core.



He didn’t see two pairs of eyes watching him from the both sides of the hall.



Harry reached the dorm in a shock-induced trance. He sat on the floor his back leaning against his bed with his head in his hands.



“God, what is going on with my life.”



He shook his head.



“I am totally losing control. I am losing my friends. I am losing myself. I am losing my life. Oh, no, I think I’m going to lose the content of my stomach right now.”



He barely made it to the bathroom.